Marty L. Cooper, MFT
4831 Geary Blvd.
San Francisco, CA 94118
martycooper@mlcooper.com
www.mlcooper.com
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November 2008 Vol. 2, Issue 4
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Greetings!
So, finally, two years of an amazing presidential campaign came to a finish on the 4th, and we elected a man who ran on a platform that boiled down to "hope." And in the world at large, there's a lot to hope for.
But as this is playing out on the national stage, what's playing out on the internal stage? Particularly, what is hope looking like on the inside.
With anxiety and depression, hope often ends up being pitched overboard, where it bobs along as something you can make out against the waves, but which you can't hold in your hands.
So the article this month is about hope: what it is, and how it can elude us.
Also, I want to announce that I'll be offering a new group, "Transforming the Wild Moods: A process and support group for those with anxiety and depression." It will be on Monday evenings, 7-8:45p, starting in late January. See below for more info.
Also also: the next Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression class will start Jan. 25th, 2009. See here for more info.
Best wishes,
Marty
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Transforming the Wild Moods:
A process and support group for those with anxiety and depression
About the group?
Depression
and anxiety feed on the triad of shame, guilt, and blame, and when
unchallenged, these three emotions pull one down into the whirlpool of the wild
moods. The result of this motion is the tossing out of joyful, life-full experiences that otherwise would be commonplace.
This group
is intended to give members a place for support-deep support for who you are,
rather than who you are supposed to
be-and a place to challenge and have challenged the (usually) long-standing
assumptions and beliefs about yourself that under-gird depression and
anxiety. When gradually unburdened by
depressing and frightening beliefs, then your life starts being one which is open to
experience and deep feeling, productive work and rich relationship.
What is a process group?
In
a process group (as opposed to a work, social, or educational group), all the
members become your teachers. With your
group mates, and with the help of the facilitator, you focus on how the process of relating shows you where you
tend to pull away from your experience and relationships, and gives you a safe
place to practice staying with what's happening right in front of you.
Depression
and anxiety are both blocks, and at times defenses, to being in the joy, and sadness, of your life, creating the
typically flat, alienate quality of these moods.
But with a supportive, safe group of peers, you have the opportunity to
risk opening up to things in yourself and in others that have otherwise drove
you into isolation. The resulting shifts can be life changing.
Time, fees, and how to join?
The group
will meet Mondays, from 7-8:45pm in
the Inner Richmond, beginning late January, 2009. The per session fee
will be $50.
If
you are interested in possibly joining, or in getting more information, please
call me at (415) 835-2162 so we can have a conversation about whether this
might be the right group for you.
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Hope in the time of HOPE
Regardless of who you were rooting, or working, for in the recent presidential election, one has to see it as a pretty remarkable event. The first African-American president, the first race so influenced by "green politics," and the first one I've seen in a while to not just talk about hope, but to actually stimulate it in what seems to be a wide swath of the electorate.
But for those of you who have had a history of depression and anxiety, it's probably not such a clear emotion, or so easily summoned.
The wild moods, anxiety and depression, often have a very uneasy, if not hostile, relationship to hope. These moods carry the opposite charge to hope: negative, pessimistic, scared.
So even with hope being talked about in the buzz of the election, and citizens getting inspired, you may have found yourself less than inspired, maybe even cynical.
Human minds have a remarkable capacity to defend themselves. If you have had enough experiences with being positive and open to people, to the world, which have met with pain--of rejection, betrayal, dismissal--then over time you will likely develop "antibodies" to such positivity. "I'll never let myself be so exposed again!"
So hope is one form of this positivity: you look at a situation and remain open to, or fully believe in, the possibility that "things will work out for the best."
So the question as I see it for those struggling with anxiety and depression is: how to cultivate hope when it seemingly hasn't served one very well in the past.
Some principles:
1) Hope is not Pollyanna--it's not blindly optimistic. At best, hope is based on experience about the impossibility to know exactly how a situation will turn out, combined with an equally experienced knowledge that "grounded hope" often brings about that which one hopes for.
2) Hope connects one to the world. Grounded hope is implicitly a statement of safety; pessimism is a statement of unsafety. When one is feeling safe, there is no reason to guard against reality, and thus, no reason to isolate oneself from others, or from the world at large.
3) Hope can open one's mind to possibility. Grounded hope acts as something of a lubricant to possibility: when one is open to the existence of change/growth/satisfaction, then one can actually see avenues for them to be realized.
A practice in hope
So with these axioms in mind, how does one cultivate, or allow in, hope when anxiety and depression's natural tug is towards hopelessness? Here are some thoughts and suggestions towards building hope muscles.
1) Become intimate with hopelessness. If you don't know what it's like, then you can't spot it when it's happening. And what can't be identified in generally can't be changed. Make of study of your own hopelessness. Easy? No way. But it can be done. One can genuinely get to know hopelessness in the same way one might identify birds in birdwatching: with detachment, clear recognition, and choice of how you respond.
2) Choose openness. Hope is resonant with open heartedness, and open heartedness itself is not afraid. When you notice hopelessness arising (like a bird from the grass), the practice is choosing open heartedness, choosing to believe in the hope-full-ness of the moment.
3) Learn how your body doesn't hope. The wild moods express themselves at all levels of the psyche: body, mind, and heart/emotions. So hopelessness, and hope, are also body experiences. This practice is in watching how the body reflects a lack of hope, and of hope, and then experimenting with changing the body to support hope. If, for instance, you slump and contract when not feeling hopeful, what happens when you choose to open your posture?
4) Choose positive relationships. Roger Walsh, who wrote a book about the commonalities of world religions, said that one of the pervasive teachings of all wisdom traditions is: if you want a particular quality, surround yourself with those with that quality. Hope resonates with hope, getting stronger; hopelessness resonates with negativity and isolation, making it stronger.
Last thoughts
The macro level and the micro level are always in communication. Hope writ large individually in the national discourse, and hope writ small in the individual heart. The outside always influences the inside, and the inside always shapes and frames the outside.
Hope is not a genetic gift, for some lucky souls and not others. It is squashed for good reasons, and can be cultivated for good reasons. The key is investigating both with curiosity, getting help from whoever is willing, and then making ongoing choices about what's best, ultimately, for you.
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Online Articles
Past articles can be found at my articles page by clicking here. |
About Marty
Marty Cooper is a San Francisco psychotherapist who helps individuals
struggling with anxiety and depression to not only manage these "wild
moods," but eventually learn how to overcome them. His background in
both Western approaches to healing, as well as Eastern mindfulness
practices (meditation) give a wide range of perspectives and techniques to bring to the work of taming mood.
Marty's passion arises out of his
deep understanding of how painful anxiety and depression can be, and
his wish to help others learn how to avoid overwhelm, as well as to
find meaning in experience that can otherwise at times just seem pointless.
Joy, connection, and a life not ruled by fear are all truly possible.
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EMDR
So, what is EMDR? EMDR stands for "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing," and is an extremely effective, evidence-based, way of working with trauma, that can lead to a full recovery from post traumatic symptoms, in some cases within a few sessions. Even very old, entrenched sufferings can be loosened and removed. People really do experience freedom from beliefs and pains that have pained them for decades.
But EMDR is also effective for clearing old memories that are not overt traumas. For instance, issues such as phobias, stuck patterns in relationships, general anxiety and depression, all can be helped with the targeted use of EMDR. Sometimes, because of the more "systemic" quality of these issues, more time and sessions are needed, but the results can still be remarkable and deep.
If you are interested in more information, you can look at the information on my website (click here), or feel free to give me a call.
(For a fuller introduction to EMDR, Transforming Trauma by Laurel Parnell, is a great place to start. Click here.)
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Services
I offer psychotherapy to those who are wanting to learn deeper and more effective management strategies for their anxiety and depression, as well those who wish to find out how to overcome these wild moods. I work comprehensively with mental, emotional, bodily, and spiritual dimensions, all of which are necessary to overcome the chronic quality of anxiety and depression.
If
you are looking to make changes that last, then please call me and set up an initial phone consultation, so we can see if or how I can best be of service.
Marty L. Cooper, MFT
415.835.2162
martycooper@mlcooper.com
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