Arne Dullum expects to stumble on the unusual when he reopens an unused pasture in the spring.
"You never know what happened in these back pastures during winter. Teenagers like to use them for parties and such, so I like to do a sweep of the area before I let a herd back in. Don't need to take a heifer offline because she's chewed up a misplaced iPhone." said Dullum.
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River Alliance staff examine the black hole discovered in Arne Dullum's pasture.
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But even he was surprised by what he found in his Calumet County back forty this week...an active black hole.
"Couldn't believe it...thought it was a sink hole. Then it nearly sucked me and the four-wheeler right in...damned thing did get my best thermos. Had it for 30 years. I've petitioned the DNR for a replacement...we'll see if that ever happens..."
Dullum's lost thermos could be the state's gain, though. How? The black hole could be the perfect place to dispose of the excess manure a dairy state like Wisconsin produces, runoff from which has wreaked havoc in the state's lakes and rivers.
"It's really a heck of a bit of good luck," said DNR Secretary Cathy Stepp. "Since matter sucked into a black hole disappears from the universe in which it exists, we should be able to dump as much crap into Mr. Dullum's singularity as we want!"
Some people are still skeptical.
"Well, while we certainly appreciate Sec. Stepp's enthusiasm and welcome the chance to reduce pollution from manure runoff to nothing," commented Madison-area state Representative Brett Hulsey, "I do think we need to consider the impact this dumping will have on any alternate universes on the other side of this black hole. We don't want to get into a 'past the event horizon, out of mind' situation."
For Arne Dullum, though, there's only one thing he's concerned about.
"I'm still out a damned good thermos."
