Most people, at least those I know, want to be successful in their marriage and family life as well as their job. It does not take intelligence or innate habits, but it does require us to learn how to think and behave in ways that get us there. One way to do that is to build confidence and destroy the fear that holds us back. Thinking is about thinking that you are what you think you are.

In his book, The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. mentions numerous things we can do to achieve what we want in life. It centers on how we think and how we overcome our fears. Our thinking is what holds us back. Shakespeare once said, "There is nothing either good or bad except thinking makes it so." Success can be obtained, not so much by the size of our brain, but by the size of our thinking.

For many it can start by realizing the excuses we make for not accomplishing what we want. Schwartz calls it "Excusitis." A sign of excusitis is when someone has numerous reasons for explaining to himself or herself why their plans have not worked out. It can be called the "why" syndrome: why they did not, why they cannot, why they do not, why they are not. Successful people do not make all these excuses.

One of the keys to overcoming excusitis is to never underestimate yourself and your intelligence. Make sure you remind yourself regularly that your attitudes are important. Develop and create ideas and better ways of doing things, and your age (young or older) will not be a factor. You are not too old, nor too young to open the doors of opportunity.

One way to win confidence is to determine what is holding you back and then take action. Use your brain as a depository of positive thoughts. Deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank. Deposit those little victories or positive things you saw today. Count your blessings and be thankful for your wife, your children, your health, your friends, or whatever it might be. Every night before you go to sleep, deposit those positive thoughts in your memory bank. When the time comes to withdraw thoughts from your memory bank, withdraw only positive thoughts. Negative thoughts only ferment in your mind and destroy your confidence.

Effective leadership requires us to THINK BIG. Schwartz gives us four leadership principles to work on.

1. Trade minds with the people you want to influence. Before you act, ask yourself this question: "What would I think of this, if I exchanged places with the other person?"
2. Apply the "Be-Human" rule in dealing with others. In everything you do, show that you put other people first. Give them the kind of treatment you would like to receive.
3. Think progress, believe in progress, and push for progress. Think improvement in everything you do. Think high standards in everything you do.
4. Take time to confer in yourself and tap your supreme thinking power. Use managed solitude to release your thinking power. Set time aside every day just for thinking. Confer with yourself.

In coaching clients, I find that it helps them when they learn to take time every day to meditate, think, journal and calm themselves. A regular habit of scheduling quiet time, muscle relaxation, listening to calming music or even a massage goes a long way in putting them in the right frame of mind. It helps them grow more confident, more relaxed, more sure of themselves; they become BIGGER!

The best individuals to coach are those who are future oriented because that is what inspires them. They talk about their past only in terms of lessons learned. Don't be part of the status quo, stand for progress, and take responsibility for the future you create.