Marty L. Cooper, MFT
4831 Geary Blvd.
San Francisco, CA 94118
martycooper@mlcooper.com
www.mlcooper.com
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October 2008 Vol. 2, Issue 3
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Greetings!
Greetings!
As fall is starting to set in, I'm getting ready to launch the next Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression class (there are two openings left, if you are interested--see www.mbctsf.com). So my mind has gone to the question that's often come to me: why does mindfulness work. A perhaps snarkier way of phrasing that: why bother practicing?
In this month's article, I give a down-and-dirty answer to both those questions, which also speaks to something that seems woven into this world of ours: mercy. Read on to see what I mean.
I hope all is well for you all, and that life is giving you exactly the joys and challenges you're ready for.
Best wishes,
Marty
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The Mindful Mom
On the eve of the start of my next Mindfulness-Based
Cognitive Therapy for Depression class, I have been reflecting on the
connection between mindfulness practice and the healing of depression. It's an association that I've seen over and
over, and which the research on MBCT bears out:
people who practice mindfulness are less vulnerable to falling into slipping
into, and staying in, a major depression.
What I've also seen beyond this research, is that
practioners are also generally happier, more resilient, more able to find
motivation for their lives, and especially, are able to make meaning out of
even the experience of depression (which is characterized by a sense of
meaninglessness).
So why is this?
One way of understanding this goes back to Freud's favorite
topics, and the psychologists oft lampooned preoccupation, your mother.
There's a field of psychology that's been around for about
four decades, which studies this very relationship, called "Attachment Theory"
(technically, it studies the relationship of the child to the "primary care
giver," and the results of that relationship on into adulthood-but that usually
means, primarily, Mom).
One of Attachment Theory's conclusions (there's been a lot
of research done in this field) is that the quality of this relationship
determines whether a child, and then an adult, is either "securely" or
"insecurely" attached. Securely attached
children believe, through their testing of their mother, that the world holds
what they need, that their caretakers understand their needs and can
consistently provide them. Insecurely
attached people, through the same testing, basically believe the opposite: the world is depriving, their caretakers are
clueless about their needs, if not actually threatened or hostile towards those
needs.
Now, you might ask, "So what's the connection between MBCT
and this attachment stuff?" The
connection is essentially in what happens to a person's ability to freely
attend to their experience, when they grew up without their needs being consistently
met. Which is: attention get's pinched.
Attachment, you see, is not optional. A child is wired up to attach to Mother in
order to feel a base of security in the world.
An animal might go to its warren when scared; a child goes their own "place," being Mom
(and as an adult, to the very deeply symbolized and encoded "image" of Mom). And if a child has that base, then they feel
secure enough to then take in the view of the world, trusting there is
somewhere to go to feel soothed and taken care of.
But if you never felt that you had that base of safety, but
are biologically required to try to find safety, then you're going to have to
pick a strategy to deal with the lack.
Which means you either deny your painfully unmet needs for security
("Mom? Who needs her?"), or you cling
desperately to your contact with your caregiver ("Mom! Where are you!"). In other words, your attention is not freely
deployed. Rather, it's locked up in the
search for safety, or in denying the longing for that very safety.
So then, what's mindfulness practice, that which is at the
heart of MBCT, about? In a nutshell, it
is the practice of deploying attention freely, of cultivating the ability to
observe one's own experience (inside and out) without trying to either shut it
out, or get lost in a particular aspect of what you're seeing.
With depression, the non-mindful approach (which feeds
depression) is: "I'm a horrible
person. Well, duh! Horrible.
Now, how am I going to be a better person. Or maybe, how will I just ignore the truth of
my horribleness." With mindfulness: "I'm a horrible person. Huh. That's
a curious thought. Let's explore what
that's doing in me. How's my body
reacting when I have such a thought? How
about my heart? Huh, curious."
You see how the first approach automatically jumps a person
to either action or denial, but never questions the initial
thought/belief? And the latter allows
the person to open up their attention to be curious and question? The latter is the mode of the "securely
attached individual," and it's what mindfulness practice cultivates.
In other words:
practicing mindfulness builds a better Mom. Not identical; it seems that if you didn't get that safety
as an infant, that's pretty much gone.
But you can earn that security
as an adult, through practice which builds the same qualities that are there in
the securely attached individual:
resilience, a sense of safety, and an exploring mind. Practicing mindfulness builds these
qualities, this trust in the world and in one's self.
So, perhaps to sum it up in a way that challenges the voice
of depression: since virtually everyone
can practice mindfulness, no one is doomed.
What's been lost as a child can be found as an adult. The way of the world, and our basic natures,
provides an escape clause.
And, well, how cool is that?
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Online Articles
Articles concerning depression and anxiety, their management and transformation, can be found at my articles page by clicking here. |
About Marty
Marty Cooper is a San Francisco psychotherapist who helps individuals
struggling with anxiety and depression to not only manage these "wild
moods," but eventually learn how to overcome them. His background in
both Western approaches to healing, as well as Eastern mindfulness
practices (meditation) give a wide range of perspectives and techniques to bring to the work of taming mood.
Marty's passion arises out of his
deep understanding of how painful anxiety and depression can be, and
his wish to help others learn how to avoid overwhelm, as well as to
find meaning in experience that can otherwise at times just seem pointless.
Joy, connection, and a life not ruled by fear are all truly possible.
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EMDR
So, what is EMDR? EMDR stands for "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing," and is an extremely effective, evidence-based, way of working with trauma, that can lead to a full recovery from post traumatic symptoms, in some cases within a few sessions. Even very old, entrenched sufferings can be loosened and removed. People really do experience freedom from beliefs and pains that have pained them for decades.
But EMDR is also effective for clearing old memories that are not overt traumas. For instance, issues such as phobias, stuck patterns in relationships, general anxiety and depression, all can be helped with the targeted use of EMDR. Sometimes, because of the more "systemic" quality of these issues, more time and sessions are needed, but the results can still be remarkable and deep.
If you are interested in more information, you can look at the information on my website (click here), or feel free to give me a call.
(For a fuller introduction to EMDR, Transforming Trauma by Laurel Parnell, is a great place to start. Click here.)
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Services
I offer psychotherapy to those who are wanting to learn deeper and more effective management strategies for their anxiety and depression, as well those who wish to find out how to overcome these wild moods. I work comprehensively with mental, emotional, bodily, and spiritual dimensions, all of which are necessary to overcome the chronic quality of anxiety and depression.
If
you are looking to make changes that last, then please call me and set up an initial phone consultation, so we can see if or how I can best be of service.
Marty L. Cooper, MFT
415.835.2162
martycooper@mlcooper.com
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