Steve Alten Newsletter
Mid-October 2010
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This is a special mid-month newsletter to update you on the GRIM REAPER tour and provide interesting happenings. If you haven't purchased a copy, I hope you plan to do so. GRIM REAPER: End of Days is my guaranteed best novel to date. Read the reader reviews on Amazon, and please contribute your own review as well.

As my most loyal and appreciated readers, I want to offer 2 special items. First, if you are planning to see me on a bookstore visit, tell me you receive newsletters and you'll receive a free tee-shirt with your purchase of GRIM REAPER. Second, the offer of a fee signed bookplate, numbered in the sequence that I send them out IS STILL AVAILABLE.

All I ask in return is one simple request: SPREAD THE WORD. Not for me - for you. Why? Because every person who reads the story from your recommendation will bring more Light into your life. When you read GRIM REAPER you will understand why.

Thank you for all your kindness and support.

GRIM REAPER giveaway # 1: Commemorative bookplates

Send me an e-mail at - SUBJECT: BOOKPLATE REQUEST. Each bookplate will be numbered. You may request as many as you like, but this is on the honor system, so if you tell me the request is for future copies or gifts for friends, please follow thru. A bookplate is designed to be pasted on the inside front page of the book. Only newsletter recipients can order a bookplate.


Besides signing ALL YOUR BOOKS, I'll be giving away high-quality, custom designed commemorative GRIM REAPER tee-shirts (retails for $19.95) which were a huge hit at Comicon a few months ago. To receive a free tee-shirt, you must be dressed as the GRIM REAPER or buy multiple copies or mention you receive newsletters. All sizes available!

October 20 - 30: NJ - PHILLY - DELAWARE --

October 20, 2010 - 6 PM to 8 PM (Wednesday) Borders -- 2200 Wrangleboro Road , Mays Landing - Atlantic City , NJ 609.407.1960

October 21, 2010 - 7 PM to 9 PM (Thursday) Barnes & Noble - 200 W Route 70 - Marlton, NJ 08053 - 856.596.7058

October 22, 2010 - 1 PM to 2:30 PM (Friday) Barnes & Noble - 1700 N. Broad St . - Philadelphia , PA 19121 - 215.204.0514

October 22, 2010 - 3 PM to 5:30 PM (Friday) Borders - 1 S. Broad St . - Philadelphia , PA - 215.568.7400 215.568.7400

October 22, 2010 - 7 PM to 9 PM (Friday) Robin's Bookstore - 110A S. 13th Street . - Philadelphia , PA - 215.568.7400

October 23, 2010 - 2 PM to 4 PM (Saturday) Barnes & Noble - 4801 Concord Pike, Concord Mall - Wilmington , DE . 302.478.9677

October 23, 2010 - 6 PM to 8 PM (Saturday) Barnes & Noble - The Metroplex - 2300 Chemical Road - Plymouth Meeting, PA (610) 567-2900

October 28, 2010 - 7 PM to 9 PM (Thursday) Partners & Crime bookstore, 44 Greenwich Ave. , New York , NY 10011

* More stores (incl. Manhattan ) to be announced October 15th by newsletter and on

GRIM REAPER: A real outbreak!

GRIM REAPER: A real outbreak! The LIVING TIP in last Newsletter was fake, just a GRIM REAPER promo (sorry) but this outbreak outside Denver is real!!!

For MEG fans: Another Alten prediction (yawn)

Living Tips: New CPR Guidelines

According to new CPR guidelines, rescuers should begin standard CPR with chest compressions, instead of breaths. Chest compressions keep the blood circulating. The exception to the rule is newborn babies.

Joke of the Month: Real happenings aboard Kalulu Airlines


On a Kulula flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town on a particularly windy and bumpy day during the final approach when the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax. OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

*IF YOU HAVE A JOKE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE, please e-mail to me at Put JOKE in the subject line.

RECIPE of the Month: Jerry's French Toast

Ingredients: 4 eggs, 3 cups milk, 3 TBSP cinnamon, 2 TBSP vanilla, 1 TBSP nutmeg. Cook on medium heat on a griddle or open frying pan. When done sprinkle moderately with powdered sugar then eat them the way you like them! Jerry

IF YOU HAVE A RECIPE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE, please e-mail to me at Put RECIPE in the subject line.

Stay well, stay safe and know this author really appreciates you.


Steve Alten, Ed.D.
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