If I Could Only Get My Hands on Thompson!

When I was in high school, the basketball coach told me about a game that our team lost. Our team was trailing by 3 points with only a few seconds left to play. One of our players, Thompson, was fouled by the opposing team. Coach called a timeout to develop a strategy for winning the game. The strategy called for Thompson to make the first of 2 free throws to close our team to 2 points from tying the game. Thompson, an excellent shooter, would throw the second shot hard against the backboard so that the rebound would come back to him. Thompson would make the shot to tie the game and send it into overtime.

Thompson made the first shot. He made a hard throw for the second shot as Coach had instructed him. He missed the backboard and the ball went out of bounds! The opposing team gained possession of the ball and ran out the clock. We lost the game by 2 points.

I asked Coach how he felt about the loss. He said he felt disappointed, but would have felt a lot better if he could have gotten his hands on Thompson! As Coach said, "All I wanted was instant gratification". His instant gratification could have destroyed the confidence of Thompson who was a very good and promising player. In fact, Thompson went on to be an outstanding player during his high school career. (By the way, Coach was joking about the instant gratification.)

How many times have you experienced an unfavorable situation and got your hands on Thompson? It could have been a member of your project team surprising you with the news that your important or high visibility assignment will not be completed on time because commitments made by others will not be met. It could have been a harsh, blunt or unjustified criticism of a proposal you presented. It could have been the announcement of a reorganization that would place you under the worst manager or executive in your organization. Whatever the situation, the human tendency is to react. The mouth and emotions act faster than the brain.

I participated in a group training session focused on making effective presentations. One component of the training was responding to challenging questions and comments. Each participant in the training class was given the opportunity to play the role of presenter. The presenter would receive challenging questions and comments from the audience (the other participants). The presenter would silently count to 5 before responding. When playing the role of presenter, participants felt that the period was a long time. When participating as a member of the audience, the time seemed short. The audience was not impatient. It was the presenter who experienced the impatience. The bottom line was that the count to 5 period of time allowed the brain to engage before emotions drove the action.

Even the most peaceful animals can become aggressive when they feel that they are cornered. When we push individuals into a corner, we move the discussion on to the field of emotion rather than rationale. Individuals can easily feel that they are going to lose and will act to avoid the loss. Invite others to offer and discuss options. This encourages individuals to feel that they are part of the solution. People accept solutions more readily when they believe that they are pat of the solution. They feel that they acted rather than being acted upon.