The Heroic Journal  

  

 

The horizon will not disappear as you run towards it. (African proverb)

 

If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. (Sierra Leonian proverb)

 

God made the world round so that we would not be able to see the far end of the path we are on. (Anonymous) 

 

 

 

 

 
The last teaching tours of the year are upon me and as I find myself in NYC, rather than the house in Tennessee, I still remain "home." Approaching holidays have the windows and sidewalks lit up with bright lights and decorated with shiny tinsel, toy soldiers and other cultural icons of the season. Rockefeller Center boasts the 76 foot tall lighted Christmas tree. The familiar ringing of the Salvation Army volunteers creates the reminder of giving. The spirit of the season is being challenged by the long lines and the lack of parking places and taxis honking. While walking down the sidewalk, secular and sacred holiday music spills out of open doorways.

 
One song begins with the lyrics, "There's no place like home for the holidays..." brings me to a question: what - exactly - is "home" and why can I feel like I am home when I am hundreds of miles from my place of residence?
 
According to the dictionary, there are multiple definitions of "home," the least being about a place of residence.
 
 
1)     the physical structure within which one lives
 
2)     an environment offering security and happiness
 
3)     a valued place regarded as a place of refuge
 
4)     the native habitat of a plant or animal
 
5)     a headquarters or a place of origin
 
6)     an institution where people are cared for
 
7)     to be guided to a target automatically
 
8)     to move or lead toward a goal
 
9)     a starting position within a computer application
 
10)   a place of residence
 
 
When looking at these definitions, it is easier to understand the statement "home is where the heart is." So, does that mean home is an emotion or a physical sensation? Or, is it a place or a structure? Or, a state of being? Is it a place your foot must touch after running the bases?
 
I am reminded of the times when I have felt a sense of home. One is at the end of a training tour, home is being piled up on the couch with a down blanket, an old sweet dog beside me, a big Maine Coon cat on my chest, my favorite warm socks, hot Jasmine green tea, a movie playing and a special person sitting close by.
 
Home is the feeling when I am with people I love.  When spending time with them something resonates deep within me, like an overtone in music. There is a mutual sense of connection, unconditional love and acceptance.  No matter how many days, months or even years which pass, it's as if no time has gone by.  I count myself fortunate that I have several people who feel like home to me.  These people are my "tribe" and are like sisters, brothers, parents or that special someone.  So, is "home" about unconditional love and acceptance? A strong connection?
 
In the story the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy desperately desires to return home after her heroine's adventure through Oz.  After meeting and journeying with many interesting characters, getting into some precarious situations and the whole ensemble learning significant lessons about life, Glinda the Good Witch tells Dorothy she has always had the ability to return home.  In order to return home, all she has to do is to click together the heels of her ruby red slippers and repeat the phrase, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home."
 
Like Dorothy, we all have the ability of to return home.  Returning home is all about finding the Authentic Self, which has always resided within, yet may have been covered up with fear or messages which don't serve our greatest good. Part of that process for me, included speaking my truth.  That didn't mean forcing an opinion on everyone, but rather a willingness to be transparent and open. If relevant and useful, it may be sharing life's pain and struggles, or sharing appreciation and love in order to live without regrets. It is also taking the risk to hold myself and others accountable rather than be lulled into an illusion of connection through inauthenticity.  Although scary at first, it frees everyone involved the opportunity to become transparent. When transparent, we are then open to the possibility of true connection - first with self, then with others. When life is lived in that manner of authenticity, the fear of abandonment, judgment or rejection is no longer rules. We then get to choose our true identity and path, for when we withhold a part of ourselves; we begin to feel disconnected and isolated, even in relationships. There are many ways to be physically present in a relationship and yet not connected.
 
There may be times when we lose our sense of "home" when we are separated from others.  Whether through death, deployment or other causes, this transition of separation can challenge us at our very core.  We may feel "homeless." Yet even in death, there is a still a connection. There may be beautiful memories and the imprints those individuals have left in our hearts and we will be able to reconnect to those as we integrate the loss into our life. In fact, tapping into those memories and heart prints is what actually creates the living legacy of that person and the relationship we shared. Even a chaotic relationship can be healed after the person has died, through grieving, understanding and acceptance.
 
After the death of my father and first mentor in 1985, my sense of homelessness was profound.  Although I wasn't without a place to live, I still felt like I was without refuge.  Having spent 15 years, as a church musician, I was not without a church home.  A job in a religious organization does not assure someone of a spiritual connection.  One morning, the grief and emptiness awakened me with a strong urge to attend a religious service.  Since I had quit my job a few months prior, I chose a place I had never been. Fortunately, it was a place of unconditional love and connection with God (Higher Power) as well as with the others attending. That group of people in my new church, as well as my wonderful friends, loved me until I could finally learn to love myself. I had begun to find home via my spiritual home and it wasn't a building, but a connection to ALL.  When that connection occurs, nothing and no one can make us homeless.  Like a turtle, we then carry our home on our back - or in our hearts as this would indicate.
 
As human beings, we crave connection because it is a primal and essential need.  During our growth in the womb, we are connected to our birth mother and once we have made the journey of birth, we are connected in our relationships with others until we develop to the point of being connected to Self and ultimately with ALL. In fact, when infants do not have that sense of connection, the end result may be a "failure to thriver" (which can be fatal) and/or an attachment disorder which may feel fatal.  As a psychotherapist, the cause of most suffering is a sense of disconnection to love or an attachment to things which are not love.
 
When we are all able to find our true path home, then we can experience the wisdom of the season "Peace on earth, Goodwill toward all." So during this holiday season, regardless of your cultural or spiritual tradition, May you be home for the holidays.
 

 

 

Submitted by Doug Welton 

 

VAV-NIK: One who honors Hebrew Wisdom and the linking energy-intelligence of the VAV through behavior and intent.  The VAV is the 6th letter of the Hebrew alphabet and is most often translated as AND.

 

• we can hold multiple realities and truths
• life is improvisational and we are learning to dance creatively with the need of the moment, building bridges between people and thoughts
• out individuality is the gift we bring to our leadership in making the world a better place

 www.societyofthevav.blogspot.com