What Motivates You?
by Barbara Mencer
Which is more powerful ... the desire to maximize pleasure or minimize pain?
These motivations are, after all, at the root of all human action.
Another way of asking the same question is, which is the stronger driver ... wanting or fearing ... reaching for something good or trying to avoid something bad?
Well, that depends on the person, doesn't it? We're all motivated by both to some degree or another. But some people seem to derive the spark to get up and go primarily from the desire to make good things happen ... to create and expand ... while others are mostly looking to keep bad things from happening ... to preserve what they have and prevent loss, embarrassment, distress, etc.
So, here's the key question I want to ask. Is one of these basic motivations better than the other? And, if so, better in what sense? And if one is better, can you condition yourself to change what motivates you?
It would be easy to blithely say that it's better to be positive and focus on being creative and building things up rather than coming from a place of fear and lack. But many a fortune has been built, many an empire created, and many great achievements recorded by people who were motivated by feelings of inadequacy. Maybe they grew up poor and vowed never to be hungry again or maybe they were put down by a parent or their peers when they were young and resolved to work like crazy to earn the world's respect. Lots of people are motivated by the need to prove something. Is there anything wrong with that?
Well, maybe.
Not wrong in the sense that it makes those folks bad people or diminishes their achievements. Hardly. I would never presume to stand in judgment in that way. But wrong in the sense that, as a default strategy, it fails to produce the joy and satisfaction those achievements should provide.
My sense is that those who act out of a feeling of fear and lack don't enjoy life as much. And their achievements aren't as satisfying, because they don't stand on their own. They're a measuring stick of worthiness. And at what point are you ever proven worthy via external evidence? Never. Or they dismiss their achievements as just doing what was necessary to prevent something bad from happening. It had to be done. But when does the need to prevent the bad ever go away? Never.
That leads to a situation where nothing someone does is ever enough. And that is a hellish place to be.
I think of a bodybuilder I know who says he's motivated by his failures. He's won numerous titles in bodybuilding competitions over the years. He has a garage full of trophies, which he rarely looks at. And when he does look at them, he disregards the 1st place trophies and studies his lower-placing trophies.
He says they remind him that on that particular day that he wasn't good enough. Someone out there was better. He thinks about the effort he put into prepping for that contest and how it just didn't cut it. He thinks about what he can do better.
He swears this focus on failure helps him bring forth his best effort. And yet, he hasn't won the trophy he most wants to win, even though he's been trying for four years.
I have to wonder if his results would be better if he focused on the vision of winning that coveted trophy. Maybe he'd be better off if he let the feeling of exhilaration around winning motivate him rather than his dissatisfaction with "failing."
The energy of desire is very powerful. When we say, "I want this" and "I can do this" and we visualize a great outcome, we're tapping into the universal power of attraction.
When we come from a place of lack and fear, it leads to thoughts of, "I don't want this" or "I have to struggle to get this." And focusing on what you don't want or how hard it is to get will just get you more of what you don't want and guarantee that it'll be hard to get.
So, what do you think? Can you condition yourself to change what motivates you? I think you can.
It's mostly a matter of what you consciously choose to put your focus on ... having or avoiding.
When you focus on what you want and how great it'll be to have it, it does two things for you. It makes it more likely that you'll get it and you'll be happier with it when you do.
So what motivates you? And how's that working for you?
If you aren't getting what you want from life, it might be worth examining where your motivation is coming from and where you're putting your focus.
It can make all the difference.
Warmest regards,
Barbara
