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Facing the Facts
By Marilyn Morris, Founder/President
Aim For Success, Inc.
After speaking to parents and teens on the subject of sexual abstinence for over 25 years, I have noticed a shift in attitude this past year. The change is not coming from teenagers, but from their parents. I'm not talking about huge numbers of parents, but enough that it's caused me to pause and wonder, "What's going on?"
Each of these parents has approached me with the same question, a question I have never been asked before. Their question goes something like this, "I like the idea of telling my children I don't want them to have sex until they get married. But at what age do you recommend I tell them the truth?"
To which I respond, "What do you mean, 'the truth?'"
"Oh, you know that I don't really expect them to wait until marriage. After all, that's totally unrealistic in today's society."
The answer is easy. Most of these parents will never need to tell their children 'the truth.' They'll figure it out on their own as they move through the teenage years. After all, teenagers aren't stupid. At some point they'll see right through their parents' clever ploy. While it might have been easy to get our youngsters to fall for the concept of some jolly old man in a red suit bringing toys to good boys and girls when they were in preschool, it's quite another thing to try to get teenagers to buy into a family value that not even the parents have bought into.
However, I've tried to imagine how that conversation might go if parents actually were able to pull this charade off and convince their children they want them to wait until marriage. Maybe it would go something like this. "You know how I've been telling you all these years that I want you to save sex for marriage? Well, I've reconsidered my position, and I've decided it's okay if you have sex, as long as you always use protection."
I can hear the child enthusiastically respond, "COOL! And how about alcohol and marijuana, have you reconsidered your position on those as well?"
All kidding aside, have you ever considered how much protection contraceptives provide? Have you had this discussion with your children? I believe it's important for all parents, whether you're promoting abstinence until marriage or not, to discuss the pros and cons of contraception with your teens. How can you expect them to make well informed decisions unless they have good information? Perhaps the following information could make for good dinner time discussion and allow you yet another opportunity to express your values.
How to Prevent Pregnancies
About 2,000 American teenage girls will find out today they are pregnant. Think about the immense nightmare most of these girls and their boyfriends are going through at this very moment as their world is crashing down around them. Dreams and goals are shattering as fear and uncertainty fill every thought.
Many people believe the way to prevent teen pregnancy is to promote contraception. Consider the following and then decide for yourself if this is the best answer for you. According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute (the research arm of Planned Parenthood) the failure rate for the leading forms of contraception are as follows:
Percent of Women Experiencing
a Pregnancy After One Year
Method: Typical Use
No method 85%
Withdrawal 18%
Male Condom 17%
The Pill 9%
3 month Injection 7%
Implant 1%
If you were expecting failure rates more like one or two percent, then you're obviously thinking of "perfect use percentages" or what might be expected in a laboratory setting. While those are far more impressive numbers, they aren't realistic. None of us live in a perfect world. Therefore, it's important to always consider the "typical use percentages" or real life numbers.
It's worth noting that a 17% failure rate means the male condom fails to prevent pregnancies in nearly one in five cases. Question: Would you get on an airplane if it had a 17 percent chance of crashing?
It's also important to note these numbers are representative of adult women - not teenagers. Let's face it, a teenage girl is more likely to forget to take her pills or overlook getting her next injection than an adult woman. Guys, do you understand what this means? If your girlfriend forgets one or two pills - you could be paying child support within the year. YIKES! Can you say, "Happy Father's Day?"
Girls, you also need to realize hormonal methods such as the pill, injection and implant may also result in side effects such as nausea, irregular bleeding, weight gain, loss of bone density, headaches, dizziness and nervousness. These adverse effects may cause a girl to discontinue the contraception altogether. If she keeps having sex without any kind of contraception, she's far more prone to a pregnancy. Can you say, "Happy Mother's Day?"
While contraception reduces the risk of pregnancy in varying degrees, they do not guarantee to prevent a pregnancy. Only abstinence prevents pregnancies 100 percent of the time. Without sexual activity, there are no pregnancies, no lost dreams and goals and no paying child support for the next 18 years.
But how realistic is it that today's youth would postpone sexual activity? Well, considering the fact that most high school students are virgins, it's extremely realistic. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 20 years ago 54% of high school students had engaged in a sexual relationship. That number has now dropped to 46%. With the significant decline in teen sexual activity over the past 20 years, teen pregnancy rates, birth rates and abortion rates have all dropped as well. That means far more teenagers are now free to fulfill their dreams and goals with no worries of an unplanned pregnancy.
But what about those who have already engaged in sexual activity? Whether you've just messed around or gone all the way, it's important to realize it's never too late to start over. You could walk away from that lifestyle right now and choose abstinence until marriage from this day forward. No one ever said this is an easy lifestyle, but what a difference it could make in the outcome of your life!
Family Discussion:
1. Describe what your future might look like if you were to face a pregnancy this next year.
2. What is the only way to guarantee you won't get involved in a pregnancy?
3. Discuss your values regarding sex?
Note: Next month's newsletter will focus on STDs and condoms. If you were surprised by the 17 percent failure rate regarding condoms and pregnancies, then you may be in for a rude awakening when you find out the failure rate goes even higher when we're talking about HIV, HPV, herpes, chlamydia and gonorrhea. Perhaps this helps you understand why we at Aim For Success believe abstinence until marriage is the only "SAFE" sex.
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Marilyn Morris, Founder and President of Aim For Success will be speaking at the