The Sefat Emet teaches that the essence of the month of Elul is understanding the interplay of the word 'lo' as expressed in the verse in Tehillim, "Hu asanu v'lo anachnu. He created us and we are His." 'Lo' can be translated interchangeably as 'to Him' or 'we are nothing.' We have the ability to attach ourselves to Hashem to the extent that we nullify ourselves. This is encoded within the word Elul - spelled lamed, aleph, lamed, vav.

What does nullifying oneself mean? Rav Tatz explains that our inner struggles are linked to the root challenge first faced by Adam. Adam reasoned that if he would sin he would bring himself and the world down from its pure state into a world of physicality. If he could then stand firm against temptation, he would achieve much more than by resisting sin on an elevated level. However, he was mistaken. Where there is an illusion of independence, where there's a wrong choice that contradicts the Divine Will, there is a death. We all face this challenge. Being told what to do is a negation of self. Adam wanted to use his entire being to serve Hashem. But he failed to realize that the greatest assertion of free will is giving in to a Higher Will. Elul is a time to introspect and ask ourselves, how many times did our will and Hashem's Will clash? How many times did we insist on our own will? It's a time to work on nullifying the 'I' and committing our will to Hashem.

There's also the second aspect of 'lo.' We belong to Hashem. The Netivot Shalom writes about the pasuk, "Nachpesa diracheinu, Let us search our ways." We must not only think about our sins but also about our mitzvot. What is our mindset when we do mitzvot and learn Torah? Are we just going through the motions and missing the essence? When we say a bracha or daven, do we visualize that we are talking to the Masterof the world? Elul is a preparatory time to analyze our relationship with Hashem. We must open our eyes to find Him.

There's no aspect of life devoid of Hashem. Whether it's physical or spiritual needs, we must turn to Him for help. When we do this, even for minor things, He becomes more involved in our lives. The Chazon Ish told a student that the main thing to ingrain in a child's mind is emuna and hashgacha pratit, recognizing that Hashem is intimately involved in every aspect of our life. This is how we develop an emotional bond with Him. The mindset of a Jew has to be, "V'ani kirvat Elokim li tov. For me closeness to Hashem is good."

If we spend Elul focusing on making Hashem's Will our own and on developing a relationship with Him, we can then stand before him on Rosh Hashana and crown Him king.

The Gemara derives the obligation to have three mealson Shabbat from the three reiterations of the word 'hayom' in the verse, "Ichlu'hu hayom." Another source for the mitzva of seudot Shabbat is the law of oneg Shabbat.

The Rambam and other Rishonim point out that oneg (pleasure) only obligates us to have two festive meals. Therefore, they rule that one can fulfill Shalosh Seudot with a snack such as cake or fruit. The Shulchan Aruch disagrees and maintains that one should wash for bread and l'chatchila (ideally) this is the appropriate practice. In fact the Aruch Hashulchan writes strongly against those who are lax in this. The leniency to eat something other than bread is only for the sick and those who are not careful will have to answer for it. However, since the Rishonim did not require bread to establish seudah shlishit, you do not have to bentch again if you forgot Ritzei.

According to the Rama, if you were unable to eat a bread meal on Friday night, you should make it up and have three meals during the day. There is no requirement to have two mealson a Yom Tov day, there's only an obligation of oneg and that can't be made up during the day. However the Rama does say to have two meals.

The Taz rules that once a person accepts Shabbat, he can fulfill the mitzva of seudat Shabbat even if it's still day. The Maharshal disagrees and says one can only accept the prohibition of melacha (work), but the meal cannot begin before nightfall as it says "Ichlu'hu hayom." The Sefer Chassidim concurs with the Taz and maintains that the meal can begin during daytime, but it should extend until after nightfall in keeping with the commandment of "Ichlu'hu." The Mishna Berura agrees with the Sefer Chassidim. However, even the Maharshal would concur that one can fulfill the obligation of oneg before nightfall. Oneg requires a bread meal, while the obligation of ichlu'hu can be fulfilled with other food. Therefore, if one washes while it's still day, it is proper to delay the end of the meal till after nightfall.

Yom Tov only has a din of oneg, not ichlu'hu. Therefore, all opinions agree that on Yom Tov you can finish the meal while it's still day. However, this would only be relevant on the last night of Pesach, as all the other yamim tovim require the meal to begin after nightfall for other reasons.

One should wash for shalosh seudot before sunset. If there's a delay, the latest time to wash is thirty minutes before nightfall, as explained in the Mishna Berura. Ideally shalosh seudot should be eaten after mincha. It should be a joyful, pleasurable meal so care should be taken not to fill up at the first meal. The Rama rules that the custom is to have lechem mishne (two loaves). If it isn't possible, one should at least have a single loaf. Women are obligated in shalosh seudat just like men.

The Gemara writes about the significance of honoring Shabbat. A person should try to the best of his ability to enjoy the oneg of Shabbat so that there is chatzi lachem (half for oneself) and chatzi L'Hashem (half for Hashem) on the Shabbat day. 

There is a spark in the innermost part of every Jew's heart that is meant to expand and reveal the light of Hashem. The Midrash tells a parable of a king who had an only daughter. When she married, the king told his son-in-law, "Wherever you go, keep a room ready for me so that I can be near my daughter." Similarly, when Hashem gave the Jews the Torah, he said, "I am coming with my Torah. Make a dwelling place for Me." The dwelling place is in our heart, which is also where the yetzer hara resides.

The Gemara say, "Barati yetzer hara barati Torah tavlin. I created the evil inclination, but I created Torah as a neutralizing spice." The Torah consumes the bad effects of the evil inclination while at the same time it reveals the Shechina. What is the secret force behind the Torah and mitzvot that gives them the power to purify our hearts? Hashem created a great spiritual light on the first day of creation that he hid away for the tzaddikim. This light originally shone for thirty six hours and is concealed in the thirty six mesechtas of Shas. The happinessa person has when he learns Torah and keeps mitzvot stems from this hidden light. It says in Tehilim, "Ohr zarua l'tzaddik u'liyishrei lev simcha." The tzaddik rejoices because of the divine light inside of him. Wherever there is godliness, there is happiness.

When a person dies, there is a small bone called luz that does not disintegrate. The Arizal writes that the soulhovers above this bone and does not let it decompose. The soul remains with the person, because of the merit of the Torah he studied and the divine light that he absorbed. The upper root of every Jew's soul is attached to a letter in the Torah. When a Jew studies Torah, he joins with his letter and with Hashem. Unlike the spiritual world, which becomes more hidden as it touches the physical world, the Torah retains its holiness at its source. However, there's one condition. The intention a person has when he learns Torah and keeps mitzvot must be for the sake of Hashem. If a person has ulterior motives, the Shechina departs. And in fact we see that although there's so much Torah and tefila in Klal Yisrael, the exilestill stretches on. Instead of thinking about the pain of the Shechina, we have our own purposes in mind. This is preventing Mashiach from coming.

Each person needs to correct what is in his heart. Although Torah that is not l'shem shamayim has some effect, it won't save us completely from the evil inclination. Only if it is for Hashem's sake, will a person merit the full richness and light of the Torah. The Ibn Ezra says that when a person does a mitzva for Hashem's sake, he fulfills the commandment of 'Anochi Hashem.' He affirms that he believes in Hashem. When we do mitzvot in this way, we enable Hashem to dwell inside our hearts and to expand and reveal Himself.

Question:   

How can I rid myself of bad thoughts? For example, sometimes I wish evil on someone, while at the same time wanting their good. I know these thoughts stem from my yetzer hara (evil inclination).  How do I fight them?

Answer: 

You may not be able to prevent a negative thought from entering your mind, but you can decide if you want it to stay there. The Baal Shem Tov says, "You are where your mind is." You can make a choice to say, "I don't want to be here, I want to think of something else," and consciously distract yourself by thinking of something important in your life at the moment. You can also take another approach. After the negative thought enters your mind, ask yourself, "What is this coming to correct in me?"

Rav Asher Freund once told a parable about a man who died. A tree began to grow right over his grave. In the course of time, the roots burrowed deep into the ground until they pierced his body and drew nourishment from it. The tree grew and became very large. Hashem judged the man and decided that he had to come back again to life. In his second reincarnation, he was a carpenter. He ordered wood and the merchant delivered a big chunk of the tree which was in essence him. His life force had gone into it. It was old and bent and he vacillated whether to make something out of it or to just discard it.

When Hashem makes something ugly come your way, it's a reflection of yourself. You can either rectify it or discard it. Ask yourself, "What do I need to fix?" Let's say you're jealous of someone. Their life seems better than your life. They're connected, you're isolated, they're secure, you're insecure; they have a perfect marriage, you don't. You find yourself thinking, "She has everything and I have nothing." At that point you have to ask yourself, "If I'm jealous of her life, then Hashem is making me question something. How do I regard my own life? Do I see it with all its problems and challenges as coming from Hashem? Do I look at it with simcha (happiness)?" This could be a call for some deep soul-searching and a step towards self-improvement.