"Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?" When my girlfriend Dianne posed this question to me, I did not understand why I couldn't be both right and in a relationship. I totally missed her point. (Please note that I was not married when she said this, but I was in a relationship.)

My boyfriend at the time and I had argued. Unfortunately, the argument ended without a satisfactory resolution. Frustrated, I turned to Dianne, a good friend in a successful marriage, in hopes of getting some godly advice on how to resolve this conflict with my boyfriend.

During my conversation with Dianne, I explained the situation and why my position on the matter was the right one. Basically, I told Dianne that I was right and that my boyfriend was wrong. That was when Dianne shared about being right versus being married.

It took a minute, actually months, for Dianne to get through to me, but eventually she did. Dianne's question was not a choice between being right and being married. Dianne's question was a matter of priorities. Dianne wanted to know what was more important to me-being right or being in a relationship.

If my relationship was more important, then I would sacrifice being right sometimes for the sake of the relationship. However, if being right was more important, then I would sacrifice the relationship for the sake of being right.

Coming to that realization changed my approach to conflict, and ultimately, the outcome of my relationships. Though my realization happened too late to impact my relationship with that boyfriend, it greatly impacted my relationship with Reggie.

With Reggie, I reached more satisfactory resolutions because our relationship was always paramount. Satisfaction was now a healthy relationship rather than proving I was right.

Allowing Reggie to be "right" sometimes taught me that there is more than one "right" way to do things. Reggie wasn't wrong. His way was just different than mine. The biggest blessing was that since I wasn't fighting Reggie on his way, he was more open to trying my way sometimes. Now, that is what I call a win-win situation.

So, as Dianne asked me, I now ask you, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?" What is more important to you? The answer to that question and the wisdom Dianne shared changed my relationships, especially my marriage. My hope is that it changes your relationships as well.

Until next time,

Dawn