Life with a Newborn

By Katie Bowman, Aim For Success Speaker

Everyone tells you your life will change forever once you have a baby, but you can't fully understand this until you live it: Until you go through labor. Until you live through the midnight, 2am, 4am, 6am feedings. Until you have run on very little sleep for MONTHS. Until you live through having a tiny baby who depends on you for EVERYTHING. Until you live through hours of crying and you don't know why or how to make it stop. Until you change 20 diapers in a day. Until you can't sleep even when they are sleeping because you are worried they will stop breathing. Until you have given everything you have to give and then some, not for yourself but for someone else... you can't understand. I thought I understood when my husband and I decided we wanted to have a baby. I didn't.

As a speaker for Aim for Success, I have had a number of young girls in both middle school and high school come up to me after a program and tell me they WANT to be a teen mom. They give me reasons like,

"I am ready to be a mom."

"A baby will love me and I desperately want to be loved."

"A baby will push me to go for my dreams."

"I love my boyfriend and a baby will make him love me forever."

But they don't understand. Teen moms have been glamorized on T.V. shows like The Secret Life of an American Teenager and Teen Mom. Single parenting has become en vogue with movie stars like Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock and Kate Hudson. They look so happy embracing their sweet, smiling children in People magazine. But if a teenage girl thinks her life as a single mom will mirror that of these women, she is in for a rude awakening. Reese Witherspoon admitted her life would be "much more difficult without the luxury of a reliable, steady (and might I add very generous) income."

But these things just aren't real life. I know because my precious little boy, Greyson Michael, is 7 weeks old today. I thought labor was hard! The first weeks of Greyson's life have made labor look like a piece of cake!

Don't get me wrong. Being a mom is wonderful. I love the cuddle time, the

The Bowman Family: Adam, Katie and Greyson

sweet smiles and his tiny hand wrapped around my index finger. I am not complaining about my little joy, but I CANNOT imagine being 16, 17, 18, in college or even just a single woman with a newborn. Babies are selfish and demanding. They don't fit into your schedule or life... You fit into theirs.

But here's the deal, I have a loving husband who is a huge help! Even beyond that, I have a mother-in-law who lives nearby who is always willing to hold Greyson so I can make dinner or do my makeup. I have so much help and yet some days I still don't get a shower, sleep or have time to enjoy a full meal! Things that I thought were needs before have suddenly become luxuries. 

I've been committed to challenging teens to sexual abstinence until marriage for many reasons, but after going through a pregnancy, labor and now taking my first steps into motherhood, my passion for abstinence until marriage has hit an all time high. I have been happily married for 3 ½ years.  My husband is a hands-on Dad who comes home from work, kisses me and then picks Greyson up for some Daddy time. This is a much needed break for a momma who has been chained to the couch with a hungry, sleepy and fussy baby for almost 12 hours. Reality has set in. Motherhood is by far the hardest job I have ever had, and I am way underpaid!

In my exhausted state, I have to ask myself, "If parenthood is this difficult for an adult woman who is happily married, graduated from college and has a Masters degree, what must it be like for a single teenage girl who has yet to finish high school, live on her own or experience any aspects of adulthood? How realistic is it that her boyfriend will come around every day for some quality Daddy time and provide a much needed break from the exhausting life of motherhood?  Remember, this isn't a puppy you can stick in the backyard while you go play.  Neither is this a babysitting job that will be over in a few hours. This is forever, and this is your child.

If you're thinking a baby will give you the love you so desperately desire, think again. Better yet, ask yourself the following questions: Has your existence on this earth provided your mother the continuous love she longs for? Have you empowered her to reach for her dreams? Have you brought your parents closer together?  The truth is - it's NOT your responsibility to bring joy to your mother's daily life or cause her to be successful or hold your parent's relationship together.  And neither will it be your child's responsibility to do all these things for you. It's unrealistic and unfair expectations for any child.

I challenge every young girl reading this to reach for your dreams and goals now so that you can enjoy your children and family in the future. It's EASY to be part of the status quo. As we say in our program "anyone can have sex...but not just anyone can save sex for marriage. That takes someone with LOTS of self control, self respect and self discipline." It is EASY to do what you think everyone else is doing, but the people that really succeed are the ones that go against the grain and work hard for the best. What is your best? Think about it; then GO FOR IT!