Adolescents learn violent behaviors from their family and peers, as well as observe it in their community, neighborhoods and schools. These behaviors are reinforced by what youth see in so many video games, on the Internet, television, in the movies, music videos, and what they hear in their music. When children are disciplined with severe corporal punishment or verbal abuse, or when they are physically or sexually abused, or when they witness such behavior in their home, it is not surprising that they behave violently toward others. Research studies have shown that violent behavior can be decreased or even prevented if these risk factors are significantly reduced or eliminated:

• Being the victim of physical abuse and/or sexual abuse
• Combination of stressful family socioeconomic factors (poverty, severe deprivation, marital breakup, single parenting, unemployment, loss of support from extended family)
• Exposure to violence in media (TV, movies, etc.)
• Exposure to violence in the home and/or community
• Presence of firearms in home
• Use of drugs and/or alcohol

As an individual is exposed to more risk factors, the probability that he or she will engage in violent behavior increases. Clearly, violence leads to violence.

Warning Signs
Get help quickly if your adolescent is exhibiting these warning signs for potential violence:

• access to guns or other weapons
• a sense of entitlement -- believing he/she should get what he/she wants at whatever expense
• bringing a weapon to school
• blaming others and/or unwilling to accept responsibility for one's own actions
• bullying or intimidating peers or younger children
• being a victim of abuse or neglect (physical, sexual, or emotional)
• cruelty to animals
• disciplinary problems at school or in the community (delinquent behavior)
• threats of violence, either verbal or written
• past violent or aggressive behavior (including uncontrollable angry outbursts)
• past suicide attempts or threats
• family history of violent behavior or suicide attempts
• recent experience of humiliation, shame, loss, or rejection
• witnessing abuse or violence in the home
• themes of death or depression repeatedly evident in conversation, written expressions, reading selections, or artwork
• preoccupation with themes and acts of violence in TV shows, movies, music, magazines, comics, books, video games, and Internet sites
• mental illness, such as depression, mania, psychosis, or bipolar disorder
• use of alcohol or illicit drugs
• past destruction of property or vandalism
• firesetting behavior
• poor peer relationships and/or social isolation
• involvement with cults or gangs
• little or no supervision or support from parents or other caring adult

When there is a gun in your home, keep it unloaded and locked away, separate from the bullets, with the key available only to responsible adults. Teenagers often act without thinking first. When teenagers are angry or depressed, they are more likely to kill themselves or harm themselves or others if they can easily get a gun. It's best not to have a gun in your home at all if someone who lives there is depressed or thinking of suicide, or is a troubled teenager.

When you have a gun in your home, you are 5 times more likely to have a suicide in your house than homes without a gun. An unlocked gun could be the death of your family.

Get Help
When you are concerned about your adolescent possibly committing violence, you need to arrange for them to be seen by a qualified mental health professional. Look for a child/family mental health professional who is experienced in working with adolescents and their families. The goals of treatment typically focus on helping the teen to:

• accept consequences
• address family conflicts, school problems, and community issues
• be responsible for his/her actions
• express anger and frustrations in appropriate ways
• learn how to control anger

Do not hesitate to call 911 or your local crisis hotline if you believe that your adolescent is a danger to themselves or others.

Information provided by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the N ational Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

In order to best serve additional families, those in this industry know we must continually make adjustments and improve services.

To this end Arms of Assurance now offers Ask the Expert services in additional to traditional Educational Consulting and Child Right's Advocacy services. Families who are struggling with an adolescent and are not yet ready to commit to the full service of an Educational Consultant or take the step towards residential may get some immediate help while deciding about other treatment options.

Or perhaps they have a question about special education and related services such as an Individualized Education Program (IEP).

I have even received a few calls from parents who have an adolescent in a program and were struggling as to whether or not to bring them home. We were able to look at the situation and out into perspective as to what was in the best interest of their child and family.

Dore Frances, Director of Arms of Assurance, will set up a one hour consultation and respond to concerns and questions that a person pre-submits. These may be questions by educators, parents, or students related to various topics. Please note that Arms of Assurance receives a very large number of email inquires every day and a person may have to wait several days for an appointment.

Several families over the last several months have used the services and here is what they have to say:

• "Very helpful and insightful." ~ Nancy Johnson, Utah


• " Dore has helped me a great deal. I would definitely use her again in the future." ~ Barbara P., Monterey, California


• "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, DORE! You are caring, compassionate, and quite obviously experienced with adolescent's issues as well as programs and schools for at-risk behaviors. I found with you what I haven't been able to find in over one year of searching in my area! " ~ Melissa C., Texas


• "I think Dore is a very compassionate person and has had personal life experience to support what she says." ~ Susanne L., Washington


• "Sooo much strength and sound advice." ~ Ann S., Boise, Idaho


• "Dore is really positive and helpful and stays in the "now" which is very grounding." ~ Mike S., Colorado


• "I was in a desperate situation and couldn't even think straight to make a decision about bringing my son home from his program early. Dore really nailed things on the head and was the glue that held me together as she reminded me I'm not "crazy" (okay...maybe a little!). I would definitely continue with her with future issues. Thanks, Dore!" ~ Nancy B., Costa Rica


• "Dore was very helpful in assisting me with my issues at hand regarding my daughter and her program. She seems very nice and caring. I will work with her again in the future even though we do have an Educational Consultant here locally." ~ Travis K., California


• "Dore offers great support and is very responsive!" ~ Laurie C., Aptos, California


• "Brilliant, professional advice." ~ Michelle J., Montana

PLEASE NOTE
Online consulting is not appropriate for all kinds of problems. If you or someone you know has suicidal thoughts, it's important that you seek help immediately.

You are not alone. If you are located in the US, call:
1-800-784-2433 or 911 and ask for help.

Then you may want to consider writing a contract with your teen.
Have you ever heard your kid say, "How come I'm grounded? I didn't know I couldn't..."? Have you grounded your kid to hear them say "Two Weeks?!?! You never said I would be grounded for TWO WEEKS!" You thought the "terrible twos" were bad. Now there's alcohol, chores, dating, driving, drugs, grades and a whole slew of other issues waiting to ambush you as a parent. Besides begging and pleading, what can you do to keep your child safe and happy? Setting limits for teens can be a tricky business.

After all, a teenager is on the verge of adulthood and preparing for life on their own, and that means a teen may not be too interested in pleasing their parents. Still studies tell us, time and time again, that teens need and want limits because they aren't yet fully capable of making good decisions in every aspect of their lives. When you and your teen are having difficulty with a few ground rules, then it may be time to sit down together to negotiate limits and expectations. You may even want to lay these rules out on paper in the form of a contract.

Many families with teenagers find it useful to sit down and draw up a contract with their teenager. The contract needs to include really basic and important rules to provide for the safety of the teenager and the well being of the family and it needs to state clear consequences for any broken rules.

Let me elaborate on how to draw up a contract between a parent and teen. When you are negotiating or contracting with a teen in a parenting role, you are going look at what's involved with your relationship, with your living situation.

It's, 'Yes, I as a parent have to provide for you, and I want to do that, however, you have to have certain responsibilities as well. Your responsibility may be just cleaning your room every day, and making your bed, and that's a fair balance, because that's all I'm asking of you.' And so, it's the parents, and the kid sitting down together, and saying, 'What do we need from each other.'" When the contract you and your teen have produced falls apart, then I suggest having a heart to heart with your teen. The first step to take as a parent is to sit down with the kid, and say, 'I have a feeling here that you don't seem to be happy, that things don't seem to be working out. I'm here sitting with you because I love you, and I know that you're not happy, so trust me, I'm your mother, I'm your father, work with me on this.' And not just, 'You better behave and smarten up.'" Rules help keep our adolescents safe. Negotiating those rules shows respect for our teens and helps them learn about making decisions on their own.

The discussions we have with them can teach our teens a lot about looking ahead at the consequences of their actions and how to make good decisions. And it tells them not only that we value their opinions, but that we're still their parents and we love them enough to have rules and expectations that help keep them safe.

Here is a very brief sample regarding driving:
It is understood that having a driver's license and driving a motor vehicle are privileges. Any privilege has to be earned, and it must be earned on a continual basis. This means that driving privileges may be revoked by either parent due to an infraction of the following: ---
I agree to take actions to keep safe. I will always use my seat belt, and I will not use alcohol or drugs. I will find another ride or call you rather than ever ride with a drinking or drug-taking driver. If I ride a motorcycle, I promise that I will wear a helmet. I recognize that you care about what happens to me, and I will keep this agreement.

Consequences for infractions must be known in advance, must be fair and consistently administered by both parents.

Many parents feel guilty about the lack of time they spend with their kids and don't want to have it "ruined" by disciplining them. Yet if you don't discipline them, the time you have with them can be very unpleasant.

Every adolescent needs some kind of structure - especially teens. The purpose of the contract is to create a structure that eliminates gray areas, create new habits, and hopefully create less conflict. Not all therapists agree, of course, that a contract helps families significantly. Carol Maxym, Ph.D., who counsels families of troubled teens in private practice in Honolulu and Washington, D.C., doesn't usually suggest her clients write contracts. She contends that negotiating a contract with a teen automatically puts the teen in control.

Because a contract may be difficult to enforce, it may cause more rather than less family turmoil.

In closing consider the comments of one of my clients, a mother regarding her teenage daughter. "When I was growing up," complained the frustrated mother, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. That was punishment enough because I had nothing. So I was bored out of my mind. But my daughter has her own color TV, phone, computer with Internet capabilities and a stereo with a CD player." "So what happens when your daughter gets into trouble?" I asked. "I send her to my room!"

Any advice or information contained herein should never be a substitute for professional and/or medical advice, diagnosis and treatment.

Having toured many programs and schools over the years I have decided to add links to both websites -
Arms of Assurance and Guiding Teens which will share in the visits to the various programs and schools I see each year. Having just returned from an 8 program tour in three days, I realized I never have shared the awesome experiences I encounter at each of these programs and schools. So just give me a bit of time to catch my breath and then look for these links on both sites. The link will be called VISIT REPORTS. Our mission is to continually exceed the expectations of those whom we serve and therefore these visits are a necessary part of our practice.

Horizon Family Solutions is synonymous with excellent service. I spend about 20% of my time on the road, visiting clinical boarding schools, therapeutic programs, wilderness programs, young adult programs for those 18 and over and other educational institutions.

I am not tied to any institution or program, therefore I concentrate on what is best for your adolescent and provide you with objective options.

I wanted to let you know about the difference you are making in the lives of adolescents with learning disabilities.

After struggling with our school district (with no success) for over a year to provide services to my adolescent who has two learning disabilities, I knew I had to get additional assistance.

First, I called Horizon Family Solutions and spoke to Dore Frances so I would know the "facts". Then, I got MAD at the school district when I realized that the "facts" told me they were not following federal law. Then, I read what you recommended - Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy: The Special Education Survival Guide -

You were right - I had to quit being mad and start planning my strategies. IT WORKED - my adolescent had their IEP updated and I was SO HAPPY - at first. I broke into tears when I realized that my adolescent wasn't really making any progress at all - in fact, he had REGRESSED during a two year period in which the school stated he was making "adequate progress." Within 39 days of contacting you, I had a mediation hearing scheduled and was already to go.

I was prepared because you told me to BE PREPARED and I listened and followed your advice. The good news is, we never had to go through mediation because the school district was NOW willing to come to the IEP table to resolve this matter. Had I not had the knowledge to present the facts to the school district, they would never have come to the IEP table.

Because you educated me, my son now has "a free and APPROPRIATE education" at a great boarding school that specializes in assisting kids with these types of learning disabilities. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ~ Joshua A., Alabama

If you are a student with a success story or a parent, or a program, please write and let us know. We will publish one success story per month and will only share information in which we are given permission. Write to Dore@DoreFranc es.com

Some meetings, I’d rather be getting a root canal. The chair/boss/speaker seems to have no control over some who hog the floor, refuse to speak at all, have side bars among themselves, or ramble on ad nauseam. You’ve been there too, I’d guess. Part of conflict resolution training involves learning techniques to manage these difficult behaviors. Below are some tips I’ve learned that will help speakers and group leaders take back control of their audiences or staff meetings.

Always negative
In a prior staff meeting, tell the group that you’d like to stop some of the negativity on staff and keep meetings more on point. If anyone has a constructive criticism to make or suggestion for improvement, he/she should state the point and add the suggestion for improvement. If someone slips and only offers a negative comment (without a good substitute for improvement), the entire group should say, “Next.” This is the gentle reminder to the speaker either to add something constructive, or stop speaking. Use the power of the group to make this positive change in attitude among themselves.

Griper
He has a pet peeve and is somewhat a professional griper. He may have a legitimate complaint, but is always making jabs. Point out we can’t change policy here, and that we need to operate as best we can under the system. Indicate you’ll discuss the problem with him privately later. Have group member answer him. Indicate pressure of time.

Highly argumentative
Keep your own temper firmly in check. Don’t allow the group to get excited either. Try finding merit in one of his points. Express your agreement (or get the group to); then move on to something else. When he makes an obvious misstatement, toss it to the group. Let them turn it down. As a last resort, talk to him privately during a break and try to learn what’s bothering him. See if you can win him over.

Know-it-all
In order to elevate their own self esteem, these folks need to put others down. Group can say, “I can see how you feel,” or “That’s one way of looking at it,” or I see your point, and can we reconcile that with (the true situation.)?” Know-it-alls must be handled delicately.

Off Topic
He’s not rambling; just off base. Take blame. “Something I said must have led you off subject. This is what we should be discussing.” Restate your point.

Overly Talkative
Don’t be embarrassing or sarcastic. You may need his/her talents later on. Slow the person down with some difficult questions. Interrupt with, “That’s an interesting point. Now let’s see what the group thinks of it.” In general, let the group take care of him/her as much as possible.

Personality clash
This can divide your group. Emphasize points of agreement, minimize points of disagreement, and draw attention to the objective. Cut across with direct questions on topic. Bring a sound member into the discussion. Frankly ask that personalities be omitted.

Quick, too helpful
She’s really trying to help but makes it difficult by keeping others out of the discussion. Cut across her tactfully by questioning others. Thank her, suggest “we put others to work.” Use her for summarizing.

Rambler
She talks about everything except the subject using far-fetched analogies and getting lost. When she stops for a breath, thank her. Refocus attention by restating relevant points and move on. Grin, tell her his point is interesting. Point to grease board and in a friendly manner indicate we’re a bit off subject or “That sounds like a side-bar for later.” Last resort, glance at your watch.

Side conversation
Don’t embarrass them. Call one by name, asking her an easy question. Or, call by name then restate the last opinion expressed and ask her opinion of it. If during the meeting you are in the habit of moving around the room, saunter over and stand casually behind members who are talking. This should not be made obvious to the group.

Won’t talk
Your action will depend upon what is motivating him. Arouse interest by asking his opinion. Draw out the person next to him; then ask the quiet one to tell the person next to him what he thinks of the view expressed. If he is seated near you, ask his opinion so he’ll fee he is talking to you, not the group. If he is the “superior” type, ask for his viewpoint after indicating the respect held for his experience. Don’t overdo this. Group will resent it. If the sensitive type, compliment him the first time he does. Be sincere.

Psychologist, Alfred Adler, says that children’s behavior is not on purpose, but for a purpose (Dreikurs, R,. Children: The Challenge, 1992). As we age, unless someone has checked our bad behaviors in the past, we may carry these into adulthood. And when these bad behaviors emerge in staff meetings or audiences, changing them now is a challenge to the speaker or group leader. Using some of the above techniques may some relief. Be patient, though, and don’t assume because it doesn’t work the first time, it will never work. As my mother (and probably many of yours) said, “You can please some of the people some of the time and none of the people all of the time -”

Reprinted with permission, The Cleveland Women’s Journal – West Edition, August-September, 2006

Patricia (Patti) Bertschler is co-owner of Independence-based Northcoast Conflict Solutions, a practice specializing in mediation and conflict resolution. Patti is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, mediator, trainer, and co-author of the first book on elder mediation—TRUCE! Using Elder Mediation to Resolve Conflict among Families, Seniors, and Organizations (2004). For more information about mediation, training, or Northcoast Conflict Solutions, visit www.ncsmedia tion.com

It is a fine line when doing your job as a parent. How far do you need to go when your teen is asking for privacy?

As far as you have to. Teenagers today have a minefield of risky behaviors to navigate -
bingeing, cutting, drinking, drugs, tobacco, sex
- with mixed messages from pop culture, technologies such as the Internet, and powerful influences like peer pressure.

Fortunately, there is one influence in your teenager's life that trumps them all. You. So when you need to ... take action. Let them know just where you stand on risk-taking and its consequences. Spell things out. Set clear rules with your teen for guidance and safety. Getting them to agree to the rules and understand the consequences gives them more responsibility and every teen wants that. And yes, do keep close tabs on your teen. Know where they are and who they are with. Cell phones make it easier than ever to just "check in." It's not saying that you do not trust them, it is saying you care. Get on the Internet, too. Familiarize yourself with the kind of content they may be exposed to. Above all else, one of the most powerful things you can do for your teenager is to set a good example when it comes to alcohol, drug and tobacco use. Be clear with them, be honest with them, respect them, and they will do the same.

Everyone wins.

O.K. It's not a perfect world and sometimes adolescents need more help.

Horizon Family Solutions is a leading Educational Consulting resource for parents of adolescents making poor decisions.

When you feel that you have exhausted all efforts and your family and teen still need help, then we may be able to assist you. Please call us toll free at 866-833-6911 (TEEN911).

We will conduct a comprehensive student intake to best understand how we may help and explain further how we work, what makes for a successful process and how our fees are structured.

We work with individuals and organizations according to their needs, offering brief consultations billed by the hour as well as package services for long-term advisement.

Arms of Assurance provides comprehensive educational consulting services for students and parents seeking information and access to schools and alternative educational arrangements. We are dedicated to working with students and parents to make the best choices or options for your future. We network with only the finest programs in the United States and Canada.

Arms of Assurance networks with a variety of programs and schools and have assisted families from all corners of the nation in finding the best program for their teen, many of whom are in crisis. We network with only the finest programs and schools in the U.S. - programs that help your teenager internalize lasting changes and assist you in rebuilding family unity. Placement in Christian residential programs, clinical boarding schools, crisis intervention drug and alcohol programs, emotional growth schools, residential treatment programs or wilderness programs requires individual assistance by a trained professional. Our services include student profile development, and individual consulting with parents and students. We also provide up to date information for you to improve your options for each student and parent. We offer solutions for your teen when you have come to your "wits end". We truly care about your family's well-being and want to help you however we can.

The goal of Arms of Assurance is to provide families with services that will broaden and strengthen student's options and thus enhance their overall happiness and success in these critical formative years. We facilitate the perfect match by evaluating the academic, personal, and social needs of each student. We network actively with admissions professionals from programs and schools in the USA and abroad to keep abreast of what is current and appropriate for each applicant.

No matter how strong or how troubled your relationship with your child might be, the opportunity to focus on your role as parent and your relationship with your child with the loving, experienced and wise counsel Randy and Colleen provide is guaranteed to improve your relationship, to your child's benefit as well as yours. Brian O’Connell; a father at the April workshop.

The Parent Workshop for Empowering Young Adults is for parents with children of any age. Many parents feel like they are flying blind, especially when it comes to parenting teenagers and adult children who won't leave the nest.

This workshop will help clear up this confusion and make your work as a parent easier to understand and accomplish.

The benefits the parents receive are:

• Understanding adolescence as a necessary struggle into adulthood
• Defining the role of the parent through this this vital transition
• How to evoke positive changes in your family

Dark Blue Awareness Pins

All of us have supported great causes over the years like AIDS and Breast Cancer Research.

We have all seen the ribbon lapel pins. Our area needed a recognizable lapel pin that helps identify our worldly cause!

We have listed the Dark Blue Awareness Pin for “At-Risk children as well as ADD, ADHD, Bi-Polar Disorder Awareness” with the pin manufacturing company. It is also listed for child abuse and educational support. With that said we have ordered a large quantity for sale to everyone that wants to show their support for at-risk children/teens or ADD, ADHD & Bi-polar disorder awareness around the world.

Awareness campaigns are important if we are going to provide long term assistance, diagnosis and treatment. All of us need to show our support of our work and our passion to assist such children. This is a beginning of our solidarity to a mutual cause!

The pins are $5 each (contribution). If you wish to order 250 or more we will provide them at $3.00 each.

(Note: with 250 ordered we can add your name to the card for a $50 set up charge.)

Here is a breakdown of how the profits will be used: 40% awareness/promotion, 40% research/ education/ development, 20% family assistance services of the foundation. Each pin is attached to an awareness card giving brief explanation of the pin’s meaning. This is a great Christmas gift to send to your friends and loved-ones.
Sincerely,
Lance Landre
President/ CEO
Star of Life/ C. S. Landre Foundation
7797 N First
#401
Fresno, CA 93720
Phone (559) 433-8866
www.cslandre.org
Fed EIN # 77-0470654

Final Column

As have so many of my friends and colleagues, both mental health professionals and social workers whose work it is to serve those with special needs, I have, also, had the opportunity, as an “independent contractor”, to take on multiple roles. I’ve talked to many in my field who have lifetime careers similar to my own, helping children, particularly the underserved and discarded, and found that we have this in common: we tend to spread ourselves too thinly. We tend to take on more pro-bono work or come close to breaking the boundary lines of professional assistance versus personal mission, pushing ourselves into overextended schedules and under-houred days.

We typically take on assignments that touch our scope of practice and provide us with another open door into which we anxiously peer, catch a small glimpse of yet another related field and find ourselves somehow, building profession upon profession, melding our new interest, challenge and then expertise, into yet another. And then another. And another.

Many of us even have difficulty answering the question of what we “really” do for a living: we have equal interest and participation in so many avenues of our careers.

As the rapid-fire information of thrilling medical interventions are revealed, strategies for successful psycholphamaceutical trials are released and approved and evidence is gathered to maintain the changing perspectives regarding ways in which we can better serve families in their homes, we are busy with the rest of it. We take on the responsibility to “educate educators” to recognize symptoms of children’s mental health issues and learning disabilities as well as their obligation to report.

We continue our personal surveys of our patients or clients about his or her birth history in order to combine and make sense out of our older experience and education with our “new” knowledge about prenatal awareness (i.e. the fetus’ ability to sense, feel, and hear all that is occurring with his or her mother during pregnancy) as well as the lifelong impact of the birth experience and perinatal experience, all critical influences to a baby’s developing personality, behavior, and sense of self. As we watch our professional world shift with each moment, we can hardly keep up with ourselves!

Because all of this fascinates us, and 99% of all mental health professionals and social workers do not have the ability to isolate ourselves to a single area of study or practice, we frequently find ourselves over-extended. We misjudge the number of hours in a day, the time it will take for us to accomplish a single task and, naturally, allow “important”, but not “urgent” items to creep onto our Daily Plan because - I think, we’re helpless. When I resigned from my position as Director for a highly skilled, exuberant Wraparound team in April, 2006, it was because all of these “distractions” continued to happen to me even though my job often required 70-80 hours of work each week. If a children’s rights advocacy case appeared on my desk as a bump in the road of the Wraparound services one of our teams was providing for a family, it was as irresistible to me as a big chunk of gooey chocolate cake with dark chocolate frosting is to a chocoholic.

Upon leaving that directorship, I slipped easily into my previous practice: working as a Child’s Right’s Advocate in association with my friend, Dore Frances, founder of Horizon Family Services and before long. Frankly, it started happening again.

I was asked not only to provide the Wraparound training for Monterey County professionals and families in collaboration with Hartnell Community College’s Workforce and Community Development Program, (also including professionals and family members able to attend from multiple counties) but felt that it was necessary to rewrite the curriculum to fit THIS County, a county to which Wraparound is no new phenomenon but whose professionals are now ready for the next level of training to suite their highly experienced needs.

That group will include the non-profit Wraparound team open to all qualifying children, a non-profit Wraparound team addressing the needs of foster/adopted children, as well as community partners from the Department of Social Services, Children’s Behavioral Health, the Department of Juvenile Probation and Department of Education. Before barely whispering a word or handing out a business card about taking on local, private children’s rights cases again, in addition to the above project, the “local” word was out and my phone has been ringing mightily! Recently I answered the phone and was asked (and agreed, naturally) to be the featured guest on a live radio talk show in Las Vegas, the brainchild of a remarkable advocate for ADD/ADHD and other LD children and adolescents, one Saturday evening in October (exact date still undesignated), called “The Rose Moore Show”, to speak about and answer questions regarding the topic of my choice: addressing the Special Needs of Foster Children.

For the loyal readers of Horizon Family Solution’s newsletter, I am sorry to be signing off for now, as time no longer permits my participation with Dore’s many-faceted projects for families and professionals.

I have promised Dore that if she begins to receive questions from parents which indicate a pattern, I will be happy to respond occasionally to those “hot topics”. There will be many coming up this year, particularly on the subject of Senate Bills which will address several areas of interest to parents of special needs children. I anticipate the introduction of the second entitlement for children in California to cause some dust to fly as communities prepare to gear up to meet those mandates. I wish my dear friend, Dore, and her loyal readers and clients the very best in the coming (academic) year (you can take the teacher out of the classroom but you can’t take the classroom out of the teacher) and in the future. It’s been my pleasure to be acquainted with this woman with such a rapidly developing career and business. Her dedication and unique perspective as an Educational Advocate continue to amaze me!

Final words of wisdom regarding parenting your special kids: We must advocate for our children because, as all parents know, our children model their behaviors after OURS. In this way, we have the best possible teaching device at our fingertips. Call this strategy, “Watch me!”

The modification of the EGALA model for the use of llamas.

When working with children and adolescents, creativity becomes very important as a way to keep the students interested, engaged, and willing to process issues. Traditional armchair therapy is not as effective with children and adolescents because it is hard for them to focus and concentrate. Many of our younger clients look at therapy as a punishment and have negative feelings about psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and other mental health providers.

Creative experiential approaches are more effective with children and adolescents because they remove some of the resistance many of our young clients have to psychotherapy and provide them with an interesting and generally fun activity that provides ample opportunities for us to observe their behavior and interactions with others. Experiential activities provide students with numerous opportunities to talk about their experiences and how these experiences relate to their life or their difficulties. When animals are utilized in the therapeutic process, they give youth who are defensive or resistant to the therapeutic process an opportunity to project their feelings onto the animal. For many of these students, it feels safer and easier to talk about how the animal may be feeling than to talk about how they are feeling. However, often times, the way they describe the animal’s feelings is really the way they would have described their own feelings either in the present or during some past experience they have had. This allows the therapist to understand some of what may be impacting the student and to explore those issues further.

I was recently a Field Supervisor/Therapist primarily for students 11 to 13-years-old at a therapeutic wilderness program.

Each group of students was assigned two llamas to pack the group gear (food etc.). Students packed their own gear but they were too small to pack all the gear they needed so the llamas served an important function. The llamas were also used to teach respect because, if the students mistreat a llama, it may spit on the student or refuse to hike and, since the llamas are carrying the food, the students cannot proceed without the llamas. Students also have to earn the right to care for the llamas. The following two examples of how positive therapeutic outcomes were achieved by applying the EGALA model of Equine Assisted Psychotherapy to the use of llamas with young adolescent boys.

Both examples will be of group work with 11 to 13 year-old boys and will be of the same activity or challenge to contrast the different approaches taken by the two groups of students.

Both groups of boys were boys who were oppositional defiant and had anger problems, family conflict, authority conflict, etc.

The challenge was to get a llama to jump over an obstacle.

Both sets of students participated in the activity in the same large corral with multiple llamas. These activities were several weeks apart so none of the students saw the other students engaged in the activity. The 1st group of six boys was excited about the challenge and started yelling and chasing the llamas around. Of course, this strategy did not work as the llamas just got more and more worked up and wanted nothing to do with this group of rowdy boys who were chasing them around.

The boys started to get frustrated and started yelling at one another until finally one of the boys suggested they work together and another boy suggested they stop yelling and chasing the llamas around. The boys decided to all hold hands and to work together to get the llama to jump over the obstacle.

They gently approached the llama and surrounded it so the only direction it could go was toward the jump and then the llama jumped over it and the students celebrated. It was such a good activity for building group cohesion and helping the students learn how to work together. The students had such a good time, they were begging to do it again. So after we processed their experience, I let them do the ground tying activity with interesting results from that activity as well.

Generally, adolescent boys are not very good at discussing their thoughts and feelings or processing their experiences but this activity was outstanding for getting these boys to open up and talk about their experiences. The boys talked about how they got the llama to do what they wanted it to by working together, talking softly with the llama and approaching the llama slowly and gently rather than yelling, chasing them around and being aggressive. This led into a discussion about how llamas are a lot like people and when they have a problem with their parents or other people, it is best to handle it the same way they found success with the llama. Just like with llamas, it is best to be gentle, patient, and speak nicely to others and to work together as a team to resolve problems rather than yelling and becoming aggressive which usually just makes the problem worse and gets them into trouble. It was interesting to observe the students’ reactions and behavioral patterns that they exhibited during this challenge and to notice how these patterns were similar to other maladaptive patterns that have led to difficulties for them and their families in the past. The other group of boys was similar to the first but they had a much different response to this challenge. They approached the llamas very slowly and picked some grass to lure the llama over the jump. The llamas were not interested in the grass and ignored the students. They then tried the same strategy over and over to no avail. When the green grass didn’t work, they picked brown grass and, when that didn’t work, they tried picking some leaves. When that didn’t work, they tried to get the llama to eat an old dead twig. Soon the students started arguing amongst themselves and giving up.

A few kept trying on their own but they were unmotivated and unorganized--they had given up.

I wanted the students to find success as most of them had low self-esteem and low self-confidence. I provided them with a few hints and encouraged them to communicate and to work together. It was interesting to see the similarity between the stubborn llamas and the stubborn teenagers. The students started communicating and resumed attempting to get the llama over the obstacle but they really didn’t try anything new and only worked at it for about 10 more minutes. They were arguing with one another and giving up. I asked the students what else they could try and gave a few hints and then one boy asked if he could blow on the llama. I reminded him that he was not allowed to touch the llama but that blowing on the llama would be acceptable. Several of the boys started blowing on the llama’s neck but he did not budge and the students were quickly running out of breath. One of the boys started blowing on the llamas butt and getting closer and closer to the llama. The llama was obviously getting annoyed and then the boy tried it again and the llama tried to kick him. The boy did not actually get hit but he was startled and fell onto the ground. The other students started laughing hysterically as did the boy who the llama tried to kick. Clearly, the new strategy was not working either.

The boys then asked if they could move the jump and asked if they could try it with another llama. When I gave them permission to move the jump and to switch llamas, the boys again rushed off but not really working together. Several boys ran over to the other llamas and one ran right up to another llama and got right in the llamas face. The llama responded by spitting in the boy’s face. Again there was laughter and the boy who was spit on became very determined to get that particular llama to jump over the obstacle stating that the llama needs to be taught some manners. Eventually, the boys all started working together and they got the llama cornered and then several others grabbed the jump and set it up right in front the llama and left only one option to get away from the boys.

The llama took the opportunity to escape and jumped over the obstacle. The students celebrated and then we discussed the experience. We then discussed how they finally found success. The students again talked about teamwork, etc. We were able to use specific instances for rich discussion topics such as when the boy was aggressive and got in the llamas face and how the llama responded by spitting in his face. The boys talked about how they feel when someone is aggressive with them and gets in their face and how there have been other situations in their life when they acted aggressively or violently and how it just made the situation worse. The boys also discussed why the llama kicked at the student and how they dislike it when someone is all over their butt, too. My many years of working with adolescents and the success I have had with creative experiential approaches has led me to found Cherry Gulch, a ranch style therapeutic boarding school for troubled boys between the ages of 10 and 14. Cherry Gulch is a high-quality program that was specifically designed to address the unique needs of pre-adolescent and early adolescent boys. We take a multi-modal approach to treatment and using animals and the natural environment is one of the ways we help “build brighter tomorrows for the boys of today.” Animals can be very therapeutic and I have been amazed at some of the positive results of using the EAGALA model with these young adolescent boys. I am an advocate of using experiential activities with children and adolescents in order to reach specific therapeutic outcomes. Llamas have worked well in my work with adolescents and they may provide an interesting twist to your EAP activities. However, I don’t actually ever intend to start LAGALA. In fact, I have recently purchased six horses and have been using the EAGALA method, with much success, at Cherry Gulch. I have found the horses to be more responsive to people and more sensitive to the emotions of people. The size and strength of a horse can also create anxiety for a boy that he has to deal with and work through. I have enjoyed working with both llamas and horses and have enjoyed using the natural environment to aid in the therapeutic process. From small to tall, feathered or furry, hooves or toes, animals can help heal wounded hearts and calm the emotional turmoil boys sometimes feel.

Andrew D. Sapp, Ph.D.
Founder & Clinical Director
Cherry Gulch
(208) 365-3437
www.CherryGulch.org

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Vive’s team of professional therapists delivers its powerful program of mentoring, therapy, and parent coaching directly to you and your teen in the context of your family’s everyday life. The result is an effective, sustainable, reality- based solution for the whole family. Vive! serves families with the following needs:

• • Transitional and aftercare support for a teen returning home from residential placement
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This action-oriented approach allows families to build confidence through guided practice in their real world environment.

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Dual Approach:
Sustainable healing requires therapy that addresses both the family’s role and the teen’s behavior. To accomplish this dual approach, Vive! matches the teen to a mentor who serves as that teen’s friend, advocate, and mentor, helping the teen navigate challenging decisions and relationships as they arise in real life.

Vive! also matches parents with their own resource—an experienced parent coach who offers the support of a therapist, friend, coach, and fellow parent. The work of the mentor and parent coach is knitted together by the clinical team leader, a licensed therapist who ensures that work of the mentor and parent coach moves the family in a coordinated manner toward greater health. All of our mentors and parents coaches are experienced, master’s-level clinicians with extensive adolescent and family experience.

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