My sons were young teens at the time my dad underwent brain surgery that backfired, leaving him with dementia - overnight. Dad remained loving, but he did get frustrated and was perpetually confused. To see this caring, intelligent man so markedly and irreparably changed nearly tore out the hearts of adult family members. For the grandchildren, the effect was multiplied by their lack of experience in life's tragedies.

Our family's introduction to dementia was different than the typical case. Most people with dementia will decline slowly, giving loved ones time to adjust. However, no time frame makes accepting dementia easy.

Whether the grandparents live with the family, in their own home or in a nursing home, the grandchildren are bound to be affected by the changes they see. Children often feel guilty for bad things happening in the family, even when there is no logic to their thinking. They will notice your pain and may also feel guilty for that, as well.

A skin cancer drug that has been available for nearly 13 years could be the new Alzheimer's hero. A study using genetically engineered mice showed that bexarotene (Targretin) reversed Alzheimer's symptoms in mice by eliminating brain-damaging proteins.

In the study. which was published online Feb. 9 by Science, researchers from Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, along with other colleagues, used mice genetically engineered to exhibit the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease. An article reporting on the study in the online version of Scientific American said, "Most notably, the [genetically engineered] mice produce amyloid beta peptides - toxic protein fragments that gum up neurons and lead to cell death - and showed signs of forgetfulness."

Most of us live frantic lives. That's the nature of today's world. Add to that the job - for it is a job no matter how lovingly we do it - of caring for one or more elders, and it's no wonder that some of the AgingCare.com forum readers and contributors say they'd just like to chuck it all and run away.

Many of us fit into the sandwich generation where we are caring for children, as well as one or more elders. For several years running, I totaled seven elders, with five needy elders at once, plus two children in my care. Talk about a sandwich - mine was a whopper. And yes, there were times when I wondered how I could keep it up. There were times when I would have loved to have run away, so I can relate to the people who write and say they are burned out, frustrated and would love to "run away from the whole thing."

Obviously, we are responsible people and we are not going to do that. Feelings aren't bad. They are just human emotions. Don't add to your caregiver guilt load by beating yourself up over these thoughts.

Just last week a reader asked me whether she should try to sway her mother, who had colon cancer, toward surgery. Her mother, 87, was diagnosed with colon cancer and given the choice of surgery and chemotherapy or letting it alone. If she chose not to have surgery, she could still have chemotherapy and radiation, though she was told that treatment wasn't apt to help a great deal. As expected, the daughter was distraught. She was seeking help in determining what her responsibility to her mother is.

The woman mentioned that her mother was mentally sharp, so I told her that, in my opinion, her mother should be given all available information and then left to make her own decision. Barring advanced dementia or other mental issues, I feel elders should have the right to make informed decisions about their own health.

When sharing my personal opinion with this woman, I made it very clear that an informed decision includes information on what anesthetics can do to the aging body. Several studies have been done on the effects of anesthetics on the aging body; however the one I often go back to was done by researcher Roderic Eckenhoff, of the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. Eckenhoff was especially suspicious of one commonly used anesthetic, isoflurane, as a possible culprit in pushing some elders over the edge into dementia.

How Do Your Elders View New Technology That Monitors their Home Life has been nominated for an ALTY Blog Award for articles written in 2011 on technology used to help care for our vulnerable loved ones. My article stresses the need for hands-on care no matter how much technology we use to help care for our loved ones. Please vote for your favorite article at Assisted Living Today Best Technology Blogs.

I'd like to think things are different now, but I'm not too sure. First, most doctors aren't thinking of a "little old man or little old lady" and alcoholism in the same context. Yet we have many elders who, like Joe, were heavy drinkers their entire lives, or some who just began to drink excessively after retirement or after the death of a spouse. We have many elders addicted to drugs, prescribed and otherwise. And our Vietnam veterans are aging. Many of that generation have alcohol and drug problems that have not been treated. We will see more and more elders who need attention to this medical problem.

Yet, when I am contacted by frantic families about their alcoholic parent or grandparent, they say that, other than a few studies, the only place they find any real honesty about the subject is my writing. While I'm happy to help them with suggestions to contact the Veteran's Administration, if the elder is a veteran, and organizations such as Families Anonymous and Al-Anon, I am always amazed at how clueless the physicians that are dealing with these elders are.

The stories people tell me sound like they come from the dark ages. Doctors seem to be overlooking alcohol addiction as a possible reason for health problems, falls and even dementia. Some who find it are less than compassionate. Judgment clouds their delivery of good medicine.

Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author, speaker, consultant and columnist, presents a collection of articles, stories, news and research for you to browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for more information and feel free to email Carol at carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered trademark.

If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories" in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com for information. Bulk rates are available.