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What if they don't want help?
For all those who make the decision to come to Teen Challenge, there are those who make the decision not to get help, here or anywhere for that matter.
Unfortunately this decision usually does not just affect the life of the addicted. More times than not, there is a long line of people who have spent years helplessly watching their loved one descend further and further into the chaos of addiction. We often find that as the addiction increases so do the feelings of despair increase for their family and friends and patterns of codependency begin to emerge as a way to try to keep everything under control. The harder those around the addict juggle jobs, money and excuses, the harder recovery for both parties becomes. Wikipedia describes codependency as: a pattern of detrimental, behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship which is regarded as an emotional disorder. In the relationship, the codependent person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, such as drug addiction. The codependent's life gets more and more out of hand and at the end, they might become as sick as the one they are codependent on.
So what should be done? Wash our hands of our loved one? Give up on him/her? How do we love the addict without helping perpetuate their behavior? These are all very scary questions with even scarier answers. We have to let go. We have to pray. We have to continuously remind ourselves that although we may have played a hand in enabling the addict thus far, we did not cause this to happen. We have to accept our loved one's behavior as the behavior of an addict, and give that person the chance to experience the consequences of addiction.
Is it easy? How do I do this? What does this look like? For all people, the details and dynamics differ, but there is help. There are resources and groups of people who have lived through the pain and fear of saying "No More!" Who have let go and still loved. Who have been close enough for the addict to grab hold of when they were ready to get help, but too far away for the addict to pull back into old habits. Who have looked into the eyes of their loved ones and seen the hurt, confusion and anger of the addict who is no longer calling the shots.
Even those who come into Teen Challenge voluntarily need those who are waiting for them outside to begin to heal. There are books that we suggest to family members of our students while they are in the program and to those whose loved ones are still out there. Look into groups like Celebrate Recovery. Celebrate Recovery is faith based and is there for those whose addictions took the form of a chemical and for those whose addictions took the form of an addict. We encourage anyone who is in a relationship, or who is related to someone struggling with addiction.
Our prayers are with all of those whose lives are and have been affected by addiction. The journey out of darkness is long and difficult, but it is worth it - one day, one prayer, and one step at a time.
Books that Teen Challenge of Arkansas suggests to family members:
Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie
Caring Enough to Confront, by David Ausburger
Love is a Choice - Recovery for Codependent Relationships, by Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth and Paul Meier
My Father's Child - Help and Healing for the Victims of Emotional, Sexual and Physical Abuse, by Lynda D. Elliott & Vicki L. Tanner, Ph.D.
On the Threshold of Hope, by Dr. Diane Langberg
Healing for Damaged Emotions, by David A. Seamands |
