Tips for Parents of Teenagers

A good way to tell if your adolescent is sleep-deprived is to judge their behavior while awake -are they alert, energetic and motivated? - and also to judge how easily they wake up in the morning.

When they constantly needs an alarm clock, when they need to sleep in, when they need a cold shower to wake up - they are  probably not getting enough sleep. Catching up on the weekend doesn't work well, say experts, because the body doesn't use that kind of rest as well. It also throws the natural body rhythm off, making it harder for the adolescent to fall asleep at a regular time during the week.

You still want to regularly set aside special time so you can play and talk together. You might not be able to play with toys, however you can play board games, bake or cook, try on makeup or learn to fix a car, go shopping, decorate a bedroom together, attend a ballgame or concert, learn a new language together -- or go camping, hiking, swimming, horseback riding... Other ideas:

	Together, start a paid or volunteer community service: pet sitting, lawn mowing, window washing, gardening, etc.
	Set up space for a garden and plant a garden together
	Together, produce a home video or neighborhood play
	Together, put on a fun fair for younger children in the community
	Together, learn a skill you always wanted to have: CPR, lifeguard training, auto mechanics, hair styling, quilt making, Web site design, painting, sculpting, etc.

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DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO BE FOURTEEN, FIFTEEN, SIXTEEN? 

I DO.

What year was it when you thirteen? 

For me it was 1966. Buffalo Springfield, Jefferson Airplane, The Byrds, The Grateful Dead and The Yardbirds were playing at the Filmore in San Francisco. There were Negro (the word being used at that time) uprisings in Atlanta.

Star Trek ran the first episode. South Vietnam had their first elections. 385,000 American troops were in Vietnam. The Vietnam War was in full swing. Mobilization to End the War in Vietnam was formed.

George Harrison (of The Beatles ... remember them?) went to India for six weeks to meet with Ravi Shankar.

LSD was made illegal in the United States. The "V" sign for "peace" was born.  

John Lennon met Yoko Ono for the first time. The first Negro was elected to the Senate in Massachusetts. Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California. Housewives revolted against soaring food prices all across the United States. A summer long simmering tension between longhairs, police and shop owners along the streets of America took place. The cops would hassle kids for their hair being too long and shop owners felt the kids were panhandling and costing them business. We had a conservative government embroiled in an increasingly unpopular war, racial tensions, and a generation of disillusioned young people looking for something meaningful to believe in - teenagers hurled themselves into a sea of drugs and sex that they really were not ready for. These were troubled adolescence.

The only thing we could not be was "shocked".  Now, years later, we are reflecting on our youth, still, and working to figure out what it all means. Does being a teen mean you explore, triumph, and accomplish an important journey through adolescence, or is it a time of just big stupid mistakes and a total waste of time?  You tell me.

The immense challenges facing at-risk youth are apparent to virtually every parent who has a pre-teen, teen or young adult as well as anyone who has worked with this population. Finding one's way in the world, developing a strong sense of self, and functioning productively in a community can be challenging for adolescents even with every resource and support system available to them. For youth who are not afforded "safety nets" from their families and communities, mastering these developmental­ tasks can be overwhelming. During my years of work with at-risk youth, I have witnessed their struggle to navigate the transition into adulthood. Despite appearances, most of these young people are desperately seeking guidance, inspiration and support from the adults they come in contact with. And this is where the challenge is extended to all of us and especially you, their parents.

Vive! Introduces its Journey On™ Program To Bring Transition Aftercare Anywhere™ Directly to Families In Their Own Environment

Vive!, nationally-recognized as an effective family-focused transition programs, is taking its services "on the road" as it announces the launch of its Vive! Journey On™ program.  Journey On follows the proven, action-oriented program created by Vive! for young people and their families transitioning from residential treatment programs, yet takes it a step further by sending its team of professionals directly to families wherever they are in the continental United States and Hawaii.   

Like all Vive! services, Journey On delivers Aftercare Anywhere™ through a powerful, practical integration of mentoring and parent coaching to meet the needs of the whole family in its real-world context.

"Vive! Journey On allows us to work with families everywhere, so that we are not restricted by geographic location," shared Terry Tierney, CEO.  "Vive! has never been about bricks and mortar, as we profess a real life, real world approach to transitions and family healing.  Our regional offices will continue to function as hubs, but through the Vive! Journey On program, we now serve families anywhere within the U.S." 

The goal of Vive! Journey On is to help the family transfer the positive changes and momentum achieved in residential treatment to the family's real-world environment. The transition back into the real world can be difficult and is often marked by regression, relapse and recidivism.  To assist in this transition, Vive! applies its proven  "Dual Approach" of mentoring for the young person and parent coaching for the parent or guardian while engaging local professionals as well as representatives of the residential program.  Along with the support and oversight of a Vive licensed clinical team leader, this comprehensive team approach creates a strong web of support for the families

Journey On is a transition support program rather than a treatment program.  Journey On delivers real-time mentoring and parent coaching support, both in-person and by telephone, text messaging, email and even web video-cam.  By working with both the parent(s) and young person simultaneously, Vive! is able to help the whole family system work together to ensure a safer, more successful transition.

Elements of the Journey On service include:  

Parent Preparation prior to a client's  discharge date, One-Day Intensives with both the mentor and parent coach present in a family's hometown, Mentor visits every other week  and Mentoring and Parent Coaching Support via phone, email, text messaging and video cam in-between visits. While it is recommended that families participate in a six month engagement, Vive!  works with families on a month to month basis in order to cater the program to the specific needs of each family.

Vive! Journey On is designed for families with young people of any age who are completing a wilderness program or residential treatment program. The young person must be deemed ready for transition to the next environment by program staff in order to qualify for participation in Journey On.

Journey On Contacts:
Amanda Thomas, MS, serves as the National Referral Relations contact for Journey On.  She can best be reached at 303-775-1779.  Dave Herz, founder of Vive! and Certified Psychotherapist, handles all admissions into the Journey On program.  He can be reached by calling Vive! at 303-449-2516.

About Vive!
Vive! is a therapeutic, action-oriented program that works with young people and their families in the home environment. The program has been particularly effective in continuing the progress gained in residential treatment programs for the transition home with families all across the country.

The company is headquartered in Boulder, Colorado with a network of regional offices. For more information, contact Vive! at www.vivenow.comor 800.261.0127 or HoldenMcClurePR at 303.449.2526.  

When the herb is consumed either by smoking the dried leaf or chewing the fresh leaves the effects are usually milder than when it is vaporized and inhaled (manner of use like free-basing cocaine). When consumed as such, one completely loses awareness of and control over their body, often moving about recklessly, while the individual has no awareness of where their body is or what it is doing.

Afterwards, users report they have no memory of any of their actual behaviors and they often remember very different events.

"The first time I successfully smoked it; I loaded up a decent-sized bowl and took a few hits. When you smoke salvia, it feels like smoking weed, except the smoke is a bit harsher. To successfully have a "salvia experience" or trip or whatever you want to call it, you need to smoke a deep, slow hit and hold it for about 30 seconds" ~ D.C., 17

Salvia is legal in the United States and can be easily bought on the Internet or in head shops for as little as $7.99 oz.

This extremely potent hallucinogen is becoming popular with teenagers and young adults. It is most often dried and smoked in a pipe or bong.

Parents need to be on the look out for Salvia Divinorum.

Each year one million teens leave home without permission. Runaways come from every social class, race, and religion. Typically, a teen runs away after a heated argument at home and stays with a friend close by for a day or two before returning home. Teens that repeatedly run away from home tend to stay away longer and usually have no plan of where to go.

According to the Runaway Hotline, nine out of ten teenagers return home or are returned to their home by the police within a month.

There are many dangers involved in running away. Alone in a strange city or on the highway, a teen is an easy target for thieves, pimps, drug pushers, and other violent criminals. The problems at home are replaced by more serious and more dangerous problems on the street. Most cities have shelters where teens can stay for a few days or weeks until things cool off at home. Going to a relative's home is also a safe alternative.

National Runaway Switchboard:

1-800-621-4000

24hours a day/7 days aweek

Learn more about HFS's unique services for troubled teens and their families

Juvenile Criminal Cases

How do juvenile proceedings differ from adult criminal proceedings?

Because juveniles do not have a constitutional right to a jury trial unless tried as an adult, judges hear most juvenile cases. Juveniles also do not have a right to a public trial or to bail. Under most state laws, juvenile offenders do not commit "crimes." They commit delinquent acts, some of which are acts that would constitute crimes if committed by an adult. The trial phase of a juvenile case is an adjudication hearing. This means that the judge hears the evidence and determines whether the child is delinquent. The court may then take whatever action it deems to be in the child's best interest.

The purpose is to rehabilitate, not punish.

How are juvenile proceedings similar to adult proceedings?

The fundamental elements of due process apply in a juvenile proceeding as they do in the criminal trial of an adult. For example, a child charged in a juvenile proceeding is entitled to:

• notice of charges given in advance of any adjudication of delinquency;
• an attorney, including one paid for by the state if the family cannot afford one;
• the right to confront and cross-examine witnesses; and
• the right to assert his or her Fifth Amendment privilege against self-incrimination.

Finally, the state is required to prove its charges beyond a reasonable doubt, just as in the trial of any adult on a criminal charge.

When are juveniles tried as adults?

Juvenile courts usually hear cases involving persons between the ages of ten and eighteen. (The upper age may be lower in some states.) If the prosecution charges an older juvenile with a particularly serious or violent offense, the district or prosecuting attorney may request that an adult court try the juvenile as an adult. In some states, juveniles fourteen or older and charged with serious acts like murder, rape or armed robbery are handled in adult courts unless the judge transfers them to juvenile court.

What is a parent's responsibility in juvenile cases?

Depending on the state where you live, you might be liable (legally responsible) for the acts of your child if you failed to supervise or control the child properly. For example, California recently passed a "gang parent" law that authorizes the arrest of parents of juvenile gang members who commit serious offenses. Similarly, if your teenage driver has an accident or commits a crime while driving the family car, the court may hold you responsible. One example of this is a teenager driving while intoxicated and causing injuries to another.

When Your Teenager Is In Trouble

Question

My 13-year-old daughter has become unbelievably rude and sassy with me lately. She's at her worst in front of her friends, such as when I'm driving them to the mall or when she has kids over for dinner or a video. It seems like she's trying to impress her friends with how tough she is, but it makes me furious. I know kids this age are moody, and I don't want to embarrass her by reprimanding her in front of her friends, but I'm feeling like a doormat. What is the best way to handle this? ~  C.E., Washington
 

My first thought is not about your 13 year old daughter's behavior, but about yours.

You are modeling the definition of insanity for your daughter:

Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results!

Stop it!

She's established she's especially rude and sassy to you when she has an audience of her friends, yet you're still chauffeuring them to the mall, having them over for dinner and movies. As a parent you have a responsibility to set boundaries, which include respectful behavior. She's showing you no respect because your actions are telling her she doesn't have to. Stop rewarding her unacceptable behavior with privileges. You are teaching your daughter that it is ok to be rude and disrespectful. Have a one-on-one talk with her when her friends aren't around and let her know this is unacceptable and that these are privileges that can be removed. Rides to the mall and friends over for dinner, movies, etc. should be earned privileges based on good choices made by her. By rewarding her over blown sense of entitlement and rude behavior you are giving her the unspoken message that you condone this behavior. Being a responsible parent is not a popularity contest. But it is about doing the right thing for your child.

 
Question

Our teenage daughter just told us that she's pregnant. Our hearts are broken. How can we show her that we still love her and give her the support she needs when we are so disappointed? ~ E.A., Utah

The understatement of the day is that this is a tough situation for all of you. There are so many things to be considered and so many scenarios going on, and there's not enough space to address them all here. So let's focus on the most basic of questions, which is actually the one you asked.  Your daughter is likely terrified of what lies in front of her. At the same time, it must feel like many of your dreams as a parent just got extinguished. This is not the scenario you envisioned when you pictured the life ahead of her when she was a toddler. But it is your reality now. It is critical that your daughter never question whether or not you love her, or will stand by her. She knows she's disappointed you. She doesn't need to be reminded of that in your words, body language or advice. That will only create a void between you. You cannot make this about your disappointments. What she needs is your unconditional love.

Unconditional love means just that: without conditions.

Loving her unconditionally is your number one role as a parent.

Next, enlist the aid of professionals experienced in this area to guide all of you through this. None of you have to go through this alone. This will allow you to focus on healing the relationship with your daughter. She needs you now more then ever before.

Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. 

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