The Parsha of nedarim differs from the rest of the Torah in that Moshe told it directly to the leaders of the Jewish people in a very condensed fashion. This comes to teach us the extraordinary power of speech. Our mouths should be sanctified with pure words. If we pollute it with lashon hara and other verbal transgressions, we destroy our gift. Our Torah cannot be effective nor can our prayers reach the heavens if we profane our speech. By using concise language, Hashem wanted to teach us how careful we must be with every word. The Parsha was taught directly to the leaders because it was only great Torah scholars who could accurately communicate these terse words to the people.

Rav Itzele Blazer once came to Rav Chaim Berlin in a dream and said that all judgments in heaven are difficult but those relating to speech are exceedingly severe. The destruction of the Beit Hamikdash came because of baseless hatred. Enmity often arises from corrupted speech. The writings of the Chofetz Chaim teach us that improving our shemirat halashon can bring tremendous salvation. Rebbetzin Kanievski often tells women to study two halachot every day. By reviewing the relevant laws we train ourselves to be more guarded when we speak.

There's an art to speaking but there's also a science. We must recognize that there is an aspect of holiness within each of us. Speech puts man above all creation. It is the quill of the heart and the medium of connecting the deepest aspect of ourselves, with the world around us. Whatever we say has spiritual energy. Only a person who feels disconnected from Hashem can speak improperly.

There are different levels of communication. The first is everyday speech. Every mundane conversation is recorded and will be replayed at the yom hadin. Parents must teach children to keep their word and in turn they must be a model for their children. The second level is vows and oaths. With speech, we can create fences and render something forbidden. The final level is the power of speech to impact worlds. If a person is careful with what emerges from his mouth, then his words take on unbelievable strength. Death and life are in the hands of the tongue. A tzaddik can decree and Hashem will follow through.

The Nesivos Sholom writes that a Jew's mouth is like a vessel in the Temple. When flour was placed in the pan, the sacrifice took on holiness because the vessel was holy. So too words that emerge from a sanctified mouth are sacred. Our mouths are like a kli sharet for Hashem. Tefilah, studying Torah, reciting Kiddush, making brachot are all expressions of elevated speech.

If speech is so significant, we must focus on how we can use it positively. In Shachrit we say, "You give life to them all." We can emulate Hashem's ways by becoming "life builders." Speaking kindly and compassionately is a great form of chesed. Greeting a stranger with a smile tells him he's important, he counts. A leader in particular must be careful what emerges from his mouth. On a micro-level this refers to the head of the family too who must teach his children the importance of pure speech. The Mikdash Halevi points out that the only halachot relevant for a boy of 12 and a girl of 11 is the area of nedarim. Our children must be ingrained with the weightiness of speech.

The beit hamikdash was destroyed and the Shechina left us because of sinat chinam-baseless hatred, lashon hara, and profane speech. Let us re-commit ourselves during these weeks of bein hametzraim to studying the laws of shemirat halashon and elevating our speech.

Hashem tell us, "I have betrothed you forever." The bond that binds us to our Maker is faith. A person who has emunah, trusts that Hashem is the tzur-the rock. Tzur can also be translated as l'tzayer-to draw. Hashem is the artist who creates the picture, we only fill in the colors. Just as a sick person will swallow medicine happily, knowing that it will cure him, if a person truly believes that his suffering will heal him, he will rejoice with it. There's a kind of simcha where people just want to let go of their emotions and escape reality for a while. But there's simcha where it is life itself, where you bring yourself to a level so profound that you are compelled to dance. Anyone with true bitachon can achieve this. Inner peace brings inner happiness and there is no one richer than one who rejoices in Hashem.

We must develop a new way of relating to mitzvot. Particularly when it is difficult, we should treasure the experience, because it is these commandments that will takes us towards clarity and the interpretation of life, as opposed to the fogginess brought by investing oneself in transient things. Doing a mitzvah with joy earns a thousand times more reward than treating it as a burden. The reward of a mitzvah is feeling closer to Hashem. A mitzvah is compared to a merkava-a chariot, and simcha is the fuel which takes the person where he needs to go. When a person is consistently happy, his soul is connected to the source of joy and Hashem reveals His secrets to him. When one's soul comes to that level of consciousness, it is in a constant state of delight and it is continually full of desire and yearning for Hashem's love.

I was reading in Reishet Chochma about the author's daily routine, how he awakens in the morning and cannot wait to get out of bed, because it's another new day with fresh opportunities to rise higher and come closer to Hashem. The Shechina can't dwell where there is sadness because it is a reflection of forgetting who is really in control. Hashem will give a person more simcha in response to simcha and his soul will be reignited and will burn with great love.

True tzadikim serve Hashem with happiness. When they have to say no to themselves, which everyone has to sometimes, it gives them joy. This is a natural consequence of bitachon, as it says "Ohr zaruah l'tzaddik-light is implanted in the tzadik. Rashi says, "Ohr mamush"- they see things clearly. Giving up something for Hashem brings us to a point where we can perceive the Shechina, and that is the greatest simcha of all.

Growing In Ruchniyut During The Three Weeks

Based on a Naaleh.com shiur by Rabbi Beinush Ginsurg 

When we visualize the Beit Hamikdash in its glory, we imagine there was nothing holier than it. Yet Chazal tell us that studying Torah is even greater. "Hashem consoled David who did not merit to build the Beit Hamikdash, "One day of Torah learning in your courtyard is greater in my eyes than one thousand sacrifices." Similarly David said, "Tov li Torahat picha..." David gathered great quantities of precious metal for the Beit Hamikdash yet he affirmed that Torah was worth more to him than thousands of pieces of gold and silver. Additionally Chazal tell us, "The Torah study of children may not cease even to build the Beit Hamikdash."

Bitul Torah was the cause of the first exile. It says, "Im bechukosai teileichu." Rashi explains, "Shetihiyu ameilim b'Torah," If we immerse ourselves in Torah we will merit blessings, if not, klalot (curses) will come upon us. The Ramban says that the tochacha of Bechukosai corresponds to the first Beit Hamikdash and the tochacha of Ki Tovo corresponds to the second Beit Hamikdash. We can understand from this Rashi and the Ramban that the first Beit Hamikdash was destroyed because of a weakening in Torah study.

In Eicha it says,"Her kings and her priests are exiled among the gentiles and there is no Torah." Rav Dessler lived in England and in his later years settled in Eretz Yisrael. He once said that a day of Torah study in Eretz Yisrael could not equal many days of learning in chutz l'aaretz. Indeed Chazal say, "There is no Torah like the Torah of Eretz Yisrael." The Gra writes that exile lacks the special spiritual aura of Eretz Yisrael. We end Shemone Esrei with a prayer to rebuild the Beit Hamikdash and we add "Give us a portion in your Torah." The Gra explains that the sufferings of exile weakened our Torah study. Therefore we ask Hashem to restore the Beit Hamikdash so that we can once again serve Him with all our capacities in Eretz Yisrael.

Let us dedicate ourselves with new vigor to the study of Torah in an attempt to rectify the misdeeds of the past and merit the ultimate redemption.

Question:

When my children were young, I developed an ongoing "conversation" with Hashem. It's wasn't formal davening, but continuous and in some ways more meaningful. Now that my children are older, I've gotten back to normal davening, but I miss the feeling of closeness I had.

Answer:

You are really asking what the value of formal davening is as opposed to spontaneous davening. Praying from the heart is extraordinarily powerful. It's a way of giving oneself over to Hashem by expressing one's essence. Our words are like little notes that we write to ourselves. We revisit what we think and what we feel when we talk to Hashem. This affects not only our closeness to Hashem but our understanding of ourselves and our ability to make something of our lives. It's hitbodedut (solitary communion with Hashem) and hitbonenut (introspection), which is vital in avodat Hashem, but it is not davening.

The Rambam tells us that formal davening is a consequence of a decision made by the Men of the Great Assembly. When they returned from Bavel, they observed that the Jews were no longer davening in the same way. Each person followed their heart and created their own personal prayers. However davening isn't just self -expression. It's meant to help us form a connection to Hashem. When the Men of the Great Assembly composed the praises in the Siddur, they did it knowing the deeper meaning behind the words. When we say, "Hakel ha'gadol, ha'gibor, v'hanorah," it's not just acknowledging Hashem's awesomeness. It's raising the question in our minds, "What does awesomeness really mean?" Formal tefilah is connecting to the collective soul of Klal Yisrael. It's supposed to change us. Therefore there is really no substitute for it.

Your question should really be what you could do to make davening from the Siddur more meaningful. Today there are many books on the subject such as, Praying With Fire and Rav Schwab on Prayer. If your Hebrew skills are up to it, I would recommend the Siddur Eis Ratzon which explains the deeper underpinnings of the tefillot in a way that touches the heart. Set aside time to learn. This will uplift and add new depth to your prayers.