It's probably a pretty safe bet to say that if each of us took a few minutes to assess ourselves and reflect on where we are today and where we seem to be heading in our lives, most of us would probably come up with a few things about ourselves that we would like to change. Toward that end, you might even want to pause for a moment while reading this article to do just that.

 

Try to visualize what your life would look like and feel like a year from now, five years from now or twenty years from now if you continue to act and behave going forward in the same way as you currently are today.

 

If you are completely happy and satisfied with the direction in which you are heading, then carry on and enjoy your accomplishments. However, if you're not, you might want to consider reading further.

 

There is a familiar saying that if you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting more of what you're getting. This is O.K. if what you're getting is what you want, but definitely not O.K. if you are seeking to achieve something better. The results you are currently achieving personally, whether desirable or undesirable, satisfying or unsatisfying, are the direct consequence of your daily actions, and if you want to change your current and/or future results, it is necessary that you change your actions.

 

As I'm sure all of us are aware, change can often be quite difficult, but the process can be helped along significantly if we have a good understanding of the critical steps involved in achieving change. One effective approach for facilitating change whether it be in an individual, group or organization is to view change as process of four steps or stages: Awareness, Motivation, Commitment, and Action.

 

1 - Change Awareness

 

Awareness of the need or desire for change is the first step. Many times people simply aren't aware for the need to change because they don't really understand the impact of their actions, or because change can be difficult, they try to side-step change issues by denying that a need for change even exists. Before any change can begin there needs to be an acute awareness and appreciation of the benefits that a particular change will provide and the negative consequences that will occur if that change does not happen.

 

However, an awareness of the benefits and consequences relative to a change issue does not necessarily guarantee that a change initiative will take place because in many situations there are also benefits from staying the same as well as negative consequences from changing. A classic example of this would be a person who is a heavy smoker. He or she would experience both benefits and negative consequences from quitting (improved health/withdrawal symptoms) and continuing to smoke (enjoyment of smoking/increased health risks).

 

2 - Motivation for Change

 

Motivation is the power that moves people to take action. With regard to change, it is directly related to the pain and pleasure that is associated with changing. Because both changing and remaining the same are connected to some degree of benefits and negative consequences, a person, group or organization will only be motivated to change when the pain of remaining the same is greater than that of changing and the pleasure of changing is greater than that of remaining the same. Both factors must be present. This is ultimately what determines whether or not a person really wants to change. Learn more about the Dynamics for Change.

 

3 - Commitment to Change

 

A commitment to change represents a mental and emotional resolve and determination to take action to bring about the desired change. Initially, one's motivation carries the day, but very soon that motivation is tested by the barriers and obstacles that tend to appear on the road to change. One's drive and spirit can soon weaken in the face of these challenges, and thoughts of quitting and going back to acting in the original manner will come to mind. Committing to change requires a continual focus on the benefits of change, a dogged perseverance to see it through, a willingness to overcome temporary setbacks and reversals that will undoubtedly be encountered along the way, and the tenacity to sustain and reinforce changes in action and behavior once they have been achieved.

 

4 - Action

 

All of the previous steps and stages set the stage for action. Action is what mobilizes your energy to make change happen. A pattern of action (behavior) can be characterized as a habit, something that one is used to doing, or a manner of conducting oneself. Implementing behavioral change, therefore, simply means substituting a more positive, productive and goal satisfying habit for one that is ineffective or perhaps even counterproductive to achieving a desired goal.

 

Years ago, neuroscientists believed that people's brains were hardwired and that once we reached the age of eighteen or so, our brains and personalities were set. We now know that brain cells constantly form new connections, which allows our thinking to continually change. For example, if a person has a regular habit such as relaxing over a drink each evening, then certain brain cell connections will have been formed to support and promote that behavior. If he or she were to form a new behavior involving a different set of brain cell connections (i.e., taking a walk instead), his or her brain will no longer have use for the old connections, and they will begin to disappear. As a person continually practices new behavior patterns (habits), new brain cell connections are formed which will eventually become dominant and support and sustain the new behavior, thereby changing a performance habit.

 

21 Days to a New Habit

 

Research by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, author of the best selling book Psycho-Cybernetics suggests that it takes at least 21 days of repeating a specific behavior to develop it into a habit. Originally a plastic surgeon, Dr. Maltz noticed that it took 21 days for amputees to cease feeling phantom sensations in their amputated limbs. From further observations he found that it took 21 days to create any new habit. The 21-day change theory maintains that it takes 21 consecutive days of acting in a new or different way to establish a new behavior as a dominant habit.

 

Determining the Right Action to Take

 

While it can be challenging at times to identify exactly what action to take to bring about productive change, the process can usually be distilled down to establishing the desired change goal you want to achieve, and then simply to stop doing something that you know is detrimental to your success and/or start doing something (for at least 21 days) that you know will help you achieve it.

 

For more information on developing successful behaviors see The Success Formula.  

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The coaching profession is rapidly growing and evolving. Today, there is a continually increasing number of coaches from a wide range of professional backgrounds offering an extensive variety of coaching services that embrace a broad spectrum of human activities. While it can be said that all coaches are concerned with improving human performance, they go by many different titles and employ an extensive array of approaches and techniques in their work. Terms such as behavioral coaching, life coaching, leadership coaching, business coaching, executive coaching as well as several others, are used to define the services that coaches offer, but unfortunately, such labels often do not adequately describe the focus and objectives of what they actually do.  

 

Some coaches describe themselves by their expertise (i.e., what they know and do, such as a sports coach, sales coach or communication coach) while others define themselves by whom they serve, (e.g., executive coach, CEO Coach). Even among coaching practitioners there is usually no universal agreement as to the meaning of such titles, no consistency in the types of services that each provides or even a consensus on a definition of coaching.  Although the technology of coaching is exploding into organizations and into people's personal lives, many remain unclear as to what coaching is and what the coaching process involves. The focus of this article is to try to bring some clarity to the subject.

 

Performance Coaching vs. Transformational Coaching

 

In a broad sense, the field of coaching can be organized into two basic categories: performance coaching and transformational coaching. Neither is more or less important, and while most coaching initiatives tend to focus primarily on one or the other, elements of both are usually involved to some degree in every coaching interaction. Performance coaching has to do with improving knowledge and skill levels (i.e., performing better) in a particular activity such as sports, the arts, interpersonal relations, in business endeavors, or in matters relating to one's personal life. Virtually any coach-client interaction focused on improving the client's performance behaviors can be appropriately categorized as performance coaching. Performance coaching is also used to minimize or remove performance limiting behaviors that create obstacles that stand in the way of an individual's optimum performance. Most performance coaching initiatives focus on one or more of four basic objectives:

• Improving a deficiency in a person's expected performance level (remedial coaching)
• Augmenting a person's effectiveness in a current responsibility
• Developing a person's ability to performing at a higher or level of responsibility
• Minimizing or eliminating a person's undesirable behavior

Transformational coaching on the other hand, deals with the "inner self" and focuses on issues such as an individual's beliefs, values, self-esteem, purpose and resilience. Transformational coaching centers around what a person is being rather than what a person is doing and helps clients identify and transcend self-limiting assumptions about themselves. This is accomplished primarily through the asking of insightful questions to help clients surface key problems in their lives and to identify for themselves the correct actions to take to resolve them. Learn more about Transformational Coaching.

 

Another Set of Eyes & Ears

 

Most of us probably associate coaching with sports or the arts where specialists observe performance behaviors and then provide feedback to help performers execute their responsibilities in a more effective manner. The primary role of a good performance coach is as a diagnostician. A coach helps a performer to see those aspects of behavior that performers themselves are is incapable or unprepared to see and then offers insights for improvement based on his or her observations. Even the best athletes and the most accomplished artists depend on skilled coaches for their continued development because a coach can provide valuable insights that would otherwise be unavailable to them. This concept is equally valuable for enhancing the performance and success of people involved in the business arena such as in sales, management, leadership and communication as well as with personal life issues.

 

Coaching is sometimes perceived as management style or even viewed as being interchangeable with mentoring, counseling, training, or consulting. As a result, potential clients often have a difficult time understanding the differences between what different coaches do or the approaches and specific benefits offered by each. While coaching does have some elements in common with each, there are also some significant differences.

 

Coaching vs. Mentoring  

 

While both coaching and mentoring focus on learning and development for improved performance, mentors usually go beyond coaching to assist in the development of their prot�g�s in additional ways. Mentors often act as role models and are usually recognized as experts in their field as well as having broad knowledge of organizational structure, policies and culture. As such, mentors often function as advocates for their prot�g�s in facilitating recognition and advancement. Mentors can be coaches and coaches can also serve as mentors, but good mentors usually transcend coaching and focus on comprehensive personal development of an individual above and beyond simply that of improved performance behaviors.

 

Coaching vs. Counseling

 

Coaching initiatives focus on performance improvement in general. They include interventions intended to enhance an individual's capabilities to perform current and future responsibilities as well as to overcome existing performance deficits or counterproductive behaviors. Counseling on the other hand, usually comes in to play when a person's under-performance becomes a problem for an organization. Its primary area of involvement is with regard to what is perceived as sub-standard behavior. Coaching emphasizes new competencies and improved performance behaviors, and while workplace counselors may at times adopt a coaching role, they primarily look for causes for performance problems and search for ways to eliminate them.

 

Coaching vs. Training.

 

Training initiatives usually involve structured learning process with a formalized curriculum. The focus of training centers on creating foundational knowledge skills and attitudes required for a specific task or set of tasks. Coaching interventions center on enhancing capabilities associated with current roles as well as preparing people for future responsibilities. Coaching is developmental rather than foundational. As with training, there is a focus on positive change in knowledge, skills and attitudes, but unlike training where the emphasis is usually on well-organized, short-term learning opportunities with specific, immediate outcomes, coaching centers on more gradual, less-structured, and informal, experience-based learning over time. Learn more about Training & Development. 

 

Learn more about Symbiont Performance Group's personal and organizational coaching.

 

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People often associate the topic of persuasion primarily with the concept of selling, but the importance of effective persuasion skills really pertains to every one of us regardless of our individual vocation. Every day each of us is involved to some degree in influencing the thoughts and actions of others. In fact, the path to success in life lies to a very large extent in gaining the cooperation of others. In this edition of Insights, we continue with our ongoing segment dedicated to the topic of persuasion.

 

Avoiding the Use of "Filler Words"

 

 

Filler words, sometimes called non-words, such as those in blue in the above sentence are unnecessary and often annoying verbal expressions that can clutter up a person's speech and can significantly impair persuasive ability. Filler words weaken your conversation or presentation and give the impression that you don't know what you're talking about. Starting every other sentence with fillers such as "you know" or "like I said" can also be interpreted as verbal expressions of your anxiety or lack of confidence, and can even have a negative impact on a person's career.

 

In December 2008, Caroline Kennedy, the daughter of the late President John F. Kennedy decided to seek the Democratic nomination for U. S. Senator from New York. As part of her campaign, she gave an interview to the New York Times in which she used 27 "ums" and 38 "you knows" in the span of five minutes. During the entire interview, she used "you know" 142 times. Her performance was almost universally ridiculed, and most people feel it was the main reason she soon ended her Senate ambitions.

 

Filler words don't add anything to what you are saying. They simply take up space as you try to think of what to say next while indicating to the listener that you are not yet finished speaking. Filler words are nothing but empty, unneeded words that restrict conversations and are often used to fill in gaps and pauses in conversations. But rather than serving as bridges, they can become roadblocks that distract your audience and interrupt the flow of your message.

 

Everyone probably uses filler word to some extent from time to time. Their occasional use shouldn't be a problem, but using such fillers excessively can be a significant impediment to your success as a persuader. The good news is that you can learn to minimize and with practice, even eliminate them entirely. Here are some suggestions for accomplishing this:

 

Become Aware of Your Use of Filler Words

 

As with other bad habits, the first step towards change is to become aware that you're using them. Listen to yourself as you speak, record yourself or ask someone to listen to you and give you feedback. Once you become aware of the types of filler words you use, when and where you use them, and the extent to which you use them, you can take steps to overcome the issue.

 

Just Stop Doing It

 

While at first this may seem like an oversimplification, simply becoming aware of a bad habit gives you the power to stop it. Try speaking for a couple of minutes about something you know, like what you did today or what you do for a living. Every time you hear yourself using a filler word, STOP, breathe, and repeat that sentence. Eventually with practice, you will get through the entire talk without using any filler words. Note: see this month's article on "Change" for some additional insights on changing habits.

 

Master the Use of the Pause

 

Silently pause instead of filling the space between thoughts with filler words. Common filler words used to connect thoughts are "and ahh" "you know" and "so." Many speakers are afraid of pauses because they believe the listener will think them to be inarticulate if they pause to think of what to say next, so they use filler words to avoid the silence. However, a brief pause will be much less distracting and can even help to  hold the listener's attention by generating an expectation of what you are going to say next.  

 

Most listeners appreciate the fact that a speaker is thinking as he or she speaks and they respect this. This is especially true if you find yourself speaking extemporaneously. Take the time to think about what you want to say. What may feel like a long pause to you will likely be seen as a very short pause to your listener or audience. Also, pausing occasionally during a conversation or speech can demonstrate self-confidence. 

 

Prepare  

 

It is a human tendency to speak even before your thoughts have been organized, and it is during this gap between the arranging of your thoughts and the words being spoken that fillers are used the most. Certainly it isn't always possible to prepare for every conversation we find ourselves involved in, but when we are talking about persuasion, we are actively committing ourselves to try to influence others to adopt our thoughts and ideas. That is essentially what persuasion is all about. Clearly then, we need to be fluent in expressing those thoughts and ideas that we intend to convey.

 

The Caroline Kennedy example mentioned above is not unique to her. People being interviewed often give poor performances in answering questions on subjects they know little about. They search in vain for something meaningful to say and use a lot of filler words in the process. However, when they get a question about something they are knowledgeable and passionate about, suddenly the filler word disappear, and instead they offer up animated, forceful responses that come from the heart as well as from the mind.  

 

Cutting out your filler words will help you convey your message to the audience without any distractions getting in the way. And you'll sound more polished and professional.

 

Ask us a question about persuasiveness.