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October 2012
The Institute Insider
Keeping you connected ~ Nurturing your professional growth
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Meet our Faculty
Rev. Ray Chase
Rev. Ray Chase is an ordained Roman Catholic priest of the Archdiocese of Baltimore. For 26 years, Father Ray was the director of Spiritual Development for residential programs for Child and Family Services of Catholic Charities of Baltimore. In that position he developed, implemented and supervised a number of specialized experiential programs designed to address the spiritual and moral deficits and damage of latency age children in residential care due to neglect/abuse and/or emotional or behavioral problems. In addition, he developed and implemented a comprehensive, multi-level experience-based spiritual development program appropriate for children and adults with a full range of developmental disabilities.
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Message from Lisa Ferentz LCSW-C, DAPA
Founder and President
For those of us in the Jewish faith this is a special time of year. One of the recurring themes in our holidays is forgiveness: seeking forgiveness from others and opening ourselves up to the possibility of forgiving those who have caused us pain. It is in this spirit that we dedicate our October issue to the complex and powerful dynamics related to forgiving. As you know, this is a subject that comes up repeatedly in our work with clients who have experienced a breach of trust, deep feelings of betrayal, or terrible physical, emotional, or psychological harm. It takes tremendous courage to grapple with the anger, sadness, and ambivalence that often accompanies the struggle to forgive or not to forgive. It takes even more courage for clients to face their own hurtful actions and move in the direction of self-forgiveness. They often hold on to shame and self-blame, recognizing that they have hurt others through an addiction, untreated depression or anxiety, sabotaging intimacy, or the unmetabolized trauma that has passed from one generation to the next.
Forgiveness is a process, a journey, and usually not a linear one. In this issue, we share some ideas and a number of resources that can help you and your clients to better navigate this complicated subject. The decision to forgive is a personal one, and in order for it to be truly healing, it needs to be an authentic one. If a client feels forced into it- out of obligation, guilt, family pressure- it won't be sustained. Forgiving needs to happen on the client's timeline, not anyone else's. As clients struggle with forgiveness they need support, guidance, and encouragement from us. They also need the capacity to be honest with themselves about their motives and their expectations. Ultimately, forgiving oneself makes it possible to forgive others. And forgiving others is not about forgetting or condoning- it's about setting yourself free.
Lisa Ferentz
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Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness
by Mayo Clinic Staff
 | | When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge - or embrace forgiveness and move forward. |
Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance - but if you don't practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Click here to read the rest of this article. |
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The Process of Forgiveness
 | | The Greek root word for forgiveness is "to set free." But it's not about setting free the other person. It's about setting yourself free. |
Part of why we are often reluctant to forgive others may be because we have the wrong idea about what it really means to forgive. Here's what it is NOT: forgetting, running away, caving in, condoning hurtful or harmful actions, letting the wrongdoer off the hook. In fact, rather than making forgiving synonymous with forgetting- think of it as a new way of remembering. Remembering with objectivity, compassion, and new-found inner peace. The Greek root word for forgiveness is "to set free." But it's not about setting free the other person. It's about setting yourself free- from hatred, bitterness, or ties to the past that keep you stuck. It's about no longer being controlled by the anger, or letting it rule your thoughts and behavioral choices. Ironically, forgiving someone shouldn't be about them- it should always be about YOU. Click here to read the rest of this article. |
Clinician Resources for ForgivenessPublicationsVideo
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Self-Care and Counseling Tips
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 SELF-CARE: I have the great privilege of providing consultation to many gifted clinicians. So often, I observe professionals "beating themselves up" for an imperfect therapy session. "How did I miss that?" "Why didn't I do that intervention during the session?" "Why couldn't I think on my feet?" Please know that all caring and self-aware clinicians can look back on sessions and realize, after the fact, that there were other things they could have said or done. It's called being human. What's most important is to forgive yourself and move on. The self-recriminations can take a real toll on your confidence and your ability to be optimistic and fully present in session. When you feel compelled to dissect sessions, do so only for the purpose of personal growth, never to put yourself down or frame the work as a "failure." We can't help clients to forgive if we don't live by that same credo!
COUNSELING: When working with clients on the issue of forgiveness, keep in mind that their attitudes about it and the extent to which they struggle with it may be connected to what was modeled in childhood. Growing up, when your client apologized were they forgiven easily? It's worth exploring if their parents, grandparents, or siblings held grudges. Did family members routinely apologize and take responsibility for their actions? Was your client pressured to instantly forgive someone because it was "unfair to the other person" or wasn't nice or acceptable to stay angry? I have found this is particularly true for girls. Did your client grow up with the message that they didn't have the right to feel angry or upset? Did they learn to associate not forgiving with a sense of power or control? All of these dynamics can influence your client's struggles with forgiveness. Exploring these issues allows the client to separate out family-of-origin beliefs, and allows them to formulate their own thoughts and feelings about forgiving.
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Providence, Rhode Island
Click on the respective image to see each brochure
* Lisa Ferentz will present a training at the IFS conference entitled,
"Working Collaboratively with Parts to Heal the Cycle of Self-Harm.
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- Click here to see our Calendar of Classes and to register online.
- Don't miss our new Master Class Consultations: Working With Trauma and Dissociative Identity Disorder. This special series is designed to help you safely process difficult cases involving child, adolescent or adult trauma survivors that evoke feelings of 'being stuck,' angry, frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed or afraid. You are welcome to register for one or more of the various classes. Learn more here.
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The Institute for Advanced Psychotherapy Training and Education, Inc. is an approved sponsor of the Maryland Board of Social Work Examiners for continuing education credits for licensed social workers in Maryland. CEU approval for all trainings is also granted to Psychologists, LCPC's and MFT's. In addition, reciprocity has been granted for clinicians in Washington, D.C., Virginia,
and West Virginia.
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