It's not easy for most of us to cut our losses and head in a new direction.
I don't care whether we're talking about bad financial decisions, life plans that didn't work out, or affairs of the heart, it's darned hard to throw in the towel, call it quits, and move on. It's hard to walk away from any big investment of personal energy, no matter what form it takes ... blood, sweat, and tears or just time and money.
From time to time I'll have clients who are having more than the usual trouble building their businesses. It's painfully clear to me what the problem is. They really don't want to do what they're doing! But, they feel stuck. They've invested a whole lot of time, money, energy, and themselves into their enterprises. And maybe they don't hate what they're doing, but they aren't happy either.
When I ask them what they might do instead, they don't really know, which only creates frustration and a feeling of being stuck. Who hasn't been there in one aspect of their lives or another?
The questions you have to ask yourself in a situation like this are simple enough, but they aren't always so easy to answer.
1) What do I really want? What are my other possibilities?
2) Do I take on a new direction or not? The decision to move in another direction or not should be based more on which of the various alternatives lights you up than on logical analysis, although that's obviously important too.
3) If I decide I want to do something else, do I make my move now or wait?
If you're unhappy, you owe it to yourself to look at different options and allow yourself to think in terms of possibility and what you want to do rather than limitations and what you feel you need to do. Obligation is not inspirational. It'll suck the life out of you.
I think a lot of people don't even want to imagine something better, because they're convinced they can't have it. They see themselves as stuck, so why not simply lower expectations, settle for what they've got and avoid the pain of disappointment? Ugh. That's no way to live.
The problem for my clients is that making some sort of clear decision pretty soon isn't optional. They can't move forward in their current situation. It won't work. They can't attract the clients they need to with the vibrations they're sending out. These questions will soon be forced on them. Unless they're able to change their vibration, it's better to think about these questions now and make a decisive move.
I think we all know that's good advice intuitively, no matter how hard it may be to follow. But I also know it's good advice from seeing who "wins the game," quite literally.
In team development workshops we've done, we play a tower building game where several teams compete against each other. Their goal is to build the tallest tower from folded index cards. Without getting into the details, we present them with a dilemma once they're well into the building process. They have to either tear the whole thing down and start over or try to make the existing structure work somehow. Clearly, the only logical thing to do is to tear the thing down and start over, but here's the kicker ... 80-85% of the teams don't!
Those who quickly size up the situation as hopeless, let go of the past, and take decisive action to point themselves in a more promising direction almost always win the game hands down.
Why, then, would the great majority of people proceed with an approach that, upon the slightest reflection, was a guaranteed loser? Almost entirely because they'd invested their time, effort, and best thinking into producing the existing product. It was their baby. They couldn't bear to see that investment go to waste and have to start all over again. They were in denial.
So, what does this tell us? Those who size up a bad situation in a clearheaded manner and make a decisive move sooner rather than later end up in the best place.
In next month's newsletter, I want to keep after this and look at some tools that can help you explore your options and make these tough decisions. Until then, let's just leave it at this. Even though it doesn't look like it sometimes, you always have options. You have the freedom to choose. Feeling trapped is a state of mind that we create. And the pain comes mostly from lack of resolution to the conflict you're experiencing. Making a decision cures that.
And finally, when it comes to your vocation, do what you love and you'll never feel trapped.
