Cutting Through Our Stories

This past winter I was conducting a ski clinic for our "Magic of Skiing" ski pros.  We were on a mid-morning break at one of the mountain restaurants, discussing some ideas over tea, when the restaurant manager came over and informed us that they were starting to get busy and that she would need our table soon.  One of the pros explained to her that we had just arrived and would be leaving shortly.  Everything seemed cordial.

But as soon as she left, his look and grumbling showed that he was not pleased with this woman and her request.  Soon some more of the pros started making disparaging remarks about an on-going battle between the restaurant management and the ski pros, and before we knew it, collusion was growing - in favor of the ski pros and against the restaurant management.

But then, a ski pro named Jerry quietly spoke up.  "If I could, I would like to add to our understanding here," he said.  "I know her (the manager) and she is a wonderful person."

He shared a couple examples of how great she was both professionally and personally in a clear, calm voice.  Jerry's words presented the dilemma from her standpoint.

In a single moment, Jerry put out the flames of collusion that had been fanned, and gently led us into a moment of awareness of the game that had been playing out.  When something is "off", there is a quick tendency to blame.  But blame is only the start.  In order for the blame to be justified, we seem to need to get collusion - agreement from others.  Once we get this, we decide that we feel ok, even superior and right.  That's the payoff in the blame/collusion game.  But there is always a hidden cost:  we are now victims to our situation: disempowered, stuck, negative, unconstructive and righteous.  We have become imprisoned by our "story."

Jerry shifted the group away from the blame/collusion/victim game.  It took a strong center for him to do this, along with awareness and courage. The group quickly realized that they could change their viewpoint and that the actions that would come out of that  would change the future of the relationship to a positive, collaborative one.

In our trainings, we call this the Warrior Spirit, a metaphorical cut (as with a sword) through the pattern of endless stories and excuses that hold us back from our vision, from our ability to create an inspired future.

Each day, may you have the centered awareness to cut through your "story" and shine brightly on your future.