 Dear :
For years, there has been a lot of emphasis placed on certain aspects of intelligence, such as: logical reasoning, math skills, spatial skills, understanding analogies, verbal skills etc.
One of the things I've found fascinating is that researchers were puzzled by the fact that while, to a large degree, IQ could predict to a significant degree academic performance and, to some degree, professional and personal success, there was something missing in the equation.
Some people with incredible IQ scores were doing poorly in life, and others, with lower IQ scores, were doing well. I believe that the key is this: your potential is hinged on whether you are thinking, behaving and communicating in a way that helps or hinders your connections to other people.
In this newsletter, you will find ideas, tools and strategies on how to increase your emotional intelligence for success. Let me know what you think.
Warm Regards,
Sarah Zink
P.S. Are you writing a newsletter and need some "snippets" of information? You are welcome to quote anything in this e-zine, provided you give appropriate credit.
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Wear the Other Person's Shoes
It takes a lot of effort to step into someone else's shoes, especially if you are feeling negative towards them. However, if you have any plans at all to make progress in having reasonable discussions with others, you must be able to see the other point of view.
A critical point is to understand that seeing the other person's point of view doesn't mean that you agree, it just means that you are open to other ideas.
Listen to the other person's words. Try to think of three reasons to support their view. Even if you're unconvinced, it should at least make you see that they have a valid point. Then it will be easier to strike a balance
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Become Emotionally Literate
Label your feelings, not people.
"She makes me so mad." - The reality is that you feel angry when she says or does XYZ.
"I feel angry when ...." - This more effectively communicates the cause/effect.
Here's another scenario: Joe often comes late to meetings, and it boils your blood. Rather than losing your temper, try this: "Joe, when you consistently come late to the meeting, you're sending a message that what we're doing here isn't important, and that your time is more valuable than ours."
Using this technique communicates more effectively the cause/effect of the person's behavior with the emotional response it creates.
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You Can't Control How You Feel, But...
You can't control how you feel, but you CAN control how you REACT to how you feel.
Emotional Intelligence isn't about being numb, insensitive, or immune to your feelings. It's about managing your responses to how you feel.
Consider this: when you lose control of your reactions to how you feel, you also lose the opportunity to be right. You lose the ability to solve problems, and you lose the right to be heard.
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Anger is usually fueled by impatience, tiredness, or stress. Your job in the pursuit of emotional intelligence is to prevent anger from being the "engine" for your emotional reactions.
Too often, you can "anticipate" aggravating behaviors, and when they occur, your reaction is totally disproportionate to the situation.
This is what I often call the "wet towel on the floor" argument. What I mean by this is that you aren't usually angry about the action, but by what you believe that action represents: disrespect, lack of concern for priorities, etc.
Focus on the issues, not the anger.
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