Everyone has character. Character transcends race, religion, education, position, age, gender, and personality. People sometimes think of character as something a person either has or doesn't have. They may say, "He has character," meaning he has good character. We intuitively recognize the truth that everyone has "character" and we distinguish between "good" and "bad" character.

Character can be defined as the collection of individual traits and qualities that make up the nature of a person. There are literally dozens of personal traits and qualities that can be applied in describing an individual's character, but probably the one that has the greatest impact on  our personal and professional success is others' perception of our trustworthiness.

Trust is both an emotional and a logical phenomenon. Emotionally, it deals with exposing our vulnerabilities to other people, believing they will not take advantage of our openness. Logically, it has to do with assessing the probabilities of gain and loss based on previous experience, and concluding that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. People come to trust others either because they have evidence of the other person's trustworthiness or because they develop faith in the other person's commitment to act in a promised manner. Trustworthiness is a concept we feel about others and plays a critical role in defining our relationships with them, the realms of friendship, love, business, association and many other types of personal interactions.

A simplified, practical definition of trustworthiness would be establishing the belief in others that we will do what they expect we will do and that we will act in a way that is in their best interests. In other words, to be worthy of being trusted; to be honest, reliable, or dependable.

Trustworthiness is one of the most valuable attributes you will ever acquire. It is a moral value that is considered to be a highly desirable personal virtue. It will often be the main determining factor in whether another person will associate with you, do business with you, enter into a relationship with you, take your advice or follow your directives. It is by far the most important quality of a leader. No one will ever follow someone they do not trust. Think of the people you have met or read about. You can see how their degree of trustworthiness led to success or failure in their personal and professional lives. Remember that once trust is lost, it is almost impossible to regain.

If you establish yourself as a trustworthy person, others will come to see you as someone with whom they can feel safe and rest assured that they will not be betrayed. As a trustworthy person, others may share their worries and secrets as well as other information with you, confident that you won't reveal anything without their permission. To establish your trustworthiness, you must do what you say you will do, do it when you say you will do it and do it to the expectations of those who have placed their trust in you. It means never letting someone down. The responsibility can be either material, such as completing a specified task as promised and on time or it can be non-material such as keeping an important secret someone has entrusted you with.

Trustworthy people remain true even under stressful conditions when there may be extreme pressure to compromise or renege on previous promises. In general, in order for trust to be earned, worth and integrity must be proven over time, but once established, it will serve as an incredibly powerful magnet for attracting opportunities and for getting people to want to work with you.

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People often associate the topic of persuasion primarily with the concept of selling, but the importance of effective persuasion skills really pertains to every one of us regardless of our individual vocation. Every day each of us is involved to some degree in influencing the thoughts and actions of others. In fact, the path to success in life lies to a very large extent in gaining the cooperation of others. In this edition of Insights, we continue with our ongoing segment dedicated to the topic of persuasion.

 

THE POWER OF A PAUSE

When involved in actively trying to persuade others to our point of view, whether it be an individual or a group, our primary focus is usually on crafting the most powerful words, voice intonation and body language to drive home our argument. We tend to think of pauses in speaking as being awkward for the audience and uncomfortable for the speaker, and we usually try to avoid them, filling all of our speaking time with words or even filler words such as ahs and uhms. The reality, however, is that pauses should not be dreaded and avoided but used strategically to enhance the power of a persuasive presentation.

 

When a speaker says: "I-uh-strongly believe that it is-ah-vitally important that we-er-should move forward with this project and-uh-uh-determine the-er-timeline as soon as possible," he is not pausing; he is stumbling. It is conceivable that a speaker may be effective in spite of stumbling, but never because of it. On the other hand, one of the most important means of developing power in speaking is to pause either before or after, or both before and after, an important word or phrase. No one who wants to be a persuasive, forceful speaker should neglect this powerful speaking tactic.

Use a Pause to Emphasize a Key Point

 

Pausing after you have made an important point in your presentation helps to give emphasis to that point. It forces your listeners to reflect on what you said, instead of rushing on to catch up with your speech if you did not pause and just continued on. Here's an example, "Do you realize that fully 30% of the workers in this room right now will have to be retrained within the next nine months?..." Pausing for a few seconds after making the startling statement allows your listeners a little more time to focus on the  meaning of what you have said, thereby adding increased significance to it. It also provides a greater opportunity for listeners to let the images or ideas you've given them 'flower' in their minds and for them to more effectively summarize what you have said.

 

Another approach is to use a planned pause before as well as after making a key point, You might say, "When I went to check in with the customer service department, I found that instead of one or two customers being on hold...there were more than a dozen people waiting in to be connected..." The sense of anticipation created by the first pause serves to increase the impact of the statement even more.   

 

You can also use a pause before answering a question from a listener. By doing so, you are silently communicating to your audience that you are thoughtfully reflecting on the question prior to answering it. This this tends to heighten your listeners' attention to and retention of your answer.

 

Lastly, using pauses during your presentation can give you time to breath; to think about what you intend to say next and to digest the feedback you are getting from your listeners.

 

Ask us a question about Persuasiveness. 

 

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