In Parshat Yitro, the Torah says, "They came to the desert of Sinai in the third month after they left Egypt." It then says, "They traveled from Refidim to the desert of Sinai." Why is Sinai mentioned twice?

The generation that left Egypt reached lofty levels. Yet they knew deep in their hearts that it was artificial, their growth did not reflect their true essence. Hashem elevated them so they could become a holy nation and accept the Torah. As they neared Sinai, they become weak and afraid. They questioned, "We are former slaves. Who are we to accept Torah and become Hashem's chosen people? Do we have the strength to do this?"

Chazal say that this feeling of self-deprecation and fallibility was a sin and ultimately led to confrontation with Amalek. Amalek's desire was to obliterate Jewish self-confidence and optimism. Amalek cooled off the Jews. They saw no spiritual strength in them and so they came and fearlessly attacked.

The feeling of yesh (being something) can have both a good and bad effects. You can do great things if you feel empowered. But it can also lead to arrogance and selfishness. The feeling of ayin, nothingness, means letting go of the reigns and allowing Hashem to lead. This is good, but if it leads to feelings of lowliness and depression, it is the antithesis of Torah. At Refidim the Jews' feelings of ayin led to despair. Yet they picked themselves up and went to Sinai where they discovered their inherent greatness.

We too must visualize ourselves at Sinai. We must see the future as good and bright and live that future today. This is the power of the Jewish people. "Vayisu me'Refidim," they abandoned the feelings of hopelessness' which Amalek tried to engender. V'yavo'u har Sinai, they found greatness at Sinai. They were able to reach elevation, because they had the feeling that they could do it. They felt they were Hashem's children and that he would infuse them with the strength they needed.

The Torah says, "Zachor et yom haShabbat." On Shabbat, we gather spiritual energy for the coming week. The power of Shabbat gives us strength to confront our daily challenges. We must also remember Amalek and the giving of the Torah. No matter how invincible our enemies seem, whether they are spiritual or physical, we must remember how the Jewish people didn't let the Amalek experience wipe them out. They knew the attack was short lived. They would go beyond that to Sinai to lofty heights.

The Torah is compared to water, which gives life. It is called the tree of life because it comes forth from living waters, the same way a tree is nurtured by water. When a person reveals a new aspect of truth in Torah, a chiddush that no one has ever discovered before, he experiences a sensation of joy.

The Torah is an unfolding process. The same way there are chiddushim in Torah that are continually being created, there are interpretations of actions in the world of Torah that are continually developing. Today you confront choices that nobody in the world ever had to make. Nobody ever lived the day you're living today. It's a completely new and unique opportunity. The joy of reacting correctly in a given situation is the joy of chiddush.

When Avraham was given the mitzvah of brit milah, the letter hey was added to his name. Hey hints to the Torah. The culmination of creation was Yom HaShishi, the sixth day. The extra hey at the beginning of the word signifies the sixth day of Sivan, when the five books of the Torah were given. It also parallels the five parts of the mouth that are sanctified through learning Torah: the tongue, teeth, lips, larynx, and palate. The direction that we take in life and our self-definition comes through speech.

To kill the yetzer hara one must have yirat Hashem (fear of Hashem). This entails acquiring a sense of Hashem's immanence, and constantly asking what He would want at the moment. We need to align our will with the Almighty. We must empower the yetzer tov (good inclination) over the yetzer hara. This will develop yirah.

A person will never have yirah without studying Torah. You can't know the king unless you read his letter. Pirkei Avot teaches, "Ein bor yireh chet." An ignorant person can't fear sin. The only way to pass the tests of life is to know enough Torah to know what to do during moments of challenge. We must work to acquire the feeling of inner trembling that we had at Matan Torah that inspired us to know the Torah.

In order to attain yirat Hashem, one must be humble. Anavah (humility) leads to teshuva (repentance) because you won't change something in yourself if you're unwilling to admit your own imperfections. When you see your own smallness, how Hashem sustains you and gives you everything you need, it opens you up to yirat Hashem, to teshuva, and observance of mitzvot. This leads to ahavat Hashem. You love him for how much He is involved in your life in spite of your smallness.

Ahavat Hashem is repeated in the Torah eighteen times. It's yearning for connection and desiring to hear what Hashem wants of us. Attachment comes from finding the place in ourselves that wants to attach the written law, what was said, to the oral law, our own contribution. Echad (one) and ahavah share a common numerical value of thirteen. This signifies the thirteen logical methods that connect the written and oral Torah.

A person must battle for Torah. The self is pitted against itself for the sake of truth. You have to be honest and you have to be humble. The core of anavah (humility) is giving honor to Hashem. The more a person perceives Hashem's greatness the more he expects from himself. Anavah is not low self-esteem but finding the things within you that are real, significant and honorable, the parts that are most like Hashem.

The Torah is the blueprint of creation. It is Hashem's vehicle of self-revelation. When you learn Torah, you don Hashem's garment of anavah. But you have to want that humility. A person could excel in Torah, but if he isn't willing to step out of himself, the learning just becomes a feather in his cap.

May we be worthy to learn and live Torah with humility, fear, and profound love.

As much as possible, one should try to avoid associating with angry people, even if they are relatives. We learn this from our forefather Yaakov who, on his deathbed, said about angry people, "Don't put me in their company."

It's a terrible mistake to decide to marry someone temperamental with the assumption that the person will improve. Anger is a trait not easily rectified . The Gemara teaches, "One who gets angry, is as if he worships idols." Idolatry is motivated in a large part by a lack of self-control over one's passions. A man with a raging temper is capable of terrible things.

When dealing with an angry person one must try to use tact, common sense, and restraint. The Mishna in Avot tells us not to try to pacify a person in their hour of anger. This just reinforces the anger. Anger begets anger. One should respond calmly as it says in Mishlei, "A gentle response pacifies wrath." Rabbi Pliskin advises that acknowledging the person's right to be upset can trigger further anger. But if you appeal to their fair and generous side and ask them to restrain their anger, you can disarm them.

One shouldn't get angry over petty matters. If you are angry at your boss, don't take it out on your family. Even if you are justifiably angry, you must still act fairly. A person should not react immediately when his anger is out of control. It is much better to wait until it subsides so he can weigh the situation carefully.

We must let go of our anger. Many families' cohesiveness have been destroyed by rage. Things don't get better unless you try to mend them. The Torah says, "Al tisna et achicha bilvavecha." Do not hate your brother in your heart. This implies that not all anger should be repressed. It's best to tell a person who offended you that you are angry. Otherwise, you are liable to harbor resentment. Inform the person so he has a chance to make up with you. Focus on the wrong that was done. Don't bring up past misdemeanors.

If a mugger held you up at gunpoint, by right you would be furious. But if you would say anything to him, you would say politely. This proves that we can control our tempers if we consider it important enough. If someone offered you a prize of 2 million dollars in exchange for squelching your anger, would you do it? Surely. Why do we senselessly destroy close relationships which are worth far more?

The first step towards learning to control our temper is to acknowledge the fact that we can control it. We shouldn't let ourselves be controlled by it. Chazal say, "Reshaim b'yad yitzram." Evil people are in the hands of their inclinations. When Kayin killed Hevel in his rage, he became the first murderer in history. Hashem told him, "You can control your anger." This is an admonition for us. We also have the ability to control our anger.

Question:

My neighbor's child spends hours at our house. I think the family is troubled. Although the girl is very sweet, she can be demanding and sometimes takes away time that I would otherwise give to my own children. Should I continue to welcome her?

Answer:

If the child is not a negative influence on your children, it would be a very positive example for you to unconditionally give her a safe place whenever she needs it.

I find it ironic when people sometimes ask, "If I give too much to others, doesn't it detract from my own children?" This is teaching your children to emulate Avraham Avinu, to be amudei chesed, and tocultivate a relationship with Hashem by imitating His ways of kindness.