Forgiveness Times Two

Several years ago, I learned an important lesson about forgiveness that has forever altered my perspective on this grace. Grace, I learned, is the source of true forgiveness.

For many years, I had been struggling with the loss of a person that had at one time been very important in my life. The loss was not due to relocation or death, but due to what I had perceived as betrayal. My reaction to this perceived betrayal was to build a wall of anger and resentment, thus shutting this person out of my life. I eventually realized the harm this resentment was causing me and through counseling, spiritual direction, meditation and prayer, set about trying to release this resentment and facilitate forgiveness for the other person and the perceived wrong. I dedicated several years of my life trying to work through this loss, all the while finding that I still felt stuck in resentment and grief. I was confused as to how this could be after all the work I had done to overcome this loss. Then one day, this person showed up on my doorstep, we sat down and had a conversation just like we would have had before the perceived betrayal, and I suddenly realized that all the resentment and anger I had felt toward this person was gone. I was completely free of the interior pain and realized that with this person and with this situation, I had complete closure. Forgiveness had finally arrived.

What was it that had finally allowed forgiveness to take place? Had I finally said the right prayers and said them in the right way? Had I finally served my sentence? The answer I believe is that the grace of forgiveness had nothing to do with any of this. Forgiveness - true forgiveness, seemed to be an act of Grace. The moment that I was finally freed of the resentment, anger and grief over the perceived betrayal came unbidden. It was unexpected, unmerited and unearned. Forgiveness simply arrived.

I was recently reminded of the grace of forgiveness and the profound nature of this grace. This week, in a series of dreams, I came face to face with a person that for the past several years I have considered to be my enemy. This is a person who found themselves greatly disturbed by the spiritual practices and hands-on-healing that I have shared as part of my ministry. This person confronted me with their discomfort and my reaction was to condemn and judge them for their "ignorance." Since that moment of confrontation, I have been content to label, judge and condemn this person and others like them for their inability to see God's truth. For you see, I know so much more than they! (Just so we all know, that is my ego talking!!!!!)

Well, the Holy Spirit decided to slap me upside the head for my ego-filled judgment. This week in my dreams, I had an entirely different experience with this individual. In the dreams, I found myself enjoying the presence of this person and their family. I was welcomed into their home, invited to dine with them and play with their kids. I found myself actually loving this person. And as dreams will do, I experienced a love that was startling in its nature. I awoke from these dreams wondering, what the heck was that all about? Why am I feeling a romantic kind of love (remember, this is a dream) toward a person that I have despised?

Sitting with this question, I suddenly saw before me a picture of this person and their true nature. I saw their profoundly spirituality. I beheld their mystical gifts. I saw their sincere love of God and passion for their faith. I experienced not only an acceptance, but an honoring of the truth of this individual. Then I realized that just like the aforementioned situation, I was suddenly freed of all anger, resentment and condemnation that I held toward this person. I had experienced the grace of forgiveness. What differed in this situation is that I had spent no time trying to forgive, neither was forgiveness for this person anywhere in my intentions. Remember, I had been content to hate. Now I found myself not only in a state of forgiveness, but feeling compelled to hold this person and their family in a blanket of prayerful love. I sat in meditation allowing the love I felt in the dream to go out into the universe to surround this person. I then found this love reaching out beyond this person and their family toward every other person that I had held in similar judgment. The profound experience of this newfound forgiveness was liberating, empowering and filled me with contentment and peace.

While I recognize that this experience of forgiveness was PURE GRACE, it did invite a question. What would happen if we took all those people that we hate and despise, all the people we perceive to have harmed us, all those we are tempted to judge and condemn, what if we sat in prayerful intention and held these people in love? What would happen? Would holding these people in love facilitate transformation? Where would that transformation take place? How can we harness the energy of God's unconditional love and project that into our judgment filled world? What would happen?

For the coming week, I invite you to be part of this experiment: Each day in your meditation or prayer, or as you are simply moving about your day....hold your enemies in love. Toward the person that cuts you off in traffic - hold them in love. Toward those who have hurt and betrayed you - hold them in love. Toward the criminals in the news - hold them in love. Toward terrorists - hold them in love. Hold all those you perceive as different or potentially harmful to you - hold them in love. Then see what happens. Watch and observe. How are you transformed? How do you perceive the world as being transformed? What happens when we turn toward the world with love?