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2nd ANNUAL CONTEST!
This one is
simple!!
Can you write a
monthly theme for our 2008 Family Solutions newsletter?
One specific subject for each of the 12 issues.
Just think of subjects that parents would like to know more about, write them down and send it our way.
The best monthly theme for 2008 (must contain one for each month of the
year) wins a cash prize of $100 or a beautiful gift basket from Harry & David of the same value.
Rules: Themes must adhere to the
nature of this newsletter(family, parents, etc.) and involve one topic per theme per month.
Send your entry to Dore@Dorefrances.com It must be sent in
the body of an email, with the header "Theme Contest". One entry per person.
The
last day to submit your entry is December 5, 2007.
Contest open to
everyone except me, and last year's winner - Jenna Fenwick - because that just wouldn't be very fair, would it?
So - get
writing! GuidingTeens.com TroubledTeenhelp.com ===================
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Q. Will my child need to go onto a residential program after the wilderness experience, or can they come straight home? ~ Lynn J., Bethesda, Maryland
A: This really depends on the
particular child. When your adolescent has serious academic, behavioral and/or emotional challenges, it may be necessary to enroll them in a longer
term residential boarding school. However, many children respond
extremely well to this short-term therapeutic approach and will do well when they return home. In such cases, it is generally advisable to
continue with an at-home support program and/or local therapeutic services. When you are just not sure what may be best for your adolescent and your family, a student assessment may help.
Consistency in treatment, goals, and family work is essential as a best
next step. There are also four categories of which may need to be
addressed. They are behavioral, educational,
medical and psychological.
Horizon Family Solutions works with many
families who choose not to use the full services of an Educational
Consultant, and instead use the option of a Student Assessment
Consultant. This extensive assessment provides recommendations for the type of
continued treatment and support that will enhance the chances of a
successful outcome. Bringing in someone from "the outside" can often
result in greater clarity and increased options to deal with a question
or a challenge regarding your adolescent's next steps. This is a common
concern. This is an important step and decisions made depend in large part on
the goals you may have for your adolescent's future. The scope of our services is tailored to each individual family and adolescent. We
do not accept any type of compensation from any program or school and
are not associated with any corporation or groups of programs and
schools.
We are independent. Your child's best interest and long term outcome is our priority.
To schedule a student assessment, please call: Office: 541-312-4422 or 866-833-6911 or click here for more information.
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Showing Your Teen That You Care
When it comes to dealing with your teenager, what is your biggest
concern? If your approach is anything like the hundreds of parents
whose questions I have fielded over the years, your primary concern is
probably how to show your teenager that you care.
If your teen is not convinced that you truly care or misunderstands
your efforts, you need to read the first issue of our new series
Fitting The Pieces Showing Your Teen That You Care.
Other Recommended Reading
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Greetings!
We all remember how important the concept of privacy is when you're a
teenager. From posting "Keep Out!" signs on your bedroom door to hiding
your diary to pleading with your parents to leave you and your friends
alone, part of growing up is individuating from your family. At the
same time, I believe that teenagers need and want adult mentors and
role models in their lives, whether it's a coach, parent, teacher, youth minister, youth worker, or friend of the family. Teens wanting their own space and being fiercely protective of it is
normal. This is important to remember and balance with the
responsibility of being a parent and your right to know what your teen
is doing. I actually think you can find out more by asking about (instead of demanding to know) what your teen does. It's all about socializing. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus,
teenagers-male or female-must be from Pluto. At least that's how it may
feel sometimes. Teens speak a different language, dress in weird clothes, and have their heads perpetually wired to a wide array of audio/visual
devices. They're also faced with very different challenges and problems
than you were at their age.
Your biggest concerns were probably making
the baseball or basketball team and passing algebra or science.
Today, teenage children are
dealing with guns in the classroom and just saying "no." Despite
this seemingly huge gap between your experiences, experts say that
grandparents can connect with their teenage grandchildren.
Grandparents can be a voice of experience, love and reason, without the
judgmental approach that colors so many interactions between teens and
their parents. There's an advantage to being a grandparent.
Grandparents don't feel the same urgency to mold a kid as parents do. Because of this position, they can serve as a sounding board,
sympathetic ear, and trusted confidante to the teenagers in their life. Grandparents will probably have more time to sit and listen than a
parent will, especially in a two-career family. Creating a good relationship with your teenage grandchild isn't much different from getting along with anyone of any age. One of the key things to remember is that teens are
yearning for independence. The more authority figures crack down, the
more they pull away.
Don't take it for granted that you're a good conversationalist just
because you can talk to your grandchild for hours on end; you need to be
able to listen, too. Communication is very much a two-way street. In order to understand teenagers, you've got to understand what's going
on with them. And that means asking questions and listening to the
answers. Express interest in what they are doing, what music they're listening
to, who they choose as friends, and what activities they're involved in. Though your grandchild may seem to belong to a different world to which
you can't possibly relate, don't discount your ability to connect.
When you approach them with sincere interest and maintain an open mind,
you'll likely find teens are willing to share and are pleased at your
interest. When you're involved in a three-way relationship-you, your child and
your grandchild-things can get a little tricky. Experts say it's
important for you to realize where your responsibilities as a
grandparent stop and the parent's responsibilities begin.
Keeping your distance doesn't mean you have to keep your mouth
perpetually shut; it means you support your son's or daughter's role as
a parent. You never want to undermine a parent's authority in front of their kid.
When you have concerns about your grandchild's behavior or his parent's
choices, bring them up with the parent in a non-confrontational manner,
in private. Other taboos?
Commenting in a negative manner on a parenting decision,
or suggesting that your grandchild disregard what the parent has just
decreed. Don't put the kid in the middle. When you do a good job relating to your grandchild, you may very well find
yourself in the esteemed position of friend.
That's terrific when
things are going well, but what do you do when your seventeen-year-old
granddaughter confides that she thinks she's pregnant, and then adds,
"But don't tell Mom and Dad-they'll kill me!"?
Knowing when to keep secrets and when to break your silence can be a
tough call, but your grandchild's emotional and physical safety takes
priority over confidentiality.
When it comes to any potential safety or health issue, there is no issue of confidentiality. If you're faced with one of these situations, let your grandchildren
know they have a choice. They can break the news to their parents, or
you'll do it. And if they force your hand, let them know upfront you're
going to let their parents know. Despite the possible pitfalls, grandparenting a teen is a special role.
Cherish it.
You provide a sense of continuity and history. You can be a
shoulder to cry on and you provide reassurance and comfort in a
mixed-up and dangerous world.
Best regards and Happy Thanksgiving,
Dore E. Frances, M.A.HORIZON FAMILY SOLUTIONS Educational Consulting Serving Clients Locally and Nationally
www.guidingteens.com
Please be aware that information in this newsletter is provided to supplement the
care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to
be a substitute for professional medical advice.
CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE
PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY.
Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health
provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you
may have regarding a medical condition.
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8 CHALLENGING PERSONALITIES - Part One - The Bully
Every parent, every program, every counselor, every friend knows or has at least one - a bully, a clown, a Dear Abby, a golden child, a gossip, a phantom, a whiner, and an emotional train wreck.
 With kids who have different personalities, it is easy to accidentally reinforce their underlying challenging behaviors. The key to relating well with them is a targeted understanding of their coping strategies that is fueled by passionate curiosity.
So over the next few months I am going to focus on eight classic challenging personalities. In some cases I will share an outcome that worked based on my experience with a particular adolescent. Most of us struggle to get our needs met, so it is not hard to imagine that kids who have challenging personalities are working double time. For each of the eight personalities, I am going to briefly define the behavior and it's impact. Then I will share the the typical ways in which they get labeled and have the challenge reinforced. For those without personal stories I will share some examples of what they need to get assistance.
The Bully
Behavior and its impact: Bullying can be obvious or subtle, and often happens just under the radar of adult awareness.
The bully uses anger, fear, and intimidation - verbal and non-verbal - to get what he or she wants. This person can make a group a hazardous place, and requires a lot of energy, vigilance and wisdom to lead.
Being cared for: Bullies don't typically experience warmth from others, or they push away what is offered in an attempt to find and leverage the other's agenda.
Experiencing appreciation: In their own circles bullies may experience small amounts of admiration and respect.
Sensing impact on others: Since bullies do not trust authority, they experience a twisted form of control and power.
How the behavior is typically reinforced: Kids say most adults are oblivious to bullying behavior, or when we do see it, we meet it had-on with our own show of force.
This usually makes things worse because that is just what the bully expects from others. Bullies are well acquainted with angry, distant and prideful adults.
What bullies need: Bullying behavior is usually a sign of insecurity - Bullies need clear boundaries so you can ensure a safe environment for the other adolescents that are around them. Strong boundaries will also address the Bully's nagging insecurity - eventually, that will feel like love to her or him. However, this must be dine with fairness and respect. You must communicate that you see something worthwhile behind the bullying facade.
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The Use of Dialectical Behavioral Strategies in
Wilderness Treatment
By Meghan Flaherty, LCSW, SageWalk The Wilderness School in Oregon
 Teenagers are referred to
wilderness therapy usually because they are not invested in changing behaviors
that may be damaging their relationships with family and friends, harming their
academic performance, and risking their health and safety. Many of these teens
have undergone multiple unsuccessful interventions and treatment efforts at
home but nothing seems to work. Individual therapy can bring up stressful emotions
that further exacerbate their behaviors rather then alleviate them. These teens
seldom have internal motivation for sobriety so drug and alcohol treatment is
not always effective. And without a break from the negative cycle within the
family, parenting skills or family therapy often times don't work as well.
While Dialectical Behavioral
Therapy (DBT) (Marsha Linehan 1993) has traditionally been used to treat
Borderline Personality Disorder its emphasis on building one's commitment to
change while enhancing effective coping skills fits perfectly with what students
in wilderness therapy are lacking. DBT stresses the use of commitment
strategies to build one's motivation for changing problem behaviors.
The core
skills taught in DBT; Mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and
interpersonal effectiveness can be incorporated neatly into the wilderness
therapy model. The wilderness milieu provides a safe container for the teen to
learn and practice these skills without further damaging their lives as well as
is serves as a consistent reinforcer for the skills taught in DBT. The use of DBT strategies can increase
a teens' motivation and commitment to change as well as increase their coping
skills. DBT also provides an excellent structure for students to take accountability
for problem behaviors through the use of chain analysis.
In wilderness
treatment chain analysis can be used with past problem behaviors (events
leading up to placement) as well as current problem behaviors (incidents
occurring presently in camp.) In doing the chain analysis teens begin to see
for themselves what motivates their actions, what their vulnerabilities are, what
consequences they have experienced because of these actions, and what coping
skills they can implement at different points of intervention in order to
decrease these behaviors and thus improve their relationships, their academics,
their health, and their overall quality of life. Whether a student is going on to
a structured environment such as a therapeutic boarding school or residential
treatment center or is returning home to work with an individual therapist,
family therapist, or outpatient chemical dependency program the use of DBT
strategies will stabilize the teen with coping skills so that they will be able
to tolerate the challenge of participating in stressful emotional work and will
build their motivation and commitment to changing their lives for the better.
Additionally, the use of DBT strategies within the wilderness model provides
future therapists as well as parents a common language to understand what these
teens have learned while in wilderness so they may better utilize and generalize
this growth outside of the wilderness. SageWalk, the School for Troubled Teen Boys and Girls
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Knowing Your Teen by Carleton Kendrick, Ed.M., LCSW
Lame Questions, Lame Answers
Your question, "How was
school?" receives either a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders or a dull
"Okay."
"What did you do with your friends tonight?" prompts a
"Nothing" or a "Just hung out." Attempts to engage your teen in
conversation about her life often bring little success.
Efforts at
dialogue result in your performing a stand-up monologue. Knowing your teen, really knowing what's going on in her life can be a
daunting task. Especially when she is withdrawing more from your
company and spending all her free time with her friends -- in person,
on the phone, or exchanging instant messages on the computer.
Unfortunately, most parents give up trying to stay connected to their
teens, trying to know who they really are. As long as we know that they
are doing well in school, drug-free, busy with extracurricular
activities and not hanging around with convicted felons, we trust that
we have enough information about their lives. We settle for that as
knowing our teens. We settle for too little. When our teens tell us to
stay out of their lives, we take it personally.
Feelings hurt, we
retreat from them at an intense, confusing time in their lives when
they need us to stay very interested in who they are, what they think
and where they are going. Showing a sincere interest in what
your teenager thinks and cares about is the best approach to knowing
him.
This doesn't mean shameful confrontational inquisitions -- "Do you
do drugs? Do your friends drink and drive? Are you having sex with
Laurie?" Such questions are perceived as attacks and accusations. It's All in the Details
The following suggestions will help you get to know your teen. Remember, it's all in the details: Academics Replace your usual, ho hum "How's school?" with specific questions
based on knowing the details of his academic life.
Find out about the
courses he's taking, which ones interest him and which ones bore him.
Ask who his favorite and most disliked teachers are and why they hold
these distinctions.
Keep up with his homework assignments, term papers
and tests. Look at his textbooks so that you can talk with him about
what he's studying.
Ask questions like, "How's your research coming
along on your Viet Nam term paper for World History? Do you think your
English Lit test this Friday will be multiple choice or essays?" Extracurricular Activities Rather than again just asking, "How was football practice?
How's the
play rehearsal coming along?" find out more about these activities.
More knowledge of what they're doing will result in questions like,
"Are you going to run the football more than pass this Saturday because
your offensive line is so much physically stronger than theirs? Are you
and Scott sounding better in the duet you sing in the second act?" Teen Culture Who is your teen's favorite musical group? Listen to their songs and
ask her what makes these her favorite groups -- their lyrics,
harmonies, rhythms? What TV shows does she enjoy? Ask her if you may
watch these programs with her once in a while. Ask what appeals to her
about these shows -- realistic portrayals of teens and families,
offbeat humor, particular characters? What are her top five videos and
why would she recommend them to her friends? What does she think about
tattoos and body piercings? Has she heard of any kids who got them and
now wish they hadn't?
What brand names in clothing are popular and
which ones are uncool?
Do kids feel pressured to wear only these
clothes? Social Life Ask how many cliques there are
in his school? More in middle school than in high school? What defines
these different cliques? What determines how kids become popular?
What
does he think of the "popular group?" Get to know his friends. Treat
them with warmth and respect. Invite them to dinner and to some family
get-togethers. Make your home a welcoming place for your teen's
friends. Take his love life seriously. Never tell him he's too young to
have romantic feelings for someone. Ask your teens what qualities they
find most attractive in their girlfriends/boyfriends. To know
who your teens are and who they are becoming, you must pay attention to
what matters to them and show a genuine interest in all aspects of
their lives. They need to develop their private, individual lives apart
from you -- that's normal and healthy. But, they also need you to
remain deeply connected to them, loving them even as they tell you to
leave them alone. They need that open and consistent connection,
especially when they might not be able to tell you so. More on:Surviving the Teen Years
More: Articles of Interest |
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What Do You Do When Your Adolescent Is Arrested and/or Expelled from School? 
It's one of those phone calls you hope you never get - the one from the police station telling you that your teen is in trouble or the one from school saying your child has been suspended pending an expulsion hearing - or both!
If your child has been
arrested, he or she can either be cited and released or detained at a
juvenile detention facility. If your child is in custody, the District
Attorney must file the petition within 48 hours of the time the minor
is detained excluding weekends and holidays.
The law requires strict
compliance, otherwise the minor is entitled to be released while his
case is pending. If your child is in custody, his or
her first court date is called
a detention hearing. At the detention
hearing the juvenile referee or juvenile
judge will make a determination on
whether to continue to detain your
child pending adjudication of the
charges. The juvenile referee or juvenile
judge will have input from the juvenile
probation department, as well as from
the juvenile deputy district attorney
and juvenile defense attorney.
At the juvenile detention hearing
your child's attorney will enter a
plea admitting or denying the petition.
Most attorneys will deny the petition
pending evaluation of the states case.
If
your child is detained, he or she
has a right to a speedy trial to take
place within 15 court days of the
arraignment.
If your child is not
in custody, the speedy trial requires
an adjudication date within 30 calendar
days. If
your child is not in custody, his
first court date is called an arraignment.
Your child's attorney will often enter
a denial of the petition and set a
pretrial and a court date. The
pretrial date is set up so the attorneys
of both parties can discuss a possible
resolution to the case and to discuss
other outstanding discovery issues.
If your child is in custody, this
must be set up the week following
the arraignment unless time is waived.
In other words the pretrial date or
even the court trial date, can be
set at a much later date if your child's
attorney and your child agree to a
later date. If your child is not in
custody, his/her pretrial must generally
be scheduled two to three weeks after
the arraignment unless time is waived.
Many juvenile judges participate in
a discussion of a resolution though
a private conference in the judges
chambers. When a juvenile judge sets the case for "adjudication," he or she is setting it for a trial.
Unlike
adult court, your child is not entitled
to a jury trial. In lieu of twelve
jurors, the juvenile court trials
are done by a judge or commissioner
who acts as both judge and trier of
fact. Therefore it is very important
that you have a lawyer that is familiar
with the juvenile court proceedings
and the juvenile court judges. Your
child has very similar rights as adults
with some exceptions. Your child has
to obey his or her parents, attend
school, and obey all laws.Inform your child not to make any statements
until attorney has been consulted with.
Any statement made by your
child to either probation or police can be used against your child
in the juvenile court proceeding. When
your child is facing a school expulsion
hearing, you should consider retaining
a lawyer who specializes in handling
school juvenile expulsion hearings.Your
child is entitled to a hearing to determine whether he or she should
be expelled. The hearing is required to be hold within 30
school days. If
your child is expelled, your child has the right within 30 calendar
days following the decision of the governing board to expel, to file
an appeal to the county board of education.
Colleges are
getting harder and harder to get into.For that particular reason, it
is a good idea to avoid any expulsion
record.
Horizon Family Solutions has years of experience and knowledge dealing with adolescents and
high-risk troubled teens as well as the juvenile justice and legal
system and can help the family in assessing the circumstances and
making the most informed and knowledgeable choices.
This information should not be construed to be formal legal advice.
This is educational information only and is not intended to offer legal advice. Nothing herein is intended to constitute a guarantee,
warranty or prediction regarding the outcome of your legal matter. Every
case is different and outcomes will vary depending on the unique facts
and legal issues of your case.
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What if your child is a runaway?
 Notify the police and
file a missing person's report.
In our
culture, running away has often been glorified in movies, TV and books,
as if it were an adventurous American tradition of seeking a better
life. The reality is much more sobering. In most cases, children are
not running toward a specific new situation but rather are running
away from existing problems - and thus may be issuing a loud cry for
help. Most children
who run away and are reported to the police as missing are between
ages 13 and 15. However, some younger children threaten to, or actually
do, leave home.
Do they have any distinguishable marks such as tattoos, multiple piercings, birthmarks or other marks?
Make a list.
If an ex-spouse exists, contact them to inform them of the child's
disappearance and to verify that the child has not found refuge with
them.
Keep records of all details of the
investigation and stay in touch with authorities while your child is missing.
Call the National Runaway
Switchboard at 1-800-621-4000.
Locate the most recent picture you have of them.
The National Runaway Switchboard operates a
24-hour confidential hot line for teens and their families. Services include:
crisis intervention, information and referrals, and the Home free program in
partnership with Greyhound Lines, Inc. Staff and volunteers will help you
process the situation and give you support.
Utilize the National
Runaway Switchboard Message Relay Service. Leave a message with staff and
volunteers for your child to pick up confidentially by calling the hotline. They
can also leave a message for you.
Tell others they are missing. Let them know you're concerned and ask for their help and
support.
Posters can help when they are still in the area, or contact the news desk
of your local television station or newspaper.
Write down a description of what they had on when you last saw them.
Check any records.
Look for clues about their whereabouts in the phone bill, e-mail activity, cell phone / pager
records, credit card activity, bus or airline dockets, bank statements, employment records and their computer.
Visit their school.
Talk to the administration, security officers, teachers, counselors, and their classmates for any information that might be useful.
Install Caller ID or
other tracing methods.
Ask for help. Could
your child have been abducted? Do you need help distributing posters
nationwide?
The National Runaway Switchboard can provide you with national and
local organizations that can help.
Take care of yourself.
This is a difficult time, and you don't have to deal with it alone. Turn
to people you know and trust for support.
Not only do runaways leave anxious and worried parents behind, but
they may enter a world of gangs, drugs, prostitution, AIDS, malnutrition
and truancy. They are quite vulnerable and at a much higher risk of
becoming involved in early sexual behavior, sexual exploitation, or
alcohol and other drug use. They may end up living on the street,
in a homeless shelter or in jail. Some children run simply because they are looking for a good time.
Impulsively and without planning, they will flee with a friend or
two, seeking the thrill of life on the run. Often these children have
already experienced various difficulties, perhaps conduct problems
or substance abuse.
News & Views |
Combat Truancy Problem of Truancy in America's Communities Truancy is the first sign of trouble;the first indicator that a young
person is giving up and losing his or her way.
When young people start
skipping school, they are telling their parents, school officials and
the community at large that they are in trouble and need help if
they are to keep moving forward in life. Research data tells us that students who become truant and eventually
drop out of school put themselves at a long term disadvantage in
becoming productive citizens. High school dropouts, for example, are
two and a half times more likely to be on welfare than high school
graduates. High school dropouts are almost twice as likely to
be unemployed as high school graduates. In addition, high school
dropouts who are employed earn much lower salaries. Students who become
truant and eventually drop out of high school too often set themselves
up for a life of struggle. Truancy is a gateway to crime. High rates of truancy are linked to high daytime burglary rates and high vandalism. During a recent sample period in Miami more than 71 percent of 13 to 16
year-olds prosecuted for criminal violations had been truant.
In Minneapolis, daytime crime dropped 68 percent after police began citing truant students.
In San Diego, 44 percent of violent juvenile crime occurs between 8:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m.
While no national data on the extent of truancy exists, we know that in
some cities unexcused absences can number in the thousands each day. In
Pittsburgh, for example, each day approximately 3,500 students or 12
percent of the pupil population is absent and about 70 percent of these
absences are unexcused. In Philadelphia, approximately 2,500 students a
day are absent without an excuse.
In Milwaukee, on any given school
day, there are approximately 4,000 unexcused absences.
Combating truancy is one of the first ways that a community can reach
out quickly to a disaffected young person and help families that may be
struggling with a rebellious teenager. Parents play the fundamental role in the education of their children.
This applies to every family regardless of the parents' station in
life, their income, or their educational background.
Nobody else
commands greater influence in getting a young person to go to school
every day and recognizing how a good education can define his or her
future. For families and schools to work together to solve problems like
truancy, there must be mutual trust and communication.
Many truancy
programs contain components which provide intensive monitoring,
counseling and other family strengthening services to truants ants and
their families.
Schools can help by being "family-friendly" and
encouraging teachers and parents to make regular contact before
problems arise. It is critical that parents of truant children assume responsibility
for truant behavior. It is up to each community to determine the best
way to create meaningful incentives for such parents to ensure that
their children go to school. Truancy can be caused by or related to such factors as student drug
use, violence at or near school, association with truant friends, lack
of family support for regular attendance, emotional or mental health
problems, lack of a clear path to more education or work, or inability
to keep pace with academic requirements. In order to enforce school attendance policies, school officials should
establish close linkages with local police, probation officers, and
juvenile and family court officials.
The U.S. Department of Justice provides federal funding to states to
implement local delinquency prevention programs, including programs
that address truancy. Many of these programs address risk and
protective factors.
A large portion of the funding has come from the
Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention Act Formula Grants Program
that is administered by the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency
Prevention, Office of Justice Programs. For more information contact
the Juvenile Justice Clearinghouse, 1-800-638-8736.
Current Press Releases
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What is Parental Alienation? Parental alienation involves the mental manipulation and/or
bullying of children, which can result in destroying a loving and warm
relationship they once shared with a parent.  Parental alienation and hostile aggressive parenting deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for
both of their parents.
Parental Alienation can occur in intact
families, but is mostly seen in separated and divorced families. Parents/guardians using alienation tactics to hurt the other 'target' parent
have been compared to cult leaders.
These people put their own hatred, anger
and motives before their own childs emotional and mental health.
In effect,
they treat their children as nothing more than possessions, and ammunition to
hurt the 'target' parent.
Professionals argue whether Parental Alienation is a Syndrome or not. But they
all agree that the problem exists and it's damaging to children, and can affect
them into adulthood.
Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a psychological condition most often
observed in children affected by high conflict divorce and/or separation. It is
one of the most damaging outcomes affecting children as a result of exposure to PA and hostile aggressive parenting. The most common symptom of children
affected by PAS is their severe opposition to contact with one parent and/or
overt hatred toward such parent when there is little and often, no logical
reason to explain the child's behavior.
The effects of PAS can last well
into adulthood and may last for a lifetime with tragic consequences.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is different from Parental Alienation (PA). PAS
refers to the behaviors of the child,
whereas PA describes the abusive behaviors of a parent or caregiver.
There are many debates as to whether PAS exists or is 'Junk Science'.
During the crisis of divorce, most parents fear whether their children will
emerge unscathed. Any reasonable and empathetic parent sincerely believes in
the value of his or her children having a healthy relationship with both
parents.Ideally, parents deliberately work on comforting and reassuring the
children that no harm will come to them.
At the same time, both try to
strengthen their parent-child relationships without degrading the other parent
or causing the children to feel divided loyalty. They encourage visits, talk
kindly of the other parent in the children's presence, and set aside their own
negative feelings to avoid causing the children distress. They are sensitive to
the children's needs and encourage positive feelings toward the other parent.
This outcome is the goal of not only the parents and children, but also the
attorneys and judge involved in the case.
However, any number of events can destroy the fragile balance of peace between
parents. If this happens, an injured parent may seek comfort by aligning with
the children, especially since be or she may feel threatened by the children's
love for the other parent. A pattern of alienation usually begins without any
malicious or conscious intent to harm or destroy the relationship between the
other parent and the children. Though most parents mean well, they are often
unaware of how subtle behaviors and comments can hurt the relationship between
the children and the targeted parent. Alienating parents however learn how to
manipulate and use their children to hurt the other parent on purpose, and with
a vengeance. This can include anything from outright telling the children their
other parent does not love them and does not want to be with them, to
destroying and hiding communication from the other parent, to simply refusing
to act as a 'parent' when a child does not want to spend time with, or is rude
to, the other, and empowering their child to do as they wish. Some early signs of Parental Alienation:
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Children perceive one parent as causing financial problems of the other parent
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Children appear to have knowledge of details relating to the legal aspects of
the divorce or separation
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Children show sudden negative change in their attitude toward a parent/guardian
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Children appear uneasy around target parent - they resort to "one word" answers
and fail to engage openly in conversations as they previously have done
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Children are uncharacteristically rude and/or belligerent to target parent
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Access time is not occurring as agreed upon or court ordered - visitation is
being unilaterally cut back by the other parent
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Hostile Aggressive Parent (HAP) parent undermines the other parent or speaks disparagingly about other
parent in the presence of the children
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HAP parent starts making reference to other parent as being abusive and a risk
to the children with no apparent good reason
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Allowing children to choose whether or not to visit a parent, even though the
court has not empowered the parent or children to make that choice;
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Telling the children about why the marriage failed and giving them the details
about the divorce or separation settlement;
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Refusing the other parent access to medical and school records or schedules of
extracurricular activities;
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Blaming the other parent for not having enough money, changes in lifestyle, or
other problems in the children's presence;
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Rigid enforcement of the visitation schedule for no good reason other than
getting back at the other parent;
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False allegations of sexual abuse, drug and alcohol use or other illegal
activities by the other parent;
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Asks the children to choose one parent over the other;
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Reminding the children that the children have good reason to feel angry toward
their other parent;
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Setting up temptations that interfere with visitation;
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Giving the children the impression that having a good time on a visit will hurt
the parent;
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Asking the children about the other parent's personal life;
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'Rescuing' the children from the other parent when there is no danger.
Simply put, the parents engaging in such behavior are un-fit, abusive parents,
putting their own emotional needs before those of their children.Divorce Disputes Regarding Education Plans
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TEEN GAMBLING
Defining Problem Gambling for the Adolescent
Problem gambling for the adolescent is a level of gambling that
creates problems for the gambler and his/her family. The level of
gambling may interfere with personal relationships, with school or
work, and may include diversion of funds needed for other purchases to
the gambling activity. The adolescent may incur debts of substantial
amounts to continue the activity.
When you suspect that your teen is gambling, please get them immediate assistance.
Compulsive Gambling is a progressive disease.
Note: Gambling often begins as a family activity. Are you perpetuating unhealthy gambling habits?
Motives for Adolescent Gambling Behavior
- Relaxation
- Enjoyment, Excitement, Entertainment
- Adventure, Attention
- Opportunity
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Negative Feelings
Profile of the Typical Teen Gambler
- Successful
- Motivated
- Intelligent (IQ of 115-120 or higher)
- Competitive
- History of good or excellent performance at school or work.
- Alcohol or Substance abuse has not been a part of regular behavior
- No longer participates in hobbies or extracurricular activities
- Holds high expectations of self and others - perfectionist
- Bored easily in social settings - looks for new situations to keep up feelings.
Indicators of Problem Gambling in Teens
- Withdraw from family
- Unexplained need for money
- multiple game viewing
- Valuables missing from home
- overly intensive watching
- Borrowing money from family and friends
- overly upset at game's conclusion
- Exaggerated display of money and other possessions
- interest in sports teams of which there were no previous allegiance
- Frequent cards / dice games at home
- Unusual interest in periodicals reporting sports results
- Missing from school or classes
- uncharacteristic usage of phone
- Tardy to school
- Gambling paraphernalia
- drop in school grades
- betting slips
- drop in other outside activities
- IOU's
- Excessive TV sports watching
- lottery tickets
- late night calls
- increased irritability or hostility
- phone charges to sports results call or 1-900 phone numbers
- Lying over whereabouts
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We think every child can have, do, or be anything they can imagine.
Horizon Family Solutions is widely recognized as a leader in the
ethical and professional delivery of adolescent crisis intervention,
educational consulting, student assessments, and special education
advocacy. We serve clients locally, nationally and internationally.
The mission of Horizon Family Solutions is to provide practical
solutions and services to assist families and their students to engage
in meaningful relationships with others, function independently and
lead an improved quality of life.
We assess with care and thoroughness
your adolescent's challenges, goals, as well as their specific and
unique needs.
We assist families to create a plan for appropriate
educational programs and treatment interventions, guiding them in
identifying and considering the many factors that make up a successful
long term plan.
With all of this in mind, what do you want to accomplish for your family and your child? What is your "impossible" dream? What would you want for your child if you knew they would not fail? Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
1145 N.W. Knoxville Blvd.
Bend, Oregon 97701
Telephone: (541)
312-4422
Fax: (541) 312-4420
www.guidingteens.com
www.troubledteenhelp.com
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