Marty L. Cooper, MFT
4831 Geary Blvd.
San Francisco, CA 94118
martycooper@mlcooper.com
www.mlcooper.com
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August 2008 Vol. 2, Issue 1
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Greetings!
Much of psychotherapy, I think, comes down to the practice of openness, and certainly in the overcoming of anxiety and depression, virtually any practice that encourages you to stay open to experience (that's not overwhelming) will cut into the rigid underpinnings of these moods.
So this issue of TYM, the article concerns what the Buddhists refer to as metta practice, the practice of "loving kindness." Love is both a state of being, and a response to our experience, and can be cultivated into the best kind of habit. Love tends to trump fear, and since there is often so much fear in anxiety and depression, it acts, as a practice, to stop the spiraling quality of these moods.
May your lives be full of much love, especially in the hard times.
Best wishes,
Marty
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Resource Tapping Workshop
Last month, I offered the free workshop, "Calm, Strong and Motivated: Using Resource Tapping to find your inner strengths." (See here for the original flyer.) Twelve people braved the early Sunday morning to come learn this simple, but deep, technique for managing emotions and moods. It went very well, and the feedback was that most felt it to be very useful.
I am very interested in continuing offering this workshop, so if you are part of a church, agency, or group who might be interested in hosting, and learning, this class, then please contact me at: (415) 835-2162.
I've found this to be such a helpful technique, that I'd very much like to see it more widely, and well, known.
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Love as resource, love as practice
Love and fear do not cohabitate very easily. Love can look on fear, as on a scared child, with acceptance and compassion. But, usually when a person is in the throes of depression or anxiety, they're in a place of fear, and fear is pretty much just interested in survival, in fighting or fleeing. Not loving.
Metta
In Buddhism, there is a practice called metta meditation, or translated, "meditation on loving kindness," which has variations all through different Western and Eastern traditions. Basically, metta practice is the intentional cultivation of love and compassion, the choosing and strengthening of a certain perspective on one's experience. Just like fear is an energy, so is metta, and both can be strengthened or weakened by one's actions and thoughts.
Which is not, however, to set up fear as a bad guy: fear has a long history of working for our survival, and without this klaxon alarm going off when the lion started chasing after us, we as a species would likely not have made it out of the trees.
But, in dealing with thoughts and emotions, rather than real tangible lions with real tangible teeth, fear is not always so accurate, and does not assess the level of threat very subtly. It is, though, a basic mechanism of humans than cannot be excised, but rather has to be shown, like the scared child fearing monsters under the bed, how we are essentially safe.
Metta is often practiced as the ending meditation to a mindfulness meditation session, but can also be done in the throes of upset-not as easily, but it's still possible.
But the real benefit of these practices is over time, as if you were building a muscle, or perhaps better, a habitual response. Remember "The Karate Kid," where the aspiring student sands and finishes his teacher's deck until the motions, the basis of defensive blocking in karate, become habit? Same thing here: a loving "reaction" to ourselves and others can become as much as a habit as those blocking maneuvers, except here it's an "opening" maneuver.
There are many versions of the practice, and as with all efforts to tame the wild moods of depression and anxiety, it's up to you to experiment to see what works for you. Rigidity is the friend of the wild moods, and flexibility their bane. So I'll give the traditional version, and then maybe a more updated one.
Traditional Metta
The traditional metta practice (saying to yourself silently, or out loud if you want) is below. (Sometimes it's hard to start with oneself--you may be feeling a lot of self-criticism--in which case start with anything which brings a sense of kindness and then work from there, eventually including yourself.)
1) May I be happy and free from physical and mental suffering and danger.
2) May my parents be happy and free from physical and mental suffering and danger.
3) May my family and relatives be always happy and free from physical and mental suffering and danger.
4) May my friends be always happy and free from physical and mental suffering and danger.
5) May my colleague be always happy and free from physical and mental suffering and danger.
6) May the strangers be always happy and free from physical and mental suffering and danger
7) May the animals be always happy and free from physical and mental suffering and danger
8) May other being be always happy and free from physical and mental suffering and danger (if only you believe an existence of other being; Buddhism believe the existence of other being).
A Modern Metta
A much simpler and more "portable" version is this:
As you walk or drive around, through your day, to every person you come across, say:
"I love you."
That's it. It doesn't matter at all if you believe it consciously. Again, this is a practice, and really, you might be surprised down the road at what happens spontaneously, especially in situations you might otherwise reacted to. Or, you might be surprised in the moment to find that simply saying this "I love you" actually opens up something in you, some sense of connectedness or affinity, i.e., love.
For sufferers of the wild moods, which have a part of their wildness the action of pulling you away from connection and openness, this practice can be a profound "taming," a deep medicine for teaching the demons of anxiety and depression that even they are, at root, totally safe in the world. |
Recent Online Articles
"Responding, not reacting, to anxiety: A buffet of options" (7/14/08)--A referenced article listing 50 ways to respond to anxiety. Click here.
(Past articles can be found at my articles page by clicking here.) |
About Marty
Marty Cooper is a San Francisco psychotherapist who helps individuals
struggling with anxiety and depression to not only manage these "wild
moods," but eventually learn how to overcome them. His background in
both Western approaches to healing, as well as Eastern mindfulness
practices (meditation) give a wide range of perspectives and techniques to bring to the work of taming mood.
Marty's passion arises out of his
deep understanding of how painful anxiety and depression can be, and
his wish to help others learn how to avoid overwhelm, as well as to
find meaning in experience that can otherwise at times just seem pointless.
Joy, connection, and a life not ruled by fear are all truly possible.
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EMDR
So, what is EMDR? EMDR stands for "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing," and is an extremely effective, evidence-based, way of working with trauma, that can lead to a full recovery from post traumatic symptoms, in some cases within a few sessions. Even very old, entrenched sufferings can be loosened and removed. People really do experience freedom from beliefs and pains that have pained them for decades.
But EMDR is also effective for clearing old memories that are not overt traumas. For instance, issues such as phobias, stuck patterns in relationships, general anxiety and depression, all can be helped with the targeted use of EMDR. Sometimes, because of the more "systemic" quality of these issues, more time and sessions are needed, but the results can still be remarkable and deep.
If you are interested in more information, you can look at the information on my website (click here), or feel free to give me a call.
(For a fuller introduction to EMDR, Transforming Trauma by Laurel Parnell, is a great place to start. Click here.)
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Services
I offer psychotherapy to those who are wanting to learn deeper and more effective management strategies for their anxiety and depression, as well those who wish to find out how to overcome these wild moods. I work comprehensively with mental, emotional, bodily, and spiritual dimensions, all of which are necessary to overcome the chronic quality of anxiety and depression.
If
you are looking to make changes that last, then please call me and set up an initial phone consultation, so we can see if or how I can best be of service.
Marty L. Cooper, MFT
415.835.2162
martycooper@mlcooper.com
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