People judge you a couple of ways. One is by how competent, trustworthy, and kind you are. (Substitute any adjectives you like.) But those judgments are all based on experience. People come to know you by your actions.
But what if someone doesn't know you? They have no basis in experience to know who they're dealing with. Does that mean they won't judge you? No way. They'll just do it based on surface impressions, using that part of the brain that sizes things up quickly with limited information in a more instinctive and pre-rational sort of way.
They'll judge you based on style instead of substance ... until they get something substantial to judge you by.
The implications of this are huge. Maybe you're a service provider looking to connect with a potential client you're interacting with for the first time. Or maybe you're asking for a loan, being grilled in a job interview, or speaking to a group of people you've never met.
How well things go has almost everything to do with how successful you are in creating a favorable impression of yourself and building rapport with the people you're presenting yourself to.
I can tell you firsthand that the ability to connect with people at this most basic human level in a genuine and powerful way is all-important to building a practice and expanding a business. People do business with people they trust and feel comfortable with ... people who they believe can help them get the results they want. And that trust, belief, and comfort level often has to be established pretty darn quick!
So, what is it that creates that all-important first impression? Research has shown that the words you speak account for only about 7% of the overall impression of your trustworthiness and believability. (UCLA study by Albert Mehrabian.)
How you look to people ... your posture, gestures, facial expression, clothing ... and how you look at them ... eye contact ... accounts for about 55%. How you sound in terms of vocal characteristics and speech pattern ... voice pitch, pacing, pausing, projection, inflection ... makes up the other 38%.
The bottom line: Your non-verbal communication matters. And yet, what's so crazy is that most people pay almost no attention to how they look and sound and the vibe they give off. They're not mindful of the perception they're creating, even when there's a whole lot to gain ... or lose.
Let's take the simplest example there is. Do you pepper your speech with "ums" and "uhs" or "okays" and "you knows?" Most people do. Why? Because they've probably never even thought about it or if they did, didn't think it mattered. It does matter!!!
When I speak to groups, I almost never say, "uh" anymore. Is that some big achievement? No. Does it make a difference in the effectiveness of my speaking? Absolutely. It has the effect of making me seem more focused and I come across as being more incisive ... because I am more incisive. That's important.
He's helped literally thousands of people present themselves and their ideas in an effective and compelling way, so I've listened carefully to what he had to say and put it into practice. (He'd probably tell you that's about the only time I ever listened to him, but that's a story for another time!)
Combine not saying "uh," with the ability to pause and breathe, to vary pace and mood, to "own" the place you're speaking from, etc., and you create a more commanding, authoritative, and compelling overall impression. This allows the real, substantive message to get through.
A lot of little things add up to create one big overall effect. The result? You make a deeper, more profound connection with more people more consistently. And making a connection is what it's all about in terms of both personal satisfaction and professional results.
Next month, we'll focus on the psycho-emotional side of presenting yourself and making a connection with people. It's all about being yourself ... your best self ... getting "out of your head" and coming from a place of humble strength and a genuine need to be of service to others.
Until then, I leave you with a challenge. Go through two conversations or give one "presentation" of any kind without saying "uh" or "um" one time. I'm warning you. It ain't easy. But you can do it!
Good luck!
Denise
