Greetings!
Every adolescent experiences emotional difficulties
from
time to time but at some point, an adolescent's
challenges may warrant professional attention.
Yet
parents are usually less familiar with, or feel
confused about, obtaining an Educational Consultant
or mental health care professional. When an
adolescent is sick
with the flu or breaks a leg, parents usually head
straight for the doctor.
And as a parent, you are
well versed in the standard routine doctor visits
for everything from ear aches to vaccinations.
Physical symptoms seem more obvious and
unfortunately, may get more professional attention
than mental health symptoms.
However, just like
physical problems, the prognosis is better when the
mental health problem is treated early and
professionals are involved.
Surprisingly, many
problems seen by medical doctors have a
psychological component. It is estimated that over
15 million children and teens have a mental health
or substance abuse problem. Sadly, only one in five
of the adolescents with a mental health problem gets
treated - a figure far smaller than the number of
adolescents being treated for a medical ailment.
What accounts for the disparity? Parents may not
readily recognize their adolescent's symptoms as a
mental health problem. They may feel embarrassed or
ashamed, think they need to handle the problem on
their own, feel the situation is hopeless, disagree
when others suggest the need for outside help, or
dismiss or misunderstand an adolescent's problem.
Unfortunately, misconceptions and shame may delay
or
prevent adolescents from getting the help
they need.
When parents are
concerned about a possible mental health issue they
can benefit from seeking guidance from a
professional.
In fact, once addressed, parents may
be reassured that their adolescent's experiences are
developmentally appropriate, and that alone can ease
discomfort. Or, they may decide to engage in a
course of treatment that will result in better
functioning for both the adolescent and family.
When should you seek help?
Many physical and emotional signs suggest a possible
mental health problem. Problems can range from those
of serious concern, for example, when a child or
adolescent has lost touch with reality or is in
danger of harming themselves, to those of less
concern,
for example, when a child or teen experiences a
change in eating or sleeping, feels frustrated, or
is particularly fearful of something. Any problem
that is personally bothersome warrants evaluation.
Further investigation may be warranted when an
adolescent seems out of step with peers or exhibits
changes or problems in any of the following areas:
- Activity level
- Aggressive behavior
- Developmental milestones such as speech and
language
- Eating/appetite
- Mood
- Relationships with family or friends
- Return to behavior typical of a younger child
- School work
- Sleeping
In general, any of the above symptoms would first be
evaluated with respect to the:
- age appropriateness
- duration
- intensity
- interference with the adolescent's and family's
life
Where do I start?
Looking for information can be a crucial first step.
Parents may not be sure their adolescent has a
mental health problem, not know exactly what it is,
or wonder whether it is serious enough to seek help.
All of these questions can be discussed with a
professional. A variety of obstacles may get in the
way of seeking mental health treatment or in working
with an Educational Consultant - all of them can and
should be overcome. Some of the roadblocks are real;
some are due to common myths and misinformation
about what it means to need help and what will
happen. Successful intervention usually requires an
investment of energy and time on the part of both
the professional and the client.
An Educational Consultant may act as a cheerleader,
guide, instructor, sounding board, and confidante.
However, the parents must also participate. To come
to the decision or be told by a mental health
professional that your adolescent needs a clinical
boarding school is one of the most devastating
events any parent can experience. If it has happened
to you, don't be upset by the strength of your
reactions for they are perfectly justifiable.
Suddenly the hopes and dreams you had for your
adolescent are gone to be replaced by an uncertain
future.
Nothing will ever be the same again. It is
natural for you to go through an emotional turmoil
in the days and weeks following your decision to
take this much needed step. Sometimes your feelings
may be so intense that you fear you cannot cope with
them. You may even worry you are going mad. Don't
despair.
Other people have trodden this path before,
feeling just as bad. They survived and so will you.
Having an adolescent who needs help is not something
you get over but you do get used to it. You will
never again be the person you were before but that
is not necessarily a bad thing. Just as a useless
lump of clay is turned into a useful cup by molding
and fire, so trouble can change us into better,
stronger people when we let it.
Life will look better as time goes by.
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Aloha!
Pacific Quest is pleased to welcome Marney Sullivan as our new Admissions Director
After earning her B.A. from the University of
Washington, Marney has been passionately working in
Experiential Education and Wilderness Therapy for
ten years. In 1997 Marney took her love for the
outdoors, her interest and concern for adolescents,
and her desire for service into the desert with
SUWS/ Idaho.
Initially she worked as a field
instructor, and in 2000 Marney obtained Master
Practitioner status in Neuro Linguistics and
continued her work as a Field Supervisor and
Counselor. She has extensive experience working with
students, families, educational consultants and
therapeutic programs. Also a certified yoga teacher,
Marney is committed to the health and happiness of
the individual, the family unit, and the community.
As Director of Admissions at Pacific Quest, she
strives to meet the unique needs of each student and
family.
Please join us in welcoming Marney to our team.
We
hope to introduce her to many of you at the upcoming
NATSAP conference in February. In the meantime, she
will be answering your admissions calls and working
with your families. As always, we are thankful for
all your support and hard work.
You can reach Marney at (808) 937-5806 or
marney@pacificquest.org
Our program
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THE HERMANITO PROJECT
A Series of Benefit Concerts for Struggling Youth
My name is Meagan Chandler and I am an ethnic
vocalist and performance artist based in New Mexico
and Colorado. Last summer my 16 year old brother
was involved in severe problems with drugs, the law,
depression, and rage. My family decided to
intervene, and was successful, but at great expense.
So to try to raise both funds and awareness, I have
created this series of benefit concerts called the
Hermanito Project, and I have called on my fellow
ethnic performance artists to reach out to the
community for support.
The first concert will be in
Santa Fe New Mexico. Not in the area?
Stay tuned
for benefits in Albuquerque, New Mexico and Boulder,
Colorado (dates will be posted soon)
The Hermanito Project, Santa Fe
Saturday, January 20th, 2007 at 7pm at the
Unitarian Universalist Church at 107 W. Barcelona in
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Ticket price: sliding scale $15-$50 The Benefit
will feature:
- A silent auction and raffle
- Circus arts by Clan Tinker
- Information on the state of youth today and ways
to take action
- Live Middle Eastern music with dance by the
Masnavi Dance Collective and Deborah Newberg
- Spanish Flamenco by local youth and talent,
including former members of the Maria Benitez Youth
Company, Next Generation
A percentage of the funds will go to the C.S. Landre
Foundation, a non-profit organization providing
positive changes in teens.
For more information on
the Hermanito Project, or on how to reach out to
troubled youth, or to make donations or offer
services for future benefits/silent auctions,
contact Meagan Chandler at (720) 436-1332 or email
thrueyesofruby@hotmail.com
Every budding young soul has so much to offer, but
like any seedlings, they need the right environment
to grow and blossom. It takes Community, being
involved, room for self expression and healthy
experimentation, a friendly ear, and practical
resources like money, information and education.
My intention is to get the conversations going on how
ALL of us can reach out to the young people in our
lives. If you know of anyone else who would be
interested in this project or in the concerts,
please forward them this information!
Deep gratitude to all and we hope to see you very
soon!
Choosing the appropriate educational path is one of the most overwhelming decisions for families and their students.
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Talking to your adolescent or young teen about sex
From Healthwise
Because of AIDS, other sexually transmitted diseases
(STDs), the possibility of pregnancy, and a growing
concern about date rape, it is important to talk
openly with your adolescent or young teen about sex.
Ideally, you should begin talking about issues
before your child's body begins to grow and develop
so he or she knows what to expect. Make it your
responsibility to initiate discussion. Realize that
waiting for others?friends, school staff, or another
adult?to address sex is doing your child a
disservice. You know your child best, and by talking
about sex, you help build trust. When your child
knows he or she can talk about sex with you, your
child is more likely to keep asking you questions as
they come up. In this way you can gradually share
information and values about sex without
"lecturing." If you or your spouse are absolutely
not able to talk openly with your teen about sex,
ask for help from your health professional, a
trusted friend or family member, or a counselor.
Your adolescent or young teen needs help to make
responsible choices about sex.
Being informed and talking about sex does not
encourage sexual activity in teens. In fact, some
studies show that talking openly and honestly about
sex can prevent teenage pregnancy and delay
intercourse. When you talk to your teen about sex:
- Answer questions frankly and honestly; if your
child is shy, bring up questions yourself and answer
them. Talk about specific issues such as sexual
intercourse, pregnancy prevention using
contraceptive methods, and sexually transmitted
diseases. For more information on contraception, see
the topic Birth Control. For more information on
sexually transmitted diseases, see the topic
Sexually Transmitted Disease Exposure.
- Explain that sex does not just mean vaginal
sexual intercourse. Oral sex is becoming more
accepted for adolescents. Generally, adolescents do
not think of oral sex as "sex." Many adolescents
think of oral sex as a safe way to enjoy some of the
benefits of vaginal sex with less risk of feeling
guilty, getting a bad reputation, or going against
their own values and beliefs.1 Also, some
adolescents don't understand that it is possible to
get a sexually transmitted disease or HIV from
having oral sex.1 Anal sex is another sexual
activity that some adolescents hear about or
practice without fully understanding the risks of
sexually transmitted disease and HIV.
- Help your teen understand these risks as well as
other possible effects from engaging in sexual
behaviors. For example, some adolescents may not
realize the emotional aftermath that sometimes
results from having sex. Focus on helping your child
think about what makes a relationship strong. Talk
about what it means to truly care for another
person.
- Respect each other's opinions, even when you
disagree. Recognize that your child's view is
valid.
- Talk in a quiet, private place. Respect each
other's privacy, and let your teen know that talking
to you is safe.
- Use "ice-breaking" techniques, such as offering
books about teenage sexuality or bringing up the
feelings you remember from your own teenage
years.
Research shows that the greater the amount of sexual
content adolescents watch on TV, the more likely
they are to increase their own sexual behaviors.
Set rules for which shows your child can watch and
for how long. If you allow your child to watch shows
with sexual content, watch it together. Talk about
what happens on the show and the choices
characters
make. Point out the possible consequences of sex
that might be missing from the show, such as
pregnancy, feeling confused, or getting a sexually
transmitted disease. Keep in mind that your
adolescent or young teen may not follow the advice
you or another adult gives regarding sexual matters.
He or she may do things that you do not agree with.
Talk to your teen about being safe in those
circumstances. No matter what happens, let your
teen
know that you will always listen and be available.
References / Citations
- Collins R, et al. (2004). Watching sex on
television predicts adolescent initiation of sexual
behavior. Pediatrics, 114(3): e280?e289.
- Halpern-Felsher BL, et al. (2005). Oral versus
vaginal sex among adolescents: Perceptions,
attitudes, and behavior. Pediatrics, 115(4):
845?851.
This information is not intended to replace the
advice of a doctor.
Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
disclaims any liability for the decisions you make
based on this information. About Healthwise.
Articles of Interest
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Eating Disorders
My 9th grade year in high school I went from 150 lbs. to 115 lbs. in less than 2 months
My mom knew something was going on because I was
losing so much weight, but she only saw me eat
dinner, which I threw up anyway (I was at school for
the other 2 meals, so she never knew that I never
ate them). When she found out from the school
guidance counselor, she made me eat, and she
wouldn't let me flush the toilet without her
checking it first. So I became desperate. I hid
plastic bags under my bed, and after dinner I'd lock
myself in my room, ridding myself of the little I'd
eaten. Then, the next day before my mom would
come
home from work, I'd flush the contents down the
toilet. I thought everything was good, then I
started getting dizzy spells. I passed out twice in
one day, then my mom took me to the doctor. They
did
an EKG, and found out my heart rate was 41. I didn't
know what that meant.
They put it in terms I could relate to by saying
that if my heart rate goes below 40, I'd be a
vegetable. One more day of my horrible habits, and I
would've finally got my
wish, to die. - Stephen Copeland, Age 15, Seattle,
Washington
Often it is difficult for adults to recognize that
an adolescent boy is experiencing problems related
to the intake of food and control of weight. It can
be even harder for parents to believe that their own
adolescent son or daughter might have such a
problem. However, an increasing number of
adolescents in our culture are developing eating
disorders, and, when left untreated, these disorders
can lead to serious physical and mental health
problems, including death. Early detection and
treatment of an eating disorder increases the
likelihood of a full recovery and return to a
healthier and fuller life.
Does your adolescent:
- Constantly think about food and weight?
- Have dieting frustrations?
- Engage in emotional eating?
- Experience remorse and guilt when overeating
occurs?
- Eat food when he is not hungry?
- Use laxatives, fast, vomit, and/or exercise to
control weight?
- Feel guilty, empty, or anxious when he has not
exercised?
- Punish himself by not eating if he does not
exercise?
- See exercising as a means of burning calories?
- Feel as if he is not worthy because his body is
just "not right"?
- Feel that if he stopped obsessing about weight
he would get fat?
- Have many different sizes of clothes?
- Refrain from looking in full-length mirrors?
- Wear clothes that draws attention away from the
body?
If you recognize 5 or more of these behaviors in
your son or daughter, your adolescent may need
help.
Eating disorders are most commonly associated with
adolescent females. While it is true that eating
disorders of all types tend to be more common in
this group, adolescent males are not immune to
developing dysfunctional and dangerous eating habits
and weight management strategies.
Conservative estimates suggest that 5 to 10% of
adolescents in the U.S. suffer from some form of
eating disorder.
About 1 in 10 of these adolescents are male.
How Can Parents Help Prevent Eating
Disorders?
- Do not engage in power struggles over food. Do
not insist that a child eat certain foods or limit
the number of calories your child consumes unless a
physician recommends this due to a medical
condition.
- Encourage children to remain in touch with their
appetite. Resist statements like "If you eat now,
you?ll spoil your appetite" and "There are starving
people in Africa, so you had better clean your
plate."
- Do not use food as emotional comfort for your
children; don?t try to feed them if they are not
hungry.
- Explore how your own feelings about body image,
body size, and weight have been shaped by society.
Discuss with your children how genetics plays a
significant role in body size and weight and how
detrimental social pressures can be to perceptions
of body image.
- Do not promote unrealistic ideals involving
slenderness and beauty. Make sure that your attitude
does not convey to your child that she would be more
likeable if she were thinner. Do not allow your
children?s unrealistic comments about others? weight
and body shape to go unchallenged.
- Educate yourself and your children about the
dangers associated with dieting. Remember that 95%
of all dieters regain their lost weight plus more
within 1 to 5 years. The vast majority of people
will remain thinner if they never diet in the first
place. Additionally, dieting slows down one?s
metabolism, making it easier to gain additional
pounds.
- Set a good example for your children. Exercise
because it feels good and you enjoy the movement of
your body. Don?t avoid activities such as swimming
or dancing just because they draw attention to your
body and weight. Don?t hide your body shape or size
in clothes that do not fit or are uncomfortable.
- Promote your child's self-respect and
self-esteem in athletic, social, and intellectual
experiences. Children who have well-rounded
personalities and have a solid sense of self-esteem
are less likely to engage in disordered eating and
harmful dieting.
- Teach your children how television, the media,
and magazines distort our views concerning the body
and do not accurately represent the diverse body
types that actually exist. The average American
woman is 5?4" tall and weighs 140 lbs., while the
average American model is 5?11" tall and weighs 117
lbs. That is thinner than 98% of the women in
America.
- Treat boys and girls the same ? give them the
same encouragement, opportunities, responsibilities
and chores.
News & Views
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Parent Workshops
Upcoming Events
Do these Parenting Fears and Challenges LOOK
Familiar?
- Aggressive Behaviors
- Communication Break-Down
- Peer Influences
- Power Struggles
- School and Social Difficulty
- Self-Destructive Behaviors
- Entitlement by Default
Attend an interactive Horizon Family Solutions
parent seminar and come away with the tools you
need
to:
- Access valuable local resources
- Build self-esteem
- Discipline without yelling
- Eliminate hassles, tantrums and tears
- Respond effectively versus react emotionally
Current Guest Speakers:
AMANDA THOMAS, MPhEd from Vive!, Inc.
Amanda is well known in the industry for her work at
Aspen Achievement Academy, where she was
Assistant
Director of Family Support Services in Utah. Amanda
has been working with adolescents and adults
utilizing experiential methods from recreational to
therapeutic programs for the past decade.
Jenna Fenwick, Life Coach from Optimistic
Journeys. Jenna has extensive experience in
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, communication
techniques, and implementing family dynamics.
- date: Saturday, March 3, 2007
- time: 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
- location: St. Charles Medical Center Bend,
Oregon
- to register: Call 541.383.2041
- $125 per person / $99 for two people
Find out more ... "This workshop was fantastic"
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Teenage Internet Addictions
Is Internet addiction the main cause of today?s at-risk crisis?
It's a topic most people shy away from, but it's one
that our society needs to begin to address. Everyday
more and more teens are getting hooked on the
Internet and the effect of surfing may be taking its
toll on our youth.
There?s no question that Internet use among teens is
on the rise. The Internet has quickly become the
number one media pre-occupation our adolescents are
busy with each day. Worse, not only are teens
spending one to several hours a day surfing the web,
the content that they are viewing has become
progressively more violent and contains more
explicit material than ever before.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice's Office
of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention and
University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against
Children Research Center, a groundbreaking national
survey of 1,500 youth aged 10 to 17 documented
that:
- 28% of solicited youth said an incident left
them feeling very or extremely upset and in
one-quarter of all solicitation incidents, youth had
one or more symptoms of stress, including staying
away from the Internet or a particular part of it,
being unable to stop thinking about the incident,
feeling jumpy or irritable, and/or losing interest
in things.
- More than one-third of youth Internet users
(34%) saw ?inappropriate? material online they did
not want to see.
- Online harassment of youth has increased by 9%
over the last five years.
- The increase in exposure to unwanted material
occurred despite increased use of filtering,
blocking, and monitoring software in households of
youth Internet users.
These statistics need to sound an alarm for parents
concerned about their adolescent?s development.
Here's why:
For many teens Internet use has become an
addiction,
and, like all other addictive substances and
activities, Internet addiction requires a
therapeutic approach to wean its adherents away
from
this self-destructive behavior.
It may take a slight leap of creativity to connect
the Internet to drug abuse but here are the
similarities:
Like addiction to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or
caffeine, Internet addiction is marked by symptoms
of increasing tolerance, withdrawal, mood changes,
and interruption of social relationships.
Children and adolescents who have become addicted
to
the Internet require increasing amounts of time
online in order to feel satisfied.
When they do not have access to the Internet, they
have symptoms of withdrawal, which include anxiety,
depression, irritability, trembling hands,
restlessness and obsessive thinking or fantasizing
about the Internet.
Independent of the depressing effects of excessive
Internet use, the most devastating impact of
Internet addiction may be the decreased amount of
quality time teenagers have with their parents. Just
like other addictions, the Internet addict may
suffer from feelings of emotional and physical
isolation from his or her friends and family and
spends little time involved in healthy relationships
which are the basis for positive emotional
development. The lack of quality time spent with
parents may also be one of the most significant
factors leading to at-risk behavior. In fact, in May
2005, I asked a group of high school juniors and
seniors at
a well-known public high school in Idaho what they
felt were the most important issues teens face.
These were the students? answers according to their
own ranking,
starting with the most important:
- Disappointment and anger with parents
- Dislike of teachers
- The desire to be adults and the fact still they
were under parents? control
- The enormous physical and psychological changes
that occur at this time of life
- The intense desire to be accepted and fit in
with friends
- The internal pressures of trying to develop and
act on personal values as opposed to those of
friends and parents
- The powerful forces of media encouraging
experimentation with sex and alcohol
Study after study is showing that the relationship
is the key to at risk crisis and the Internet may be
pushing teenagers further away from maintaining
healthy relationships with their parents.
For example, a comprehensive research brief
published by Child Trends, entitled Parent-Teen
Relationships and
Interactions Far More Positive Than Not, showed a
direct correlation between the quality of the
parent-teen relationship and the impact the
relationship has on a teenager?s life.
Similar
conclusions were also reached by two other
studies:
A Columbia University study in September 2002, found
that ?isolation from parents make affluent students
more likely to become depressed, and to smoke, drink
and abuse drugs.?
A National Institute on Drug Abuse 1999 study showed
that ?Family-focused programs have been found to
significantly reduce all the major risk domains and
increase protective processes? and that ?even those
[families] with indicated ?hard-core? problems can
benefit from family-strengthening strategies.?
In addition to the damage the Internet may cause to
family relationships, excessive Internet usage can
also be masking more difficult problems that
teenagers are
facing. It may therefore be necessary to seek
outside help for an adolescent with Internet addiction.
Dore Frances is the Founder of Horizon Family
Solutions. She maintains a practice in child
rights advocacy and educational consulting in Bend,
Oregon and serves families in the United States and
abroad. Dore is a popular lecturer on parenting and
relationships.
You can visit Dore Frances on the Web at www.GuidingTeens.com
or
www.troubledteenhelp.com.
Educational Consulting Services
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Finding Solutions with HFS
When you would like to learn more about how we may
be able to assist you, both now and down the road,
please call us at 866-833-6911. We will conduct a
thorough intake over the telephone to initially
determine how we can help. We will discuss in
further detail our comprehensive approach, our range
of services, and our fee structure. Know that we
look forward to helping you make this journey. It is
one that doesn't need to be made alone.
Wishing you happiness and health,
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