When Hashem decreed that Sedom would be destroyed, he sent angels to save Lot and his family. The angels warned them not to look back, but Lot's wife did not listen and was turned into a pillar of salt. Why was she punished in such an unusual way?

The Sichot Mussar points out that when the Torah mentions the annihilation of Sedom, it uses the Shem Havaya, which connotes mercy. This seems out of place. Isn't punishment a form of judgment? The Sichot Mussar explains that whenever Hashem punishes us, it always comes from a place of love. He wants us to grow, to purify ourselves through suffering, so that ultimately we can reach our fullest potential. Retribution and love do not contradict each other. It is precisely in the most difficult times that we can sense the Divinepresence most. Lot's wife died because Hashem Himself laid waste to Sedom and when she looked back, she glimpsed a perception of Him. "Ki lo yirani ha'adam v'chai. Man cannot see Me and live."

Parshat Vayera is the parsha that is read on Rosh Hashana. The Emunat Itecha writes that an aspect of Rosh Hashana is felt on this Shabbat. Rosh Hashana is malchut (kingship). It is the day of actualized emunah. Our generation is challenged by lack of faithjust as Lot's wife entertained doubts. We must ask ourselves honestly, are we listening to Hashem on his terms or do we want him to listen to us on our terms? Avraham, who remained strong in the face of great trials, is our model of true emunah.

Nothing in this world happens by chance. It is all a part of a master plan. Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt because she would not provide salt for her guests. It wasn't miserliness. She could afford salt. She did not give salt because of her mean-spirited nature. Rav Zeidel Epstein explains that if a person refuses to give food to others, there's room to judge favorably that he cannot afford it. But salt is a food enhancer that costs almost nothing.

We must ask ourselves, am I doing chesed for myself or to benefit others? Salt isn't a necessity but it makes food tasty and pleasant. It signifies stretching oneself beyond one's obligation. This is the kind of chesed we should aim for. Lot's wife lacked the redeeming quality of kindness. When she turned around, she showed that she had remained essentially unchanged and still identified with the qualities of Sedom. Therefore, she was turned into salt.

Why did Rachel yearn for children so desperately?

Most people desire children out of a desire to nurture and to taste the sweet feeling of fulfillment in motherhood. But there was another component to Rachel's deep longing. She understood that in order to concretize Yaakov's talents and personality, she needed to help him build a people. A child would mean a future for the Jewish nation. There are childless people who find other means to leave a permanent remembrance in the world. Some adopt, some dedicate themselves to chesed and other charitable causes, but for Rachel her raison d'etre was founding a people. Therefore, for her childlessness was all the more agonizing.

Rachel told Yaakov, "Give me children, if not let me die." She somehow felt that her eternity was being thwarted and that Yaakov, as a tzaddik, could change it. But in truth, she was wrong. She had to strengthen her reliance solely on Hashem in order to have children and this was what Yaakov demanded of her.  

The Torah tells us, "Hashem remembered Rachel." Rashi points out that he remembered her good deeds. Seforno further explains that there were two components that made her finally merit a child. One was her prayers and the other was her hishtadlut (efforts) with the dudaim (mandrakes). Sometimes Hashem waits to see if we will actively pursue what we desire so much and only then does He give it us.

Why did Rachel and Leah want children? They perceived each child as an entire world, an aspect of their own eternity and creativity. The contribution each child can make cannot be replicated by anyone else. Children aren't easy to raise, it's part of the curse Chava received. But you can have just as much agony with raising two children as with fifteen. The world is lacking. It needs good people. There is too much luxury and too little content, too much oppression and too little kindness, too much cruelty and too little sensitivity. Bringing a kind, sensitive, giving person into the world is making a contribution to humanity that no one else can make.  

Rachel called her first son Yosef which implies, "He gathered in my shame." Shame comes as a result of feeling less than what you could be. Having a child maximized Rachel's potential. Binyamin's name means the son of the right or the child of my agony. Rachel died while giving birth to him and was buried on the way to Beit Lechem. Yaakov knew that his descendants would stop to pray at her grave. They would receive more than they would at any other holy place because of the unconditional mercy Rachel showed for Leah.  

The Imahot's imprint lingers with us just as much as the imprint of the Avot. Their great middot (attributes) and noble deeds live on within us. Let us strive to emulate them.

The Mesilat Yesharim teaches that life is not about material possessions, but about working on our middot. Sinful thoughts are sometimes worse than evil actions. Sins caused by bad middot can be more severe than acts of violence or forbidden food.

The act of stealing is grave. The Gemara says that a drought comes as a result of gezel (stealing). What is the connection? Rain, which comes directly from Hashem, symbolizes faith. When there's a drought, people realize that Hashem controls the world.  

Emunah is a step above logic. Acting dishonestly indicates a lack of faith. In fact one of the first questions the soul will be asked is, "Were you honest in business?" In this sentence the gemara uses the word emunah to mean honest. Hashem loves people who are yashar, straight. He watches over those who live with faith.  

One can easily stumble with gezel by robbing someone's time, sleep, or kavod, self-respect. One can also slip up in business. Maintaining correct weights and measures and refraining from luring customers away are part of basic business ethics. The Rambam says that just as an employer must be honest and pay his workers on time, so too an employee must be careful not to waste time. He must work with all his concentration. We find this with Yaakov who told Esav, "Im Lavan garti. I lived with Lavan." Rashi explains, "Taryag mitzvot shamarti." I attained wealth not because I stole the blessings but because I kept the mitzvoth. I did what I was supposed to do. Lavan expressed no gratitude to Yaakov for all his hard work. Even so, Yaakov gave him his all. He worked with emunah. That is the true definition of a tzaddik.  

Our sages praise Chanoch who was a shoemaker, because every stitch he did was with full concentration. He tried to give his customers the most perfect product. This is what the Torah expects of us. This is nekiut.

Being straight in all areas leads to elevation, as it says, "Ein Hakodosh Baruch chafeitz eleh emunah." Hashem only desires trustworthiness. May we merit to attain this lofty level of truth.

Question:

My friends constantly complain. It seems as if they think they're earning points for all the imperfections they notice. How do I get them to stop harping on all this negativity?

Answer:

We Jews are perfectionists. We're great fixers. The reason your friends have something to say about everything is because of their subconscious yearning for shleimut (perfection). As you've pointed out, they are misdirecting this yearning. There are other areas in life that a person should invest in perfecting, beyond things that are petty or unfixable. Your goal is to try to figure out what will challenge them.

I know a very unusual woman in Jerusalem who noticed that the various factions in her neighborhood were autonomous and had little to do with each other. A lot of people fell between the cracks. She decided to organize a chesed (charitable) organization. To fund activities, she ran a raffle campaign several times a year. Some neighbors volunteered to do publicity, others solicited prizes, while a third group prepared food for the evening. In this way, she got everyone involved and connected.

Ask yourself what you can do to join your friends together. Think of something productive or inspiring. It could be similar to what this woman did. You could organize a learning group or a grassroots project.

Whatever you decide to do, your friends are women of enormous potential who can harness their energies for good things. Try to find something that will move them forward to accomplish what's real and eternal.