Tips Newsletter from Aim For Success, Inc.

It appears cyberspace is taking families to places we've never gone before as many young people are crossing the

boundary of mere curiosity and venturing into dangerous territory. And while parents are left wondering what to do, one thing is certain. The old adage, "Boys will be boys," is no longer the answer. With scientific studies revealing the dangers of pornography, parents can no longer afford to stay silent on this subject. Perhaps sharing the following information with your sons and daughters will open conversations and allow you to clearly share your values.

What Teens Need to Know
Pornography . . . it's been around forever. But what's new is how easily accessible it is via the internet on computers and cell phones. While some girls may be intrigued by porn, this typically tends to be more of a guy thing. The reason is their brain. At some point during the teenage years, there's a connection in both the male and female brain that causes all young people to become intrigued with sex. And this is a good thing! Without successfully completing this connection no one would be interested in sex. Not only would life be very boring without sex, life - as we know it - would cease to exist. Without sex, there is no reproduction. Without reproduction, there is no human race. So these sexual desires are normal and very good.

But beyond this common connection that awakens sexual desires, the male and female brains are wired very differently. For one, a girl's brain is wired in such a way that she is primarily sexually excited by touch. Guys, on the other hand, are primarily sexually excited by what they see. Therefore, a guy could become sexually excited by what he sees when walking down the hall at school or eating lunch in the cafeteria. This doesn't make him a pervert or even weird. It actually makes him normal.

This may sound strange to girls because your brain doesn't work like this. But this is what guys deal with 24/7. The amazing thing is - guys are capable of controlling this powerful sex drive. It takes lots of discipline, which in turn builds strong character.

However, when a guy looks at pornographic material, the natural chemicals in his brain shift into warp speed resulting in a high similar to that of cocaine. But, the big difference in cocaine and porn is that cocaine must be snorted, smoked or injected for the chemicals to enter the body and make their way into a guy's brain. Once the chemicals hit the brain, an intense high occurs. Pornography, on the other hand, requires absolutely no snorting, smoking or injecting. All it takes to produce a high is for a guy to merely look at pornographic material. Instantly, as the images pass from his eyes directly into his brain the natural chemicals in his brain are thrown into a frenzy. As he begins to experiences the intense high, the sexual images are embedded in the memory bank of his brain. These images may be difficult, perhaps impossible, to erase.

Getting addicted to porn is easy - getting out is not. And just as a drug addict needs more drugs, stronger drugs and a combination of drugs to get high, those addicted to pornography need to see more shocking, more provocative, more violent images to feed their addiction. As the addiction gains momentum, it isn't unusual for a guy to respond to women with rage and aggression. As a result, his girlfriend or wife often feels confused, humiliated, insulted and degraded. Ironically, as tough as these guys appear on the outside, they often feel shame and fear as the addiction becomes all consuming.

With all that said, there are two things you need to consider. Research is now indicating that guys who are consumed with porn are more likely to find real women less attractive. That includes their girlfriend and even their wives. And those consumed with porn are more likely to become impotent.

It's true. There's a growing phenomenon spreading across America called porn impotence. This means a guy could find it difficult to sexually respond to another person in a loving relationship. In other words, real sex doesn't work for him anymore. The reason - the time he's spent watching porn has caused his brain to rewire. What once sexually stimulated him has now been replaced with a make-believe world residing inside his computer.

So, what may have started as curiosity back in middle school or high school can end up as an all consuming dark secret that guys diligently try to hide from their parents, family and friends. After all, what guy wants to admit he'd rather sit in a dark room all alone staring at a computer screen than to build a healthy relationship with another person?

Note: Portions of this article have been taken directly from a new section in our Achieve Success program. One of our other programs, Freedom to Succeed, also addresses pornography and sexting.

What Parents Need to Know
It would be wise to share this information with your sons and daughters. Although this tends to be more of a male problem, girls are turning to porn out of curiosity and for education. There's a good chance this is not where you want your daughter to get her sex ed.

After sharing the information, make sure you clearly express your values regarding pornography. Let your children know you love them so much that you want to protect them from anything that could prevent them from enjoying a normal, healthy life. And yes, that includes a healthy sexual relationship.

Pornography can be extremely addicting. Merely telling your child to stop may not be enough. If you suspect a serious problem, it would be wise to consult a professional counselor. A good therapist can determine if this is approaching an addiction and guide you in the right direction.