In his essay, "Atem Nitzovim," the Baal HaTanya writes about connecting to Hashem through penimiyut halev-the innermost depths of the heart.

The process begins by awaking the chitzoniyut halev-the outer heart. This is accomplished through daat (knowledge) and hitbonnenut- meditating on the greatness of Hashem. Thinking about how Hashem created everything and brought the world into being from nothing and how He renews our existence at every moment, should arouse us.

Concentrating on these truth further, brings to ze'akat halev- a cry from the heart, which is compared to the roar of a lion. This comes forth from the outer point of the heart because in the vision of the heavenly chariot in Yechezkel, the lion is on the right side of the camp of Michael. It is an expression of our great love for Hashem, our tremendous desire to negate ourselves in the light of Him, and the will to sense that chiyut Elokut (the Divine spark), although only external.

What is the difference between chitzoniyut (externality) and penimimyut (internality) in the spiritual sense? Similar to physical reality, only the outside is visible while the inside is hidden.  It is compared to a great sage learning with a young child whose comprehension is still limited. The sage will teach the child the superficial aspect of the truth, rather than the deep ideas contained in his heart. Similarly, we cannot grasp Hashem's presence and thoughts. It's only the external aspects that are somewhat accessible. His penimiyut ha'or, His Infinite Light, which transcends the boundaries of creation, is hidden, much like the penimiyut of the teacher's mind. If so, how can a Jew cry out to Hashem from penimiyut halev which is higher than anything that can be clothed in words?

Hashem's name is exalted above and beyond what a human mind can comprehend, "Ani Hashem lo shanisi" (I am Hashem, unchanged). The same way He was before creation, He is afterwards. His penimiyut hasn't diminished in any way.  Where Hashem's essence isn't enclosed in chitzoniyut nothing has changed. Hashem is like an eish ochla-a consuming flame. By nature, fire is the opposite of water which flows down. Fire rises up and doesn't spread out to the lower world. This refers to the penimiyut ha'or-the Inner Light of Hashem which we can't experience. When Hashem's Infinite Light reaches down to give life and light to our world, it's a tremendous descent from a very high place. Just as the rebbe must constrict his knowledge to connect to the mind of the child, there are many veils that conceal the revelation of Hashem's light so that the world can continue to exist.

Hashem displays extraordinary kindness when He descends to us in the way of flowing water that comes down from above as chitzoniyut ha'or. He listens to us despite the fact that He's Kel Elyon- higher and exalted than anything we can imagine. This awareness should shake a person to the core so that a cry escapes from the depths of his soul, l'mala min hadaat-higher than anything he can understand himself. This cry from his penimiyut halev which can never be separated from Hashem. It is like burning coal, like a flame that rises higher on its own.  

Hashem relates to the world in two ways: He is memaleh- fills all worlds and m'sovev-surrounds all worlds, but His Essence remains above, unchanged. When a person is aware of this reality, believes it, and meditates on the idea that there is nothing other than Hashem, it creates within Him a great love and longing in the depths of his heart to become one with the Creator; to the point that He feels nothing of himself and disappears into the infinite reality of Hashem. In such a state, a person is capable of giving up his life for the sake of His Name. This great love is called the outpouring of the soul and is not constrained to anything the mind can comprehend. It's a deveikut penimiyut which awakens from the inner essence of the heart and can never be extinguished.

Elul is a time of love but it is also a time for change, introspection, and reassessment of our lives.

Our moments of joy are invariably related to connection and achievement. Connection is one of our most basic spiritual needs. If a person doesn't have a relationship with Hashem, the desire won't disappear. It will turn into a state of ahava nefeila-unfocused love, where the person goes from one relationship to the next in the hopes of finding something that will fill the void. With every failure, the lack becomes deeper and the abyss less penetrable. The more the person wants connection, the less achievable it becomes. In a failed relationship, a person's ability to love becomes progressively narrower. His relationships become superficial because his fear of giving of himself is greater. If he can find the place within him where his insecurity developed, empty the space, and turn it towards Hashem, there's room for hope.

In Elul, every step you take towards Hashem is rewarded with a certain level of Divine Providence not normally found during the rest of the year. There's a direct response where we can feel Hashem allowing Himself to come into our life.

There are different ways to draw close. To begin the process, make a history of your life. Break it down to segments, such as early childhood, later childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and middle age. Focus on the smaller units of time where the critical stages in your development took place. Set aside a half hour or an hour to ask yourself, "What were the important events that took place in my life at this time?" Don't intercept with judgment calls because then your narrative will become    self -centered and less honest. If you do this year by year, a sense of what is and isn't important will emerge.

The next question should be, "How did I respond to these events?" Visualize yourself experiencing it all over again. Then ask, "Did my responses get me closer to where I wanted to be or did it take me further away? What was I thinking when I made these choices. Why did I make it?" Try to find patterns in both your good and bad decisions. Sometimes your good deeds may have been prompted by the need to escape or for idealistic motives. Your slip-ups may have been caused by desire for social acceptance, or fear or ignorance. You may discover that your good side was driven by the desire to be part of something larger than yourself, or in order to know the truth, or to ease your conscience.

All this self- introspection is meant to lead you to your middot. Middot are neither good or bad, It's what you make up of them. The Gra teaches that life is about perfecting ones middot. "Tzadik v'ra lo" refers to someone with difficult middot. When he succeeds in conquering or turning around his bad middot for the good, he becomes a tzaddik. Conquest is learning to say no, primarily to sins of the flesh. Turning them around is putting desire in the right place. Elul is an opportunity to take stock of our middot, to discover the divinity within us, the part of us that's eternal and connected. The more carefully we look at ourselves in Elul, the more we can progress.    

We will continue this discussion next week.

There's no difference whether you speak lashon hara (slanderous talk) on your own or whether someone pressures you to do so. Even if it's someone you respect, like a parent or Rebbe, you may not speak what is forbidden. The Chofetz Chaim brings proof from the story of Doeg and King Shaul. The Torah considers Doeg a rochel (a gossiper) for informing King Shaul about David and the city of Nov that protected him.

Of course a person shouldn't cause disagreements or ill will unnecessarily. Therefore if someone close to you is compelling you to speak lashon hara, think about the right way to say no. Very often deflecting tension and discomfort depends on your tone of voice and the way you say it.

There is a famous question in the Igros Moshe whether a teacher can ask his class to disclose which student perpetrated an offense, so that the teacher can rebuke him? Rav Moshe is against doing so because it trains students to speak lashon hara. The Rebbe may have the right intentions, but the students won't. The Nesivas Chaim quotes Rav Hominer who takes a different approach. If the teacher asks the students to speak ill about someone for a toelet (benefit) so he can deal with the mistake properly, it's permitted. The Rebbe must clearly state that in this context it is not lashon hara as he is doing it for the boy's benefit.  The Nesivos Chaim concludes, that the teacher must weigh very carefully what the students will think. Will they say, "Our Rebbe is making us speak lashon hara," or will they understand, "Yes, this is for a toelet."

We must forfeit one fifth of our wealth for the sake of a positive commandment and all of our wealth for a negative commandment. Therefore, even if it means forfeiting ones job, one may not violate the negative prohibition of lashon hara. In the long run, if a person is careful with forbidden speech, he will gain the respect of his co-workers. He can be a walking Kiddush Hashem by living up to the image of how a Jew should speak and behave.

A person should get in the habit of asking sheilot (questions) about lashon hara just as he does for Shabbat or kashrut. If you're sitting with a group of people who are speaking lashon hara and you can't leave or change the subject, you must keep quiet and not join in, even if they will think you're strange. Our Sages say, "Better to be considered a fool for ones entire life rather than to be a fool for one hour before Hashem." If you're riding in a van and you can't stop the lashon hara, plug into your ipod. 

The prohibition of loshon hara includes writing. Slandering in a veiled way is also forbidden. The Torah says, "Lo selech rochel b'amecha-Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people. Unkelos translates rochel as korzim-to wink with one's eye. Using body language to convey lashon hara is a Torah prohibition. This seems to contradict a later halacha where the Chofetz Chaim mentions avak lashon hara-the dust of lashon hara.  Hinting to something uncomplimentary such as, "I don't want to talk about this person," is a Rabbinic prohibition. The difference is that in the first halacha, the person communicates the actual lashon hara in a roundabout way so that others shouldn't understand. In the second case, the person doesn't say anything negative, he just hints to it.

Question:

My seven year old daughter thinks that she can insult and call people names without a care. She also acts rude to our guests.  I have explained numerous times that it isn't nice but she doesn't listen.   

Answer:

The wisdom of seven years hasn't taught your daughter the art of sensitivity. She probably doesn't understand how people feel when she calls them names or treats them unkindly.  She can connect to herself, but not to others. Try to find several good children's books in which the theme is getting beneath another person's skin. It could be in the genre of "The Ugly Duckling," where the one who was despised and in pain ultimately turns into the swan. Get her to identify with the hero and feels his pain. Then ask her, "If you would have been there with all the others, would you have made fun of the duckling? Had you been one of the kids in the class with Rabbi Akiva, learning aleph beit, would you have laughed at him?" 

Try to find as many opportunities as you can to tell her these stories, either at bedtime or on Shabbat. Fictional tales are good because it creates enough emotional distance so that she won't be defensive.  It could take at least a month or so to open her heart a little. When you see visible signs that she's starting to understand, you can talk to her more, not about mistreating guests, but how to make them feel good. Invite someone she likes and have her serve. Then move the conversation on to how one should treat a visitor.  Ask her, "Do you want our guests to feel bad? Of course not, even if you don't like them, you'll try your best to make them feel comfortable." 

As time progresses, make her aware that nobody enjoys being called names.  It hurts people's feelings. Teach her the right way to express herself. Encourage her to use positive, heartening words. With time and practice she's bound to improve.