The Heroic Journal
Living A Resilient Life
 
Resilient tree
 April 2010
The Resilience of Spring: Daily New Beginnings
 
 Every day, we get the opportunity to determine the trajectory of our lives. From the moment we first open our eyes or hear the alarm, every thought and action determines the type of day we are going to have THAT day as well as planting the seeds of what is to come.  Nothing is ever static.  We are either growing or dying a little bit at a time.  What type of life have you chosen today? This issue of The Heroic Journal focuses on new beginnings and saying "Yes!" to living. This email features Terri Schanks, LCSW's article on saying YES to life. 

If you wish to submit a story or article, be interviewed for a story or submit poetry or quotes, please contact Missy at the email at the bottom of this newsletter.  The May edition will feature a community facing a disaster and much, much more.
 
What would you
 
 Living the Yes
Terri Schanks 
 
Love is a place
and through this place of
Love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places
 
Yes is a world
and in this world of
Yes live
(skillfully curled)
all worlds...
 
e.e. cummings

 
The word "Yes" comes from the Old English "so be it," which literally means "to be." The word "be" literally means to exist, to grow, to become; in the Germanic languages it was sometimes translated as "I am." Interestingly enough, the ancient Sanskrit language translated the word as meaning "becoming" and "becomes," as well as "happening," and trace it back to the ancient words for "earth" and "world."
 
Literally and in the deepest sense, living the Yes means to Be Who You Are in this world. Living a Yes means being truly aware of what is happening, to be living in present time and looking to a future that is even better and brighter. It means to practice peace and dwell in gratitude, to live in present time. It is my clinical opinion that those who are depressed are often stuck in the past and those who live with chronic anxiety are often stuck in the future. Living the Yes means to be fully in present time, living in the acceptance of "so be it," and looking not just at who you are but who you are becoming.  So while I believe it is good to look at the past, I also believe it is rude to stare. Living the Yes means being willing to forgive the past so you can fully live in the present and therefore create a better future. Living the Yes means living in congruence with the values you say are important to you. Living the Yes means to live the answer to the question, "What would you do if you were not afraid?"
 
As e.e. cummings points out, living the Yes opens you to freedom that opens to all worlds, yet there is a tendency to curl around it protectively, as one would curl around vital organs or protect a newborn child. Living the Yes can open you to a skillful reflexive protection of this new found courage, a new way of Being, a new life. It can free you from the curled up protectionism of the fearful, isolating, withholding No and open you to an empowered No, which can become your Yes. Love opens us to the Yes...Love of self, love of others, allowing that love to flow to, through and from us, to open us to possibilities of whole new worlds. Love and Yes open whole new worlds and allow us to live peacefully on the earth. 
 
Living the Yes means knowing that the most important thing you will ever do is to become the fullness of what and who you were created to BE. It means becoming the embodiment of "I Am," to look not just at who you are today but who you are becoming. Many life coaches will tell you that you become the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time. So in order to fully assess your Yes, look non-judgmentally but honestly at the five people you spend the most time with, and ask yourself some hard questions... Are they kind, supportive and loving? Do they nourish your spirit and feed your soul or do they criticize, judge and tear you down? Do they ridicule you or encourage you? Do you feel empowered or diminished in their presence? Are they living the values that are also important to you? Do they laugh at things that are cruel and really not funny? Are they lovers of peace and justice, of the things that are significant and essential for you to experience meaning in life? Does spending time with them lead you to feeling empowered and fulfilled? Are these people reading the books you like to read? Do they eat, source and cook the foods and drinks you like, do they live in ways that are healthy for you? Are you living congruently with the values you say are important to you, or have you sold your soul and your life force to complacency, to just going along for the ride, to the status quo in order to remain secure with these five people?  Are the people you spend the most time with supportive of the Yes you truly want to live and feel called to Be? Or do they hold you back, tear you down and try to stifle the beautiful, creative Life force you were given in order to bring your own particular Yes to the world? Are you stuck or are you moving in the direction in which you know you should be going? Do you feel like you have to drag them along, or are they moving in other directions? Who are you, and who are you becoming? Do you like the answer to that question? Matthew says, "You are the Light of the World." Are you around people who help you shine your Light, and are you helping others to do so as well? If not, are you willing to change some things?
 
Life is filled with "truths" we commonly accept but rarely challenge. Many of these outdated attitudes, truths, views and moralities are old teachings or beliefs from childhood which can quickly become a black hole in your present life. They can become traps which will keep you in bondage until you allow yourself to forgive the past and follow your heart, open to your deepest search for meaning and purpose, and allow it to become acceptable in your own mind and heart to live your Yes. As Richard Rohr says, "We must find out what part of the Mystery is our to reflect. The most courageous thing we will ever do is bear humbly the mystery of our own reality."  Living the Yes means to enter into this Mystery, to bear the Mystery and allow it to transform you.
 
Anne Lammot's says, "perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor." Truly living my Yes means I must let go of what I think it is "supposed" to look like and instead enter into what it can be if I just let go... Let go of my attachments, my aversions, my desires, old beliefs that no longer serve me, let go of my own places of bondage.  Rather than needing something be perfect, which is a fear-based form of No, living the Yes means allowing it be excellent in its own form and then just allow it to be. It means I give the gift of acceptance to myself and others and allow the Yes to be what it is at the moment, without forcing it or trying to stifle it. It means I allow people, places and things to be what and who they are in the moment, living in gratitude for what is while knowing I can keep growing at the same time. Living the Yes means I move from criticism to curiosity. It means I allow it to open me to another point of view, to expand, transform and teach me, to bring me more into Who I Am and Who I Am becoming.

Living the Yes means extending the gift of love and acceptance to myself and others, even when things do not make sense to me in the moment. It means I remember what I believe about humans and life in general-that we are good, well-meaning creatures who just want to feel happy and safe, that the Universe is a safe and abundant place and there is enough for all of us...Enough love, enough time, enough food and money and sunshine, enough hugs and kisses, enough chocolate, enough giggles and passion and joy, enough creative energy, benevolence, compassion and goodwill to solve all the problems we face.

I firmly believe that everyone here is doing the best they can. Not always the best they know how, but the best they can. Letting go of judgment of myself and others creates an opportunity to live an authentic, empowered Yes. It creates an opportunity to resist the temptation to judge and control and instead to nurture....to resist the temptation to force and instead empower myself and others. Living the Yes means to choose intimacy instead of intensity, to accept that there are times in life when I must have enough faith to let go and stop trying to manipulate circumstances. Just breathe. Just surrender. Know there are reasons for what I am experiencing and it might be beyond my control or understanding. And all shall be well.

Paradoxically, to live a Yes also means at times saying "No." It means standing up to injustice, it means engaging suffering, creating safe and sacred space for healing and learning that No can sometimes define a Yes. Living a Yes means saying No in many situations, but to say No in a way that is non-violent and allows me to remain a peacemaker, rather than just a conflict-avoiding peace-lover. The most powerful Yeses in our world have been the result of courageous people saying, "No. No more." No to slavery, no to oppression, no to tyranny, no to abuse, no to child labor, no to bigotry or misogyny, no to violence and injustice. Many of the Yeses we are now afforded are because others before us have said No. And yet, as Aristotle said, "Anyone can become angry. But to become angry at the right time, with the right person, in the right way, for all the right reasons, this is the essence of wisdom."  So is your Yes or No life-giving, life-affirming and life-enhancing, or is it angry, bigoted and fear based? 

Ironically, living the Yes does not mean just saying a self-serving yes to everything and calling it a life. Living the yes means living respectfully, living as a being of authentic power, not just forcing our fearful, narcissistic or hysterical will upon others. Living a yes means saying a non-violent, empowered "no" to boundary violations, to addictions, to abuse of power or relationship, to having enough self-discipline not to fall into selfish cravings but instead lean into self care and respect of self and others. Living the Yes means reasonable people can disagree but come to an understanding that serves the common good.  Living the Yes means allowing others to love and care for you, then allowing that love in to transform and empower you. Living the Yes means living your deepest Truth.

In God's economy nothing is wasted. So to live a Yes means to find the highest piece of Truth you have been given and live it to the fullest. As Gibran says, "Say not that you have found The Truth, but that you have found A Truth." Living the Yes means to live the Truth you know for yourself at the deepest level possible, to continue to surrender to that Truth, to be responsible and accountable for living that Truth. If doing so leads you to greater peace, joy, contentment and brings you to a deeper level of fulfillment, wholeness and allows you to extend more forgiveness, peace and grace to yourself and others, you can assume you are on the right track. 

All of the major spiritual traditions tell us that in you truly are on the Path of Truth, it will always lead to a place of wholeness and integration. Not necessarily a place of comfort, but wholeness, gratitude, forgiveness, compassion and mercy. If what you are calling truth leads you to feeling chronically anxious, depressed, violent or it feels as though you are giving away your personal power, keep looking, keep searching, keep asking more questions. Truth will always eventually lead to more peace and joy, although it is quite possible that you will go through a Dark Night, the desert or the Belly of the Whale on the way to the Promised Land. You have to be discerning and take responsibility for it if you say you have found a Truth and this can be frightening. It can also be the most liberating thing you have ever done. It can change your world.  You can change the world.

Sometimes the only way to be responsible for ourselves is to remove ourselves from the environment in which we find ourselves, to say a No that can lead to a Yes, to say a Yes that can lead to a healthy No, to be fully free to live a Yes. But one of the prices of freedom is to give up boredom, smug complacency, apathy and perfectionism. We must then be willing to love and accept ourselves to be fully free to live the Yes that is our Truth, our authentic power, our Being, and our Becoming One with the fullness of why we were created. To live the Yes means to live fully its true meaning: To be, to grow, to happen, to be of the earth, to be Who You Are. And so it is.
 
Terri  
 
Terri Schanks is an MSW & LCSW, Lfe Coach and Alternative Healer in St. Louis, MO. She may be reached through www.blessingsenterprises.com or [email protected]
 Quotes for a "yes" life...
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. (Lao Tzu - Chinese Philosopher)
 
A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. (Gandhi)
 
You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage -- pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically -- to say 'no' to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside. (Dr. Stephen Covey)
 
Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes. (Eleanor Roosevelt) 

You cannot fix what you will not face.  (James Baldwin)
 
Those who wish to sing always find a song. (Swedish proverb)
 
The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hardy yes to your adventure. (Joseph Campbell)
 
I imagine that yes is the only living thing. (e.e. cummings)
 
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?," it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter whether you answer yes or no, you are going to get it anyway. (Erma Bombeck)
 
One of the things that makes a dead leaf fall to the ground is the bud of the new leaf that pushes it off the limb. When you let God fill you with his love and forgiveness, the things you think you desperately want to hold onto start falling away and we hardly notice their passing. (At Home in Mitford - Jan Karon)
 
I went down the street to a 24 hour grocery.  When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.  I said, "Hey, the sign said you were open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row." (Steven Wright)
 



"Living the Yes" at the Movies 

 
  • Peaceful Warrior
  • Akeelah and the Bee
  • The Legend of Bagger Vance
  • Lewis and Clark: The Journey 
  • The Blind Side
  • The Unmistaken Child
  • Mr. Holland's Opus
  • The Bucket List
  • The Visitor
  • Julie and Julia
  • The Devil Wears Prada
  • Billy Elliott
  • Sunshine Clearing
  • Patch Adams
  • Something the Lord Made

 

Be a mentor

Do you have a heroic story to tell? The Heroic Journal is looking for those who have faced life trials and made it through them transformed.  If you would like to help others by telling your story, please contact The Omnibus Center [email protected] 
 

Mentor

 

Resilience and Heroic Journey Seminars

Need Continuing Education Hours? Social workers, nurses, nurse practitioners, drug and alcohol counselors, pastoral counselors, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, marriage and family therapists and MORE may be eligible for CE's with these two seminars.

The Psychology of Resilience: A Multi-Modal Approach to Thriving Using the Heroic Journey will be presented in a full-day format in these cities in the United States in the upcoming months.
 
April 7, 2010 - Grand Rapids, MI 
April 8, 2010 - Saginaw, MI 
April 9, 2010 - Sterling Heights, MI
April 28, 2010 - Toledo, OH
April 29, 2010 - Lansing/Livonia, MI
April 30, 2010 - Detroit, MI
 
May 11, 2010 - Harlingen, TX
May 12, 2010 - Houston, TX
May 13, 2010 - Austin, TX
May 14, 2010 - San Antonio, TX
 
June 9, 2010 - Fresno, CA
June 10, 2010 - San Jose, CA
June 11, 2010 - San Francisco, CA
June 23, 2010 - Oakland, CA
June 24, 2010 - Folsum (Sacramento), CA
June 25, 2010 - Reno, NV
  
 
Three Stages of Healing: Counseling Victims of Trauma - 6 hour, self-study, with 150+ page manual, CDs and assessment - CE's available
 
 
For more information on location, registration and course content, you may upload a brochure at www.theomnibuscenter.com (Go to 2010 schedule and click on the city link).
 
Seminars on Resilience and the Heroic Journey are available in half day, full-day and multiple day formats for clinicians and the general public.  Please contact Melissa (Missy) Bradley for more information call 615-377-6002 or MelissaBr[email protected]    
Stories and Articles coming soon!

In the coming months, we are honored to have many stories of resilience. Coming soon:  

 
Carl Calabro - "Healing, Recovery and Miracles: From Alcoholism & Bipolar Disorder to Commitment to Service"    

"Finding Life After the Holocaust"
 
"Full Recovery: Addiction, Inspiration & Abundance" - Brian McAllister
 
 "The Power of the Work Team: Supporting One Another To Reach the Pinnacle"
 
"The Journey to Self Through Abuse and Divorce"
 
" An Adventure Into the Alaskan Wilderness in 1953" - Author & Adventurer, Harriet Walker 

"From Sharecropper's Son to the Fortune 500: A Story About Jim Clayton"

 "The 20% Cancer Thriver"
 
The Heroic Journal Newsletter
Join Our Mailing List
 
...find the monthly newsletter archives,  the Heroic Journey blog and more at 
 
www.theomnibuscenter.com 
 
Visit "The Omnibus Center" on Facebook