I lost my cool a couple of weeks ago. When I teach customer service classes, my most frequently repeated statement is that you always have control over how you react in any given situation. I still believe that, but I have learned that there are times when control is much more difficult.

Let me give you a little background. Early in the morning on Saturday, July 14, while I slept in my bedroom and my son, his girlfriend, and my grandson slept upstairs, someone came in through the window in my garage and entered my home and collected all the notebook computers, digital cameras, several cell phones, including my new Samsung Blackjack, three purses, and a few other items. We discovered the burglary at approximately 6 AM. The intruder was in my house between 2:30 and 4 AM. We, thankfully, slept through the whole event.

I was faced with a huge loss. I had backed up files to be safe in the case of a hard drive crash on another computer (also stolen). It never occurred to me to back up somewhere off site to protect in the case of theft or fire. (I've definitely learned that lesson, so I'm now evaluating online backup storage.)

By Tuesday, I had spent over fifteen hours, reporting to the police and insurance company, canceling credit card accounts, putting holds on ATM cards, and then closing and reopening checking accounts. In nearly every situation, I encountered very nice people who were willing to help, but the wait times on voice mail systems and in my bank branch were frustrating and time consuming.

At a breaking point

I walked into the store where I had purchased my new phone just two months ago. I signed in on the wait list. It took an hour for my name to make it to the top. During that time, sales representatives had twice served people who were there to make a bill payment, reducing the customers to those who needed more extensive service. As I waited, I started worrying about whether the store would take my temporary ATM card. My stress increased. Without understanding what was happening to me, I found myself tearing up.

Finally, the customer who had preceded me was finished and it was my turn. The representative turned to the person who came in right after I did and started to serve her. I blew. I picked up the sign-in sheet and yelled "Are you all even using this?" I was loud enough that everyone in the store stopped what they were doing. The service rep was apologetic; she thought the woman was the next name on the list. I explained to the rep that my phone had been stolen and I needed to replace it. I wanted to purchase the same phone. The rep explained that since I had signed a new contract and hadn't purchased the insurance on the phone (who knew that phone companies offered insurance?), I would have to pay full price. I was astonished and I felt tears forming. Wouldn't they want to find some way to help me? She started to explain the policy and I interrupted her and said, "Just give me the SIMM chip." To her credit, she didn't even charge me for the chip, but I think it may have been a case of her wanting to get a crazy woman out of the store quickly.

I can't blame her. I sat in my car and sobbed for some time. I didn't want to become the person I had just been. I am not mean. I do not take my bad temper out on other people. But I felt so powerless.

We are all stressed

You don't have to be a victim of a crime to feel this way. We are all so stressed, trying to make ends meet, or trying to make more to reach a particular lifestyle. Our political system has added to this feeling of weakness. We are constantly reminded that there is an "us" and a "them." "They" are out to get "us." If it weren't for "them", "we" would have more resources. We have a whole country of stressed-out, angry victims.

When we are stressed, our more primal instincts take over. It's harder to get the emotions under control and face each situation individually. Even in situations like this, we still have a choice in how we react. We can try to make things right by apologizing. That doesn't mean an apology with a "but..." attached to it. It means a full-hearted, "I was wrong for acting that way" apology.

I can decide to become a victim of this crime. Or I can find the lesson to be learned. I choose to find the lesson. (More on one of the lessons I've learned in the next section.)

So excuse me. I need to visit my cell phone store and make a sincere apology to a particular customer service representative.

The new training package is called CHERISH Your Customers and is available in a 3 hour and 6 hour format. For those business owners who recognize how vital this subject is to the life of their companies, I can put together a custom-designed package of several sessions over several weeks.

You'll be seeing some new marketing materials in the next few months. Please pass the word to anyone you know who might benefit from training that will entertain, enlighten, and energize their employees to be customer-friendly.