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Our Sponsors
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Kim Arnsparger M.Ed.
Helping Teens - Helping Families
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Academy at Canyon Creek is an ideal placement for youth experiencing behavioral,
emotional, educational, and substance abuse problems.
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White Rock Academy is located in beautiful North Central Kansas
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Aspiro operates year-round
and application for admission may take place
at any time. Appropriate candidates are
adolescent males and females, ages 13-17,
and young adults, ages 18 to 30 years of
age
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Core Solutions founded for Educational Consultants, Schools and Programs who understand the
difficult position their families face.
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 1st Class Investigations, Inc. Adolescent Transport / Runaway Division specializes in the therapeutic transport of at-risk adolescents.
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United States Intervention Services - Confidential and reliable services from your initial call to your child's safe arrival.
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Learn anytime,
anywhere! Accredited private school
specializing in
online
academic
programs.
Coed,
credit recovery,
High
School Diploma,
college preparatory.
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Quick Links
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USA Guides youth transport company- see what our youth transport fees cover.
Internet Special Education Resources (ISER)
Educational Consulting Specializing in Troubled Teens
Advertise with Us - TroubledTeenHelp.com is a leading source of
information on addiction treatment centers, Christian programs,
clinical boarding schools, independent educational consultants,
emotional growth programs and more.
Asheville House is a 3 to 6 month transitional living program for
adolescents in their latter years of high school or early years of
college.
InnerRoads Wilderness Program helps strengthen and heal troubled families by providing teenagers and
their parents with quality wilderness and community-based programs.
Top Flight Academy is a licensed residential treatment center (specialized boarding
school) for troubled teen boys ages 13 to 17 that are unmotivated, yet very
capable of being successful.
Oakley School, a college preparatory boarding school located near Park City, Utah.
Restoring one troubled family at a time ....
AIM House is an individualized, residential mentoring program for young adults
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Greetings!
Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and difficult tasks you will ever
undertake. Whatever made you a parent - giving birth, adopting, raising a grandchild,
being a foster- or stepparent - the role generally becomes a part of your waking and
sleeping hours.
In this country, we train people for many jobs and roles. We train chefs, dog owners,
drivers, home builders and massage therapists.
However, when it comes to our most valuable resource - our children
- we require no prior knowledge, no experience and no training. One of the most important things you can do to become a better parent is to learn about
parenting. Thoughtful study will help you become the best parent you can be. Research
provides you with many interesting concepts to consider. This article, which is based
on research, gives you information about parenting practices and the
ways parents and children interact. This information will also be useful to people who
help with parenting, such as coaches, teachers, grandparents, nannies, and neighbors. Parenting is an active process.
You use your skills and knowledge to create, plan, give
birth, raise, and provide for your children. The parenting process includes guiding, nourishing,
and protecting. It is a series of interactions between you and your child. You can strengthen your parenting skills through experience and learning. Consider,
first, what influences you as a parent.
Your temperament, your child's temperament, your
childhood experiences, your relationship with your mate and your own parents, your family
and work situation, your community and your support networks all can affect your
parenting. To become the best parent possible, you need to learn about: · caring for yourself,
· understanding yourself and your child(ren),
· nurturing your child and your relationships,
· guiding your child,
· motivating your child to do her or his best, and
· advocating for your child's best interests. CARING FOR YOURSELF Learn first to take care of your own needs. Then you can better focus on the needs of
your child and learn more about parenting.
In caring for yourself, learn the skills you need to handle your stress, manage your
household, ask for and accept support from others when needed, and realize the strengths
you can offer your child. Think about your sense of purpose in setting goals for raising
your child and think about how to work with your child-rearing partners. UNDERSTANDING
Understanding children, their development, and their needs is important. Each child is
different, not only in her or his abilities, but also in the way that he or she sees the
world. When you understand children and their needs, there will be less conflict in helping
your child to grow up to feel safe, secure, happy, and healthy.
Children learn to be
caring, loving people when the people they are close to are understanding. To develop your skills, learn to watch and understand your child's development, and see
how he or she reacts to what is happening. Know and understand yourself, and manage your
own life well. As you grow in understanding, also decide what it is you hope to be as a
parent. What kind of person do you hope your child will grow to be? What kind of parent do
you want to be? Write down your answers to these questions.
Reread your goals and revise
them from time to time. This will help you choose ways to help your child learn to
understand others. NURTURING
Nurturing is very important to children. Nurtured children usually grow up to be
competent and healthy adults. Children have different needs and ways they need to be
nurtured. When you meet your child's needs by building a positive relationship and by
sending consistent messages of love and support, then you are an effective nurturer. To develop your nurturing skills, learn comfortable ways to express love, build your
child's hope and self-respect, learn to listen and hear your child's feelings and ideas,
teach kindness, provide for your child's nutrition, clothing, health, safety
needs, and shelter.
Celebrate life, and help your child feel connected to her or his family history and
cultural heritage. GUIDANCE Guidance means helping your child develop her or his personal strengths. You do this by
expressing steady but warm authority.
You face a difficult balancing act with authority,
using your power to identify, introduce, and enforce reasonable limits while gradually
giving freedom to your child by encouraging him or her to be more and more responsible.
Use good judgment to set limits that protect your child and show concern for the welfare
of others. Children need guidance and structure. They must be taught to engage in meaningful
activities and use their time in a positive way.
Their growth as individuals depends on
practice making choices and facing the consequences of their own decisions. To develop your skills in providing guidance, you must model how you want your child to
act. Set reasonable limits and give her or him opportunities to learn responsibilities.
Choose appropriate opportunities, teach problem-solving skills, and monitor your child's
activities with other children and adults. MOTIVATION You are motivating when you teach your child to think and learn.
Parents who take their
responsibilities seriously, and look for ways to teach throughout their children's lives,
are more likely to have children who become confident, skilled learners who reach high
educational levels. The most successful motivators guide and nurture their children. You can learn how to
foster learning as you can learn to to nurture and motivate. When you are motivated
yourself, you will be more capable of motivating your child.
And when you feel nurtured, you
will find it natural to nurture your child. To develop your skills to motivate your child, you will need to learn how to teach your
child. Children need to learn about themselves, others, and the world around them. To be a
good teacher, you need to let your child be curious, develop an imagination, and search
for knowledge. Work to create positive learning settings and help your child think about
new information. ADVOCATING
Effective parents locate helpful community resources and work to meet their children's
and family's needs. Seek out people and programs to provide services important to your
child and family.
Notice and speak up about your child's needs. When something in the
community becomes a barrier to your family's functioning, speak up for change. Children of advocate parents are less likely to get lost between the cracks. Parents
who weave a thread between home and the community increase the quality of the community
for all children. To advocate for your child, learn to find, use, and create community
resources that help your own and other children. Encourage supportive environments for
children and families.
Build relationships with family, schools, neighborhood, and
community groups. By reading, enrolling in parenting classes, being active in a child's schooling, and
continuing to learn throughout the life of your child, you can develop these critical
parenting skills. Just as children go through stages of development, you as a parent will go through
stages of parenthood.
THE PRE-TEEN YEARS
During this stage, you must explain yourself to your child.
The questions
will grow as your child's language and understanding expands. Having brief answers ready
will be helpful. You will have to respond to more hows and "why".
Topics may range broadly
. . . from war to lying . . . natural disaster to violence . . . having babies to divorce. During this stage, children can be harsh judges. Your child may call you names as he or
she struggles to understand relationships and become her or his own person. "You're
mean," or "I hate you," are hurtful, but your child does not understand the
deeper meaning or realize that other people also have feelings. During this time, parents and children become involved in a new way. You must decide
how to interact with your child and her or his friends. You need to revise your parenting
definitions as your child enters a new developmental stage. Your child may become more
materialistic and may experiment with unique clothing, appearances, and behaviors, so you
may need to rethink expectations about manners, rules with friends, sibling contact, and
schoolwork. Pick the most important battles on which to use your energy. THE TEEN YEARS
The challenges of this stage are similar to the authority stage in
pre-teen years but the stakes are higher. Your child is figuring out how to be a
teenager. Fights over authority arise again but this time with bigger decisions. Although
they are taught to say "No," teens have a need to experiment. Many teens will
experiment in the absence of parents and then think about those learned behaviors when we
are not there. During this time, you will need to guide your teen closely though some tough choices.
Some parents question their own choices and lifestyles as their teens begin to make
their choices. Your teen is beginning to "break-up" with you.
He or she may say
things like, "You're not under-standing," or "I can't talk to you."
Many parents say it seems like our teens have to learn to "hate us" in order
to leave us. Again, there is a theme of distancing and separation. YOUNG ADULTS During this stage, there are images of death, separation, and
distancing. Parents imagine where their children will go and who they will be with. They
reflect on their parenting and how they affected the people their children have become.
Parents judge themselves. Again, parents fear death as their children are leaving home. You
must decide how to define yourself as a family without children in the home. Couples
become reacquainted. Rituals are important to children and parents during this separation
time.
Holiday phone calls and celebrations become important.
Recognizing that you and
children have stages may help you learn to get through this stressful time while guiding
and nurturing your child and still caring for yourself.
PARENTING TYPES One researcher (Baumrind, 1991) characterizes parent styles as authoritarian,
permissive-indulgent, authoritative, and disengaged. You may not fit neatly
into any one category, since your parenting knowledge comes from many sources and you
combine many styles depending on the given situation. Also, parenting tends to change over
time with experience and the age and maturity of the child.
The descriptions below may allow parents and caregivers to think about their basic
style. These styles influence the way in which children develop. Basically, parents react
with high or low responsiveness, high or low demands, or a combination of both
aspects. Authoritarian parents are demanding but not very responsive.
They are strict,
use punishment, and generally don't allow choice or freedom of expression. These parents
value obedience, tradition and order, and discourage independence and individuality. These
parents dislike having their authority questioned. They may use physical punishment and
resort to yelling and threatening. What kind of child comes from this parent? An authoritarian parent may produce a child
who lacks spontaneity, curiosity, and creativity, and often has limited independence and
assertiveness. These children don't learn how to decide for themselves. They are not sure
how to behave and depend instead on others for their sense of control. They may have low
self-esteem and be aggressive and defiant. Authoritative parents, although not perfect, have better balance in discipline
style, setting high standards and expectations for mature behavior, firmly enforcing
rules, and encouraging independence and individuality. The authoritative parent makes high
demands and is also highly responsive to children's needs. Children's individual rights
are recognized and choices are given. There is better communication and listening and more
give and take.
Children of these parents generally are responsible, independent, have higher
self-esteem and confidence, and are better able to control their aggression.
Disengaged parents are low in responding to a child's needs and low in making
demands. These parents are also referred to as "permissive-indifferent,"
"neglectful-ignoring," and "rejecting-neglecting." They may be
rejecting, hostile, or neglectful. This behavior is not clearly abusive but may be close,
and it has a severe effect on the child. Disengaged parents raise the least competent
children. Permissive-indulgent parents respond by giving the child too much and are low on
making demands. They give little punishment, set no guidelines, have little structure, and
avoid taking charge.
The parent, often referred to as "uninvolved," spends
little time and effort with the child. These parents sometimes use stress and work to
excuse themselves from spending time with their children.
Parents who use drugs or are
immature may also show little involvement. The child of this parent learns little self-control, is immature, may be aggressive at
home, and may behave irresponsibly. These children tend to have low self-esteem, delayed
emotional development, and little ability to handle frustration.
They may be school
skippers, turn to drugs, or even break the law in their search for attention. There is so much to learn about being a parent.
Learning about each stage of your
child's development and the stages that you as a parent also go through can help you
understand this very important role. As you think about your important role in helping
your child grow and develop to their fullest capacity, consider these things:
· Think about what you want to accomplish as a parent. Write it down. Think about
it again with each new stage you and your child go through.
· Think about the aspects of guiding, nurturing, motivating, understanding,
advocating, and taking care of yourself. Are there areas you would like to learn more
about? Seek out more information.
· Take advantage of parenting education opportunities in your community. You may
find workshops where you can share with and listen to other parents. Some organizations
offer parenting newsletters or lend books and videotapes. Also, watch the television guide
and search on the World Wide Web for helpful parenting programs. The Department of Family
and Consumer Sciences is http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs. Parenting will always be difficult, but the job is much easier with experience and training. There are many things you can do to prepare yourself and continue to learn
about better ways to interact with your children while taking care of yourself. Wishing all of you "mothers" a very happy Mother's Day! Dore E. Frances, IEC Mother of 21 year old .... and still learning! www.guidingteens.com Resources:
Karen DeBord, Ph.D.,
State Extension Specialist, Child Development North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service as FCS-477
North Carolina A&T State University
|
Crisis Response Resources
Our hearts and prayers go out to those affected by the recent tragedy at
Virginia Tech.
To help K-12 parents, school counselors and those working with our youth address the issues that often come up in the wake of a school shooting, HFS has pulled together a number of resources addressing school crisis and grief.
(*)American Psychological Association - Tips for College Students -
(*)American School Counselor Association - How to help kids in Times of Crisis and Stress
(*) A research report about school shootings
(*)Charles and Helen Schwab Foundation - What Parents Can Do -
(*)National Association of School Psychologists - Coping with Crisis and
(*)National Education Association - School Safety Resources
(*)The American National Red Cross
(*)Virginia Tech University - Please share with us your feelings and thoughts
Recommended Reading
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Teen Parenting: 5 Important Teen Parenting Tips
Teen parenting is challenging for parents, but remember that the teen years are often the most difficult part of an adolescent's life.
 No longer a child, yet definitely not an adult, a teen is stuck in the
middle. Compound this with an uncertain sense of self (because that
self is changing), the angst and embarrassment that often accompanies
puberty, and adolescent crushes. Mix in raging hormones and you have a
recipe for mood swings, suddenly outbursts, defensiveness, defiance and withdrawal. Recently, it has been discovered that adolescence is a time of neuronal
pruning-when the brain gets rid of entire neuronal networks it no
longer uses.
Some neuropsychologists blame this process for the poor
impulse control and immature decision-making in a formally reliable adolescent that is often exhibited during the teen years. What's a caring
parent to do?
Five Teen Parenting Tips
* Do not make unsolicited and/or negative comments about changes in your
teen's dress or physical appearance. Although an adolescent who changes their
looks may be looking for attention or may be signaling to you that they
feel like an outcast, give them the freedom to experiment with their
identity when they need to, as long as they are not endangering themselves or
others.
* Encourage your teen's strivings toward adulthood. Note the instances in
which they use good judgment, act with diplomacy or in the best
interest of someone weaker or more vulnerable than themselves. Note aloud,
but don't over-compliment in a way that might seem manipulative or
phony. This is an
acknowledgment of their developing maturity and always elicits a smile.
*Of course none of these tips apply when you suspect that your teen is
using drugs or engaging in behavior that is dangerous to themselves or someone
else. Don't sit by and watch them destroy their life. When you do, you will
regret your inaction when the situation escalates or a tragedy occurs. When you feel disconnected from your adolescent, consult with a therapist
about the best way to reach them. However, first, try to find a way to talk
to your teen as honestly and lovingly as you can. Focus on your love
for them and your concern for their future and their safety. Don't take out
your podium and give a lecture. Open your ears and listen with your
heart. Draw them out, make an emotional connection and help them discover
the source of their behavior.
*Relax. You are making it through the teen years and so will your teen. Let
your teen express their feelings and show respect when they withdraws or
need some space. Refrain from taking their outbursts personally.
Remember how difficult it is to go through the transformation of
adolescence. Your teen is transforming physically, emotionally and
spiritually. This can be a painful second birth.
*Teen parenting means maintaining your connection with your adolescent and creating new ones. Expect that your teen may need more privacy, then respect them when they do. When you treat your adolescent the way you
would treat adults and are available when they need you, they will
reconnect with you when they are ready in a way that feels right to them.
Teen parenting is not about coercion or control-it's about giving your adolescent the space and guidance to grow into a mature young adult.
Teen parenting can be frightening at times, however you must summon the
courage to trust in the foundation you have built and give your
adult-in-the-making the room to discover who they are and what they want to
do with their life.
About the Author: Dore Frances is the author of several articles printed on Ezinearticles.com as well as a guest columnist for The Bulletin newspaper. Dore writes about developing your natural
strengths and leading uniquely purposeful and fulfilling lives.
She lives in the
central desert of Bend, Oregon. Ms. Frances is available for
speaking engagements. To find out about her speaking fees and availability email Dore@dorefrasnces.com.
Other Articles of Interest
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Finding funding for specialized education can seem like an education in itself.
Since 1997, Financial Consultant Shauna Clark has been a leader in bringing a wealth of experience to this field.
Clark Custom Educational Loans works with clinical therapeutic boarding schools, emotional growth programs, residential treatment centers, and wilderness programs throughout the United States to assist hundreds of families each year
with educational loans. We provide a specialized service to help funding for
special needs schools - as well as offer a variety of loan packages -
and combine competitive financing with personal experience to help make
alternative education an affordable option for your family. Our staff know all of the guidelines the loan companies require
regarding credit scores, debt to income ratios, and information about
all other documentation that is required.
Our goal is to empower parents to make the best
educational choices for their children. With our affordable repayment
terms and low rates, we can transform monthly tuition into affordable
monthly payments. With the initial call, all loan questions are answered and it is
determined whether or not a parent is loan worthy or if a co-borrower
may be necessary. Our finance plan includes provisions for those things that would be
applicable to the student's enrollment and on going program costs:
Related educational expenses can be
wrapped into most educational loans. Reimbursable expenses can
include:
Educational Consultant Service Fees
Transport Teams
Financing Specialists
Clinical Services (testing)
Student & Family's Traveling Expenses to and from
the program A borrower's
loan can be increased
above tuition costs to cover their needed expenses.
Families
MUST pay these services up front and out of pocket. These related
services can never be paid directly from the lender. The school will receive the loan money from the lender
and reimburse the borrower.
Clark
Custom Educational loans will organize the loan according to the
school's tuition requirements and the reimbursable expenses of the
borrower.
Borrowers can expect to receive the reimbursement
approximately 4-6 weeks after the disbursement has been received for long term
residential schools
and 4-6 weeks after the student completes a short term (less than 3 months) school.
In order for borrowers to receive a reimbursement,
schools must be
willing toreimburse
the borrower for educationallyrelated expenses. This is such a valuable service for both the families and
their support services that almost all of the schools that work with
Clark Custom Educational Loans participate in the reimbursement processes.
Clark Custom Educational Loans supports
program and schools through this process by providing training, reporting tools and follow
up. Repayment Information:No prepayment penalty Affordable monthly payments Defer payments for up to 7 months
Clark Custom Educational Loans, Inc.
510 South 18th St - Coeur d' Alene, Id 83814
Phone: (888) 755-3079 / Fax: (208) 676-1702
(*) Consult your tax advisor regarding the deductibility of interest |
Dignity
U Wear
Founded in April of 2000 in Jacksonville, Florida
 Founded by by philanthropist and Holocaust survivor, Henri Landwirth.
"I know what it means not to have clothes - to be stripped of
dignity and to give up all hope," says Henri.
"And when I see children suffering
indignities, I know we have to help." Henri founded Dignity U Wear to create
real change in the lives of children and adults in need. Change you can see.
Change that restores broken spirits and restores hope and self-esteem. That
is why only brand new clothes are distributed.
To accomplish this change, Dignity U Wear creates primary partnerships with
key manufacturers and retailers who provide new clothing. These items are collected
and warehoused. It then becomes our responsibility to give the brand new clothing
to schools and non-profit agencies serving those in need. These centers provide
their list of needs and Dignity U Wear provides the clothing.
To date, Dignity
U Wear is the only non-profit agency to solicit, to warehouse and to distribute
brand new clothing, at no cost to the recipients. To date, we've donated goods to over 200,000 children, men, and women. You can become a partner of Dignity U
Wear by donating brand new clothing. We accept donations of brand new
clothes from clothing manufacturers and retailers as well as individuals and
community groups!
Donated clothing can be any size (infant to adult), style (from shoes and socks
to undergarments and outerwear), or for any gender - as long as the items are
brand new.
Currently, our WISH LIST of needed items includes:
-
Outerwear -
jackets for boys, girls, women, and men.
-
Underwear - women's size 10 or larger, men's 2X or larger, toddler sizes for
boys and girls.
-
Diapers - assorted sizes.
-
Bras - assorted sizes.
-
Socks - infant socks and socks for men.
-
Shoes - any size or gender.
-
Dresses/ skirts
- girls sizes Large and X-Large.
Gift cards to retail stores, allowing us to address the needs above, are also
welcome.
Please contact Michelle Charron.
Dignity U Wear Foundation, Inc.
36 North Myrtle Avenue · Jacksonville, FL 32204
TELEPHONE: (904) 636-9455 or (888) 364-1305
FAX: (904) 636-8649
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Teen
Sexual
Behaviors
Issues
and Concerns
The change from child to adult is an especially
dangerous time for adolescents in our society.
From their earliest years,
children watch television shows and movies that insist that "sex
appeal" is a personal quality that people need to develop to the fullest.
Teenagers are at risk -- not only from AIDS and STDs -- but from this sort of mass-market
encouragement. Sexual
content is regularly marketed to younger children, pre-teens, and teens and
this affects young people's sexual activity and beliefs about sex.
According to the fact sheet,
Marketing Sex to Children, from the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, children are bombarded with sexual content
and messages: In
2003, 83% of the episodes of the top 20 shows among teen viewers contained
some sexual content, including 20% with sexual intercourse
-
42%
of the songs on the top CDs in 1999 contained sexual content -- 19% included
direct descriptions of sexual intercourse
-
On
average, music videos contain 93 sexual situations per hour, including
eleven "hard core" scenes depicting behaviors such as intercourse
and oral sex
-
Girls
who watched more than 14 hours of rap music videos per week were more likely
to have multiple sex partners and to be diagnosed with a sexually
transmitted disease
-
Before
parents raised an outcry, Abercrombie and Fitch marketed a line of thong
underpants decorated with sexually provocative phrases such as "Wink
Wink" and "Eye Candy" to 10-year-olds
-
Neilson
estimates that 6.6 million children ages 2-11 and 7.3 million teens ages
12-17 watched Justin Timberlake rip open Janet Jackson's bodice during the
2004 Super Bowl halftime show.
TV,
movies, and music are not the only influences -- the Internet provides teens
with seemingly unlimited access to information on sex as well as a steady
supply of people willing to talk about sex with them.
Teens may feel safe because they can remain anonymous while looking for
information on sex.
Sexual predators know this and manipulate young people
into online relationships and, later, set up a time and place to meet.
Teens don't need a sexual predator to introduce them
to online pornography. It comes to them through porn spam on their e-mail
or by inadvertently clicking on a link to a porn site.
Through pornography,
young people get a twisted view of what constitutes normal relationships.
In fact, pornography is directly related to sexual abuse, rape, and sexual
violence.
Just as sexual preferences are learned behavior,
most or all sexual deviations are learned behaviors, with pornography having the
power of conditioning into sexual deviancy. Pornography can be
addictive, with the individual becoming desensitized to 'soft' porn and
moving on to dangerous images of bondage, rape, sadomasochism, torture, group
sex and violence.
At the very least, addiction to pornography destroys
relationships by dehumanizing the individual and reducing the capacity to
love.
At worst, some addicts begin to act out their fantasies by
victimizing others, including children and animals.
Teens
also have their own cultural beliefs about what is normal sexual behavior.
Although most teenage girls believe that sex equals love, other teens --
especially boys -- believe that sex is not the ultimate expression of the
ultimate commitment, but a casual activity and minimize risks or serious
consequences. That is, of course, what they see on TV.
The
infrequent portrayals of sexual risks such as disease and pregnancy trivialize
the importance of sexual responsibility.
Other
misconceptions include: -
all
teens are having sex
-
having
sex makes you an adult
-
something is wrong with an older teen (17-19) who is not having sex
-
a
girl can't get pregnant if she's menstruating
-
a
girl can't get pregnant if it's her first time
-
you
are a virgin as long as you don't have sexual intercourse -- oral sex
doesn't count
Clearly, parents
are in a tough spot. But there are some key ideas that help make sense of
things.
Teenagers should learn the facts about human
reproduction, contraception, and sexually transmitted diseases. Of the over 60 million people
who have been infected with HIV in the past 20 years, about half became infected
between the ages of 15 and 24.
According to
the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 25% of
sexually active teenagers get a sexually
transmitted disease (STD) every year, and 80% of infected teens don't even
know they have an STD, passing the diseases along to unsuspecting partners.
When
it comes to AIDS, the data is even more chilling -- of the new HIV infections
each year, about 50% occur in people under the age of 25.
Young
people need to know that teens who are sexually active and do not
consistently use contraceptives will usually become pregnant and have to face
potentially life-altering decisions about resolving their pregnancy through
abortion, adoption, or parenthood.
Health classes
and sex education programs in the schools typically present information about
the risks of sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy risk, and
contraception. However, evidence shows that traditional sex education, as
it has been offered in the United States, increases sexual knowledge, but has
little or no effect on whether or not teens initiate sex or use contraception. Parents,
too, need to know important information, such as the younger the age of first
sexual intercourse, the more likely that the experience was coercive, and that
forced sexual intercourse is related to long-lasting negative effects.
The
following is all related to later onset of sexual intercourse:
-
Having better educated
parents
-
Supportive family
relationships
-
Parental
supervision
-
Sexually abstinent
friends
-
Good school grades
-
Attending church
frequently
The challenge for any
person is to make sense
of facts in ways that are meaningful in life -- in ways that help them think and
make wise choices. Schoolroom lessons leave much to be desired in this regard.
THE
RANGE OF TEENAGE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR Information
provided by Missouri Division of Family Services.
NORMAL
RANGE -
Sexually
explicit conversations with peers
-
Obscenities
and jokes within cultural norm
-
Sexual
innuendo, flirting and courtship
-
Interest
in erotica
-
Solitary
masturbation
-
Hugging,
kissing, holding hands
-
Foreplay,
(petting, making out, fondling) and mutual masturbation:
Moral, social or familial rules may restrict, but these
behaviors are not abnormal, developmentally harmful, or
illegal when private, consensual, equal, and
non-coercive.
-
Monogamist
intercourse: Stable monogamy is defined as a single
sexual partner throughout adolescence. Serial monogamy
indicates long-term (several months or years)
involvement with a single partner which ends and is then
followed by another
YELLOW
FLAGS
Although
many of these are not necessarily outside the
range of behavior exhibited in teen peer groups, some
evaluation and response is desirable in order to support
healthy and responsible attitudes and behavior.
-
Sexual
preoccupation/anxiety (interfering in daily functioning)
-
Pornographic
interest
-
Polygamist
sexual intercourse/promiscuity-- indiscriminate sexual
contact with more than one partner during the same
period of time.
-
Sexually
aggressive themes/obscenities
-
Sexual
graffiti (especially chronic and impacting individuals)
-
Embarrassment
of others with sexual themes
-
Violation
of others' body space
-
Pulling
skirts up/pants down
-
Single
occurrence of peeping, exposing with known peers
-
Mooning
and obscene gestures
RED
FLAGS -
Compulsive
masturbation (especially chronic or public)
-
Degradation/humiliation
of self or others with sexual themes
-
Attempting
to expose others' genitals
-
Chronic
preoccupation with sexually aggressive pornography
-
Sexually
explicit conversation with significantly young children
STOP
Illegal behaviors defined by law -
Obscene
phone calls, voyeurism, frottage, exhibitionism,
sexual harassment
-
Touching
genitals without permission (i.e. grabbing, goosing)
-
Sexually
explicit threats (verbal or written)
-
Sexual
contact with significant age difference (child sexual
abuse)
-
Forced
sexual contact (sexual assault)
-
Forced
penetration (rape)
-
Genital
injury to others
-
Sexual
contact with animals (bestiality)
NOTE:
Bestial porn is illegal under current federal obscenity
codes. Bestiality is specifically illegal in 30
states. Animal abuse/cruelty laws have been and can be
used in all states. In other words, there are NO
states where bestiality is legal.
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Designed to be educational, as well as entertaining, FamilyIQ's courses
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News and Links to Cool People and Services
Shared by Jacqueline Lloyd, Author of "The Thief Of Sacred"
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Seeing your adolescent suffer is very frightening and difficult
I know it's not easy
When you realize that your adolescent may be struggling, naturally you want to know more about it. And because you
care, you also want to understand what they are experiencing so that you can
be as supportive as you can.
You may already know that making the decision to get help for your adolescent is complex and confusing.
Once you are past the initial shock of discovering whatever has been going on, you may be experiencing
feelings of anger, anxiety, frustration and guilt - all understandable reactions.
Seeing your adolescent suffer is very frightening and difficult.
I know from first hand experience it's not easy. What happens now?
First, understand that the circumstances did not develop overnight,
and that getting them back on track will not happen overnight.
Second, know that there is reason
to have hope. With dedication to the best treatment for them, having their life back is attainable.
Today We Know Much MoreWhether it is adoption struggles, declining academic performance, gambling addiction, illegal sexual behavior, low self-esteem, poor impulse control, struggles with grief, substance abuse or an eating disorder, in the past many doctors
lacked the awareness and education needed to diagnose and treat these challenges.
Today doctors know much more about these challenges - what causes
them, how to recognize the symptoms earlier, and the steps required for recovery and treatment. Even though you may find it difficult to understand, your adolescent finds
security in their behavior. To them, whatever they are choosing to engage in, is a powerful
and misguided coping mechanism. With the specific treatment that they need, enough time, and lots of
love, you can look forward with hope to a day when your adolescent will likely
be able to break the stranglehold of their unhealthy choices. You can play a critically important role in the recovery process.
Your knowledge-based
appropriate actions and support can be a tremendous source of strength and
comfort to your teen.
Ten Ways You Can Help
1. To begin, you can help your adolescent by getting your own emotions under better
control. Educate yourself about their struggles and you will almost certainly
feel less anxiety and fear. Sometimes the unknown frightens us the most. Your local hospital, library, mental health organization, or parent coach are good sources of information. See also, Recommended Reading.
2. Learn about different modalities of treatment: medical care, medication, therapy, counseling, dietary counseling and clinical boarding schools. Learn about levels of care and different
programs and schools: inpatient care, residential care, partial hospitalization, and outpatient
care. Sometimes intensive or inpatient care becomes necessary. Be a smart parent.
Identify those professionals who work with adolescents.
Ask pointed questions such as what are the credentials of those who will be
working with your teen? Whenever possible, visit facilities and treatment
programs which are under consideration. 3. Don't try to deal with this problem alone.
Consider this: Teen suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States. On the other
hand, early intervention improves their chances of unintentional injuries. When dealing with an adolescent or with someone who is in acute danger,
be prepared to exercise authority and responsibility. Their life may depend
on it.
In such circumstances, you may not be able to convince them they need
treatment, and therefore you may need to act for their safety and well being. Find out what needs to be done, and discuss options with professionals, specialists
and family members. Do all you can to stabilize your adolescent's condition
and prepare them for appropriate treatment options. Even with full recovery, the longer the situation continues, the more serious its
long term permanent effects are. Conditions caused by alcohol and drug use (such as unprotected sex, increasing the chance of pregnancy and infection with sexually transmitted diseases, such as herpes, chlamydia, and HIV, hindered
memory, problem-solving, and learning, mood swings, anxiety,
and depression, abnormal heartbeats, occasionally resulting in a
life-threatening heart attack, seizure, or stroke) can diminish quality of life long after the circumstances are under control.
Seek help as quickly as possible.
Good therapeutic intervention will help in understanding the problem
and dealing with the reasons the circumstances and/or disorder exists. 4. Those suffering cannot begin changing their beliefs
and behaviors until they admit they are struggling. When you gently confront
your adolescent about your observations and concerns, be prepared for strong
reactions. They will be embarrassed, will likely deny anything is wrong, and
will be terrified of losing the perceived sense of control they believe they have. They may withdraw out of fear or lash out in anger.
Be compassionate yet firm in your resolve. Be prepared for resistance. Your
adolescent may question the need for treatment, claim they can do it on their
own or try to instill guilt by claiming you don't care about them. You will
probably be rebuffed many times as you encourage your adolescent to take responsibility for their choices and related difficulties. The knowledge you have gained from reading and discussing the problem with
professionals will help you persist in loving and appropriate ways.
5. Since most of what adolescents struggle with are rooted in emotional struggles, solutions are found
in emotional healing. In your attempts to help, do not oversimplify by saying "just stop what you are doing". This will
only alienate your adolescent. Instead, try to see the world
through their eyes.
Listen to your heart and follow those impressions. In moments
of anger and frustration, don't let your emotion control what you say and do.
Express your own feelings and thoughts -- especially your loving concern, your
desire to help, and your good intentions.
Feel free to admit to some of your
own frailties, weaknesses, and short-comings. This gives your adolescent permission
to do likewise. Try your best not to shame your teen into stopping their behavior. One of the hardest
things to do is not personalize your adolescent's behavior (i.e., "if you loved me you would behave").
If it were that simple most adolescents would change their behavior. They are out of control and don't understand what's happening
to them. Nor do they know how to help themselves out of the self-defeating
behaviors. Be calm, caring and objective.
Avoid fixing blame or guilt. Be sensitive,and be firm. Share your observations and concerns in a direct manner with kindness
and respect. When you are at a loss for words, a hug can express many loving
thoughts and feelings. Many adolescents often feel ashamed, discouraged, fearful and hopeless.
These feelings don't need fuel, but correction through unconditional love and
encouragement. The reality is that the underlying issues are about
pain, emotional suffering, and self-conflict. Helping your adolescent to discover these emotions or to begin to talk honestly about their pain
is a very important step toward help and recovery. There is hope for recovery -- something worth encouraging. Find it and do
some coaching. After listening, acknowledging, empathizing, and validating
feelings, move on to encouragement, hope and positive possibilities. Always remember to respect the privacy of your adolescent. Do
not discuss their issues with others unless they have given you permission
to do so or unless sharing is necessary in keeping them safe from harm.
6. Express your love consistently, not just when they are doing well. Identify other ways of expressing your approval and
affection. Treat them
as a person -- not as a behavior or an illness.
Do not be drawn into arguments, threats, bribes, guilt, or blame.
Just give a consistent "broken record" response affirming
your love, concern, and hope. Unless there is endangerment to live, do not shield them from the natural
consequences of their behaviors.
For example, don't finance the behavior episodes of your adolescent. Sometimes the pain from the consequences of engaging
in their behaviors can become a cornerstone of the motivation to let go
of it. 7. Find people you can talk with openly about your feelings and experiences,
your fears and frustrations, and your plan of action. Contact local mental
health professionals to learn if there are support groups in your area. Participation in a
group may be very helpful.
8. Be a good example when discussing related issues.
This may call for changes in your attitudes and activities.
Consulting with a therapist may help you determine necessary
changes in your own attitudes and behaviors. First, remember you can set an example without lecturing or making a production
of it. Do
not make negative comments.
9. There is no single cause for an at-risk teen. Whatever is going on is not your fault. Whatever your
mistakes or weaknesses as a parent, spouse, or friend, you did not create this
circumstance. We all have weaknesses. We all have been less than perfect or ideal in our
roles and relationships. Yet, most of us have made good efforts to do our best
based on our abilities and knowledge. Take ownership for your weaknesses and frailties and make genuine efforts
to change and improve. More importantly, take stock of your talents, gifts,
and resources, and get to work providing love, support, and open invitations
for your adolescent to come into a safe relationship with you as they are ready.
Don't let your guilt, insecurity, or fear get in the way of being actively
involved in your adolescent's life. 10. When you are exhausted emotionally or physically, you will not be able to provide
the emotional support your adolescent needs the way you would like to. Those
with behavior challenges often do not know how to get their needs met and often
do not know how to take good care of themselves.
When you take good care of yourself,
you will have more energy in your efforts to help them, and you will be teaching
by example something your adolescent needs to learn. Set aside time to care
for your own social and emotional needs. There are no quick or easy cures for an adolescent in trouble, so pace yourself. Be
patient with yourself and with your teen as he or she starts getting the help you have provided. Often
it will seem they are taking four steps forward, then two backward. There
is hope and recovery is attainable. Don't ever give up!
Troubled Teen Check List
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Challenge Air for Kids and Friends
Challenge Air for
Kids & Friends offers motivational, inspirational, and life-changing
experiences to physically challenged children and youth through aviation.
Founder: RICK AMBER
June 17, 1944 - May 3, 1997
Challenge Air hosts
approximately 16 unique "Fly Day"
events across the country where about 125 physically challenged children,
between the ages of 7-17 have the opportunity to experience the wonderful
freedom of flight, while lifting their spirits and showing them the
possibilities that abound. Through the aviation experience and the interaction
of the physically-challenged pilot and child, children who participate in a
Challenge Air "Fly Day" are
encouraged to realize their full potential despite any limitations they may
have.The sky's the limit!
Challenge Air's first ever "Fly Day" scheduled for Saturday, August 18th at the Aurora County
Airport, hosted by Aurora Aviation, Smith Barney, Southwest
Airlines, Washington Mutual and the Paralyzed Veterans of America, Oregon Chapter.
The event is free to all
families.
Children can register online at www.challengeair.org.
Each child/participant gets to take up to two family
members and/or friends along with them on their flight.
Once the children
register for their flight they will receive a postcard with their flight time.
The event is first-come, first serve. We have approximately 125 slots available
for the participants.This is a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for many of these special children.
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Pacific Quest Welcomes New Counselor
Pacific Quest Hawaii is pleased to welcome Matt Jacobson, MA, as our newest counselor.
 Matt will join Hilary Moses in providing exceptional care to our
students and families. Matt earned his Master's degree in Transpersonal
Counseling Psychology with an emphasis in Wilderness Therapy from
Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado. For over thirteen years, he has
worked with adolescents in a variety of settings. He was
employed as a therapist for SUWS programs in Idaho, as an Instructor
for Voyageur Outward Bound School and the National Wildlife Federation,
and as a leadership educator for teenagers at several residential
environmental schools in California.
He also facilitated groups in
experiential learning at the Santa Fe Mountain Center. As part
of his graduate training, Matt served as the Clinical Intern at the
Children's Trauma Recovery Foundation in Boston, where he trained in
and implemented innovative treatments related to psychological trauma. Through
the conscious incorporation of the natural world into the therapeutic
relationship, Matt's goal as a counselor is to promote the overall
health of the people with whom he works, including the health of the
environment of which we are all a part.
For more information, please visit their website at Pacific Quest or call (808)937-5806. |
Horizon Family Solutions, LLC announces the introduction of its own,
private online community
Custom designed by Core Solutions
 As many of you know, recently I opened up a
secure, online, private Parent Community for my clients.
It is safe and secure as well as a very private place for just the clients of HFS to discuss tips
for talking to your teen, get strategies on dealing with out
of control adolescent behavior, find out information about
alcohol and drug abuse in teens, or just come for support,
to vent or even to find a little humor at the end of a long
day of struggle. One reason for this new Community is
to provide you with access to a lot of resource materials. This is a private forum. It will not be seen by
others on the Internet.
You should also know that we are not one of those fancy
forums, that seem to be popping up all over these days. Yeah, there are lots of corporate forums that are out to
collect your personal details and then sell them to
marketing companies. That is not us, but that also
means we don't have that slick look that comes with spending
lots of money on a forum design. We're pretty plain
and plan to stay that way. When you register you may wonder why we ask for your
email. The only thing more annoying than a forum that
poses as a board for you, but is actually for the benefit of
the corporation, are Spammers on boards and they are every
where.
We find that if we require people to receive a
password via email before they can post we cut out 100%
of the spam. For some reason they don't want to give a
legit email if you can imagine that.
It is password protected with multiply layers of
security.
Can you imagine how valuable it would have been for you at
the time when you made that most difficult decision? How might it have helped
if this system had been available to you? It may not have made any of the
decisions any easier for you and your family. However, it might have helped
make them less scary, and a lot less lonely. When this world gets tough we often turn to our family.
But
when your family is falling apart, where do you turn then?
This is your chance
to 'Pay It Forward'. I'll bet there have been times when you have been so
grateful for what your family has gained, that you just really wanted a way to
give back. Well, here's the way and now is your chance!
Even as I write this, there are families in the
Community who are walking in your 'old shoes'. They are going to be posting concerns and questions. They are just as scared as you
once were.
They may be enduring harsh criticism about their decisions from the
closest people in their lives, only adding to their hurt. They are tired and
worn out, but still hoping there are solutions. They may be wavering in their
strength and could use the caring courage of someone who's lived it already.
They need people who are willing to be honest with them, because they have so
much on the line. They need a pat on the back for being brave enough to make
the tough decisions. They need to be reminded that even though it's not always
easy, it is always worth it. They need to be encouraged to be part of the
change process and model those changes for their child. Let them know what was happening in your home, how you were
feeling, what you did about it, and what your life is like now.
Let them know it's
okay to have setbacks as they hit bumps in the road.That is all part of the
process; for their child and for them. There is even an Adoption Forum open for those of you with adopted children. Adoption has a lifelong impact on those it touches, and members of
adoptive families may want additiona support as concerns arise. Besides, it is where their most important lessons lie. Help
to give them some hope. They need it!
The service HFS is using is through a company called Core
Solutions. They are a small, family owned company that specializes in
Communities such as this for Educational Consultants and Family Advocates like myself, as well as Schools
and Programs. They are security minded and will not sell, share, or distribute
your information, postings, etc.
This is why I chose them. I always protect my clients as I too have walked in your shoes with my own daughter. When you are ready to
register, or you would just like to become familiar with the community prior to posting,
please learn more about everything by visiting www.corebb.com. When you are ready to register, you can also do it right on our website at the link: For Our Client Families
I really am counting on each of you. Please don't wait for the
next person to post. Even if you just tell your story and never post again, that experience is worth more than you will ever know.
The ripple effect of your sharing will go way beyond what you can ever imagine. There is no time to waste; too much at stake. Be the
example of caring and sharing.Trust me, you will get back much more then you
could ever give away. You know that there are lots of opportunities to help others. Here is a real easy one!
With warm regards,
Dore E. Frances, IEC
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
Independent Educational Consultant
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Adoption has a lifelong impact on those it touches
Professionals with adoption knowledge and experience are best suited to
help families identify connections between problems and adoption and to
plan effective treatment strategies.
Dore Frances has just completed a 15 month study on adolescents and adoption. Her interest stems in this area, mainly because she is adopted herself. She has been studying with Adoption Therapists and other professionals skilled in adoption issues. Sometimes a difficulty that an adolescent is experiencing can be directly linked to adoption, however, sometimes the connection is not really apparent. In other situations, issues that seem on the surface to be related to adoption turn out not to be at all. It is important to understand that although the adoptive family is often not the source of the adolescent's problems, it will be within the context of the family relationships that the adolescent will begin to heal. Horizon Family Solutions now offers information on the different type of therapy as well as programs and schools that are available to help adoptive families with their pre-teen or teen. Specifically, the services HFS now offers in this area:~ Approaches to program therapy (including attachment therapy) ~ Finding the right Treatment program - Treatment settings ~ Professionals who provide services at specific programs It is important for adoptive families to share openly with their Educational Consultant that their family includes one or more adopted
persons and to inquire about the consultant's training and experience
related to working with adoptive families and adopted persons. Different programs and schools use different types of treatment.
The type of treatment or the combination of treatments chosen may
depend on the type and severity of the presenting issue, the age and
developmental level of the adolescent, and even the experience and
preferences of the professional and family. Parents need to be sure to
ask prospective programs and schools about the different types of treatment that
they might use. Some of these different types are described below.
Attachment therapy. Attachment therapy includes a number of
different approaches to therapy with adolescents, but all approaches are
based on common principles and theories of attachment and healthy
development. Attachment therapy (sometimes incorrectly equated with
holding therapy) includes an ever-expanding continuum of interventions
based on treatment theories from an array of therapeutic approaches. * A Word About Attachment. Many adopted children experience problems that may be the result of
breaks in attachment that occurred during the first 3 to 4 years of life.
These problems impair, sometimes severely, the child's ability to trust
and bond-to attach-to other human beings. Children who have experienced
maltreatment or traumatic separations may be hesitant to trust others
enough to attach quickly or easily.
Attachment can be
viewed as a continuum, with healthy attachment at one end and
attachment disorder at the other. While a small percentage of children
with attachment problems can be correctly diagnosed as having Reactive
Attachment Disorder (RAD), many more adopted children display signs of
some attachment difficulty, a midpoint along the continuum. Signs of
attachment problems can include lack of conscience, lack of
cause-and-effect thinking, superficial charm, obvious lying, stealing,
indiscriminate affection with strangers, and cruelty to animals and
people.
Cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy is based on the belief that the way we perceive situations influences how we feel emotionally. Family therapy. Increasingly popular, family therapy is based on
the premise that all psychological problems reflect a dysfunction in
the "family system." The term "dysfunction" means that members of a
group or system are working together in a way that is harmful to some
or all of its members. The therapist requests the active participation
of as many family members as possible and focuses on gaining an
understanding of the roles and relationships within the family. Group therapy. This therapy allows a small group of adolescents with similar problems to discuss them together in an organized way. Individual psychotherapy. This therapy may take many forms.
Often the therapist will work to help the adolescent first express problems
verbally and then find ways to manage them. Play Therapy. Therapists customarily use this form of therapy
with those who may not be able to express their feelings
and fears verbally. Other therapies. There are a number of other types of therapies,
as well as variations of therapies, that may prove useful. These may
include art therapy and music therapy. Treatment SettingsSometimes an adolescent can best be treated within the limits and structured
environment that a residential treatment center provides. Residential
treatment is often the treatment of choice for pre-teens and teens with
emotional, behavioral, or substance abuse problems. Residential
treatment centers, which provide 24-hour care, are generally private facilities set up for adolescents with severe psychiatric or
substance abuse needs. They may be organized in individual community
homes, in a campus-type setting of cottages, or in a large institution
(similar to a hospital setting).
Residential treatment programs focus on the development of positive
coping skills and personal responsibility. Adolescents
in residential treatment usually have regular visits with their
parents. Family connections are critical to help motivate adolescents.
Hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital is available for adolescents
with serious emotional problems. It may be necessary for adolescents who become
suicidal or dangerous to themselves or others to be hospitalized to
avert a crisis. It is important that parents stay involved; in fact,
most child and adolescent units of psychiatric hospitals insist that
parents participate in family meetings or therapy. If they are not
automatically included, parents need to be be proactive in emphasizing the
involvement of the family in their child's treatment. Conclusion
Members of adoptive families may encounter issues at different
points in their lives that affect their behavior and emotional
well-being and that require treatment from a professional.
Adoption-competent Educational Consultants, who understand adoption issues and
adoptive family dynamics, are best suited to provide interventions.
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Learn more about HFS's unique services for troubled teens and their families. Through our
comprehensive assessment and evaluation process, we are able to
identify each adolescent's specific needs and requirements for
determining the best placement options. Our assessment components include: - In depth parent/guardian interview
- Intensive developmental history on each troubled teen or young adult
- Consult with key professional s involved in adolescent's care
- Professional review of all available educational and psychological records and documentation / testing
- Student interview when possible
- Summarize current academic, behavioral, emotional, family and health situation
Troubled Teen Placement Recommendations
When considering placement for one's adolescent or young adult, most
parents feel that they have "just this one chance to make the most
impact on their teen's life".
They are often overwhelmed with
information from brochures, videos and websites - not really knowing
which programs and schools are reputable and which ones just look
reputable. Entrusting their adolescent's care to another must first
entail more than an Internet connection or risking the choice to
chance. As dedicated
educational consultants, specializing in working with troubled teens,
25-30 % of our time is spent evaluating and visiting programs and
schools across the United States. Knowing
the various nuances of each allows us to bring a wealth of knowledge to
the decision making process - especially when determining the most
suitable environment for success for each of our clients. Our placement components include: - Identifying most appropriate and best suited options for troubled teen placement
- Preliminary screening with admissions, academic and clinical staff at recommended programs / schools
- Consult with parents to discuss specific placement options
- Continued family support throughout admissions process
- Recommendations and support to parents when adolescent transport services are needed
- Ongoing support to parents after placement
- Continued monitoring of student's progress through the course of their selected program or school
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Dore E. Frances, Founder
Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
Frequently Asked Questions
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