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Shabbat Services & Oneg Hosts
Shabbat Services Shabbat Aleph Friday March 31 8:18 PM Shabbat Evening Service Rabbi Sabba Simcha will discuss "One, Two, Three, Four" Saturday March 30 9:11 AM Naama Nagola Study 10:30 AM Shabbat Morning Service Jonah Hill will be called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah Shabbat Bet Friday March 29 6:38 PM Trot Shabbat Rbb Csnwsk will tell a story 8:19 PM Shabbat Evening Service Rbb Stvn Bb will discuss "Rdng nglsh wtht Vwls" Saturday March 28 9:08 AM Julia Howard Study 10:45 AM Shabbat Morning Service Brad Pitt will be called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah Shabbat Gimmel Friday March 27 7:41 PM Shabbat Family Service Guest Cantor Hazan Vicious will teach French melodies Saturday March 22 9:11 AM Ethan Howard Study 10:30 AM Shabbat Morning Service Michel Hazanavicius will be called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah Shabbat Daled Friday March 25 8:15 PM Shabbat Evening Service Rabbi Andie Jennings will sing the Purim songs of Patsy Klein Saturday March 24 9:11 AM Natalie Howard Study 10:30 AM Shabbat Morning Service Sacha Baron Cohen will be called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah Oneg Hosts March 31 Benny and Virginia Hill in honor of the Bar Mitzvah of their son Jonah March 29 George Clooney and Stacey Keibler in honor of the Bar Mitzvah of their son Brad March 27 Jean Durajdin and Berenice Bejo in honor of the Bar Mitzvah of Michel Hazanavicius March 25 Ryan Seacrest in honor of the Bar Mitzvah Sacha Baron Cohen |
A Message from
Rabbi Bob
Notes on the Etz Chaim connections of Oscar Nominated Movies By Critic S. M. Bob.
My Week with Marilyn
Our current President, Jan Widmaier, attends a seven day workshop led by one of our past presidents.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
A recent Bat Mitzvah girl has become the center of controversy.
Bridesmaids
Looks at six months in the lives of Stacey, Laurel and Anna Wood.
Moneyball
Mike Samuels and the Etz Chaim budget committee learn to use new complex computer models to prepare our budget.
Midnight in Minsk
During a visit to Minsk a rabbi from Chicago travels through time to meet a bear eating latkes, a couple living in a small house and a prince who thinks he is rooster.
The Descendants
The story of second generation members of the congregation.
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
The lives of one Jew and three gentiles in New York City 100 years ago.
The Tree of Life
Depicts a typical day in the life of Congregation Etz Chaim.
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Message From
Rabbi Cosnowsky
 It has been a long time since I've dated. I'm so glad I'm no longer in the dating scene. Do you know how hard it is? OMG! So, I thought I'd see what it would be like to date a man like the men of the Scroll of Esther in modern times...
Well, first - I'm sure he'd text me to ask me out. Calling is so last century - so Hittite!
The first thing we'd have to decide is where would we go to eat?
Ahasueres I'm sure would want to go to the Country buffet - all you can eat
Haman would desire Morton Steakhouse - as long as I was paying
And Mordechai - Schmaltz's Deli for sure!
At dinner we'd have to talk about their favorite hobbies.
Ahasueres- Eating, drinking, and watching beauty pageants.
Haman would talk about his various hate crimes, as well as his constant plotting and scheming.
And Mordechai would tell me all about learning Torah, praying for the welfare of the Jews and how much he'd enjoy coming to my Adult Education classes.
I thought about what each man would want to go and see for the movie?
Ahasueres would want to see Animal House or The hangover
Haman - Slaughterhouse 7
Mordechai - The Artist or The Illusionist.
Of course after the date, I'd have to send them a survey monkey to see why Ahasueres, after a failed stint on the T.V. show The Bachelor, ended up in a successful relationship with Esther. Why it didn't work with me and Haman, well, I guess I left him hanging.
And Mordechai, he just wasn't into me...
And I'm sure I'd get a tee shirt - because when was the last time you did anything significant and didn't get a tee shirt for it?
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Message from
Greg Zelman
 Reader indiscretion is advisable. Just ask yourself: ?Self? ?Amigo? ?What Would The Tribe Do Now? Special music alert! Maestro Greg Zelman, Music Director for Congregation Etz Chaim is on a C.I. _. originated, not-quite-yet Board approved, Black O _ _ field trip with members of the Adult C _ _ _ _ in the city of , near , within spitting distance of developing sales for amounts of easily transferred and sold on the world market of the substance commonly referred to in the kitchen as Yellow C _ _ _ to help fund the Music Department, future expansionism, Manifest Destiny and other associated necessary international activities. He also expects to also find arrangements never before heard or seen, but definitely cutting-edge, for use in future services to take place on and . While on this Black O_ _ field trip he will be incommunicado (which is an Italian term for bad cell reception) but can be reached through the good offices of Aria! While he is gone, Aria will write the bulletin articles, direct members of the Adult C _ _ _ _ not on this field trip, attend to all of the music and consult with our b'nai mitzvah families in need of musically uplifting consultations. Remember: according to monosiberianism, there is no decision higher than Aria's! Tribal rules apply! Read more here. |
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Join us for Purim Services Wednesday, March 7th at 7:00 AM. Don't forget your mac & cheese groggers.
The Purim carnival, run by our Junior Youth Group, will be held prior to services.
A delicious dinner will be served by the Senior Youth Group.
See you there!
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Message from Our President
It is with great pride that I announce our new "Tree of Life" initiative. The congregational leadership has decided that our dedication to trees needs to become more than merely symbolic. This spring, we will be planting a weeping willow in the center of the sanctuary. A weeping willow has been selected as thematically connected to much of Jewish history. In addition, the many low-hanging branches of a weeping willow will provide handholds to which our members may "hold fast," allowing them, as supporters of this initiative, to move beyond the "weepiness" of Jewish history and to be "happy."
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Message from our Administrator
Continuous Improvement Evaluation By Carol Meyer  To continue to provide the Etz Chaim family with the very best, the staff continually performs self-evaluations to find how to do their job. This Performance Evaluation links the Congregation's expectations of professional staff to actual performance. The principal objective of the evaluation is to assist in professional development by identifying strengths and areas for improvement. Evaluations enable management to assess an individual's job performance and determine appropriate promotion opportunities and compensation. 
This year, we used the "What People Think I Do / What I Really Do" meme process. This uses a series of visual charts depicting a range of preconceptions associated with the particular job we perform. Unlike image macro series that are based on singular stereotypes, we found that this series compares varying impressions about our professions held by others, self-images and the often mundane and profane reality of our job. 
We are sharing these evaluations with the Congregation at this time to meet the Board's desire for increased transparency in everything except the dress code. 
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Message from Our E-Bulletin Editor
"Best In Shul"
 Every year we think of new ways to better serve our congregants, and at the same time provide extra income for the synagogue. After many hours of brainstorming, we have decided that we need to provide a doggie day care for our members. With so many people working today, our poor animals are home all alone for hours on end. So with that in mind we will now provide "doggie day care." Fees charged will be according to breed, size and age. When you register you may now register you dog on your membership commitment form along with other members of your family.
Dogs will be placed in separate rooms according to size. You must provide their food (kosher of course), bed and any toys they like to play with. Please make sure your dog is socialized, we don't want any trouble. Misbehaved dogs will have to be sent home with the possibility of not being able to come back.
We are also finding ways to have the religious school children participate in our new venture. See Anne's article below.
At the end of the religious school year, during the Brotherhood Year End Bar-b-que, we will have a "Best in Shul" dog competion. The winner of this competiton will receive 18 brotherhood bar-b-que hotdogs.
We believe this new idea is a win-win for everyone involved. Besides being the Purim capital of North America, we will also be the dog capital of North American synagogues.
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Message from Our Educator
It has been suggested that we have a doggie day care center at the synagogue to help bring in more income. Knowing that people would need care during school hours on Wednesday, I have agreed to involve the dogs in our learning environment. Research has shown that dogs can help calm people down. Dogs are used in hospitals to help patients feel more relaxed. Dogs are used for seniors to be companions. I think that dogs can be very helpful for some of our students. Teachers will have the option of having one dog per student or just one dog for the class. Here are a few ways in which the dogs can help out in the classroom: - The more obedient dogs can take the attendance to the office.
- Children can sit with the dog and practice reading. Only dogs that are very calm can be used for this task. They need to be able to sit and listen well. If they can be trained to whimper when a mistake is made, all the better. They will be trained to lick the child if he reads his lines without error.
- Every child in the school that has ADD or ADHD will be assigned a dog to sit with him/her during assembly in the sanctuary so they will be calm during that fifteen minute time slot. Rabbi Bob will bring his dog to help keep the other dogs on task.
- Some teachers like to reward their students with a game of ga-ga occasionally. Instead of ga-ga, they can take the dogs outside and the kids can chase the dogs around the property. We will have Hebrew relays where children and dogs get lots of exercise.
I really feel that the students will benefit from having dogs in our learning environment. If it goes over very well, we may have to ask Glenn Westlake if they would allow us to have the dogs with us on Sunday mornings. I'm sure the teachers there will have no problem with a dog wandering around their room on a Sunday morning.
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Message from Our Bookkeeper...
Puttin' on the Ritz, Part 2 (or Keep on Gamblin')
 Most of you have heard that our Puttin' on the Ritz fundraiser was a big success! Who knew Jews like to dress up, drink and gamble on days other than Purim?
Remember bingo? Remember how much money can we can raise by other people gambling? We have decided to return to organized gambling to help raise money. Since we can only ask our members to do so much, we will be counting on those outside of our congregation to make this successful.
We have also seen how successful some other tribes have been with gambling. Using that model, we will be changing our name to Reservation Etz Chaim and will put slot machines in the entryway between the inner and outer doors.
Anyone who signs up to be a member of the Tribe Club will receive a keycard that gives access to this area 24/7. We have received a rabbinic ruling that swiping your slot card is not work and you can do it on Shabbat.
Any time the building is open (but never on Shabbat), the electronic announcement board (EAB) in the lobby will be turned into an off-track betting (OTB) screen. OTB Bets for races on the EAB can be placed with anyone in the office or Sisterhood gift shop. Credit cards will be accepted but we will tack on an extra 10% processing fee because anyone who can afford to gamble using a credit card, can afford to give a little more!
Remember, you do not have to be a member of the congregation in good standing to join the Tribe and visit the reservation. There is no complicated paperwork to fill out, no parking lot duty to sign up for, and no baked goods to bring for an Oneg. Just come on down whenever the mood strikes, and bring lots of friends and neighbors too!
Remember: Must be 13 years old to gamble. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, get help by calling 1-800-MAZELTOV.
Any members of the Tribe Club are welcome to facilitate Gamblers Anonymous meetings. Just let us know when you need a meeting space. You can bet we'll find one for you.
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Message from Our Religious School Secretary
NEW PARKING LOT DUTY INSTRUCTIONS
 After observing the parking lot after Sunday school a new policy has been implemented to insure a more streamlined program.
 All parking lot volunteers will have to complete an Indianapolis 500 Parking Lot Duty Course of Study. The different classes will be of great interest to those of you who have dedicated your lives to proper parking lot procedure.
- Accessorizing an orange vest (to make you look slimmer)
- Cone placement 101 (keeping our lanes on the straight and narrow)
- Proper attire for all kinds of weather (ski mask or no ski mask)
- Polite Hand Signals (keep that flow going!)
If you receive your graduation diploma please let me know and you will be eligible to have unlimited parking duty at the location of your choice!
Thank you for your cooperation.
Diane Roubitchek
Religious School Secretary
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Message from Mike Marion:
 There has long been interest in reserved seating for the High Holiday services. With the interest in games of chance exhibited at the "Puttin' On the Ritz", High Holiday seats will be available through a lottery.
Tickets for the lottery will not be too chai at $360.00. Seats will be recliners, including recliners with lifts for those who need the assistance to rise for prayers. A ticket will provide seating for the entire family for all the services held for the High Holidays. This includes children, so it may save some money on babysitting. Each ticket holder will have their pick of any available seats when their ticket is drawn.
In addition, valet parking spaces in the front parking lot will be available for $18.00 per service. Bar and Bat Mitzvah students will park your car as their Mitzvah projects, so make sure your insurance is paid up. All of the spaces will be numbered in Hebrew. If interested in valet parking, come to the office to pick a numbered ticket from a hat (again based on the motif at "Puttin' On The Ritz") for any or all of the services. The number on the ticket corresponds to the number of the parking space. Tickets will be available until all tickets for the service have been pulled.
The fine print: Tickets are not transferable, and may not be sold. The price of the ticket may be tax deductable. According to the IRS, the amount in excess of the value received is deductable. It is up to the ticket holder to determine the value received and thereby determine the amount of the tax deduction.
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