Dec 27, '09--Jan. 7,'10
Mar 31-Apr 10, 2010
Jun30-Jul10, 2010
Oct 20-30, 2010
Jul 3-17, 2010
Jun 27-Jul 8, 2010
Dec 27, 09-Jan 10,'10
Jun 27-Jul 9, 2010
Aug 1-14, 2010
Summer 2011
Summer 2011
Aug 1-14, 2010
Dec 27, 09-Jan 8, '10
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Carmen Knight is a young adult adoptee, camp counselor, and a Ties Connect & Chat facilitator
My Turn
The summer before I started college was when I went back to Peru for the first time. As the time grew near I was anxious, nervous, and extremely excited all at the same time. On the plane I insisted on having a window seat so that I could see out the window. As we landed I was in complete awe of what I saw, the beautiful mountains and buildings. This was where I was from, this was my first home. As my family and I stepped off the plane and traveled to our hotel, I couldn't help but take in the sights, sounds, and smells. At the hotel I stared out the window and couldn't wait to see more! The more I saw the more I fell in love with Peru. Being able to go back was more than I expected. I was able to reconnect to the places, people, and memories of my past and that gave me a real sense of knowing myself a little better. As the trip came to an end I became saddened to have to leave because it felt like another home, but just like when I leave my home in the States I knew that I would return again.
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Many families are weeks away from arriving in their child's country of birth on a homeland journey. For many this time leading up to this journey is confusing because many don't know what to expect. Many people wonder how it will feel when they actually get in country. So this month our question pertains to arriving in your child's birth country.
Q. Describe the experience of arriving in your or your child's birth country. How did you feel and how do those feelings compare to how you felt when you returned home?
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Here are some of the answers...
We begin with a poignant view from Julia Mendelson, written prior to her death due to leukemia in May 2008. Slightly edited and shared with her permission. Julia's writings are profound....one of her many gifts to the world.
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A. When I returned to Korea (for the first time since I was 8 months old), I went under the delusional self-convinced theory that I was just going because I love to travel and had the opportunity at a fully-paid, friend-escorted trip. No, it would not matter one bit that I was born there. Adopted from there. My only biological relatives somewhere lost there in that place filled with "my people." That would never affect me, I convinced myself. Just another college trip.
Shock! Hurt! Confusion! It smacked me in the face like something I never knew possible from the moment I stepped off the plane. Those faces - my faces - followed me everywhere. I became paranoid. Enraged. Repeating to myself "just a college trip" in my head. I never felt so close to be being found and so lost.
I went to 'powder my nose' in the airport a moment after my arrival. As I leaned in to wash my hands a middle-aged woman next to me asked me something in Korean. I looked up at her through the mirror in front of us and I gasped out loud. "Is that HER?" was the thought that shot through my head.
It was the beginning of a series of absurd thoughts that expressed desires I never knew I had. The woman gave me a dirty look that clearly said, "What the hell is her problem?" and shook her head in disbelief and walked out.
I wanted to run after her! I wanted to grab her by the arm and yell to her in the language I know not even one word of and say, "You're my birth mother! Aren't you?!" Truly, I had gone insane. As I was walking out of the ladies room I was imagining that she would turn around, embrace me and with tears streaming down her face, she'd say, "Julia? My baby! I missed you..."
At that moment I stopped dead in my tracks, looked up and saw before me the hundreds (or so it seemed) of middle aged Korean woman. All possibilities.
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A Parents' Viewpoint by Mr. & Mrs. Knight
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The feelings on arrival in our daughter's birth country were emotional. We were excited but apprehensive; eager for her to experience her homeland once again but anxious about how she would react. Because Carmen was four years old when she joined our family she had memories and experiences that were left behind in Peru and now were being rekindled. Could she handle it? Would we be able to give her the emotional support she needed? We soon realized all the worrying was unnecessary! Carmen was comfortable, secure, ready to explore her country, and she felt like she was home. It has been a joy watching her weave the pieces of her life together since that trip in 2004. The experience was life changing for our entire family and we are grateful to have shared it with her.
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Emily Freeman, 19, was 15 years old when she traveled to her birth country and writes...
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A. Wow! When I first arrived, I was a complete mess. I had all these emotions in my head. I was so excited to be there, but also nervous that it would not be what I thought it was. It is funny to think back on those memories because when I left I was so grateful to have had the opportunity to have gone on the trip. As I spent more time there, my perceptions changed and it was not exactly what I thought it would be, but that was the good part. Around every corner was a surprise. When I left I was so sad to leave this amazing place and all the friends I had made. I was already planning my next visit back! |
Becca Piper, founder of The Ties Program talks about reactions of the younger kids.
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Younger kids tend to arrive one of two ways-tremendously excited or "I-can't-stand-up-tired." Either way, once they get their bearings, we hear things like, "Wow, everyone looks like me," said with both enthusiasm and anxiety. Some kids think, "Oh my gosh, my parents won't be able to find me." But then reality strikes. "Oh yeah, I'll be able to find them!" As they wait the short time in the airport, their eyes are already scouring the scene, making lots of comparisons about pretty tangible things. "Hey, they have Coke here, but it's in smaller cans." Or, "Look, they have Inca Cola, not Coke." Soda cans seem to be a "hot topic" because it is something kids can readily connect with. In time, most go deeper in their thoughts. Way deeper. And by the time we are ready to leave, most kids feel a real connection to their birth country, and like our older respondents above, are anxious to find ways to keep those connections alive.
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We hope you've found this information useful and insightful. Safe and wonderful journeys to you all.
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Sincerely,
The Ties Program Team
www.AdoptiveFamilyTravel.com
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