Humor Found on My Way to the Admissions Office
Harvard and MIT are considering a possible merger so that they can beat Amazon in their volume of books. However, they cannot agree on one thing--a name. Should it be Marvard or Hit?
Washington University in St. Louis has many names - WashU, Washington and You, and WUSTL. The closest WUSTL made me think of...is a German sausage.
Many colleges on the east coast call minority students "Students of Color." This truly confused me for the first time since kindergarten. "Is white not a color after all?"
Among the most frequently made mistakes on the college applications is the misspelling of Johns Hopkins University. Students kept missing the extra "s." But, it isn't just students forgetting the s, it is their habit of dropping it in all over the place. I've heard Johns Hopskins and John Hospkins. The latest I've heard from the University is that
"The S is out!" I suspect the extra "s" would add much diversity to the campus. Kudos to John Hopkin University.
Among the three essays students write for Cal-tech is one about a student's "quirky sense of humor and creative pranks." When a student asked me for advice, I suggested a Cal-attack:
"The first time I heard about you, I was soaked and mud-splattered, in an all-too-familiar admissions tour. Your small size makes for a fantastic 3:1 student:faculty ratio and a very cozy feeling. While MIT's larger size means more options for classes, activities, and easier to slack off, you are on a beautiful California suburban campus, far from the hubbub of urban MIT allowing me to focus entirely on my studies..."
In a recent visit to the
University of Chicago, Bill Gates was asked what has been the most difficult about his life. The billionaire responded: "Well, I'm really not in a position to complain."
Many universities bragged about their admissions statistics: "For the first time...more than 30,000 students applied to the college, but we only admitted less than 10% of those applied." Well, America's No Child Left behind Act is clearly not working.
This dream college announced, "Unfortunately, we have to decline the majority of our applicants." Make college a gateway, not a gatekeeper!
"These admitted students are our next generation of leaders who will make a significant contributions to our society" and give big money to our institution.
During my recent college visits, I heard again and again that biology is the most popular science major. I think it is time to give biology a new name--the most overmedicated major.
I was often asked about the most challenging part of my job. I would say that it has to be between telling colleges what they want to hear and what they need to hear. For example, on the Brown application, it has a Why essay-- "Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?"
"Oh, Brown, your pass/fail grading system on any course I take will empower me to achieve academic excellence in a less stressful environment, allowing me to pursue my passion and take responsibility for my own education...I am a sociologia tree in your enchanted forest. I will live, grow, and prosper with you..."
What they need to hear:
"Dear Brown: I am a lost tree in your scattered forest. Your lack of requirements is reflected in my lack of cohesion in the classes I've taken. I've been the designer of a shabby cabin that I would not want to live in. Having so little experience before this construction, I realize that it is no wonder that my cabin is shaky..."
Like many things in life, there really isn't one perfect college.
Thanks for reading!
Wan Chen
College Admissions Advisor
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