Why I Chose Abstinence

I chose abstinence until the day I got married. My decision to choose abstinence wasn't a decision I made alone in my room one day, no there were a lot of different influences that helped guide me. The main influence was my mom. In our programs we encourage parents to teach their children their values. My mom was really good at that. I never had to wonder where she stood on any given issue and I knew that abstinence was the choice she wanted me to make. My parents were divorced and my mom had a lot on her plate but she never stopped teaching me her values. 

 

I was also very involved in the youth group at my church. My youth pastor, Todd, was awesome and I got really close to him and his family. I remember Todd pulling me aside one day and talking to me about coming from a divorced family with so much brokenness, and I will never forget what he told me. He said,  "Katie, girls that come from homes like yours, they seek attention from guys and many of them end up in unhealthy, even toxic, relationships. Many choose an abusive husband or get pregnant before marriage. I want you to know Katie, you are not a statistic. You are a person. Rise above the cards dealt to you and end the cycle of brokenness in your family." What a difference these two people made in my life, and are still making. I would encourage any parents that are reading this to make sure that your child is being told good and encouraging things from an adult other than yourself. It really made a difference to me.

 

When I was a freshman in college I met this guy, his name was Adam. He was funny, cute and had more character than any other guy I had met. I had a crush on him from day one. But I was 18 and he was 22. He wasn't interested in dating me. We did become friends though. I got to know him outside of the dating context. He was a really good friend to me and after a while we became best friends. I saw character qualities like loyalty, integrity and honesty (even when it was hard to tell the truth). I saw that he loved his family and treated his parents with respect.  As you can probably guess, after three years of being just friends, we started dating and he was my first kiss! A year and a half later we were married. It's been three years now, and we are more in love now than the day we were married.  I never thought I could love him more than I did that day, but I do!

 

What I think is really cool about my husband though, is that he saved himself for me, his wife. I really respect Adam for his self respect and self control. The fact that he waited gives me confidence that he has control over his sexual desires and will be able to stay faithful to me. The great thing is we don't deal with the baggage so many others carry as a result of their multiple sexual partners. We have absolutely no worries of STDs. We're not strapped down with child support payments. There are no painful memories or comparisons of past lovers. We both agree that saving sex for marriage was definitely worth the wait. Don't get me wrong, choosing abstinence wasn't easy. Sometimes it was really hard to stick to that decision. Choosing abstinence is so much more than getting a purity ring or signing a piece of paper. It takes a lot of self-control, self-respect and self-discipline. We had to set a lot of boundaries in our relationship. But not once have we ever regretted our decision to wait. What an amazing wedding gift to give to the love of your life!"

 

Today so many people equate sex with love. I have teenagers come up and talk to me after a program and tell me that they know they will marry their boyfriend or girlfriend so what's the point in waiting. They think that because they are in love with someone that means they are supposed to have sex. Listen to pop radio for ten minutes or watch TV and you will see this idea thrown out over and over again. In movies, characters have sex just moments after their first kiss. That is not a way to build a healthy, mature relationship. Maybe that is one of the reasons most Hollywood relationships don't last. They buy into the lie that love=sex.

 

I am glad Adam didn't buy into this lie. You see, Adam had dated a girl long before me, and he thought he was in love with her. They were so serious, he almost asked her to marry him.  But they didn't get married, they ended up going their separate ways. I am so grateful that Adam didn't equate sex with love.

 

We are both so happy we were able to build our marriage on the solid foundations of friendship, respect, and honesty.

 

I am now a speaker with Aim For Success and have the privilege of talking to students all over the country about choosing abstinence. What a joy it is to share the message of Abstinence=Freedom.