Although there are all types of evil behavior, machloket, strife, is in a category of its own. It doesn't only affect the baal machloket, it moves everything out of place. The severity of machloket generates a different level of punishment. And indeed we see that although a person is held accountable in a human court at thirteen and is judged in the heavenly court at twenty, during the Korach episode, even infants were punished.

The nature of a person who is a baal machloket is that he always feels justified and cannot give in. This invokes midat hadin (strict judgement). The more you become a person of din, the more you bring din upon yourself and others. Maharal says that a person of din will always be involved in machloket because he cannot compromise on anything. Everything becomes a matter of principle, and the person will never back down from his position.   

In an ideal marriage, no spouse can be happy unless his spouse is happy. Learning to give in, taking turns, swallowing hurts, and deriving pleasure from the other spouse's joy, is what a blissful marriage is about. Similarly, in machloket, your goal should be shalom. It doesn't always have to be your way. When a person doesn't focus on the outcome but concentrates instead on not letting go of his principles, machloket is inevitable. Even if you are right it doesn't matter. The question you should be asking is "What's the best way to bring shalom to this situation. Is this good vis-à-vis the integrity of the other person?"

The Gemara says in connection to the story of Korach, that the sun and the moon came before Hashem and said, "If Ben Amram (ie. Moshe Rabbenu) is right we will go out, but if Korach justifies himself we will not shine." Hashem answered, "For the kovod of a human you protest, but what about My honor? I established maasei bereishit. Why are you not protesting the disgrace to My kavod?" This teaches us the power of machloket in drawing other forces into it.  The Maharal says that the force of machloket is such a great spiritual draw that it is almost akin to the strength of the sun and moon.

The name Elokim is used in the creation story because it represents midat hadin. Hashem moved from His all-encompassing infinity and created a world with the limitations and borders of nature. Indeed the name Elokim is the numerical value-gematria of hateva (nature). Of all the things in nature we relate to from a physical perspective, we view the sun and moon as the source. They are symbols of limitation, and restriction. The creation of time hides Hashem. Din is concealment. The sun and moon had no tolerance for Korach's machloket because it's destructive nature would have destroyed their very purpose and existence. Machloket is so strong it can render natural law irrelevant.

Korach died when the earth swallowed him up. The pi h'aretz-the mouth of the earth was created erev Shabbath bein hashmashot-between Shabbath and weekday. Shabbath is above time and space while chol-weekday is within these limits. Chol can also be translated as sand which does not stick together. It represents individuality and separation. Kedusha corresponds to unification. The Pi ha'retz had dimensions of both chol and kodosh. The function of a mouth is both to breathe and speak. When the pi ha'aretz opened, it was articulating the message of the world, namely that machloket is too destructive to tolerate.

There are three kinds of machloket: Most machloket consists of two sides who are partially right and they just need someone with a little insight to make shalom between them. There is machloket where both sides believe they are right because there is something true in what they are saying. It's not just selfishness or bad middot. However perhaps if ego was taken away, the distance between them would be small enough to make peace. In  minority situations one side is one hundred percent wrong and the other side is one hundred percent right. If they compromise, they are not making peace. They are corrupting both pieces of the puzzle. The wrong piece will now be an expanded piece and the one giving in has broken his piece. This kind of machloket bears no negotiation.  In Korach's machkloket there really weren't two sides-Korach was wrong and Moshe was right. If Korach's borders would have been established in any way it would have misconstrued every boundary in the world. This world was made for Torah and if he would've corrupted that, he could've corrupted everything.

What went wrong in Korach's machloket? Hashem created the world with the letter Hay. The top part of the hay symbolizes mochin-the spiritual intellectual realities that make this world a place where spirituality can flourish. The leg is the sefirot or middot, which is the spiritual reality we have access to in this world. The disconnected leg is olam asiya-gashmiut, which has no observable connection to the world of spirit unless we incorporate it and make it into one letter.

Kuf, the first letter of Korach's name, is like the Hay, but the foot-the physical side is elongated. Korach was fabulously rich and materialism took on artificial importance for him. If machloket equals money, power, and being right, it is irredeemable. Reish is the same but on the opposite side. There's mochin-spirit, but there is no world to enact it in. It is the misconstrued idea that material things have no significance and the world is only transcendental. This brings to mind Korach's question about the tallit which was kulo techeilit. The chet is almost like a hay, the only difference being that there's a connection between the material-the leg and the top the mochin. When idealism is used to promote both material and spiritual goals equally, it will cause corruption. Korach perceived himself as important and he wanted others to view him as such. Indeed Korach possessed a profound personality. He should have been the ish din-the one who sets border.  However everything within him said, "Be expansive." By overcoming his hispashtut-the desire for more and more, he could have brought din into the world on the highest possible plane.  

Hashem commanded the sun and moon to go out and shine for His kovod. We must not lose Hashem in our defensive principles.  This happens all the time. People will speak lashon hara l'shem shamayim because they've lost track of Hashem's will. We need to select our battles carefully and be wise and insightful enough to know what weapons to use. Justice is not a value in and of itself. Hashem's will as revealed through Torah incorporates both chesed and din.  May we merit to actualize His true ratzon.

Parshat Shemot begins, "V'ele shemot bne yisrael habaim mitzrayama"-These are the names of the people of Israel who came to Egypt. The Baal Haturim notes that the first letters of this verse spell out "sheviye"-imprisonment. Even when the Jews were imprisoned in exile, they stood out. They maintained their identity by keeping their Jewish names, language, and dress.  

Tosfot is bothered by a question raised by Rabbeinu Tam in Gittin. An apostate Jew wanted to give his wife a divorce. Could his gentile name be included in the get since he was no longer known by his Jewish name? Rabbeinu Tam replied, chalila to include in a get, a religious document, a non-Jewish name. Similarly the Maharam Shick writes in a teshuva in Yoreh Deiah, that it is a Torah prohibition for a Jew to use a non-Jewish name. Having Jewish names helps bring the redemption closer. How can we go the opposite way? We must be proud to identify ourselves with our Jewish names. For this reason, the custom in Poland based on Rabbeinu Tam, was not to use non-Jewish names. The Darkei Teshuva follows this opinion. The Rogachover also concurs but adds a dispensation that if the name is just a transliteration from Hebrew to English it's permitted.

The Gemara questions whether a get signed by witnesses with non-Jewish names is kosher. The Gemara answers that it is because most Jews outside the land of Israel used non-Jewish names. Similarly, the Maharashdam writes that using a non-Jewish name is permitted and brings proof from this Gemara. Perhaps it is middat chassidut to use a Jewish name exclusively but non-Jewish names are certainly not a problem. Rav Moshe Feinstein agrees. Certainly one should use ones Jewish name, but it is permitted to use a secular name when needed. Perhaps the reason why Chazal praised the Jews for keeping their Jewish names was because before Matan Torah, Jews identified themselves with this. Therefore writes the Meshesh Chochma, this safeguard was needed.
 

Rav Shlomo Luria in his commentary on Gittin explains that Rabbeinu Tam forbade the use of the apostate's gentile name because it symbolized his rejection of his Jewish roots. However an ordinary non-Jewish name should not pose a problem. The issur d'orayta perhaps only applies when the name identifies the Jew with another religion.

The Midrash Tanchuma in Haazinu makes an astounding comment on the verse, "Zechor yemot olam." "L'olam yivdok adam.."- A person should be careful to select a name which identifies his child with a tzaddik because sometimes the name itself can influence the child positively or negatively. A name is not a simple matter. One should select a name that that child will live up to.

In secular society, names across all cultural spectrums are acceptable. Why shouldn't we be proud to use our own Jewish names? May it be a pivotal, positive step towards the redemption.

In Parshat Korach, Korach rises up against Moshe and foments a rebellion. He argues that since all Jews have kedushat Yisrael, inherent holiness, Moshe had no right to take the leadership position and designate Aharon as the Kohen Gadol. Moshe replied that Hashem would make it very clear who was kadosh. Here the Torah uses two different expressions-kedusha (holiness) and asher bachar (the one He chose). We find these same expressions again when Moshe presents the test. What is trying to teach us?

Rav Soloveitchik offers an intriguing explanation based on another verse, "You are a holy nation and Hashem has chosen you." There Rashi explains that our inherent kedusha stems from our forebears. The Torah is articulating two genres of holiness. As far as individual kedushat yisrael we are all equal, our inborn kedusha is the same. However there is a distinction in the area of bechira. Each person is chosen for a particular task and is given the specific talent and attributes to complete his mission. This is what Korach did not understand. We are all holy yet each of us is given a unique purpose to fulfill on this world.

Question:

If a parent is angry and critical, sometimes to the point of cruelty, what would be the correct way to respond?

Answer:

It's not so simple. What one person might call critical and destructive, another person might call involved and committed. What one person might call harsh and cruel, another person might call persistent and dedicated. Parents don't think of themselves as evil. They think that they must not allow problems to develop or that they must act authoritively so that the structure necessary to maintain family life doesn't disintegrate. They want to uphold their values but they don't have the right tools to do so.

The voice of anger is really saying, "This is not how it should be. It must be the way I want it to be." This is true for both justifiable anger and ridiculous anger. The parent may feel that if he does not respond with verbal anger, then he is affirming the situation. He needs to learn to move his problems to solutions and to maintain a sense of proportion. He must say, "What can I do to make this better? How important is this on a one to ten scale in my life?"  Anger won't work. It will only create passive or active dissonance. Hashem is putting the parent through a nisayon. As Jews, we trust that we are here to serve our Creator.  The parent must honestly ask himself, "Does Hashem want me to love my children or treat them like the enemy?"

If you have a close relationship with the parent in question, empathize with his inner voice. Gently steer him to look for solutions and to view problems in perspective.  If you anticipate a difficult situation, talk to Hashem. Don't go into the lion's den without tefilah. Ask Him. "Azrani Hashem...Help me do this right." With Hashem on your side, you'll surely succeed.