 Tip of the Week:
Clearly, when we talk about self-mutilation, we are addressing more than just cutting, yet that is the most familiar aspect people recognize or identify as self-abuse. Although this may seem out of the realm of crisis response, the genesis of self-abuse can be extreme stress or psychological trauma, so it is more connected than we might think.
Self-mutilation is one of the most challenging, heart-breaking, mystifying behaviors we can see in kids, and one that leaves most adults feeling helpless. There is absolutely no way to protect kids from themselves. No matter what we take away, they can find something with which to self-injure - a fingernail, biting... they really have us on this one. No amount of authority or control can make them stop.
Although there is much to understand about the deeper dynamics, there are some things that we can tell parents and others to help them do the things most needed if their children are to begin to recover. Much of what adults (parents, counselors, teachers and others) need to do is counter-intuitive, so while most of my Tips of the Week are contained in this little e-blast format, this time I'm going to provide a link to my web site so you can access the free download on self-mutilation. As long as you leave the copyright information on the page and do not alter the handout, you may make as many copies as you like and distribute them to school staff, parents of others. Of course, you can also email people the url for the downloadables.
This link takes you to Self Injury Information and here is a Bibliography of web sites and articles about self-injury.
Even with the handout, parents won't have answers enough to turn the tide, but, coupled with your conversation and concern, it may provide the kinds of insights that stop a parent in his/her tracks to help them realize that their controlling behaviors are actually counter-productive or that, instead of focusing on the cutting and the self-abusive behaviors, kids need help getting in touch with the kinds of feelings that bring them to cut or self-abuse and finding two things:
- how to change the circumstances that lead to those feelings if possible
- finding different ways to release tremendous internal stress and self-modulate
internal states from anxiety toward calm.
Self-mutilation repels most of us and makes many of us squirm, yet in our compassion for kids, we want to be engaged in helping them out of the whitewater and into a calmer, safer eddy at the edge of the river of life. I hope these two downloadables will be helpful - one of thoughts and information to share with others, and the other a list of web sites and resources.
Cheri
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