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"If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you."
~ Louise Hay
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"Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself."
~ Robert Collier
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"You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being -- not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money -- but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason."
~ Wayne Dyer
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"Open your arms to change but don't let go of your values."
~ Dalai Lama
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"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values."
~ Ayn Rand
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"When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier."
~ Roy Disney
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"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."
~ John C. Maxwell
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"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
~ Leo F. Buscaglia
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"Caring is a powerful business advantage."
~ Scott Johnson
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Greetings!
Welcome to the June, 2012 edition of Insights. I hope you will find this month's selection of articles interesting and thought-provoking, and that you will take from these words at least one thought or idea that you can use to bring about a positive change in some aspect of your personal or professional life. Every day we confront a wide array of behavioral choices. Some we have little or no control over, such as when and where we go to work or having to deal with weather and travel issues. Many others we have complete power over, such as the clothes we wear, the books we read, and the friends we associate with. One other important behavioral choice we have but often don't willfully exercise has to do with the thoughts that occupy our minds. While we have a choice as to how we react to the random events that we encounter on a typical day, we often respond automatically in a reactive rather than purposeful manner. In other words, we rely on our current state of mind instead of rational thought to determine our behaviors. By doing so we often allow these events to control us rather than our willfully controlling them. Our minds only work in one of two ways; constructively or destructively in responding to random events, and understanding this process can have a significant impact on our productivity and happiness. It's easy to be in a constructive mode when everything is going well. Most people can handle that. But as the old saying goes, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." But going where? Under ambiguous or stressful conditions, most of us tend to default to our current state of mind (constructive/positive or destructive/negative) to dictate our approach to the prevailing issue. As a result, the choice of action we choose is highly dependent on how we're feeling about the situation at the time, and if our current mindset is negative, this usually doesn't produce the best outcomes for us. By learning how to control our state of mind by trying to focus on the positive aspects of what is going on around us or at least by consciously striving to override a negative state, we can free ourselves to select from a range of positive responses and achieve better results. What's your state of mind today? Are you controlling or is it controlling you? If you know of anyone who you think might also be interested in receiving Insights, please forward this issue on. As always, I would be very interested in receiving your feedback. Pat Iannuzzi |
 WHAT IS YOUR LIMITING FACTOR?
 | | Stumbling blocks or stepping stones? |
Whatever we set out to do, whether in our personal or professional lives, there is usually at least one major factor that will have a significant impact on the degree and rate of our success. We call this our limiting factor. It is that one element on the road to success that is likely to be out biggest stumbling block. It is generally also the one which if effectively overcome, will likely be the single biggest contributing factor to our success.
For a start-up business it might be generating and maintaining a required cash flow level or overcoming a critical technology challenge that must be resolved before a new and innovative product or service can be launched. On a personal level it might be developing the confidence and skill to be able to speak persuasively before a group. Regardless of its nature or scope, it is the thing that if not accomplished, will severely limit personal or organizational success, but if conquered, will greatly facilitate desired outcomes.
Awareness is Key
Every person or organization in any pursuit usually faces some major obstacle that can hinder success in some way shape or form. If that obstacle can be clearly identified, steps can be taken to find strategies to deal with it. If you know that a particular raw material you need for manufacturing a product will be in short supply or that you will need to become more proficient at a particular skill to achieve a personal or professional objective, you can proactively take appropriate steps to overcome such limiting factors.
But what if you are suddenly surprised by the appearance of a limiting factor and don't have the opportunity to plan for its consequences? What if you are driving to an important business meeting, for example, for which you are very well-prepared and have planned an hour for travel time and encounter an unanticipated construction delay on the way to your destination causing you to arrive as the other meeting attendees are about to leave? You will likely wind up being done in by this unanticipated limiting factor which could have been effectively managed had you prepared for it.
Limiting Beliefs!
As the above example illustrates, being unaware of a limiting factor can be a real problem. A particularly destructive form of limiting factor can be beliefs we hold about ourselves or our circumstances that hinder or even prevent our success. Here's how the dictionary defines belief: "Acceptance by the mind that something is true or real (whether or not it actually is real), often reinforced by an emotional feeling of certainty."
What is especially insidious about such limiting beliefs is that we are frequently unaware of them because they often lie hidden deep within our subconscious. Because they are not available to our conscious minds, we are unable to apply strategies to overcome them. Because our beliefs determine our behaviors, we can visualize, plan and feel our intentions all day long, but we are unlikely to achieve our desired results because our limiting beliefs will always get in the way, preventing us from taking the action required.
None of us can ever accomplish anything if deep down we don't believe we can do it. Henry Ford said, "If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." Our beliefs about what is and is not possible exert a huge influence on our lives. Limiting beliefs are the number one reason why people fail to reach their goals and achieve their dreams.
The Secret of The Secret
Rhonda Byrne's book The Secret focuses on the principle of the Law of Attraction. A main premise of the book is that through creative visualization, we can attract whatever we focus our energy on (good or bad), and that we can achieve virtually anything we set out to accomplish so long as we believe we can do it. The Law of Attraction works with relationships, possessions, goals, and anything else we are able to focus on, even our own health. The Law of Attraction maintains that we can achieve anything that is within the scope of our capabilities so long as we do not possess limiting beliefs regarding it.
Creative visualization plays a critical role in creating positive change, but it will not work so long as we carry around hidden limiting beliefs that prevent it from working for us. This means that our subconscious limiting beliefs must be brought to the surface and addressed if we are to free ourselves to achieve our full potential. Limiting beliefs are like a stealth fighter that does not show up on radar. They are not generally susceptible to logic or reason unless we can find a way to expose them to our conscious mind and then convert them to beliefs that empower us.
Uncovering Limiting Beliefs
We don't have to go through years of therapy to uncover our deepest, darkest secrets. Chances are that each of us has one only one or two primary limiting factors that are having a negative effect on our success and happiness. One effective approach is to use sentence completion exercises such as those advocated by noted psychologist Nathanial Branden. Here are some examples;
- "I became angry with _____ because ......"
- "I am not earning the higher level of income I desire because ......"
- "I didn't get the promotion I wanted because ......"
- "I am feeling frustrated in my work because ......"
- "I cannot achieve my goal because ......"
More about Nathanial Branden's sentence completion exercises ...
The uncovering of limiting beliefs is not to be approached as a witch-hunt. It is often by looking for limiting beliefs that limiting beliefs are created in the first place. Don't create the belief "I have a bunch of limiting beliefs I need to uncover before I can be myself." Limiting beliefs should only to be looked for when you are in a frustrated state of mind or experiencing the repetition of a problem. But ignoring them or wishing they would just go away will not help. Once you are able to clear away your limiting beliefs, you will be in a much better position to take decisive action toward attracting abundance into your life.
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LIVING YOUR VALUES
What Are Values, and Why Are They Important? Values are standards, qualities and principles we consider important and desirable. Values influence why we do what we do by shaping our goals and aspirations and by motivating our actions. Values vary greatly from person to person because they reflect individual attitudes and beliefs. What principles, standards, or qualities do you consider worthwhile or desirable? In other words, what are your personal values and how effectively are you living them? It is important to recognize and understand the significance of our personal values because they have a dominant impact on our behavior and choices, and our behavior and choices directly affect our success and happiness in life. Our relationships, decisions and personal identity are all affected by our values, and even if we cannot clearly identify all our values, they are still there, influencing every aspect of our lives. This is why it's vitally important for us to know what our personal values are. While we all have strong personal values, we don't often take the time to focus on them in an insightful and perceptive manner. This is because it can be difficult to effectively define and categorize our values, and this can make it challenging to really develop a good understanding and appreciation of them. Furthermore, with so much going on in our daily lives, it's easy to get sidetracked by day-to-day activities which distract us and cause us to lose sight of what is really important.  Categorizing Human Values
Over the last century, there have been several approaches to defining and classifying the dominant human values. The Values Index™ developed by Innermetrix, Inc. reflects the work of two noted researchers in this area, psychologists Edward Spranger and Gordon Allport, and identifies and describes six dimensions of value: Aesthetic, Altruistic, Economic, Individualistic, Political, Regulatory and Theoretical. Aesthetic: The aesthetic value reflects a drive for balance, harmony, form and beauty. Additionally, artistic expression, creativity, mutual respect and self-fulfillment along with environmental concerns are hallmarks of the aesthetic value. Altruistic: The focus of the altruistic value is the drive to benefit others in a humanitarian and compassionate sense. It incorporates a genuine desire to give of one's time, resources and energy to help others. Economic: This value dimension represents a motivation for security from economic gain and the achievement of tangible rewards. The preferred approach of this value is a professional one with an emphasis on bottom-line results. Individualistic: The individualistic value deals with one's need to be seen as unique and to stand apart from the crowd. It reflects a drive to be socially independent and to have the opportunity for freedom of personal expression. Political: The political value embodies a drive to be seen as a leader and to be able exert influence and control over one's destiny and environment. Individuals drawn to this value often exhibit a very competitive nature. Regulatory: The regulatory value is associated with a desire to establish order, routine and structure. The primary motivation of this dimension of value is to promote rules and policies, and centers on achieving security through standards and protocols. Identifying Your Values Clear your mind for a few minutes and ask yourself this question: What is most important to me in life? Write down all the things (activities, deeds, accomplishments, etc.) that come to mind and don't worry about the order of the items. Don't limit yourself to any specific areas of life. Consider anything and everything you would want to see realized that you feel is within your power to do so. Try not to choose things that you think should be important, but choose ones you actually do find truly important in your life. Next prioritize the list down to 15 to 20 items. These will be the things you want to achieve that are most important to you. Now categorize each of the items on your list into one of the seven personal values described above. This will help you identify which values are most important to you at this point in your life. Keep in mind that your values may change somewhat over time as your life responsibilities and circumstances evolve. Identifying your values in this way will help you to better understand your unique value hierarchy or belief system. It will give you a clearer insight into what motivates you and where your passions lie. Because such knowledge crystallizes what is important to you, it can help you become more effective in key areas of your life such as: - Career selection
- Setting meaningful goals
- Creating roles that align with your motivations
- Becoming self-actualized
- Developing interpersonal relationship
- Time management
The Values Index™ Assessment | | The above illustration demonstrates an example of some of the feedback provided by the Values Index™ Assessment |
An effective and convenient approach for identifying your personal value profile is available through Symbiont Performance Group's online Values Index Assessment which can serve as a valuable tool for helping you identify you key personal values. The feedback from this assessment provides a comprehensive analysis of your unique value system and offers insights on how to live your life in a manner that is reflective of and consistent with it. If you are interested in learning more about this effective developmental tool, please call us at 860-283-9963 or email me at piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com for details. (back to top) |
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YOUR PERSUASIVE EDGE
People often associate the topic of persuasion primarily with the concept of selling, but the importance of effective persuasion skills really pertains to every one of us regardless of our individual vocation. Every day each of us is involved to some degree in influencing the thoughts and actions of others. In fact, the path to success in life lies to a very large extent in gaining the cooperation of others. In this edition of Insights, we continue with our ongoing segment dedicated to the topic of persuasion.
INFLUENCE WITH EMPATHY
 Empathy is the ability to identify and demonstrate understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. Empathy is not the same as expressing sympathy, pity, agreement or consolation. Being empathetic means putting ourselves in someone else's situation or circumstances so as to feel the feelings they feel (pain, joy, concerns) in your heart. Empathy is a human need we all have. The degree of need varies, of course, from person to person, but for many people it is the critical starting point for developing any personal relationship.
Developing empathy can be especially important when trying to influence or persuade others. Many times when we are actively involved in trying to sway the thoughts and feelings of others, we focus primarily on what to say and how to say it so as to make the most persuasive appeal possible. This approach totally ignores what is currently going on in the mind of the other person. We all have issues going on in our lives every day that predominate our thoughts, and it's hard for us to put these issues aside and devote complete attention to the words of others, no matter how insightful and helpful they may be. Sometimes people just want to be listened to. Sometimes we just want empathy, not advice, information or opinions.
When we adopt another's perspective on things, we do more than step into their shoes. We see through their eyes, we think through their minds and we feel through their hearts. We view the world as if we actually were the other person. Simply put, empathy is getting into another person's world and connecting with them both emotionally and compassionately. We don't have to agree with them or fully understand them to be able to empathize. We don't even need to be able to relate to what they are experiencing specifically (although that can help). We just need to be present, connect with them where they are and acknowledge what they're experiencing.
Demonstrating genuine empathy creates a bond between people and generates rapport. Because empathy facilitates interpersonal connections, it draws others to us and causes them to be more open to our thoughts and ideas. It can be challenging to be empathetic, especially when we have an emotional connection or attachment to the people or situation involved (which we almost always do). It's also hard to feel empathy when we feel threatened, stressed, or emotionally triggered, which can easily happen when we are dealing with people who mean a lot to us.
The problem is that we often allow our egos, opinions, and judgments to get in the way of our ability to experience and express empathy. If you agree with someone completely, you can totally relate to that person and see things exactly as they do. However, if you have a very different take on a particular situation and can't relate, it can often be very hard to be empathetic. While it can be challenging, the power of empathy can be an extremely valuable component in persuading others to listen to and consider our ideas. It can also be an important factor in developing strong relationships with other people in general and a key element in our own emotional intelligence and well-being.
Here are three things to remember to enhance your capacity for empathy:
- Perform an Empathy Assessment. Take inventory of your life and relationships and notice where empathy may be low or missing. Take note of situations in which you demonstrated empathy versus the times you failed to do so. As you identify areas that could benefit from increased empathy, take special note of those situations where your goal is to influence other people's thinking on a particular matter and make a commitment to yourself to bring less judgment and more compassion to these situations in the future.
- Reach out to people. As you identify specific situations and relationships where you could have demonstrated more empathy, reach out to the people involved and let them know how you feel. Perhaps you may want to consider an apology for a previous lack of empathy or simply an admission that you want to bring more empathy and compassion and less judgment and opinion to your personal interactions. Start working to do that particularly with the people who you feel are most important to your success and happiness.
- Really Listen to People. The best way to express empathy towards others is through our genuine curiosity and active listening. When people feel heard, seen, and emotionally understood, they usually become open and relaxed. Asking people how they truly feel, and what's going on in their world, and then REALLY LISTENING to their responses without judgment are some of the best things you can do to express your empathy for the people around you. This will make them want to interact with you and pre-dispose them to want to listen and accept what it is you have to say.
Ask us a question about Persuasiveness.
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| I hope you have enjoyed what you've read. As always, we value your thoughts and comments. Please feel free to:
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Sincerely,
Pat Iannuzzi
Symbiont Performance Group |
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