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Shabbat Services & Oneg Hosts
Shabbat Aleph
Friday March 31
8:18 PM Shabbat Evening Service
Rabbi Robert M. Stevens will discuss, "A Return to Formality."
Saturday March 30
9:11 AM Malbim's Commentary to Jonah Study
10:30 AM Zine El Abidine Ben Ali will be called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah.
Shabbat Bet
Friday March 29
6:38 PM Trot Shabbat
Rabbi Eidna Ykswonsoc will tell a story.
8:19 PM Shabbat Evening Service
Rabbi Nevets boB will discuss, "Backwards Rabbis."
Saturday March 28
9:08 AM Abavanel's Commentary to Jonah Study
10:45 AM Shabbat Morning Service
Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa will be called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah.
Shabbat Gimmel
Friday March 27
7:41 PM Shabbat Family Service
Rabbi Andie Cosnowsky will tell the story of Purim set to the songs of Tammy Wynette.
Saturday March 26
9:11 AM Rashi's Commentary to Jonah Study
10:30 AM Shabbat Morning Service
Ali Abdullah Seleh will be
called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah.
Shabbat Daled
Friday March 25
8:15 PM Shabbat Evening Service
Scholar-In-Residence Proffesor Paul Lips will discuss, "My Israeli Accent."
Saturday March 24
9:02 AM Scholar-In-Residence Paul Lips will discuss, "The Joys of Judaism."
Oneg Hosts
March 31 Habib Bourguiba and Lamine Bey in honor of the Bar Mitzvah of Zine El Abidine Ben.
March 29 Khalifa bin Salman al Khalifa in honor of the Bar Mitzvah of Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa.
March 27 Abu Karib Assad in honor of the Bar Mitzvah of Ali Abdullah Saleh.
March 5
Tongue and Teeth in honor of the Scholar Professor Lips. |
A Message from Rabbi Steven BOBblehead
We often hear observers quote the Bible, Exodus 32:9, to describe Jews as a stiff-necked people. These words do not describe me. My neck is quite flexible. My back, on the other hand, is quite rigid. You could describe me as an upright person. I am stead fast in my positions. I rarely move from place to place, unless I get, literally, carried away.
In a meeting I am not quick to speak. Generally I stand there and patiently listen to the other people share their ideas while I just nod my head.
I am not easily distracted. You can watch me for hours and never see me blink. Many people spend much of their time reflecting on the past, in regret or in nostalgia. I don't look back. I keep my eyes focus clearly on the on what is ahead of me.
Despite serving 30 years at Congregation Etz Chaim I do not feel like a big man. I do not have a big head. My kipa still fits on the back of my head. I am also happy to report that I am still a thin man with a full head of hair, unlike that other rabbi with a name similar to mine. |
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Message From Rabbi Cosnowsky
Well, we know it's time for Purim when the twins start getting into the action. Although they are only 8 months old, they have caught onto the spirit of the holiday. Since Adar began (Adar is the Hebrew month which contains the holiday of Purim) they have been asking only for formula flavored Hamentashen!
This morning, I caught Jared getting Joseph to demand that they only wear triangularly shaped Diapers!
Every time I say Hamen's name, they start to make noise! At night, I try to read to them one of their old favorite Dr Seuss books, but they protest until I read to them out of the Megillah! And finally, I know they understand that it's Purim, because they won't tell me what they are going to be for Purim!
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Join us for Purim Services Sunday morning, March 20th at
10:00 AM. Don't forget your mac & cheese groggers.
The Purim carnival, run by our Youth Groups, will be held following services.
A delicious lunch will be served by the Senior Youth Group.
See you there!
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Message from Our President
Going Green
 As you probably know, Congregation Etz Chaim has started our push to become a greener congregation. We have started recycling, reviewed our cleaning product use, switched to sending notices by email and are looking to install solar panels on our roof. We are looked up to when it comes to our forward thinking regarding energy issues.
As part of the research done on energy saving, we have always looked at wind power to supplement other options, but the current solutions just do not have the "curb appeal" that we would like.
I am, however, excited to tell you about our next energy saving solution. Based upon the popularity of the Rabbi Bobblehead dolls, we have contracted with the manufacturer of the bobbleheads to create life size bobbleheads that are connected to energy generators. We will be installing 18 of these devices on the roof of the synagogue this summer. Through the motion of the bobbling head, we will generate needed energy. As an added benefit, the manufacturer is going to install a movable mouth on the device, to allow for greater "hot airflow" and increase efficiency.
In addition to the energy savings, we will all be able to ask questions of the Rabbi and be sure of his positive response. This feature alone will make the investment worthwhile.
Congregation Etz Chaim will now have another reason to be looked up to. |
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Message from our Administrator
More Etz Chaim Collectables! By now you have hopefully ordered your officially licensed Rabbi BOBblehead from the Brotherhood and are asking yourself, how can I fill my house will more Etz Chaim Collectables? Fortunately, I have been commissioned by the Board of Directors to announce the following items are available. Rabbi Andrea Cosnowsky's Life Tree Ramblers -  comes with a four on the floor and an unbelievable sound system.  Educator Anne Stein's Stein - An education in every sip.
Sisterhoodies and Brotherhoodies - for that Etz Chaim Gangsta look. For more information or to order any of these items, a special line has been set up in the Synagogue office. Just dial 1-630-ITS-PURIM and ask for Carol.
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Message from Our Educator
 In January I attended a conference that had all aspects of the conference available through an app. It was WAY COOL! Smartphones are taking over the world. If it is not on an app it must not be worthy of anything. Always being the one that has to keep up with the newest technology, we will have all school happenings available only through apps. The website is nice but apps to make the website interactive are much cooler. And I am all about being cool.
If you want to know what time your child goes to art or has challah and juice next Sunday, check out our school app. If you want to know what room your meeting will be in, check our app. Our app will tell you what time to leave your home in order to get to school on time based on the traffic on I-88 and Roosevelt Road. Our app will let you how long it will take to pick up your child at Westlake if you arrive at 12:03 PM. Our app will make sure your car follows the prescribed traffic pattern at Westlake.
All of this will soon be available on all smartphones. The price will be $6.13 - a real bargain as it will also teach you all of the mitzvot in the Torah.
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Message from Our Bookkeeper
BOOKKEEPER ANNOUNCES A NEW WAY TO PAY...DONATE BLOOD.
Effective immediately, all members will be required to provide us with the blood types of all adult family members. This is now a mandatory data field in our membership database. When area hospitals or blood banks are in need of your blood type, you will be called on. They will pay us $5 per pint donated, which will be applied to the newly created Plague #1 Blood Money Fund in your name. (Donations are tax-deductible.)
Due to HIPPA privacy rules, you will have to sign a release so we can receive donation information from the hospital.
If you would like to be a First-Donator and create the endowment for this fund, please contact any doctor who is a member of our congregation.
Consistent with our Fair-Share System, every family will be expected to contribute 2% of their total blood volume annually. If this creates a hardship, please contact the financial secretary at GiveUntilItHurts@congetzchaim.org to make special arrangements for iron supplements.
See the "screen shot" below for the blood type choices and email me with your family's types ASAP.
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Message from Our Religious School Secretary
Dancing with Diane...
To my great disappointment, last year's business venture "Grandma Di's DJ Services", was not an overwhelming success. Having four grandchildren, there is a lot of STUFF that I absolutely NEED to get for them so have been trying to come up with another enterprise to earn a little extra money. With all the bar and bat mitzvahs and weddings in our congregation I see a need for dance lessons. You may not be auditioning for "So You Think You can Dance" or "Dancing with the Stars" but you will want to be a star and shine at your special events. Some of the dances that will be offered are :
*Meshuganah Mambo
*Chutzpah Cha Cha
*Minsk Twist
*Shlemiel Shimmy
*Borscht Belt Boogie
*Mazel Tov Tango
*Pinsk Polka
If this venture does not earn enough money I may be forced to start selling service ticket credits for the third through sixth graders. I do not want to be forced in to a life of crime so PLEASE participate in my dance school.
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Message from Our E-Bulletin Editor
New Website to be Launched, April 2011
 As you all know we are in the process of designing a new website. After many hours of meetings and endless conversations on wording and text format we have finally all come to a mutual decision. Written articles are just so boring! Who really reads them? We want to capture our entire audience and what better way to do that than in video. "How do you do this," you ask. We have created an account with YouTube just for Etz Chaim. The requirements we have set in order to get your originally-created video approved for the website. It must be submitted to YouTube, meetings must get 1000 hits, programs and events 5000 hits. Please send me the title and description of your video, I will view it and let you know if you get my hit.
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Message from Mike Marion:
ADDITIONS TO THE SYNAGOGUE DATABASE
In an effort to better serve our members, we will be asking for additional information to keep in the synagogue records.
We often get calls from members asking if we have a congregant in a specific profession. This is commonly people looking for a doctor with a certain specialty, but may also be for other professions or services.
Our synagogue system is designed to store this information. From each member, we would like to get information to fill in the information on the screen below.
A second initiative relates to the current hard times many of our congregants find themselves in. We will begin coordinating a clothing exchange. For that reason, we will be gathering information on clothing and shoe sizes of all of our members.
And, at long last, we will fulfill the request that we have been receiving for years - a dating service. For many years, we have been asked to assist single members in finding a person within the congregation. For all single people, we will collect information on their preferences in a mate - gender, age, height, weight, and interests.
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Gender: |
Male |
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Female |
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Either |
X | |
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Age: |
Rob the Cradle |
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Over 10 years younger |
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5 - 10 years younger |
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My age |
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5 - 10 years older |
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Old & Older |
X | |
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Height: |
A little shorter |
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My height |
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A little taller |
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Vertical |
X | |
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Weight: |
Slim |
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Average |
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A few extra pounds |
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Who cares |
X | |
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Eyes: |
Blue |
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Brown |
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Green |
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Not Blind |
X | |
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Interests: |
Marriage |
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Long Term Relationship |
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Dating |
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Whatever |
X |
We will limit this service to single people, as we do not want to encourage our members to break one of the Ten Commandments.
By entering the proper search criteria, modern technology will bring congregants together through CECDating.com. In the near future, we hope to offer one-on-one consulting services.
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Message From Greg Zelman
 Maestro Greg Zelman, Music Director for Congregation Etz Chaim is on a field trip with the choir in Cairo, seeking new and excitingly mysterious arrangements never before heard or seen, but definitely cutting-edge, in future services. He will return within 4 - 6 weeks by 27 Adar IV. Many choir members are on the expedition with him and are planning to assist with excavations using state-of-the-art technology in their search for the Holy Grail of High Holyday solo settings somewhere in the northern Sinai. While he is gone, Aria will write the bulletin articles, direct members of the choir not on this field trip, attend to all of the music and consult with our b'nai mitzvah families in need of musically uplifting consultations. Remember: Aria's decision is my decision is the Rabbis' decision. According to monosiberianism, there is none other! Read more....
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