Center For Family Connections' 9th Annual
Courage & Curiosity Awardees
Astrid Dabbeni is the Executive Director and co-founder of Adoption Mosaic, a non-profit organization whose mission is to connect, honor and serve the adoption community through innovative education, practices and support services. CFFC was the first and only place in the country to serve all of the people who live in the world of adoption without being a placement agency. Today there are only two others: CASE and Adoption Mosaic. Adoption Mosaic is not a placement agency and it is not a clinic; it seeks to create a safe and honest place to dialogue the complexities of adoption. Adoption Mosaic is one of the few non-profits of its kind. Astrid has worked in adoptions for over 18 years. She has taken personal life experiences, like the circumstances around her adoption, being a woman of color, and growing up in a white family and community, and uses these experience as fuel to propel her professionally in her efforts to help others. Astrid is particularly aware of the benefits post-adoption services can have on an individual and his or her family. Astrid was adopted at the age of four from Colombia (along with her older sister). Astrid is a friend, colleague, sister, and a mover and shaker in the world of adoption. I am always impressed with her energy, her wisdom, her dedication, and her good humor! Astrid was awarded the honor for Courage and Curiosity to Enlighten and Educate Others about Adoption and After Adoption.
 Maria Quintanilla is the Founder and Executive Director of Latino Family Institute, Inc. (LFI), formally known as Hispanic Family Institute, California's first Latino Adoption and Foster Care Agency. LFI specializes in providing adoption, kinship care, foster care services, and family support services to the Latino community. Ms. Quintanilla serves as a board member to the National Council of Latino Executives, the Latino Advisory Board for CWLA, and the Latino Advisory Group for Wendy's Dave Thomas Foundation. She is also a board member of the Adoption Exchange Association (AEA), the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC), and the Voice For Adoption (VFA). Maria is a person with whom you pick up where you left off as though a moment hasn't passed. It was so great to pick her up before the Courage and Curiosity event for dinner and to talk about our lives, our work, and the difficulty our small agencies are having with all of the funding cuts. Maria has a sense of grace and wisdom and a passion for this work in the world of foster care and adoption. For this, Maria was awarded the Courage to Connect Children to Their Culture Through Adoption.
 Ernesto Loperena is the Executive Director of the New York Council On Adoptable Children (COAC), the first organization in New York City to declare that, "every child, no matter how old and regardless of physical, mental or emotional handicapping conditions of whatever race or creed, is adoptable." Since 1970, COAC has helped place over 2,500 children in permanent, loving and nurturing homes. Mr. Loperena's major contributions at COAC include the city-wide expansion of the African-American and Hispanic Child Adoption Program, and his pioneering work in establishing New York City's first private program for children orphaned by AIDS. Mr. Loperena has served on numerous advisory commissions regarding child welfare on the local, state and federal levels. He was a public member of the U.S. State Department Delegation to the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption held in the Netherlands in 1994. Mr. Loperena has testified before the House Select Committee on Children, Youth and Families; before the Joint Congressional Committee on Adoption and befor the New York State legislature on adoption issues. Ernesto came immediately to mind when I thought of this award. We have known each other for many years and I have always been inspired and impressed by his gentle, but firm, efforts to highlight social justice in the world of adoption. For Ernesto, family comes first. When he told me he would like to bring his granddaughter who is a junior at Harvard I was thrilled that one of his family could be there to seem him honored and revered by the family of adoption. Thank you for all you do for children and families, Ernesto. We have awarded Ernesto the honor of Courage to Continue All Efforts to Find and Form Families For Every Child Who Needs A Parent - As Well As A Family.
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 Letter from Joyce
I don't quite understand how it got to be November, but here we are sailing through National Adoption Month. The Fall has been a very busy one here at CFFC. We have had some changes in Operations personnel and we are happy to welcome Ms. Ginger Piaseczny as Operations Manager and my Executive Assistant. We are about to make some other changes as well and hope to roll into 2011 with a solid team and a strong underpinning for our very seasoned and great clinical team. Change is not easy. Change is not easy at all in the world of Adoption.
The Fall has included lots of conferences and trainings and I have been working hard to educate people about adoption and complex families. In October, I did a keynote for the New England Foster Care Association (NEFCA), Understanding Trauma and Its Role in Foster Care and Adoption. It was a pleasure to meet so many foster parents who were being treated to a weekend of relaxation and education. St. John's University had their conference on Ethics in October and I was on a panel and then did a workshop. My main message was that
Children are one-third of our population and all of our future
I am very aware of this lately as we watch elections and watch as public officials of all parties do very little to help the children and families that I care most about. Our funding has been slashed and slashed and the tiny bit left to us is being treated as "managed care" when the cases are more and more complex. One of my staff has spent five days in court this last six weeks and that means cancelling other families and children and a huge loss of money, because DCF has put a cap on what we can bill for and so this is all pro-bono on our part...at a time when we cannot afford to do so.
What kind of government pays no attention to the very serious needs of very traumatized children and the families that are working to keep them safe and healthy?
Later in October, I did a keynote at Wheelock College, When I Turn 18, Am I Still Adopted? Society constantly tells birth parents, adoptive parents, and adopted children/teens: "when you are eighteen or twenty-one, you can...". How does this foolish and outdated misinformation hurt the emotional growth of a teen/young adult, and what can we do to make a difference in the lives of young people who are going to college, but not necessarily "leaving home" in the ways that we suggest throughout their lives. This was a wonderful conference and took the challenges and issues for adopted people and their families into late adolescence and early adulthood. It was a pleasure to meet with so many people in higher education from the Colleges of the Fenway and to discuss the challenges and brilliance that adopted people bring to their higher education experience.
The Boston Korean Adoptees invited me to be on a panel at their first Film Festival at University of Massachusetts Boston the next day. I was honored and thrilled and it was an amazing experience to see these young Korean Adopted people who had made impressive and impactful films that will make a difference to the families and children who are coming up behind them and to those who came before who are touched by knowing that someone else 'gets it'. Film is such a wonderful medium...one picture can be worth a thousand words. PBS has been showing many of these films (In the Matter of...) recently. Included are First Person Plural by Deann Borshay Liem (other films at the BKA Film Festival included: Going Home - directed by Jason Hoffmann, Resilience - directed by Tammy Chu, and In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee - directed by Deann Borshay Liem), as well as Off and Running by Nicolle Opper and Adopted: For the Life of Me by Jean Strauss. Please look for listings and watch these magnificent films that can create amazing communication and conversation.
In November, CFFC had our annual Auction and Awards event, Courage and Curiosity. We now have spent Fifteen Years as a non-profit! (though CFFC has existed prior to non-profit, for over thirty-three years). Funny that so many people erase the history of CFFC the same way they often erase the history of the adopted person. We were the only Post Adoption Center unrelated to placement in the country for many years. We helped to start the other handful by consulting to them. We worked closely with Casey Family Services as they developed their Post Adoption Program and adopted my consultation model after I trained nearly all of the New England offices. All of that is forgotten and erased, and just as in adoption...a new "birth certificate" is created that erases the past - so has the world of adoption erased the pioneering work of PACT (Pre/Post Adoption Consulting Team (1982) - we changed our name because PACT in California decided to use it and thought it would not be confusing...it was. ARC - Adoption Resource Center (1978) and then both folding into Center For Family Connections in 1995.) So, 15 years as a non-profit and we wanted to celebrate that history. We decided to have a Quinceanera. It seemed fitting. With a shaky Operations Team and a brand new Operations Manager, it was a miracle, but we were able to present an event that looked flawless from the outside! Special thanks to the Events Committee who pulled this entire thing off in about three weeks with the amazing help of Ginger Piaseczny, Melissa St. John, Paula Woodman Russo, Joan Sulis Kramer, Seacia Pavao, Caitlin FitzGerald, and Jen Katz (the last three are real family connections - my family).
Also thanks to the ever-amazing Staff who ran around getting donations, who helped whenever they could in the midst of their daily routine, and who were at our event to help you, and to help CFFC. I want to also thank the Board and Advisory Board for their involvement and care and for bringing some of their friends along to spread the Family of Adoption even further. We host the event - our yearly fundraiser - in November in honor of National Adoption Month, and in honor of the extraordinary Courage and captivating Curiosity of the children and families in adoption, foster care, kinship care, guardianship, and all complex-blended families. Child Welfare, Juvenile Justice, and Mental Health Associations all state that the greatest need in adoption today is post-adoption services, and yet our contract to provide these services was cut by the Commonwealth over a year ago. Totally cut.
Some statistics that may or may not surprise you: Over 52% of Americans are connected to an adoptive family (birthparent, adoptive parent, adopted person and all of those related to them) EBD/NYT. 97% of all adopted children over age 3 (domestic or international) have been physically, sexually abused and/or neglected prior to adoption and are suffering from loss as well as trauma (CWLA). This makes for a challenging parent experience, but an amazing one. 90% of children labeled as 'difficult in the classroom' have experienced some degree of trauma. 100% of adopted children have experienced some degree of trauma and loss. And, from a study by the Justice Department, 60% of children surveyed were exposed to violence in the past year...directly or indirectly. The number of foster children who have been exposed to violence is probably more like 85%.
International and transracial adoptions present more need for post adoption services, including education for the parents, and some other supportive services for the families. 1 out of 10 Korean Americans are adopted people. One-third of our whole population are children and teens and they are not represented in votes and in services. These children are our future. One of the many things we do at CFFC is to represent these children and all of their families, as we help them to find the skills and services to confront their challenges and better live their lives. CFFC (then called PACT) was the only place in the US for about twenty-five or more years, and is now one of two or three places that provide services in mental health, consultation, support services and training, but we do not do placement. Since we decided that it would be festive and fun to hold a Quinceañera of sorts, and to celebrate being fifteen, we also wanted to honor some of the Hispanic Professionals in the world of adoption who have made an impact. As you may recall, fifteen is a difficult age. A famous psychoanalyst said, "adolescence is the closest thing to psychosis," and we are learning more and more about the adolescent brain and how it works (or doesn't...). It is a time of growing up in various ways, and wanting to be more grown up than one can be. It is a time of identity exploration. CFFC has had growing pains during these fifteen years .We have had our ups and downs. We have had amazing opportunities and funding to develop models for treatment and models for training that have been trend-setting in the world of adoption and complex families. We have served approximately 10,000 people (since we see large family systems, one family may include several families...6 siblings in different households, foster parents and birth family and kin as well as adoptive family...sometimes one family is 50 people) in these fifteen years. We have trained approximately 30,000 professionals (JMP trains nationally and internationally in addition to our own trainings here at CFFC), and adults who live in the world of adoption. We have had support from our Commonwealth for over thirty years, and then in the recent years we have lost it. We have had support from the Federal Government in the past, and we have lost it. We have, however, had continued support from families and Family Foundations. You are the constant. You keep us alive and you keep our doors open. CFFC is fifteen-years-old and we are At Risk, just like many of the youth we serve. We need funding most of all, and we need other kinds of support such as referrals and volunteers. Please bring more friends to our auction each year in order to help us to expand the CFFC community! Next year our event is on 11/11/11...Very auspicious!! We need you. And the Families and Children that we serve need you. Our event was great fun, with piñatas, Latin music by Four Guys in Tuxes (who we recommend!), and photographs by Larry Aaronson. Awards were given to Astrid Dabbeni, Maria Quintanilla, and Ernesto Loperena. For more about this year's Courage & Curiosity Awardees, please see the brief bios on the left.
 Late in the evening on November 19th, BJ Lifton passed away, after a war with pneumonia. She was a friend of 33 years, a mentor, a member of CFFC Advisory Board, a guide, a sister, a fellow adopted person, a writer, and a magical human who loved her people and her animals. Early the next morning I wrote this letter to her...
Dear BJ
I am so glad we got to spend so many great times this summer (and all of the other summers in Provincetown, Truro and Welfleet). I know you were having a bit of a difficult time getting around, but get around you did!! I know Bob would worry - I remember the time you visited my new place in Cambridge and we talked and talked and you met some of my friends - Social Justice folk from the 60's and 70's - and you stayed very late and finally Bob called my house worried about your whereabouts on a snowy night.
We walked you to your car and off you went!
It always seemed as if you floated off.
I know it was often difficult for you to get around, but you loved a lovely dinner at the Red Inn and a chance to talk about all of the things happening in the world and in the world of adoption. You made me come and tell stories about Annette's amazing memorial because you couldn't be there - the travel would be too much and it is hard to leave the Cape for that kind of travel. You and I talked so much on the phone late at night and we could not believe that Annette was gone - who would tell us what to read? Who would tell us what new gadgets to buy? And now, I have lost two great friends and mentors and, who will I talk to and argue with about this and that in the world of adoption?
So many years - so many conferences - in so many places! We have been friends for a very long time - well over 33 years - because our children were small and in their teens. I am thinking now of all the animals who were so dear to you. The crazy flight I took with the mad Annabelle, the times Basket and others would romp off on the beach and be a bit lost for a while and then appear!! The terrible stress (that I am sure was wearing on you) of Maui's loss this summer and the horrid images you had of her eaten by predators...how wonderful that she was located and that you had her with and Jingly in the end.
I am thinking of the wonderful dinners at all of your wonderful homes... made all the better because you brought such joy and magic to every conversation. I am thinking of Annie and the Sand Dobbies...one of your favorite books: A book about death, for children. I will dig through my library and find and reread it today.
I can't quite believe you are gone BJ.
I know you wanted to be gone from Cambridge and back in NY.
I know you would not leave your family and Jingly and Maui without a very good reason and plan.
I know you would not abandon all of your adopted ones.
So I can only imagine that you are doing some magic work and we will all feel the results of it - as we always have when you have worked so hard to make the world of adoption a better place.
I can't find it in myself to say goodbye, so I will just miss you when it is time to call or write or see you and the rest of the time - I will know that you are still out there doing your amazing work and righting and writing truths about adoption.
With love and admiration.
Joyce
(and of course, Dublin and Nicoise and Seacia)
Earlier this summer the world of adoption also lost another mentor and dear friend of both BJ's and mine: Annette Baran.
Eulogy for Annette:
Naomi asked me to say a few words about Annette and her work life.
It is of course impossible to say a few words about Annette and it is impossible to separate her work from herself, so bear with me.
CWLA honored Annette a few years ago and state the following:
Annette Baran is one of the pioneers of modern adoption. As co-author of Adoption Triangle, the first book to advocate opening sealed records, she helped to bring about significant changes in the institution of adoption and influenced the practice in agencies throughout the world. Baran's career has included doing clinical and administrative work in adoption agencies, teaching and training, researching and writing, testifying as an expert witness, consulting, and conducting a private psychotherapy practice.
She is also co-author of Lethal Secrets, the first book to examine the emotional aspects of donor insemination and other alternative methods of reproduction. Baran's writings include chapters in the Encyclopedia of Bioethics, The Psychology of Adoption, Adolescent Psychiatry, and many magazines and journal articles.
I met Annette in 1978.
She had written Adoption Triangle, and I was finshing a Masters Degree, and as an adopted person, my aim was to get people/professionals to understand us a little better.
Annette did!!
I called her...
(I seem to have a habit of calling authors without blinking.)
I did the same with BJ Lifton about the same time!
And a few years ago with Gregory Maguire.
They have all become my dear friends, so, why wouldn't one?
It's no wonder Annette found herself in the World of Adoption...she adopted so many people who wandered into her life.
She certainly adopted me, and my daughter, Seacia.
Annette really should have been named Frank.
For, she did not mince words.
She did not suffer fools.
And she did not tolerate unethical practices.
Annette began her career in adoption in an age of secrecy. She thought it would be a nice job to have!
After all, these young women had untimely pregnancies and couldn't raise their children, and other families wanted children and couldn't produce them! Voila!!!
But slowly she began to see the deep loss and pain involved, and she noticed that over the years, the people who suffered the most from the secrecy and lies were the children in adoption.
Annette was one to right wrongs as soon as she found them out.
And so she made it her goal to educate people.
Annette gave many keynotes at conferences and always stirred people up and sent them into action.
We taught a course together for DSS Supervisors at UCLA for a few years and had a blast working together.
She called it our 'Dog and Pony Show,' and she was the more radical of the two of us as we worked for change in the system!
She saw lots of people in consultation and in therapy within her private practice, and sometimes we would have bicoastal clients.
Annette was a pioneer and an agent of change.
I learned of her death while running the 25th annual conference that I do on adoption in Provincetown, Cape Cod. It was called 'Takin' It to the Streets - Activism in Adoption.' Immediately dedicated to Annette, of course.
Annette had a magnificent sense of humor as well as a sense of justice.
You would never see Annette without her having gifts for you - some artifact from one of her travels - always exotic - fabulous earrings, or necklaces, or statues, etc.
Her gift of knowledge was the most important one though, and she would inform all of us about what was wrong with the world of adoption, and how to remedy it.
The Adoption Triangle and Lethal Secrets are required readings for people studying adoption and Alternative Reproductive Technologies. Hunter post-graduate course that Gary Mallon and I wrote and presented, and others...
Annette made a huge difference in people's awareness and understanding of the importance of truth and the civil right of access to one's birth certificates, and to information about one's self.
Annette was a pioneer and she was a change agent.
She was a gifted clinician and an amazing teacher and a superb mentor.
She was a friend and a Godmother.
She will live on in her family and in her Family by Adoption.
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So November is National Adoption Month.
November is the month of Thanksgiving.
We hope that you will give thanks for all of the work that is done for and with children and families in adoption at CFFC and that you will help us to reach our goal of raising $350,000, so that we can provide the excellent services that we are known for. We are a 501(c)3 and all donations are tax deductible.
Thank you once again for being our support and our foundation.
Sincerely,
Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao
CEO and Founder
Center For Family Connections
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Joe Burke
Joe Burke is a fan of CFFC, an adopted person, and sometimes helps with our Novel Thoughts group run by Jennifer Eckert. His first book was just published and can be obtained on Amazon...
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National Adoption Month
What CFFC has done to celebrate:
CFFC has celebrated people who have dedicated their lives to adoption work in the annual Courage and Curiosity Award and Auction Evening on November 10
CFFC has run groups for children, teens, and adults:
CFFC is planning a merger of two great conferences... ARC Intensives and Action will be combined in July (10-14) in Provincetown, Cape Cod....Information forthcoming!!
Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao taught in the post graduate course in Adoption at University of Connecticut on Monday, November 15
Things you could do to give thanks and to celebrate National Adoption Month.
1. Donate a duffel bag.
For a majority of kids in care, their tangible belongings are the only constant in their lives. When moving between placements, a great number of foster children transport their belongings in trash bags. Donating a duffel bag or a piece of luggage to your local foster care agency could make a world of difference in the life of a foster child.
To find a local foster care agency, visit here.
2. Help spread awareness about foster care and adoption.
Currently, there are more than 400,000 children in the U.S. foster care system. And 115,000 are waiting for a forever family of their own. Every child deserves a permanent, loving home.
For adoption awareness tips, click here.
3. Donate to Center For Family Connections
Please help CFFC continue helping families and children! Visit our website.
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