How often have you ever said these words to someone else? Probably not very often ... if ever. Because you wouldn't want to hurt that person's feelings or destroy their confidence.
And the craziest thing about it is that we allow ourselves to think of this derogatory self-talk as virtuous somehow, as if we're holding ourselves to account by giving ourselves a good talking to.
That's just so wrong.
In their book, Money and the Law of Attraction, Esther and Jerry Hicks have one line that just bowled me over.
"... there is nothing more detrimental to your ability to positively attract than a negative attitude toward yourself."
Wow. Read that again.
Criticism and punishment don't inspire. They don't generate good energy. They don't open up the door for what you want to come in.
Case in point. Who gets kids to perform at their best, the coach who rants and raves and is always criticizing or the coach who believes in their potential and is always encouraging them?
Well then, don't criticize yourself. Don't berate yourself. Don't beat yourself up. Instead, talk nice to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Build yourself up.
Everybody has flaws. We all make mistakes. We all have things we wished we'd done better. Who doesn't have regrets over what they've done (or not done) and beaten themselves up over their mistakes? STOP IT. It's not just some harmless indulgence. It's damaging. How? It affects your quality of life now AND it keeps you from attracting everything you want.
I'm a perfectionist. I expect a lot from myself. I expect to be able to balance owning and running a business, being a mom and wife, keeping to my fitness regime (which could be a full time job in and of itself), running a house, and maybe having some self-care in there somewhere as well. And do it all perfectly.
Recently, I got up at 6 am, put a load of laundry in the washer, popped 8 chicken breasts on the grill, and put a pot of rice on the stove to boil. (Because of my training regimen, I eat 7 small meals a day and a lot of chicken.) I ate my breakfast and then headed to my office to read a few emails and get my workday started before I had to tend to anything. I got involved in my work. 60 minutes went by. I came out and the chicken and rice were ruined.
Annoyed with myself, I started up a new pot of rice and put some more chicken on the grill.
AND I DID IT AGAIN!
I was now at the point of tears. How could I be so careless? How could I be so STUPID?!!! Like I have time for this. I was really down on myself, but I took a deep breath, let the anger and frustration wash out of my system, and replaced the abusive self-talk with forgiving self-talk. By doing that, I was able to fix my vibration so I didn't ruin my day.
And that incident is just a little goof up in the grand scheme of things. I've had my share of serious things that required a steady stream of forgiving self-talk so they didn't ruin my life!
I must say I've gotten much better as I've come to realize that not only does being hard on myself not help anything, it actually hurts me. When I create a negative attitude toward myself around anything, I'm not allowing the good things I want to come my way. And I'm making myself feel bad in the process.
But what about you? Are you hurting yourself?
Listen to your self-talk. Look at your beliefs about yourself. If the self-talk is abusive, change it. It's time to put away the coat hanger and be done with the beatings. If the beliefs are disempowering, ditch them, and come up with ones that allow you to unleash your potential and allow everything you want to come your way.
And most importantly ... be as gentle and respectful with yourself as you would be with others.
Warmest Regards,
Barbara
