Dear Friends,
November is National Alzheimer's Awareness month, National Caregivers Month, National Hospice Month, and of course, the month when we celebrate Thanksgiving. Whew!
Even though, for my clients, I concentrate on the first three topics in my writing, I can never ignore Thanksgiving. I'm deeply grateful for the caregiving I've done and am doing, even though exhaustion can be a side effect.
As you are reading this, I'm likely on my way to Florida to make videos for an organization that helps improve nursing home and assisted living care for our loved ones. Yes, the timing crunches my holiday plans, just as trying to do justice to all of the important awareness campaigns amps up the time I need to put into work this month. The trip also challenges me as a caregiver. Still, it's an experience that I wouldn't want to miss. It's a chance to make a difference.
How do we please our employers, spouses, children and friends, yet take care of ourselves? We have to choose. We have to set boundaries. We have to risk displeasing people sometimes. Stretching ourselves beyond what we think of as our limit can be energizing in the long run. But we have to know what our real limits are.
As caregivers, we need to look at our lives periodically to see where changes are necessary, for our loved ones as well as for ourselves. Sometimes that means change, and change can be uncomfortable.
To me Thanksgiving is an ideal time for this type of contemplation. You may feel the same. If you are having trouble finding things in your life to be grateful for, it may be time to make changes. Perhaps you need some outside help or your loved one needs facility care. Contemplating change doesn't mean taking action, but it often helps us to think about ways that can help us to feel grateful for our lives on a more consistent basis. Change may be part of your journey toward a life of gratitude. I know it often is for me.
Blessings this month and every month,
Carol
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Hello!
Welcome to Minding Our Elders! Our hope is to break
the isolation that caregivers often feel. We'd also like to share information and ideas that will help and comfort you along your caregiving journey. Thanks for reading.
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Caregivers can be subject to abuse by their care receivers
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When we think of domestic abuse in a family where elders are cared for, we generally think that the elder is the most likely person to suffer abuse. Statistics would probably prove this to be a fact. However, there are many caregivers who can truthfully say that they are emotionally, verbally and even occasionally physically abused by their care receiver.
Being in a vulnerable state of health doesn't necessarily turn a person who was historically abusive to family members into a sweet lamb. Even the best of us can get cranky when we don't feel well. The frustrations of dementia can be even harder to cope with than physical pain. Good people can become hard to deal with when faced with these issues.
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Elders vulnerable to abuse in domestic situations
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Most of us want the best possible care for our aging parents. There are many ways to provide good care, one of which is bringing our parent or parents to live with us, or taking our family to live with them. Sometimes that works out wonderfully.
But sometimes it doesn't. Not everyone is cut out for the day to day stress on hands-on caregiving, let 24-hour caregiving in their own home. What can start out as a loving gesture can end up a nightmare.
Stress can push caregivers over the edge. Even if a caregiver has had a great relationship with his or her parents, when the stress of working a regular job, perhaps raising children, common financial problems, and giving proper attention to a marriage merge with caring for an aging parent - perhaps one who has Alzheimer's disease or other dementia - the stress load can become unbearable.
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Would you want to know if your children or grandchildren carry the AD gene?
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There are many diseases where early knowledge can be a life saver, cancer being one that comes to mind. Other disease - those which have no potential cure - can leave us with a murkier understanding of the value of early diagnosis.
Alzheimer's is one such disease. Recently, CBS News ran a segment about the DIAN study (Dominantly Inherited Alzheimer Network). DIAN is an international research partnership of scientists devoted to understanding a rare form of Alzheimer's disease that is caused by a gene mutation. It generally strikes people at a relatively young age.
Called early on-set Alzheimer's disease, this form strikes before the age of 65, but has been known to show symptoms in people as young as their mid-30s.
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Rebuilding your life after the death of your care receiver
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When my mother died in a local nursing home, my "career" of visiting this exceptional facility nearly every day for close to 15 years ended. Mom's death prompted a nurse to whom I'd become quite close, to say to me, "We'll still be seeing you up here. You won't be able to quit."
She was wrong on that one. However, my case may be a little different from many others, as I'd spent nearly two decades caring for multiple elders. Also, my caregiving had not totally ended. I still had a family member at home who needed my care.
Many of us start our caregiving career by assisting an elder in his or her home, or we have a spouse who declines and we become the default caregiver in our own home. This care expands to a point where we need some type of respite, often in the form of in-home care agency help. Eventually, the move to assisted living or even a nursing home may become necessary for everyone's health and well being.
Whatever happens, we remain caregivers. Many of us continue to see our care receiver daily. Most of us continue to be involved as advocates and support throughout the time of need. When our loving attention and care is no longer needed, we can, indeed, feel lost.
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About Carol
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Caregiving expert Carol Bradley Bursack, Author,
speaker and columnist, presents a collection of
articles, stories, news and research for you to
browse. Please check the blog and Web site links for
more information and feel free to email Carol at
carol@mindingourelders.com to chat or ask
questions. Minding Our Elders is a registered
trademark.
If your group or organization would like to buy "Minding
Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories"
in bulk, please email carol@mindingourelders.com
for information. Bulk rates are available.
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