Tools of Hope ToolsLetter #107

I never really "got" that until I was standing in a hospital room here in Colorado in July of 2005. She was my friend, she was my neighbor, and she was dead.

Lorraine was being kept "alive" on life support, but she'd been gone the moment her husband shot her. Brutal. And true.
Her death helped me get my "tracks" on straight.

Oh, I think you know the feeling. Just floating through life doing the next thing that needs to be done. Rushing and bustling as you take care of yourself, your families, your work responsibilities - along with the hundred other details of your life.

Are you LIVING your life?
Or just spending it floating with no goal and no greater purpose?

Lorraine's death that summer changed my life. I realized that I'd been floating. I was a single mom to my three boys, and had been for years. We were doing ok. But now, I knew that I was not going to keep aimlessly living. I decided to make some changes.

You simply don't know how long you have - TAKE your time, USE your time, to do the things that you really want to do. To build the relationships you dream of. To set the boundaries, in truth, that will finally give you freedom. It will give you your life back.

People often ask me what "inspired" me to write my book - Tools of Hope - Simple Tools to Restore and Renew Your Hope. The simple fact of the matter is that I wanted a way to help people make the tough times a little easier. A little shorter. A little less painful. Pain in life is a given. As is joy. Tears are as much a part of life as laughter is.

I thought back over the ten years I was a single mom. My boys and I escaped from a domestic violence situation. We started over. We were hurting and guarded and confused. It was awful. It took me a very long time to heal because I didn't want anything to do with anyone for seven years. The problem is (and you know this!), when you put up the walls, you keep the happiness out as well as the pain. In essence, you trap the woundedness inside of you and don't allow the healing to come in.

My faith led me to open my heart, so that I could receive the healing. I started shifting and changing. I wanted to figure out how to trust myself so that I'd know who to trust. And I learned how to trust again. I started taking small steps to make my life count. To make a difference. To leave my tracks. My legacy.

After Lorraine died, I speeded up the process. I went from little steps to a bigger steps, and I actually "ran" sometimes as I was "taking my steps!"

I won't die taking my life for granted. I won't leave this earth untouched by my heart.

WHAT STEPS WORK?

1) MY LEGACY.

Stephen Covey, in his wonderful work, First Things First, talks about writing your mission statement. (I felt myself a little blocked by the term, because "mission" sounds kind of like "NASA" to me - it sounded mechanical and I couldn't relate to it very well.) All I had to do, though, is change it to my "Legacy" Statement. And that made the difference for me.

2) CHOOSE INTERMEDIATE GOALS.

Once you have this big picture of where you want to end up, YOUR legacy, you can then choose what intermediate goals you want to reach for in order to get there. When you get off track, he explains, you have your statement as a guide to lead you back on "track."

3) LOOK FOR RESOURCES.

There are so many tools out there. Whatever you're dealing with, there's help. There are resources. I've gotten so much information on finances, relationships, parenting, health issues, communication, dating, marriage, building a business, etc.

4) TAKE BABY STEPS!

I have felt hopeless. Didn't know where to turn. Didn't know what to do. Felt knocked down. And I kept getting back up. Action is all about TAKING STEPS. I have done so many things, just by making a choice to take steps!

The biggest thing that made a difference for me is my faith and my hope. I believe very strongly that the most powerful impact is made by coupling faith and hope with action. It takes courage to take action and to make active, aware choices.

When I saw how unbalanced my life was after Lorraine died, I decided to do something about it. I took an inventory of my life as it was versus how I REALLY wanted to live my life.

I began to take steps in each area of my life that I wanted to improve. Little steps.

Without the steps, no change.

With the steps... I've built the life that I REALLY wanted. I continue to take steps. I know that as long as I'm breathing, I have another chance.

Build the life you REALLY want.

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