Marty L. Cooper, MFT
4831 Geary Blvd.
San Francisco, CA 94118
martycooper@mlcooper.com
www.mlcooper.com
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October 2010 Vol. 2, Issue 12
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Greetings!
Greetings!
Here is the forth Q&A, focusing on the question of: "How do I know when it's time to call a friend for help?" It points to the basic question of when to accept support, when one is struggling with anxiety and depression. It's a critical question, too, because one of the key things one sees in people struggling with these moods is the tendency to zig when life calls for a zag. When one genuinely needs some propping up, then is often when those things that could be helpful are pushed away. It's a common irony.
May you move into Fall be a welcomed mix of challenge and serenity.
( And YELP! request: A colleague convinced me recently that the online review site Yelp is not, in fact, just for plumbers. So if you feel moved to provide a review of anything positive from contact with me or my classes, apparently it would be helpful to, as they say, spread the word. You can find my profile by clicking here. And thanks in advance.) |
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Q: How do I know when it's time to call for help from a friend?
A: Maybe the short answer goes like this: when you feel you need support, but determine that that support is not actually a crutch, then you call for help. That's easy, eh?
A meditation teacher of mine sat on his simple seat, crosslegged, and looked down a few inches into my eyes as I lamented. "I've been doing this practice for a while now, and sometimes feel like I'm just struggling and fighting. How do I know what supports to allow?" He looked thoughtful for a little bit, then said, "Well, all of them."
What he was saying was that if something is genuinely a support, something that actually lifts us at a time when otherwise we would sag, then to refuse it would simply be an act of un-humility. To not take in support is to basically just defend our sense of self:, either, "I'm stronger than that," or, "I'm not worthy of that," but both focusing on maintaining our familiar sense of I. In other words, we refuse to admit our real limitations and seek real help.
The teacher was also saying that, if something actually does not function as a support, if it makes us weaker rather than stronger, then it's not actually a support anyway and should be rejected.
So if, as a result of introspection and discernment, the answer to "Do I need support" is yes, and the answer to "Is this friend supportive" is yes, then that's when you reach out. This is not to diminish the complexity of why we choose to reject even genuine support, but it's also important to clearly discern the difference between a real and counterfeit support.
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Online Articles
Past articles can be found at my articles page by clicking here. |
About Marty
Marty Cooper is a San Francisco psychotherapist who helps individuals
struggling with anxiety and depression to not only manage these "wild
moods," but eventually learn how to overcome them. His background in
both Western approaches to healing, as well as Eastern mindfulness
practices (meditation) give a wide range of perspectives and techniques to bring to the work of taming mood.
Marty's passion arises out of his
deep understanding of how painful anxiety and depression can be, and
his wish to help others learn how to avoid overwhelm, as well as to
find meaning in experience that can otherwise at times just seem pointless.
Joy, connection, and a life not ruled by fear are all truly possible.
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Services
I offer psychotherapy to those who are wanting to learn deeper and more effective management strategies for their anxiety and depression, as well those who wish to find out how to overcome these wild moods. I work comprehensively with mental, emotional, bodily, and spiritual dimensions, all of which are necessary to overcome the chronic quality of anxiety and depression.
If
you are looking to make changes that last, then please call me and set up an initial phone consultation, so we can see if or how I can best be of service.
Marty L. Cooper, MFT
415.835.2162
martycooper@mlcooper.com
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