Flowers and cards were a big deal to my parents, especially on Valentine's Day and their anniversary. Sadly, after dad's failed brain surgery threw him into dementia it was obvious that Dad would no longer be able to actively participate.

I knew Dad, if he could make that decision, would want to give Mom flowers and a card. I knew Mom would want to do the same for him. The only problem was, neither of them was capable of choosing a card or arranging for flowers to be delivered. And Dad couldn't even understand what the celebration was about. How do we celebrate special occasions when one or more of the people involved can't participate? Do we follow through, or do we pretend the special day doesn't exist?

Fortunately for me and my family, I was able to make myself available to help each of my elders after their many hospitalizations. Typically, however, many families simply don't have anyone in a position to help, and elders go home only to return quickly to the hospital setting because they didn't have the community support needed for recovering.

Billions of dollars are spent annually by elders returning home from hospital stays. According to the US Administration on Aging, almost one out of every five Medicare patients ends up back in the hospital within 30 days.

Most of these re-admissions are due to poor transitions due to poor communication and medical mismanagement. The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) have been trying to address this problem.

According to a study recently published in the online version of Neurology, the medical journal of the American Academy of Neurology, people who consume diets high in several vitamins or in omega 3 fatty acids are less likely to have the brain shrinkage associated with Alzheimer's disease than people whose diets are not high in those nutrients.

The report states: "Those with diets high in omega 3 fatty acids and in vitamins C, D, E and the B vitamins also had higher scores on mental thinking tests than people with diets low in those nutrients. These omega 3 fatty acids and vitamin D are primarily found in fish. The B vitamins and antioxidants C and E are primarily found in fruits and vegetables."

Caregivers frequently turn their lives inside out in order to care for their loved ones in decline. I know, because I've done it. The number of elders who depended on my help increased throughout the years, to a total of seven, though the most I cared for at one time was five. I also had two children and work part time writing as a freelancer.

Each care situation was different. I started with an aged neighbor, then moved on to a childless aunt and uncle, my in-laws and eventually my parents. All of them appreciated me. However they each had moments when, because of their own misery, they'd lash out at me in some way.

When I returned to full-time outside employment, I was still caring for three elders, though they were in a nursing home. I'd spoiled my elders by being with them every day no matter how much outside help they had. With full-time employment mixed in, I still visited almost every day and attended to every request. However, from my elders' perspective, my nearly exclusive attention from my pre-employment years was missed and noted.

Kathryn Kilpatrick, Geriatric Communication Consultant, Speech-Language Pathologist and Memory Fitness Coach is offering a new memory fitness blog. Go to www.memoryfitnessmatters.com and check it out!

Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author, speaker and columnist, presents a collection of articles, stories, news and research for you to browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for more information and feel free to email Carol at carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered trademark.

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