*TRAININGS*
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23rd Annual ARC Summer Intensives
July 6-9pm, Provincetown Theater and Provincetown, MA
REGISTER NOW!
Ask about special rates!
Call 617.547.0909
OR
Fax 617.497.5952
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| _______________________________ 4th International Conference on Post Adoption
Services
February 23rd-25th, 2009
Hotel Marlowe
Cambridge, Massachusetts
ACTION February 2009
Click Here
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SAVE THE DATE:
7th Annual Courage and Curiosity Celebration
November 13th, 2008
6-10pm
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Hotel Marlowe
Cambridge, MA |
contact: KatherineW@kinnect.org
for more information
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Suggested Reading
Topic III:
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Reunions
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McColm, Michelle.
Adoption Reunions.
A comprehensive book about reunions that presents a sensitive and compassionate guide for those involved in all phases of the reunion process.
Waldron, Jan L.
Giving Away Simone
This memoir is one woman's adoption story and she subsequent reunion with her 11 year-old child. This book is an eloquent, literate, first-person account of a mother's relinquishment of her baby and their turbulent years later.
Stiffler, LaVonne H. Synchronicity & Reunion.
A fascinating exploration of surprising coincidences in the union/loss/reunion stories of families separated by adoption.
Gediman, Judith S., Brown, Linda P.
Birth Bond: Reunions Between Birthparents & Adoptees - What are the long-term outcomes?
In this informative and moving account, the reader discovers the impact of reunions on the lives of all members of the adoption triangle.
Strauss, Jean.
Birthright.
The guide to search & reunion for adoptees, birthparents, & adoptive parents. Brimming with important reference sources & dozens of true-life stories.
Green, Tim.
A Man & His Mother.
This is Tim Green's story of his faithful reunion with his birth mother and how this meeting engendered in both their lives.
Taylor, Patricia.
Shadow Train-A Journey Between Relinquishment and Reunion.
A superb novel-written autobiography of a therapist/birthmother's struggle with the "family secret" and her own inability to "get on with life" until the unfinished business in her life was resolved.
Pavao, Dr. Joyce Maguire
The Family of Adoption
Through stories of work with children and families, she shows us that
adoptive parents, as well as teachers,therapists, and all who work
with children must come to understand these developmental stages as normal-challenging, but normal. The Family of Adoption is a timely and powerful argument for the right kind of "openness" within adoptive
families.
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Quote of the Month:
Many people miss life because they are waiting for something great. It only happens through small things: eating your breakfast, walking, taking a bath, talking to a friend etc.
Small things are what life is made of. When you collect one pebble, it is a pebble. When pebbles are together, suddenly they are diamonds. That's the miracle of life. -Osho |
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June 2008
We are very busy at CFFC! June is a time of change.
It is the ending of our fiscal year.
It is the end of our time with our fabulous interns Jean Deardon McClurken and Candice Beckner. Jean and Candice have been amazing and wonderful and have become part of the fabric of CFFC. They will be missed.
We have orientation all worked out for the new folks. Elizabeth, Judy, Leah, Irene and Jennifer will all start on July 1! We've been moving desks and things around, getting upgrades to all of our computers, and a new server! (Sounds boring, but much needed!)
We have some internal changes! Katherine starts her Masters Program at Wheelock in Social Work in September and she will stay on as Operations Manager part time. Larisa Kottke will take on the Executive Assistant job, and Tori Greising will continue to be our wonderful Operations and Billing Associate. We're hoping this will be a very smooth transition with such a great team.
ARC is coming up fast! We have some great folks signed up- from all over the country and beyond. We are able to offer some partial scholarships and are able to keep the fee down to acknowledge the impact of gas prices. There is still room!
Courage and Curiosity, our annual auction and friend raiser is coming up. Save November 13 and let us know what you want to donate for the auction!! Most important, come and enjoy the evening with us and bring new friends!
ACTION--- hard to believe it will be our fourth international conference on post adoption services! Calls for proposals are going out shortly and we are ready to host all of our international friends as well as local ones on February 23-25th.
The Volunteer Cruise was fabulous and fun. We had a great crowd of fun-loving people who enjoyed celebrating all of those wonderful people who give so much to CFFC.
Our own Dr. Dublin is a movie star!!! His headshot was chosen, and he recently appeared with Bruce Willis in the filming of "Surrogates". We will keep you posted about when the film comes out, but Dublin is truly a star!!
May your summer be safe and lazy with lots of time with family and friends. We have our newest annotated book list--- if you email larisak@kinnect.org she will email you a .pdf version for some summer adoption reading!!
Spend some time this summer thinking about what you can do for CFFC and for the children and families that we serve.
You could, for instance:
volunteer some time,
donate some items,
donate some dollars,
introduce us to corporate donors,
come to our events and bring five of your best friends,
donate to the auction,
help with our website,
take photographs of children with releases for our materials,
send us photos or drawings by children,
sign up for some of our trainings,
refer friends and family to CFFC,
send us notes and letters about our great staff,
fill in our surveys so that we can have great advice
Let us know what else we can ask people to do to help CFFC.
Best to you and yours,
Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao
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*Feature Article*
Carolyn Berger recently completed the post-graduate course in Adoption Therapy at Hunter Graduate School of Social Work in New York City.
The course was written and designed by Gary Mallon and Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao.
Transracial Adoption: It Will Change Your Family Forever By Carolyn Berger, LCSW
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As a white person, my understanding of what it took to bring a black, Latino, or Asian child into my family was straightforward. You either adopted a black or biracial child domestically or you traveled to Guatemala, Columbia, Ethiopia or somewhere in Asia to bring a child of color home. You made sure that your child had role models within her race and you incorporated the holidays and traditions of your child's family of origin into the life of your family. You joined a support group for people with families like yours so that your child could make friends with others of her race and you could share advice and support.
My early thoughts about transracial adoption barely scratched the surface. Since we live in a country that is racist-Condoleeza Rice aptly called racism our nation's "birthmark"-the process is far more complex. People considering this option should become very familiar with the terrain before proceeding. I will focus on whites adopting children of color in this article--the first in a series on transracial adoption.
Many white pre-adoptive parents believe that they are ready to adopt transracially because they are at ease with people of color. But we must look at life through the childrens' eyes. They will be living in a society that is neither comfortable with race nor color blind. People who are black, Latino, or Asian already know this-it's in the air we all breathe, although the whites among us are often unaware.
Peggy McIntosh, in her article "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack," says that whites are taught not to recognize their power and privilege. She says, "I have come to see white privilege as an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools and blank checks." Her article, written in 1989, still resonates today. If you are white you need to recognize that your child of color will not come equipped with this knapsack of privilege.
When we talk about transracial adoption by whites we are talking about a significant number of adopted children. In 2004 there were 1.6 million adopted children under the age of 18: 16% were black, 7% were Asian and 2% were American Indian. Of these children 17% were of a different race than their adoptive parents (U.S. Census Bureau). And transracial adoption through foster care is on the rise. In 2004, 26% of black children were adopted transracially, almost always by whites, compared to 14% in 1998 (Clemetson and Nixon, NY Times, 2006).
There are many children of color here in the U.S. and abroad who are in need of families, and many white couples and individuals who want to provide them. The question is not whether we should adopt transracially. Rather, it is how we can do a better job of it. And this can mean turning ourselves and our lifestyles inside out.
John Raible, Ed.D, a black man raised by white parents and an authority on transracial adoption, points to one way we can do this. He uses the term "transracialization" to describe the change people can undergo when they take part in close, long-term relationships with people of other races. Transracialization emerges when people develop a "deep and sophisticated understanding of race and racism." Adoptive parents can begin this process before they bring a child of another race home by immersing themselves in their child's culture.
Probably the first and most important step is to make friends among members of your child's race. Sounds a bit contrived? Maybe so, but don't you do this when you are entering some other new phase of your life? Like a new job? Or when you marry someone and put forth your best effort to get acquainted with your spouse's family? Begin to read books about race and by members of your child's race. Open yourself to discussions about race. You might be startled to discover that you've never had such discussions since the subject is taboo: How often have Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton skirted comments about race in their quests to become the Democratic Nominee for the upcoming presidential contest?
The transracialization of your family will be an ongoing, endless, rewarding, frustrating and exciting experience that will reverberate through future generations. Complete transracialization is not always achieved by white adoptive families-perhaps it never can be-- but we need to strive for it if we want our children to develop healthy identities.
In the ideal scenario, a child from a transracialized family will feel connected to, and supported by, his adoptive family and deeply connected to some people of his own race as well. He will live in a city or town that is diverse and where he can find successful role models. White adoptive parents need to have friends who have navigated the shoals of racism in ways they have never had to, and who are willing to guide their child through.
In their book Inside Transracial Adoption (2000)-a must-read for people who plan to adopt transracially--Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall tell us, "When you choose to become a family that is different from most, you must be prepared to confront your own biases in both overt and subtle ways-- You can expect to find that you carry within yourself both negative and positive internalized attitudes about adoption and race."
Hold on to those positive attitudes. Confront the negative ones before you adopt! Why? Because these are the same attitudes your child will be brushing up against on a regular basis. How can you help a child cope with something you have not acknowledged to exist?
Your adopted child will need to grow up in a family where issues of race are discussed and where his experiences of racism are confronted and dealt with rather than ignored or glossed over. If you are a white person adopting a male black child, for example, you need to think about how he will fare in the schoolyard and on the street. You will need to teach him to stand up for himself when he hears a racist remark or feels the effects of racism in his everyday life. You will have to teach him how to sidestep racial profiling as he grows into adulthood-or he may never reach adulthood.
Or, let's say you have adopted a daughter from China. Get ready for the possibility of her coming home from school one day to say she hates her eyes, and that the kids on the playground are teasing her by pulling their own eyes back in a clumsy imitation of what they call "Chink eyes." You and other Chinese people in her life will be charged with the task of teaching her to appreciate her looks in a culture that already makes it difficult for girls to develop positive self-images.
If you are beginning to wonder whether you are up for the challenges of transracial adoption, this is a good sign-for it means that you are thinking critically about the impact of racism on adoption. And if you can think critically about it, you are already a giant step ahead of most people. Besides loving your child and giving her the family every child deserves, there are many things you can do to stack the deck in her favor.
- Live in a diverse community where there are many people of your child's race. This is one of the most important things you can do!
- Send your child to a racially diverse school.
- Educate your extended family about your child's race and culture.
- Find same-race role models and mentors for your child.
- Learn to speak your child's language of origin.
- Choose vacation spots and camps where your child's race is well represented.
- Go to social events attended by adults and children of your child's race.
- Fight racism. Let your child know that you will not tolerate racism whether it's subtle or overt.
- Incorporate the music, food, and holiday traditions of your child's race into your family life.
Your overarching goal can be found in "A Transracially Adopted Child's Bill of Rights," adapted by Liza Steinberg Triggs* from "A Bill of Rights for Mixed Folks," by Marilyn Drame:
Every child is entitled to find his multiculturalism to be an asset and to conclude, "I've got the best of both worlds."
Carolyn Berger, LCSW, is AFA's Adoption Coordinator and the parent of two teenage sons, one who came to her family through adoption. She keeps "A Transracially Adopted Child's Bill of Rights" taped to her refrigerator.
*Find this in its entirety on the website of Pact, An Adoption Alliance: www.pactadopt.org/press/articles/transracial.html
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FOOD FOR THOUGHT
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Everyone who has ever made it to
the top has had to endure rejections.
In 1998, Google co founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page approached Yahoo! and suggested a merger... Yahoo! could have snapped up the company for a handful of stock, but instead they suggested that the young googlers keep working on their little school project and come back when they had grown up. Within 5 years, Google had an estimate market capitization of 20 billion.
(Remember!) NEVER LET (NO) SLOW YOU DOWN! :-)
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Check out the interesting information regarding NEW Airline FEES!
<-----Airline Madness----->
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1. Bag Fees
Alaska: First bag free; second bag $25 as of July 1; third bag $100 as of July 1; overweight $50
American: $15 each way for the first checked bag starting June 15; $25 more for the second; $100 for the third; overweight $50
United: First bag free; second bag $25; third bag $100; overweight $100
Continental: First bag free; second bag $25; third bag $100;
overweight $50
Northwest: First bag free; second bag $25; third bag $100;
overweight $50
Delta: First bag free; second bag $25; third bag $80; overweight $80
JetBlue: First bag free; second bag $20 as of June 1; third bag $75; overweight $50
Southwest: Two free bags! Third bag $25, overweight $25
Spirit: First bag $10 if reserved online, $20 at the airport; second
bag $20 additional; third bag $100; overweight $50
US Airways: First bag free; second bag $25; third bag $100;
overweight $50
Virgin America: First bag free; second bag $10; third bag $50;
overweight $50
2. Seat Selection Fees
These fees won't delay planes, but they just make everyone crabby. The "good" versions, such as United's and JetBlue's, let you pay a bit more for a seat with extra leg room. But US Airways and
Northwest have taken the seat selection fee to a truly obnoxious
extent by asking you to pay extra for a window or aisle seat! Yes,
in theory, on Northwest, their base fares will eventually only apply to middle seats. (For now, they're promising that only 8% of their seats will cost extra.) Here's how our airlines compare in terms of seating.
Alaska: No seating fees.
American: No seating fees.
United: "Economy plus" has 35-36 inches of legroom for $14-109
extra, depending on flight length
Continental: No seating fees.
Northwest: Some, but not all, exit rows, aisles and windows cost $5-35 extra on domestic flights, 24 hours in advance of departure; $50 on international flights.
Delta: No seating fees.
JetBlue: Get 38 inches of legroom for $10-20 depending on length of flight
Southwest: Forget seating fees, they still don't have assigned
seating.
Spirit: Surprisingly, no seating fees.
US Airways: "Choice seats" in aisles and windows cost $5 extra, 24
hours before the flight.
Virgin America: $15-50 "premium seat" fee for bulkhead and exit
rows.
Bonus! Air Canada: With lowest fares, it costs $15-20 to get any
seat in advance
3. Reservation and Customer Service Fees
Anything airlines can do to avoid raising their base fares (and thus
the prices in their advertisements) the prices in their advertiseme
started charging for customer service. This is probably the most
egregious fee I've seen yet. Their "On My Way" assistance service
gives you access to a human customer service agent who will help
rebook you and find you a free hotel and meals if your flight is
delayed or cancelled.
The joke here is that this is what all airlines should do, at a
minimum. But they don't. Airlines do their best to weasel out of
responsibility for the awful situation of flight delays that they've
caused by overscheduling flights, crowding airports and not having
enough backup planes. Then they extort money out of you with a
promise that they'll avoid weaseling. Lovely.
Most airlines also now charge fees to book tickets over the phone orin person. Here's a rundown of how they work.
Alaska: $15 to book by phone or in person.
American: $15 to book by phone; $20 to book in person
United: $25 to book by phone; $30 to book in person
Continental: $15 to book by phone; $35 to book in person
Northwest: $15 to book by phone or in person
Delta: $25 to book by phone or in person
JetBlue: $15 to book by phone or in person
Southwest: No booking fees!
Spirit: No booking fee, but they double the baggage fees if you
don't book online.
US Airways: $15 to book by phone or in person
Virgin America: $10 phone booking fee.
Bonus! Air Canada: $25-35 for vile, extortionate "On My Way"
customer service fee.
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 Please contact us with any questions or comments. Center For Family Connections 350 Cambridge Street Cambridge, MA 02141 p. 617.547.0909 f. 617.497.5952 cffc@kinnect.org Office Hours: Monday- Thursday: 9am-8pm Friday: 9am-5pm
Sincerely,
The CFFC Team
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